Feeling down today :(

[winneythepooh7]

OK I know there is a similar thread to my situation but I can't find it right now. So since I made my big purchase of a new car, funds are really tight right now. Basically I have to watch everything and anything. I am considering doing catering on the weekends for extra $$$$ but I go back and forth with that idea if I really want to give up my weekends. (Also I have a puppy and it's bad enough I am gone from him at least 8 hours a day). Anyways, I feel like everyone around me is making lots of $$$$. Since I am a Social Worker, I am never really going to make a lot of money. There's not really anything else I want to do and I am so far in debt with school loans anyway that going back to school would not be an option. I just feel really mad all the time because I see so many people my age just going out all the time, on vacations, shopping, you name it. I know that I don't know the other side of their situation, as they may be living beyond their means too, but I just get embarassed now when I am like "I can't go out, I don't have money". I feel like I am never really going to afford to do these kinds of things anymore. The other thing is my boyfriend wants to pay for everything all the time when we go out and stuff and I get embarassed about this too. I feel bad also because he is in construction and in that, he is doing great this month, but with winter coming, he may not have work for a couple of months so I feel bad about him spending money on me. He says I shouldn't worry about it, because I am doing great for my situation, all my bills are paid, I have my own car, my own apartment, a good job, but I just feel like I wasted the past 3 years of my life sometimes getting a degree and $80,000 in debt for a job that I am only making a little bit more (sometimes) than people without a Master's. I know I could do a little better once I get my license but not a whole lot better by the time they take taxes out. My boyfriend and I want to move in with each other but that isn't happening probably until at least the spring. I think living in NYC also doesn't help, because it costs so much $$$$ to do everything, and it is such a production just getting from point A to point B with all the traffic and that kind of thing. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel but WAY at the end of the tunnel, everything was going so well for me for awhile and now I feel like I am stuck again. Oh, giving up the car is not an option, as I am financing and in a contract, and I also need it for work. My job is like 95% fieldwork and most of my clients are NOT near the subway/bus and live miles away from each other. The agency has like 2 cars to share amongst 20 people, so that isn't an option either. Also in regards to the waitressing/catering gig, it's an easy, guaranteed job, but at the same time, it is also an hours ride away (without traffic) and I am thinking is it really worth it for one day of work by the time they take out all the taxes, gas, tolls, wear and tear on the car, etc.? Plus I am one of those people that if I start having to miss a lot of stuff because of work, such as time with my boyfriend or friends/family, I start to get really depressed. What to do, what to do? I think I just wanna be out of NYC and move to Long Island, but again, that isn't happening anytime in the real near future.

[pisces2473]

I often feel the same way...I want to go on trips and go shopping all the time and have a fab apartment. But then I see my friends and they don't have lives like that. Only rich people do. Since I'm not rich, I'll never do that. Messed up logic, but hey, it helps.

[winneythepooh7]

I understand the logic but still feel that things should somehow be better at this point in my life. I can't wait to get outta NYC for good. I still think where I live has a huge part in my feeling miserable right now.

[libscigrl]

Is there no other option for a side job--one that doesn't involve a 1 hr commute?

I'm thinking a move to another area could help you financially--maybe not at first but after about 6 months?
NYC + Social Worker = My God woman you sound like you're doing pretty well! :) But I can understand how it would make you depressed. Sounds like you're fighting the good fight. Maybe you & your bf can try to get creative about what you do, maybe find things that don't cost as much money? We're here for ya.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

winney - wow, you sound like me talking in many ways. :)

I have a similar thread about the cost of going out - in my shoes, people where I am totally live beyond their means... (I work in finance/economics, so trust me on this one. :D ) Or, what I consider to be living beyond their means. You don't always have to go out to have fun, and if your friends are really your friends they would respect that... also, you can suggest cheaper stuff to do. there must be a few cheap things in NYC!!!

yeah, I agree with you, your particular locale is known to be a pretty harsh place to live.

[winneythepooh7]

You know what it is I am feeling like "I got a Master's degree to have to be a waitress!!" I know it sounds conceited but that is how I feel. My boyfriend and I have talked a lot about things and know it will probably get better but he too is not financially ready to move, probably until at the very earliest after the holidays, which really is not that far off. I have to call the old job back tonight and let them know if I want to work this coming weekend. I keep going back and forth about what I want to do. It is hard to find a waitressing job in NYC because they want "NYC experience" which I do not have. I am hoping something comes up and soon.............

[gluegun]

I totally feel your pain winney. My first job out of graduate school is with a non-profit. I'm not a social worker, but I definitely understand being underpaid in an underappreciated field. My only consolation is recognizing that I choose this field. Sure you and I could be making big bucks in the corporate world, but would that necessarily make us any happier?

[cheshrcarol]

Winney, maybe you need to reassess some other financial stuff to make the car and everything else more affordable? Like car insurance, did you shop around for quotes? I really like my company Amica, they had the best price I could find.

Or maybe you can find a way to reduce your phone and/or cable? I only use my cell phone and that saves me $30-40/month. Or maybe if you have a cell phone, do you have the cheapest plan that you need? My old roommate wastes tons of $ on his cell phone. He used to not have enough minutes and had tons of overages, and then he upgraded to way too many minutes. As for cable (if you have it) maybe if you don't already have the lowest choice, maybe you can downgrade it for a few months until you and your boyfriend move in together.

If you have credit card debt, maybe you can look into a debt consolidation loan? Does your agency offer any flexible spending plans? If they do, you should see if you're taking advantage of tax savings which can help a lot. Especially if they offer a commuter account, you can be reimbursed for your subway and bus tickets. If anyone has questions about Flexible Spending accounts, feel free to PM me. And BTW, living on LI is not going to be noticeable cheaper, it's still extremely expensive.

[winneythepooh7]

Hey Carol. I am getting the lowest possible insurance rate for the place I live. That makes it $317 a month which is high because I live in NYC. I was thinking of canceling my cell since I have a cell for work, but I will have to pay about $200 to cancel my account since I have one of those contract plans with AT&T. The lowest cost plan is $19.99 a month but along with all the taxes, it is still $40.00. I was thinking of canceling phone, cable and internet which will save me about $200 a month. I think I would go crazy though without having any of those things though especially when I am home every night after work!!! My boyfriend told me to wait until I have to start paying my school loans in the next couple of months and then decide. I am hoping that it just will get better eventually because it can't get any worse--at least I have a job to cover the majority of my main expenses which is more than I can say for a lot of other people.

[Veruca]

I was thinking of canceling phone, cable and internet which will save me about $200 a month.


You'll probably go through withdrawel if you cancel all these at once!! Can you just make your options cheaper?

For example, I thought I couldn't live without cable, but I can't afford an extra $50+/month for it. So instead, I went to Radioshack and bought like a $7 antenna for my TV so I at least get the basic channels (NBC, ABC, FOX, WB, UPN, etc) for free. I know my cable co. has some deal where they try to sell you a "basic" package for like $13/mo. where you get basically the same channels. Why pay if I can get it for free? Also, I used to spend so much of my free time just plopped in front of the TV watching whatever was on cable. Now I only watch TV if its a show I really want to see. Also, it doesn't hurt that my boyfriend has cable +HBO+Showtime, so if I want to veg and watch TV I go to his house!!

As for internet, I have crappy dialup, but I only pay like $10/ mo. for it. I mean I can't download too much of anything, but at least I can just get on the internet. I think I am too addicted to give it up at home totally. I also only have a landline which I pay like $35/ mo. including caller ID and long distance. I think I am gonna finally breakdown and get a cell phone though for emergencies.

I know NYC is a lot more expensive than where I am, but I'm sure there you have some kind of "latte factor" that you could give up to make things a little cheaper for you.

And my God, $317/mo. for car insurance is outrageous!!!

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by Veruca
For example, I thought I couldn't live without cable, but I can't afford an extra $50+/month for it. So instead, I went to Radioshack and bought like a $7 antenna for my TV so I at least get the basic channels (NBC, ABC, FOX, WB, UPN, etc) for free. I know my cable co. has some deal where they try to sell you a "basic" package for like $13/mo. where you get basically the same channels. Why pay if I can get it for free? Also, I used to spend so much of my free time just plopped in front of the TV watching whatever was on cable. Now I only watch TV if its a show I really want to see. Also, it doesn't hurt that my boyfriend has cable +HBO+Showtime, so if I want to veg and watch TV I go to his house!!
Hmmm, I should do this. I pay $13/mo. for those channels you listed.

[Veruca]

Pisces...

All it is is a cheapy bunny ear antenna...it works fine for me. Just don't let them try to sell you some fancy $20+ antenna. They tried to do that to me and I was like "I only need the $7 one!"

[pisces2473]

Cool! Thanks. This will be great!

[winneythepooh7]

Originally posted by Veruca



And my God, $317/mo. for car insurance is outrageous!!!

Tell me about it. But I took my old car off the road in 2000 and because I only started driving again in March, I am placed back in a "high risk pool". B.S. if you ask me. Plus, living in one of the 5 boros also doubles my insurance. If I didn't have to pay this, I'd be pretty fine.

[stonemonkey]

hey, happy birhday winney!

[winneythepooh7]

awwwwww, thanks :D

[Radgirl]

I know exactly how you feel winney. BTW, I love pooh bear myself. It's so hard never having enough money. I often wonder why I don't go out and do much anymore, well, it's because everything costs so much. From a glass of wine, to a "inexpensive" dinner, to tickets for a show. By the time I pay for all my bill of the month, I don't have much left for anything fun. At least you have cable. I can't even afford that. Hang in there! You are not alone.

[winneythepooh7]

Well things are not great but looking up slowly. The Director from the program I just left is seriously short-staffed and said I could work for him for 5 hours a week (that's all we are allowed as f/t staff). The rate of pay is like 20 dollars an hour which will be a big help. I also cancelled my cable to basic cable today. I no longer have the Lifetime channels but I am paying like 20 bucks a month compared to 80 so that is a big deal. The cell phone is a pain in the ass to get out of. I wanted to do away with it since I have a cell for work but it will cost me like $200 to cancel it for good so I went down to the cheapest plan (well 2nd cheapest-$29.99 a month which includes 250 minutes, unlimited nights and weekends)--if I went to the $19.99 plan it would only be 45 minutes a month and nothing else and like 45cents a minute if I ever went over. I will probably still cancel my landline to save another 40 bucks a month. I am still waiting to see what my school loans are gonna be. I think when I consolidated the woman said the monthly payment is like $130 a month, but I can make lower than that too *I think*. What may be a pain though is I took out a $10,000 private loan so those payments are gonna be kinda steep. Since this is a holiday weekend and I have off Monday, I plan to drop off some applications for waitressing. I also am still trying to get on per diem lists for residences in SW programs so I can work when they call or when I want to work. I hope it gets better. I am still trying to remember I am in so much better shape than a lot of other people these days and things could be much much worse.

[winneythepooh7]

I am feeling a little bit better today. I called both my student loan companies (one is all mine consolidated, the other is for a $10,000 loan my dad took out). They both reassured me that I can pay as much as I can afford, or as little as $50.00 a month if funds are low towards my loans. That makes me feel so much better cuz I was mad stressing over even a $350-$400 a month loan payment. Are any of you experiencing anything similar?

[Radgirl]

The extra cash that comes out of my account to pay for my monthly student loan bill has been some what of a killer. It's extra money I could really use, but I know that this bill will be for the long haul. If ever needed, I hope I can do the $50 a month deal too. It can be rough.

[winneythepooh7]

Well over the past couple of months since I've posted to this thread, things seem to be going down hill. I like my coworkers and my clients but I am just tired of dealing with the overall bureacracy in my field. I feel like I am up against a ton of brick walls every day and people (ie. other Social Workers) are just down right mean and I am tired of it. I had a huge breakdown over the weekend it seems and was crying for like 2 hours to my boyfriend. I just don't know what else to do because it's not like I can just quit but I feel like if I stay here for the next year I am going to slowly (or quickly actually) go crazy. I am to the point where I would do any job as long as it pays what I am making now. I just don't know what I am qualified to do though!!!!! Help!!!!! My boyfriend and my friends have noticed that I am not as happy as I used to be and I don't even like hanging out with any of my friends anymore. It's like I want to stay inside when I am not at work.............

[pisces2473]

Winney, I'm so sorry to hear that things are still crappy. What about talking to someone?

[WeirdBrake]

Winney, is becoming a one-on-one therapist in private practice out of the question? Or moving in that direction? Seems like it would be less stressful and better paying.

[winneythepooh7]

Hey guys, thanks. I don't feel comfortable yet telling my supervisor my REAL feelings. I am seen at work as one of the "strong ones" who knows how to handle difficult problems. He has also gone out of his way to help me feel comfortable in this position. My heart just isn't in it though. Private practice is an option but way down the road, and that takes A LOT of time to build a client base, deal with getting reimbursed from insurance providers, etc. Plus I have yet to get my SW license and don't want to pay the money yet if I am not sure if I even want to stay in the field. I am going to try to get into contact with my two former field placement supervisors after the holidays though, to see if they have any ideas. Everyone I know is in agreement though that I shouldn't work with the population I work with much longer though because it is just going to make me even more upset. I will keep you guys posted if anything comes up. I am going to continue sending out resumes in the meantime. My boyfriend's mom also is going to introduce me to her friend who will be over X-Mas eve who used to work as something big in a couple of hospitals in the area, maybe he can get me in somewhere. I think continuing to work with the severely mentally ill is going to make me severely mentally ill, and again, it's not the client's suprisingly. It is all the people who work with the clients who are making me crazy.

[WeirdBrake]

How strong is your sense that you may want to leave the mental health field entirely? Do you think it's unlikely that you'd be happy remaining in the field but working with a less stressful population?

You seem to be making active steps to get away from your current job situation, and you also seem to be weighing your options carefully and thinking things through. It looks like you're doing everything right. Stay hopeful.

[winneythepooh7]

I don't know, I am very ambivalent at this point. I know working with a different population would help greatly but it is hard, especially in NYC where the field is already flooded with Social Workers because they want you to have experience working with the population you are applying to work with, which makes a great deal of sense. I really don't have a whole lot of experience working with kids, so it would be difficult to get a job with kids (not that I'd want to). I thought about maybe working with the elderly in a nursing home. My old field instructor does this so I am going to see if he has any leads. The main problem I have is dealing with all these people who are constantly monitoring us in the mental health field. They are always telling us what we are not doing to help the client and it gets to be too much after awhile. I already work with people who don't have a whole lot of options and then when you get other Social Workers basically telling you daily that you are doing a bad job because I can't get the client to choose to go to rehab or because I can't find a client a place to live because he has put bleach in former roomates food, or switched their psychotropic medication around, you know what I am up against. If I could find a job working where I am feeling more wanted I think things would be a lot better. Also I hate having the court involved with clients, that is the main reason I need out of this position.

[Desiderata]

sorry to hear it's so tough winney... someone mentioned earlier about talking to someone, it doesn't have to be your supervisor. You could go outside work and see someone privately. Not sure what the financial/benefits may be for this for you, but might be worth a look see. What is it they say, doctors make the worst patients? think that works in our field too ;)

[Deadend]

Originally posted by Desiderata
sorry to hear it's so tough winney... someone mentioned earlier about talking to someone, it doesn't have to be your supervisor. You could go outside work and see someone privately. Not sure what the financial/benefits may be for this for you, but might be worth a look see. What is it they say, doctors make the worst patients? think that works in our field too ;)

Quite true. We hate to admit it, but medicine is one of capitalisms larger failings.

[cmyguard]

Hell, I sure as hell know what you mean. I am about 74,000 in the hole with graduate school. I decided to file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. It was my only way out before I had a nervous breakdown. My job too pays nothing and expects you to change children's lives and help them out while getting paid nothing. I used to teach dance and theater as a side job but decided to take a break after 6 years of teaching. I understand about not going out and having fun. It sucks. I have the blessing of having parents who are helping, not financially, but motivationally get my finances in order. Ca rent is ridiculous, I would have to move home with my parents if I did not have a roomate. Forget buying a house out here. The median price is 635,000, and you have to make at least 100,000 a year to get a loan. In Ca to become a licensed therapist you have to have 3,000 hours of internship which is usually paid at a non-profit. I deal with mental health just as you do and it always seems that you are doing something not in the best interest of the client. Ca would be lucky to have you. Our mental health system sucks and they want qualified people, but to get a job that pays. I understand money is always seems to be going out rather than in. It sucks sometimes. Maybe getting a job in another field to give you a break from your work might be a good idea. My old supervisor used to say that people who work in this field sometimes suffer from PTSD but like a secondary bit of it because you see what the families and children are going through and are supposed to help them, but who helps you when you feel overwhelmed. Sometimes taking a break to get a clear head helps. (I just read this and was not sure if it was written recently. I understand. I am trying to get out of an unsupportive work environment as well. good luck

[cmyguard]

Winney,

I just read your finances post about cutting down your cell phone.....boy you sound just like me, last week I was trying to get change to buy gas. Praise God it has gone down to below 2.00 a gallon. I hope that things are better:razz:

[winneythepooh7]

Thanks for all the good thoughts everyone. I wish it was just Thursday already. I have a meeting with those horrible people that mandate services to clients this morning. Of course they didn't let me know until the end of the day yesterday either that they scheduled a meeting so I needed to change my schedule around for them. That's another vent. They never give you notice of anything but expect you to drop everything for them. One person I work with told them he couldn't change his schedule and they reported him to his supervisor! That's the major thing I think I hate about this position. Having to answer to people who are not my supervisor, client or client's family. They make me come very close daily to being unprofessional, which is really really bad.............

[cmyguard]

WoohOo Only 2 more days. The one thing I like about my field is that being in the classroom has it's perks. I get two weeks, unpaid ( of course vacation) but it is a nice break. I am nannying the first three days for two boys, 6 and 10. They are sweet. I know that I need a break when I just want to sleep. Hey Winney, I know that this may sound weird, but have you ever considered talking to someone not involved in your life....like a therapist. I have to say for graduate school we had to go for 40 hours....paid out of our own pocket. It has really helped me see things in a different perspective. It :D Whatever helps. This site has helped me see that I am not alone in my 20's

[winneythepooh7]

Hey. I had some time to think and clear my head a bit over the weekend. I also had a long talk with my boyfriend and he thinks that I am taking my job way too seriously (which I probably am). Especially with the population I work with, where every provider (and many clients) need a scapegoat, I am it. I am going to try to change my attitude this year because unfortunately, I am not going to be able to help many people, especially when they get to the level of treatment my program offers (one step away from long-term hospitalization). I will probably end up leaving eventually but for now I am going to continue to stick it out. I don't know if leaving is necessarily the answer, because ANY job in Social Work is going to be challenging. I think the key for me is to remember that it isn't my fault that a client is the way he/she is.

[winneythepooh7]

Originally posted by cmyguard
Hey Winney, I know that this may sound weird, but have you ever considered talking to someone not involved in your life....like a therapist. I have to say for graduate school we had to go for 40 hours....paid out of our own pocket. It has really helped me see things in a different perspective. It :D Whatever helps. This site has helped me see that I am not alone in my 20's [/B]

No, that's not wierd at all. I've actually done that before. And it is recommended in my field that you often seek outside therapy/supervision with someone other than your own supervisor. I know my supervisor does this. I am going to look into doing this as well. I am going to see what my insurance covers because the person I went to before it was out of pocket and even though her rates were fair I am pretty broke right now. I know just talking to others in my field is really really helpful, especially those working with other populations. I learn that things are not always as great as they seem working with other populations either. I am sure this isn't my last post about this so I will keep you all posted :)