Lost It

[natbumpo]

I am 26 and I had my first emotional breakdown on Sunday.

I work as a sales manager for an IT company and make ~50K/year. I hate my job, as I have been doing it for about 2 years now, a few new job oppty’s come and go. I graduated from a good liberal arts college in MA and majored in English, because I had no idea what I actually wanted to do, so now here I am.

For about the past 1 1/2 weeks I have had one constant anxiety attack. I have slept about 3-5 hours/night, get up and start to cry. Things that never bothered me before, even just busting balls with my friends, bothers me immensely now. I have been seeing a psychologist for about a year now to deal with some other issues I have and I called his emergency line on Sunday and told him I needed to see him Monday morning, because I was thinking about killing myself.

I saw him on Monday and talked about a lot of things, my father abandoning me when in was young, having little direction in life, dating a woman 5 years older and roughly $100k/year richer (more on her to come), etc.

So this girl, she is amazing, beautiful, sweet, incredibly smart, a lawyer who makes about $150K/year (estimated), graduated from Georgetown law and I AM GOING TO FUCK THIS UP! Why would she want to be with me; some schmuk who can barely afford to take her to McDonalds, much less a nice dinner somewhere. However, what is worse, I do not think she cares. The only person this bothers is me. I feel insignificant compared to her and this will be the downfall of the relationship.

I am smart, attractive, funny and a good friend. I also have no self-esteem, even though I can look at myself objectively and see these things, I know I am still worthless.

I went on Xanax today so hopefully the panic attacks will stop, but we’ll see.

Any advice? Can anyone relate?

[pisces2473]

First of all, welcome.

Secondly, you identified the problem. You know you will be the downfall in the relationship if you don't change your thoughts about yourself. You are doing the right thing by seeing a therapist...keep doing what you are doing. I've been there (panic attacks/anxiety, self doubt, etc) and it will get better...you've gotta work at it, but it'll happen.

Hang in there!

[WeirdBrake]

I can certainly relate to having been in the shadowy netherworld of severe psychological distress. Mental wards, psychiatric emergencies, suicidal depression.... yep, been there, done that, got the autographed copy of the book. All I can say is you're in great company.

About your girlfriend... dude, she's your GIRLFRIEND. She wouldn't be with you if she thought your job status or salary were dealbreakers. She obviously values you, and you said yourself that she doesn't consider it a problem.

Is she an associate at a big firm, by any chance? I'm guessing her work week and pressure are both gigantic. She probably needs your love and support in ways that have nothing to do with finances.

My advice is get some counseling to overcome the depression and low self-esteem, and maybe a therapist can also give you some relaxation techniques.

Also, remember that the man doesn't always need to make more money than the woman, and your girlfriend clearly agrees. :)

[tartytwenty]

Yes, don't worry yourself about your salary situation with your girlfriend. I make twice as much as my live in boyfriend, he's a starving artist, and I don't think less of him at all. He treats me wonderfully and that's all that matters.

[nicholas]

Ok buddy

You need to pull yourself together! slap yourself around the head a bit and start thinking straight.

You need to sit down with your girlfriend and talk about the future that you want, and think hard and long about it and talk hard an long about it.

Sort your shit out so to speak!

And let me tell you, no good person in this life is worthless, so dont think that for one second.

You ask yourself why your girl wants to be with you, well ask her that question and see whats she says, do it!

Get back to me.