Difficulty meeting other females?

[winneythepooh7]

I don't know about you all but I have a hard time meeting other females. Actually no, that's a half-truth. I meet them easily, but it seems the ones I meet have so much drama I just don't want to hang with them much. Where besides QLC.com (LOL ;) ) can I meet "normal" girls? My boyfriend has a ton of guy friends, and the difference is most of them have been friends since grade school and still live in the same area. Also, guys no matter how annoying they are to each other still can be friends, at least that's how it seems to me. Another thing I find is that I am a Social Worker and it seems like a lot of females I do meet have higher paying jobs and more extreme lifestyles then I do so it's hard to "hang out" in the same locales. I've always felt that it is easier to meet and maintain friendships with guys then it is with girls. My boyfriend has a lot of friends that have girlfriends, and also a sister my age that I get along with fine, but they're HIS friends, you know what I mean?

[heatherf]

Winney-

I am exactly in the same boat you are. I tried to make friends with my co-workers, but they didn't really seem to want to hang out. One does have a baby now and the other is pregnant- so that changes the dynamics.

But I can't make friends for my life. I do have my sister- but she's in a real depression slump right now.

And my computer at work won't let me on Friendster! :(

I just get by!

[pisces2473]

Heather, I'm your friend!

j/k I know you mean someone in the Sac area.

[winneythepooh7]

Yeah, work isn't really an option for me either. Everyone is twice my age, has kids or doesn't speak English very well at all. I have lots of female "aquaintances" but it just isn't the same as having a bunch of good friends. I haven't had this since college really and I graduated in 1998!

[wordsmith]

I swear to God my only female friends (I'm talking actual friends, not acquaintances), are two from childhood, one from college, and you people from the internet. My coworkers are not of age with me, and though I enjoy them, we're not likely to hang out. There aren't very many people my age at all where I live. Sigh.

[pisces2473]

I talk to a few of the ladies on here more than my "real" friends. I think that says a lot right there...

[heatherf]

Jen I totally agree.

I just wish the group of us on here could hang out- and actually bitch/rant with margaritas in hand!;)

[wordsmith]

I am on another message board where many of us do actually meet and do just that in real life, and it rules! I wish that were more doable here.

[cheshrcarol]

I have practically no friends around here, female or otherwise. My best friend and I apparently aren't talking to eachother because I got mad he ditched plans we had, and then he got mad because I got mad. And I have one female friend around here from high school that reconnected with and I hang out with maybe once a month. The other friends I have are all college friends and live a minimum of 2 hours away. I have acquaintance friends at work, but they're all either friends with eachother in a tight little clique or have other friends and aren't interested in making new ones.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

winney - um, if you figure that one out let me know! I am in the same boat also (although most people where I live seem to be trustfunders who max out their credit cards, which isn't my bag!) too bad you don't live in DC...

even the majority of my female friends from college have become acquaintances, if not full-on hostile. yuck.

[midtwenty]

I have exactly 3 female friends. And I like it that way. Women friends carry too much baggage and surround themselves with too much drama, therefore I'm extremely picky about my girlfriends. I agree it's very hard to find quality female friends these days. What the hell is wrong with all these girls?

[coll214]

Honestly i'd say i have a few select close friends-including my sister- and the rest are acquaintanences, and w/ the exception of one, they are people i've known since HS, though didn't become friends w/ until after HS.
Also, guys no matter how annoying they are to each other still can be friends, I've noticed this too, why be friends w/ someone who just pisses you off all the time? once in a while is one thing...

[flyogagrl]

My real friends are a 2 1/2 hour PLANE ride from me and I miss them so much!
I have made some friends in florida- more like acquaintences- my roomate is my friend, but she is a grad student and a perfectonist so she doesn't go out alot because she has to study or doesn't have any money. The other girls we hang out with are mostly people from her program, so I consider them more her friends then mine. Plus, when they are together they talk about school and its pretty annoying.
I have started hanging out with some of the younger people I work with but I don't like mixing work and pleasure too much. You should never let the people you work with know too much about your personal life.
I have also started attending my sorority Alum group here in S. Fl and granted, I get a lot of crap for it, but they are nice girls and I can relate to them on lots of levels.

[pisces2473]

See, that's cool you have an alumni network. My alumni club in the area is made up of and run by old men. The youngin's who are involved are all about reliving the glory days back at school. Please. It's over.

[winneythepooh7]

I am very active in my sorority AA. Actually that is how I have met most of the females, actually all the females except like 2, I know here in NYC.

[shimmer728]

I, too, find it very hard to make new female friends. There really aren't that many young girls my age where I live. Sometimes it's lonely. :(

[winneythepooh7]

Do any of your boyfriends/husbands think it's wierd that you don't have a lot of female friends, especially if they have lots of male friends? My boyfriend I think finally understands especially after meeting my more psycho-er girlfriends.

[shimmer728]

Well, my boyfriend and I were actually just discussing this topic this weekend, and he, too, has had some first-hand experience with a psychotic ex-friend of mine. So I think he completely understands why I don't have many close girlfriends right now.

Now, the guy I began dating shortly after I moved here sometimes commented that I didn't seem to have many friends, and it hurt my feelings. Geez, I was brand-new to the area, and he'd lived here his whole life. Of course he had more friends than I did! :rolleyes: Insensitive jackass.

[winneythepooh7]

Originally posted by shimmer728
Well, my boyfriend and I were actually just discussing this topic this weekend, and he, too, has had some first-hand experience with a psychotic ex-friend of mine. So I think he completely understands why I don't have many close girlfriends right now.

Now, the guy I began dating shortly after I moved here sometimes commented that I didn't seem to have many friends, and it hurt my feelings. Geez, I was brand-new to the area, and he'd lived here his whole life. Of course he had more friends than I did! :rolleyes: Insensitive jackass.


I hear ya Shimmer!!!! My boyfriend has lived in Long Island his entire life. He lived in Astoria, Queens for a couple years but that is cuz he got a house with 4 of his friends from Long Island. I moved to NYC after college and didn't know anyone really except my former best friend, who was the reason I moved here to begin with. I was close friends with 2 other women but don't talk to one of them anymore and the other one moved way out to Suffolk County in Long Island which is far away to get to from here. Another friend I still see regularly is a major drama queen and I just need to seperate myself from her sometimes.

[Kitty]

I posted a similar thread under the "play" section of this board.

This is probably my biggest problem right now. I have almost no friends who live near me and are available to hang out. My friends all live really far away and I rarely see them.

I always lived with lots of girls in college, and never had any problems meeting more people or having someone to hang out with. At times it even felt like my social life was taking over everything else - now, that couldn't be further from the truth.

My boyfriend teases me about not having any friends, but he doesn't do it in a mean way. I make jokes about the fact that I have no friends too.

It just sucks, I would give anything for friends to go shopping with/work out with/etc..

[Radgirl]

Don't feel bad, I can't meet/make female friends to save my life. By chance, if I do, they have some serious issues that I do not want in my life. I would give anything to have a girlfriend or two that I could do lunch with, the mall, talk, coffee, anything. However, that has become nearly impossible. I'm at a loss.

[Skyblade]

Question...for those of you who don't really have a lot of girlfriends to hang out with. What do you do on the weekends or after work to keep busy/entertain yourselves? I guess this question is directed more at the single people.

[shimmer728]

During the week, I read, play on the Net, watch my Friends DVDs, talk on the phone, take walks......I actually enjoy my alone time, just not too much of it.

[Phoenix]

Originally posted by Skyblade
Question...for those of you who don't really have a lot of girlfriends to hang out with. What do you do on the weekends or after work to keep busy/entertain yourselves? I guess this question is directed more at the single people.

Go out w/ the boys (not too often, though, b/c usually they'll go to a bar), talk with some friends online, watch movies (rent or theatre), clean, read, play guitar. Sometimes I really don't want company. Other times I do.

[sad555]

i lived in NYC for a year and I found it REALLY difficult to meet friends there. I just moved to FL and I think it's hard here too. It's tough when you move away from where you grew up, especially. I always had a ton of friends in high school and college... now i don't have many (just 1). It's probably the most difficult part of graduating (and the root of my depression). It's like.. in college we're put in situations (sororities, dorms, classes) where we are forced to meet SO many people. Maybe i should look into sorority programs and stuff.

[sad555]

okay... the sorority thing is not going to work... i looked at photos on-line and all the people at the events are old (40s and up). What is there to do that people actually participate in? I feel like no one here in FL is dealing with this because most people went to UF or FSU and knows a ton of people already... it SUCKS

[winneythepooh7]

sad555 what GLO were you in? Have you gone to your National website to try to contact the person in charge of your GLO's AA? Also, I started my own AA here for the Metro NYC area. We are primarily in our 20's and early 30's. That's a good way to go too :) Also, another site to join is www.greekchat.com You can post an inquiry for Greeks in your area. I believe there are a TON where you live!!!!!

[diesel]

I have very few female friends myself. I am trying to reconnect with a group from childhood. We all left the area, but are now living in reasonable proximity to each other. I do want to know them as adults, but at the same time I think we're all doing this out of convenience too. Sad, but better than no one. I also have a friend at work, but I am not real fond of making friends at work because I'd prefer to keep personal life separate. And like many of you there just aren't that many women my age at this place.

I also need to vent for a minute. I am so irritated with the one close female friend I do have. She's been in a friends with benefits situation for about a year and in the last couple of months it's turned into a real relationship. I am happy for her, but now we've gone from spending all the time we have together talking about whether or not this would become something more to talking about how happy she is that it did become something more. I can't take it...It's not jealousy - I'm happily married. I'd just like to talk about something other than her relationship. Gah, girls who only talk about their guys drive me nuts!

[chrisp]

i have a similar situation. my bf has his friends...and they are close. i dont have any girl friends anymore it seems. not like i used to. i really started turning to message boards and forums such as this. i am thinking of maybe joinging a club or class or something. but im not sure what.

[Radgirl]

Heck, my bf or myself have no friends. I'm beginning to wonder if people just don't like us. Now that would be sad.

[inqlc]

do a lot of you find it easier to make friends with guys??

i'd say that's definitely my case. i have a great group of girlfriends that i've known forever, but outside of that, it's a bit hard for me to make girlfriends that i can be that close to. i just say there are no girls out there that are as cool as my friends, but maybe i'm just getting older, gettin' set in my ways & don't take the time to really hang out with cool girls i meet.

[tartytwenty]

Originally posted by chrisp
i have a similar situation. my bf has his friends...and they are close. i dont have any girl friends anymore it seems. not like i used to. i really started turning to message boards and forums such as this. i am thinking of maybe joinging a club or class or something. but im not sure what.

So strange that so many of us have bf's with piles of friends, and we don't have any ourselves. It's frustrating to me. No matter how much I talk to his friends they are HIS friends. I'm getting reminded of that a ton recently. The whole group joined myspace, and they did add me. But nobody emails me back or emails me at all, or comments and all of them are emailing my bf, etc. So yes, a reminder they are HIS friends. I think it's frustrating. I really want a gf to dish it out with sometimes.

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by Radgirl
Heck, my bf or myself have no friends. I'm beginning to wonder if people just don't like us. Now that would be sad.
That's kinda like how my BF and I are...all of our friends ditched US for their SO's!

We have SOME friends, but they are always busy, don't call my BF often (his friends) and we both have friends from different places, not a "group."

[Radgirl]

Perhaps it's just no meant to be right now. I need to accept that. Besides, the weirdo he and I both find, well....no one needs all that.

[flyogagrl]

Sad555- I just pm'd you. I feel your frustration!

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by Radgirl
Perhaps it's just no meant to be right now. I need to accept that. Besides, the weirdo he and I both find, well....no one needs all that.
No, definitely not. Maybe we're both meant to be quasi-alone w/ our BFs so we can grow stronger together? Or am I too sappy? LOL

[Kitty]

Yeah, I just realized something while reading this.

I don't just want friends..I want a group!!

I want to feel like I belong. I miss having a circle of friends.

[tartytwenty]

Originally posted by Kitty
Yeah, I just realized something while reading this.

I don't just want friends..I want a group!!

I want to feel like I belong. I miss having a circle of friends.

I'm with you Kitty. I have my one friend to email, my other housewife/mother friend to see for lunch once a month...

I want the group that goes out, hangs, talks, rents movies, parties, etc. Plus, my own friends, not my BF's friends...those are my 'borrowed friends'. They could care less if I disappeared tomorrow.

I miss the days of having a close group of friends!

[pisces2473]

Yeah me too! Just all go out for coffee and dessert, hang out. I have some friends, but they aren't friends w/ each other and don't really know each other that well...

[missberry]

to answer someone's question..i totally find it easier to befriend guys...but then the only problem is that they might want to be more than just friends and then that just sucks...my only girlfriends that i have is my one from college who is far away and a co-worker. i have been trying to reconnect with some old friends now that i am, ugg, living back at home..but i drifted apart from my (bad) friends from high school..help!
i wish i was like a lot of you..at least you are not alone all the way..you have boyfriends..but really that's not even what i want...i want friends who are girls..not probably ready for a bf...

i think this is totally the root of most of my depression right now...i have been trying to work on it and here is my advice to you ladies too...GET INVOLVED! join some activity that you like and you can meet people! a dance class, a sport leauge, art class..some kind of thing you enjoy - and you are enriching yourself at the same time!

[taramichelle]

wow! i have this same problem and thought i was the only one. i use to have a best friend, we did everything together, i could talk to her about anything, but we've drifted apart. we were best friends for 8 years. now we don't even see each other or talk to each other anymore. in high school, i had a group of friends. but when i got to college (even though my best friend went to the same college) i spent most of my time studying and working hard, so i never really made any college friends. now that i am out of college and working, there are no females my age here and i'm finding it very hard to meet other girlfriends. meeting guys is so much easier, but after a while, they only want to be more than just friends. i've never had a guy friend who wasn't interested in having more than just a friendship with me. so i wind up pushing them away after a while. i've attempted to find other girlfriends, but things never work out. i've met some on the net, but we talk for a while, then after a while, we don't anymore. where can i go to meet other girlfriends? another thing is that when i talk about this with people, they give me strange looks like i'm "gay" for wanting girlfriends. i don't get it. is it too much to ask to want a best girlfriend to do things with, talk, shop, go out to lunch/dinner, just hang out? i don't think so. i feel jealous of other girls who have this and wish i had the same. most of my free time i spent on the computer as i'm a graphic and web designer and it's my passion, so i do that a lot. but i'd like to go out once in a while with a friend and just talk.

[snowgirl77]

I think maybe it's just harder to meet new people now that we're out of college, because most people don't get opportunities to meet like that anymore. Back then, we were all smashed together by dorms, classes and all of that. Now it's so much more difficult. But reading all of this, don't I feel like a jackass? I live right next to Jen and Colleen, and I never have made time to try to go see them since last year, or when Joe left. I suck at this whole friendship thing! Sometimes it feels like it's easier to be alone than to take those hard steps towards meeting others :(

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by snowgirl77
I think maybe it's just harder to meet new people now that we're out of college, because most people don't get opportunities to meet like that anymore. Back then, we were all smashed together by dorms, classes and all of that. Now it's so much more difficult. But reading all of this, don't I feel like a jackass? I live right next to Jen and Colleen, and I never have made time to try to go see them since last year, or when Joe left. I suck at this whole friendship thing! Sometimes it feels like it's easier to be alone than to take those hard steps towards meeting others :(
Yeah, you badass you! I'm bad at it too! I'm bad with the few friends I have now! I think it's scary to meet new people, so it's easier to be alone and whine about how miserable you are and how much your friends suck.

[coll214]

Originally posted by pisces2473

Yeah, you badass you! I'm bad at it too! I'm bad with the few friends I have now! I think it's scary to meet new people, so it's easier to be alone and whine about how miserable you are and how much your friends suck.

that pretty much sums it up... which is why 90% of my friends i still talk to i've known since HS, it's easier than making new friends.

[snowgirl77]

But then what happens when everyone gets married, moves away, and all that? Is it just going to be me, the internet, and my PS2? Not exactly the worst thing I guess. I would make new friends if I wasn't such a workaholic slacker!

[taramichelle]

anyone on this thread from central NJ?

[missberry]

yeah i feel you coll, but my prob is that i've drifted away from most of my HS friends for various reasons so i have to make new friends...and i am actually really a good friend..always calling people up and keeping in touch - but all the chicks i meet are such haters! i have found that often women involved in sports are more down to earth - but sometimes they are really cliquey too so back to the drawing board...just keep on looking i guess

[season]

i think one of the reasons why i dislike my life here in boston so much is that i have two friends my age. and they both work with me. one of them is married and has kids, and the other is so busy that we never hang out. so i guess that means i have no friends here. which is why i so desperately want to move back to the midwest, where i have tons of sweet loyal friends who want me to move back there. it sucks. i hate it. but such is life, no?

[littledancerus]

Oh jeese I'd so much rather live in a city. There are no good cities in Michigan. Detroit??? uh..... right... I do live in Oakland County which is I think the third richest county in the nation (maybe 2nd... something like that) but it's just a bunch of old people and families. And the more urban towns are still at least a half hour-45 min. drive away.

[Radgirl]

I've come to a conclusion. Meeting other females or people in general is way too hard. Maybe I'm making it more difficult than it needs to be, but it's impossible anymore. The people I do meet end up being freaks that I don't want to have anything to do with. Damn, I wonder if I ever get married or have a big event in my life, who am I gonna invite? Has anyone seen that commercial of mastercard giving away a trip for you and 20 ppl you know. Hell, I don't even know or like 20 ppl. I think I'm a hermit now.