Anyone like loneliness?

[notr2d2]

Hey,

Does anyone like loneliness? I'm just curious b/c sometimes I enjoy being alone as I grow older (22 now). Still searching for that medium of being alone and social b/c being alone a lot does bring depression especially in the romantic sense. Thanks for reading!

[Unregistered]

I'm 23 and I prefer being alone under most circumstances. I consider myself and introvert by nature, and we don't live in a society that rewards introversion. If you put me in a room full of people, you'd likely never know that I was an introvert. I've become pretty good at "faking the funk" and pretending like I am an extrovert to be sociable under the correct circumstances. But at the end of the day, I really prefer being alone or in the company of very few close friends...

Unless you are suffering some sort of depression or your desire to be alone is seriously damaging your life in some way, I would not worry too much about it. We are told from a young age that we should not want to be alone and enjoy and seek the company of other people and that having a desire to be alone is "wrong". I guess some people just march to the beat of a different drum.

[Unregistered]

It's not really loneliness if you choose to be alone. In the past few months, I've noticed a stronger desire for "alone" time. I think it's healthy, normal, etc. I have some stuff to think about (dont we all?) and standing in a bar isn't really conducive to that. I've also noticed a tendency to be pickier when choosing my company. I'd rather be alone than surrounded by pseudo-friends. If you are comfortable by yourself and still maintaining emotional ties with those that are most important in your life, I'd guess you are all set.

[crazy-girl]

I agree with the previous poster. I would rather not hang out with pseudo friends. In college I would go out drinking with a whole group of pseudo friends just because I couldn't fathom the idea of spending a Saturday night at home unless I was sick. Now that I'm older and have more bills to pay, less money at my disposal and a mindless job that exausts me----I sometimes like to take a friday or Saturday night and rent movies and cook and spend some quality time with my sofa. I just don't want to go out with some JUST so I can go out. Not worth it to me.

[sunbear]

I think the work "alone" is an overvalued word. I enjoy my privacy and I definately enjoy my independance: we all need these things. However I definately do not like being "alone", per say.

[LittleLady23]

I also am 23 and these past few months I have done a total 180! I used to go to parties all the time and be a social butterfly, pretty much because I didn't want to sit at home on a saturday night.

Then I decided to change.

Of course you can correct me if I am wrong, but I think it is so passe to go to bars and clubs to meet guys. I don't like the party scene as like most the people my age. I have my career job and know what I want out of life, and guys my age seem to feel threatened by me? I'm confident in myself, but not dominant in relationships and they all seem to say the same thing to as "your too good for me, I am not at your status"? Then all of my girlfriends said that I need to quit being such a career woman and focus on "livin it up"!

So now I have abandoned my so called friends and quit the dating scene. I figure I will meet Mr Right when its time, for now, I am focusing on what makes me happy. I suggest everyone to do the same.

One thing I have learned is that one has to be happy with themselves first before anything else can happen. Life does go on.

This world is a strange place, and even though we sometime need it, our life doesn't come with instructions!!

Do what you want to do, don't be someone your not!

[M4A1]

I remeber one time, a few years back, I was playing ball with a group of people. As usual, we played very competitively. One of my friend has a bad habit of talking smack to the other team. Then the moment comes, one of the person that my friend was taunting at went mad, he threw my friend to the ground, I immediately stepped in and push the guy away from my friend. Then the dude redirected his anger towards me, starting saying some very unpleasant things. He wanted to fight. But miraculously, I held my composure. You know why? Because I knew the dude. I mean, I am not close to him but we used to run up and down the court without any problems.

Then I started to think about the situation a little more.

Based on what I know of this "dude," he isn't really a bad person. He is hot-tempered when provoked, and I also have some of that too. But the dude never whine about his teammates or like to being sarcastic in front of people. In fact, the "dude" is not a bad person as the way that I knew him before the incident.

Then I realized that I would have done the same as that "dude" if I was in his shoes and that my "friend" was not my friend.

But in reality, I put up with my "friend"'s attitude because he's popular among of the group of people that I hang out with. It may be a "guy" thing for friends to rip on each other. But I think there is a limit. But for my "friend," apparently, there's no limit.

Then the inevitable happened... I won't go into the details, but I can assure you that no one got hurt. Well, maybe I was.

I didn't feel bad for getting on my "friend"'s bad side (I don't know if I should still use the word "friend.") But it was amazing to see how quickly my relationship deteriorated with some other people in that group. But within a month, I've lost most of my "friends."

Talk about loneliness. It hit me pretty hard at first. But what was I going to do? Cry about it? Ha ha! I'm a guy, and guys don't cry. I had a real hard time in making adjustments. But I started to adapt.

Then, 2 years later, comes my girlfriend. I was so happy when we were together. I was like "Finally, I have found someone" .... But it didn't last.

It's been a year now, since we broke up. I still think about her every now and then. But it doesn't matter. Loneliness is just something that I have to live with. I have developed ways to cope with it. If you had read my other postings, you'll understand what I mean.

My 2 cents.

[Antonina]

In response to the original posting, I just wanted to point out that being by oneself (being alone) is different to being lonely. Lonely constitutes the feeling of longing to be with others. I think that being alone is something one needs to take care to balance with having a good social or growing time with others. This is a little ironic coming from me, actually, cos I am well known among my friends for not taking enough time "out" of the social scene to spend some quality time on my own. I find that I do that a little better these days- when I have been socialising or spending time with others a lot, I find that spending a couple of nights in, doing simple things like reading, writing, painting, pottering etc are just the most enjoyable things in the world- at those times, I am alone but not lonely. But I find that that feeling also expires after a couple of nights of doing that- after which, I start to feel alone AND lonely. Overdoses of being alone can lead to loneliness, but the thresholds are different for different people, depending on whether they are extroverts or introverts.

Sorry for being a bit long winded! The short of it is, I just wanted to say to notr2d2 that there is nothing wrong with spending quality time with yourself, so long as you are enjoying yourself and not crawling up the walls! :)

[Unregistered]

I agree totally. People don't usually make the distiction between being alone and being lonely. There is a huge difference.

[Unregistered]

I for one hates lonliness. It seems as if lonliness is worse during tough times- and it's more of a mental state than being around people. And my little tangent is that people really give in to fear of it- hang out with the wrong friends, marry someone just for that reason, etc. I read a book written by Mother Theresa about her works in India. She said that the greatest plague is not poverty, sickness, or hunger- the biggest plague is lonliness. The feeling of not being loved or needed.

M4A4,
I think it took a lot of courage to stand up for yourself, it sounds like the other guys didn't really have it. It seems lonely for a while, however friends often come around if you're doing it for the right reasons. Lonliness strikes harder when you're used to (and enjoy)being around a bunch of guys.
Just remember- nothing lasts forever.


;)

[manicmonkie]

When I was a kid, I always felt alone. Never had many friends. When I came to be 15, I wanted a girlfriend very badly. I didn't get one till I was 18, so all that while I felt miserable, because I thought life was worthless because I was alone. After that one, I had another 3 year dryspell during which I was even more depressed from loneliness. Then I had the love of my life which lasted 6 months. After that, I thought I would have yet another 3 year dryspell filled with horrible depression. I am still in a dryspell, but I'm seeing it as not all that bad. I am actually finding a lot of my strengths while being alone and more mature than when I started dating. I am going to start "dating" my major of architecture and devote most of my time studying it and hopefully getting an internship. Eventually most of us will find somebody, but in the meantime, have fun exploring your strengths and everything will come with time.