one is the loneliest number....

[mychelle3]

i haven't visited the site in quite some time (not because i miraculously turned into some extraordinarily successful person who overcame her qlc, but because i was lazy), and it's really nice to see so many people here.

what is sad is that we all feel so miserable and yet somehow we still cannot "connect" with others, even others like us.

i'm 26, graduated from a great school, worked for a few years in so-so jobs, and now am living with my parents in upstate ny with really no plans for the future.

i'm not from here originally, so guess how many people i know? NONE! and for those you of not familiar with this area, people aren't the most generous in terms of extending the gesture of friendship. besides, how does one go about meeting interesting and like-minded people when not in school or when not working? bars? don't think so. approaching strangers on the street? nope. personals? ha!

i miss human contact. i miss life, really. i need to devise a plan, but things are working against us all. the economy isn't helping anyone find a job, the state of this country and the world at large isn't condusive to traveling to "soul search," and grad school really only puts us further into debt (though it may alleviate the problem of meeting people, which is almost worth the cost of tuition).

anyway, if there's anyone else in the albany, ny area and feels seasick yet still docked, let me know.....

mychelle

[M4A1]

I can relate to what you are going through, mychelle. After graduation, my social interaction have dropped about 90%. At first, my friends and I would try to get together every month, then it's every two to three months... now it's just an annual event for those who can make it. Everyone is fighting their own battles: looking for a job, a place to stay, etc. For friends who have a girlfriend/boyfriend, they have a hard time just to find time to keep their own relationship together, let alone finding time for others.

You know. I always told myself that I'm doing the right thing, and that I can only control my actions but not the reaction of others. Still, I miss the interaction that I had with my friends-- and that's probably the reason that I'm here...

I don't tell myself that I'm miserable though. It doesn't do any good. Those negative thoughts are very destructive, it can snowball itself up very quickly, eventually overwhelm your emotional capacity and put yourself into a depression. I have seen it happen to people. From a simple senior-year-dropout to something as extreme as suicide... As bad as I feel sometimes, my situation is really that bad. I can always find people that are doing better, and likewise, I can always find people that are doing worse. It's not a contest. There isn't a way that is "how-it-suppose-to-be".

"Where I was" was good. But I'm not there anymore. I'm where I'm now. At this very moment, I have a pair of arms and legs, a college educated mind, a job that provides income and some money in my savings account. These are the tools that I can work with. The latter two may come and go, but I'll always have the former two.

So let's be objective. Set a target, and start moving towards it. Opportunity will present itself.

I really hope things work out. I probably sound the same in all my posts, but I really mean well. I can relate to your situation, and my strategies have worked for me. I do hope that it can do the same for you and a few others as well.

best of luck

[mychelle3]

I used to be in Chicago, where I felt like things had a little bit more hope. There are so many options in a great city like Chicago, and I truly felt at home there.

I guess I not only have the qlc, but something else that so easily can come with it- clinical depression. So while I recognize my 2 arms and 2 legs, etc; I have struggled with wondering why I do and someone more worthy does not.

Thanks for your words of support. I'm sure I'll get through this; it's just very difficult. And Albany is a far cry from Chicago. I used to meet people all the time in Chicago; on the train, on the bus, at book stores, coffee shops, etc. Here I have to deal with the New England Cold Shoulder. Something I don't wish on anyone!

[M4A1]

I don't see how Chicago is better. I mean you can meet people, you get to meet a lot of beggars on the street. Coffee shops, bookstores, on the bus and the El especially, those are the only kind of "friendly" people that you'll meet. They'll do and say whatever to get you to give them some coins.

They do such a good job on acting I almost feel obligated to give them money. ie a crying teen with his shirt ripped off begging for change to ride home. A woman that comes up to you with a note saying that she's mute and illiterate who needs money. A smelly man in a tattered suit asking for bus fee to attend his father's funeral.

You may feel sympathetic at first. But as you spend more time here, you just don't care anymore. How do they really spend your money when you give it to them? You can give everything that you own away to these people and they will still be out there asking for more.

It depends on your perspective. You maybe right that people are even worse in New England. I have never been there personally. But if you look for bad things, you'll realize that it's everywhere.

Also, no one is "more worthy". Worthiness is a relative term. In order to measure "worth", you must have a weighing scale of some kind. Can that scale precisely measure who you are? No. An invention cannot equal it's inventor.

I think it helps to take on a different perspective, his message board can definitely help you with that. Maybe this change in perspective is all you need to start at a new direction. :)

[mychelle3]

Wow. That's quite a generalization there. I've met some very interesting people- people who have become friends- on the train, at Barnes and Noble, etc. Of course, I experienced my share of homeless people, but not all of them are that bad. In fact, some of them might have been like you and I once upon a time. I'm not a bleeding heart or anything, but how can you just attack homeless people when all I was saying was how difficult it is to meet people without the benefits of what a large city offers?

I really don't care to take this conversation any further, nor do I want to start an argument. But I hope you never find yourself down on your luck, without friends, without a job, without a home. I have been very privileged throughout my life, but I would never ridicule or degrade those who have been less fortunate, especially when I do not know their circumstances.

Regardless of this tangent, I still find living in a city with more of a reliance on public transportation to be beneficial for meeting people. I've met some cool people on the subway in NYC, too, and the T in Boston. Sure, there are losers there too- but that's what the world is made up of- all different kinds of people. But when you're in your car everyday, how will you ever get to know any of them? That's my point.

[mychelle3]

I understand that there are people out there to scam. I knew of a family who had an elaborate scheme going for years.... only to find out they lived in quite a posh neighborhood and drove BMW's.

I guess I just didn't see the correlation between my original post and the homeless thing. I miss living in the city. I need the fast paced aspect. Life is too slow here.

What are you planning on studying in grad school, if I may ask? I went to Northwestern for undergrad.... Evanston is removed enough from the city to avoid a lot of the big city problems, but it's a weird little town. As for U of C, it's in the city, and it's got it's own set of problems. Have you applied elsewhere?

I think Chicago is great, and I am looking forward to getting back there eventually.

But your point about my being sensitive is well taken, and certainly right on target. And I know I've been manipulated and taken advantage of for that very reason. But I maintain that while I have acquired a hardened stance in some cases, I'll always be ultra-sensitive and more empathetic than most. Just the way I am, and that's ok by me. One day someone will appreciate that.

And I don't want M4A1 to think I'm attacking him either. I was just taken aback and it got me thinking. At least people here HAVE opinions and can express them. To that, I say hurray! I wouldn't want to change anyone!

[mychelle3]

Ahhh. Law School. My best friend from undergrad went to NU for law school, and although she's working at a great firm and has money, her life too is unfulfilled.

You say you overcame your depression? How? On your own? With therapy? Meds?

I often think I'm not meant for happiness. I long to be content, but happiness seems out of reach.

Good luck with school. Every time I decide to take the GRE, I change my mind at the last minute. I'm afraid I'm only thinking about grad school as a way to put off the inevitable. I've seen that I don't function well in the real world, so hey, why not go back to school???? Maybe I should stay in the real world? But doing what?

Anyway, thanks for being nice. That's actually what I think I need most. Nice people.