i hate goodbyes

[stonemonkey]

as in ppl who have meant something to you, who you've been fairly close friends with, who you'll most likely never see again.

what do you say? i don't think i've ever said a decent goodbye to anyone.

i used to be in this group for international students. it was great meeting ppl from all around the world, the problem was that eventually they'd go home and you have to say goodbye at some point.

i'm naturally introverted, and can be an extrovert, but it takes a conscious effort. that's why i find it hard to tell ppl who mean something to me how i feel. i tend to take the coward's way out. if there's a farewell party, i won't go to it. i don't want my last memory of that person to be a bittersweet parting of ways. i'd rather my memory of them to remain simple everyday ordinary things.

i'm really uncomfortable with saying 'have a nice life'. i know this is reality, everything's temporary, ppl come and go, i have to deal with it. if there's an easier way, i'd like to know it.

[pash]

Well, maybe it's the way you are looking at it, SM? Why does it have to be such a serious goodbye - if they were so close, you could keep in touch with them and try to meet up occasionally. It won't be the same, but it's better than a forever goodbye. And, if you don't keep in touch for the rest of your lives, at least it will be a slower transition. We just have such great technology these days and it's only getting better and making the world smaller. Some of my closest friends don't live anywhere near me, but I take advantage of the fact that I can get in touch with them at anytime if I need them.

[stonemonkey]

yeah, i try to keep email contact. but it's not easy. it's kind of an out of sight, out of mind thing. gradually the emails become shorter and less frequent, until they're none at all. you can only do so much in an email anyway.

[pisces2473]

Yeah, definitely out of sight, out of mind...at least in my experience....

[stonemonkey]

Originally posted by lily
You know what was really hard for me? When I graduated from college, and I thought of all the students that I saw nearly everyday for four years but never developed a friendship with. I suddenly realized that I would never see them again, and it was hard for some reason.

yes! i know the feeling! for me, it was sort of because although i didn't really know them, i knew they weren't terrible ppl. we could have been friends. they were fellow travellers on the same stretch of road at the same time, but we'd all be going to different places. there is some connection there.

you can't be friends with everyone, but it's like wondering what could have been. it is sort of sad. i realised that i had seen them every single day, recognised their faces but not known their names. i guess i'd taken them for granted, you don't know what you've got til it's gone, well, in this case it was the feeling of familiarity.

i get the same feeling every time i see a pretty girl on the train reading a book or something. we're from different places, going different places, but for that brief moment in time, we're sharing the same space. i'd like to know her, but it's impractical. i'd like to talk to her, but i don't have any 'excuse' to, other than lameass lines like asking her if she has the time.

whoa, how'd i get onto such a different subject?

[Zagamuffin]

i get the same feeling every time i see a pretty girl on the train reading a book or something. we're from different places, going different places, but for that brief moment in time, we're sharing the same space. i'd like to know her, but it's impractical. i'd like to talk to her, but i don't have any 'excuse' to, other than lameass lines like asking her if she has the time.

Wow...that was one of the most beautiful and depressing things I've ever read.

[stonemonkey]

Originally posted by Zagamuffin

beautiful and depressing

hey, thanks Zagamuffin. :)

[stonemonkey]

yeah, it's the walls ppl put to keep strangers out though, otherwise i think i'd be friends with a lot more ppl.

[stonemonkey]

sometimes i wish it wasn't so easy to become attached to ppl. the whole goodbye thing would be much easier.

[Phoenix]

Originally posted by lily
every single person you meet as a unique history, their own story ... it's really endless, what we can learn and hear from other people.

This is along these lines (and sort of thread jacking, sorry SM) but I sometimes feel a little sad at the thought that you'll never FULLY know someone. Not your parents, not your significant other. There are parts of their lives that you'll never hear about or share - and vice versa.

[stonemonkey]

hehe, jack away, Phoenix

but I sometimes feel a little sad at the thought that you'll never FULLY know someone.

why do you want to know someone so completely? i have enouch trouble knowing myself. i think you could know a long-term SO pretty darn well though. like those couples who finish each others sentences.

but yeah, i do think that all the strangers in the crowd have infinitely complex and interesting lives.

[Phoenix]

Originally posted by stonemonkey
hehe, jack away, Phoenix

I'm not touching that one, SM. ;)

I don't know...I guess knowing someone so completely helps you learn more about who they are. I'm still surprised by stories in my parents' pasts. And it helps me better understand who they are now and who they were when they were my age. Not to say that you couldn't know someone VERY well or have the type of relationship where you end up finishing someone else's sentences. You'll just never know the full story.

[stonemonkey]

it's true that ppl's pasts do come up with surprises though, definitely.

what? does 'jack' have a double-meaning? what abt guys named 'jack'? :confused:

[WeirdBrake]

what? does 'jack' have a double-meaning?

To "jack off" is American slang for masturbate.

[stonemonkey]

i thought it was 'jerk-off'

[Phoenix]

Wow, SM, look what you started. :D

In answer to your question...yes, but that, too, has a double meaning. Could describe a person or an act.

[stonemonkey]

ok, ok, i've gotta get this thread out of the gutter.

do you think some ppl are 'simpler to get' than others?

[wordsmith]

People who are naturally open are "simpler to get" than others. People who have a LOT of walls may seem more difficult to connect with because they make it soooo hard to get in. But being tenacious can pay off. One of my best friends in the world, whose presence in my life is MAJOR, had so many walls and prickles and thorns when I met him, I could easily have walked away. I'm so glad something told me I should be patient with him, I can't imagine not being friends with him.

On the topic of the original post, I don't have problems with goodbyes, becaus I'm exceptionally good about staying in touch...the world is in reality not that big a place. I am still in contact with my lab partner from high school anatomy/physiology class, who was our foreign exchange student, and from Brazil, for God's sake. What's hard is if you make the effort to stay in touch, and it becomes apparent that it's not important to the other person.