Okay everyone....Here's the Thing...

[Crimson King II]

I talked with AlFa a bit, and it felt better....so I'm going to talk some more, with you all.

First...apologies to Wordsmith. I got on you bad today because I'm on edge and I want to fight. I want to fight something and someone really badly, but maybe I don't know just what or who...so I think I chose you, and I think I found any reason I could to fight because it felt good...it felt empowering. But you didn't deserve it, and I'm sorry. Now...as to why that is important....


I went to my interview last Thursday...and it went great! Everything is in place for me to get a really great, career-type job...one that I really want. But when I got home, C was really upset. The same day, her parents took her to lunch and started dropping bombs on her. Her cousin, who she grew up with, and who went to our same high school, has been stationed in Iraq for 8 months...he's always written home every 4-5 days. The family stopped getting letters four weeks ago, and they've received no word of where he is or whether everything's ok. They do know he's been in a hot zone in-country. Were that not enough, apparently her dad is suffering swollen and painful lymph glands...a precursor of cancer. I'm not super-close with her family, but mine has had a substantial share of cancer...four cancer deaths since 1982...which sounds like a long time...but that's a LOT. And it's an ugly, painful thing, that I don't want to see ever again.

Needless to say, the last five days has been a pall...and the past few weeks haven't been rosy anyway, what with the not sleeping.

Anyway....I want to be hopeful for myself about the job, but I feel selfish when I do. I want to throttle people who disparage our war effort...I want to go help her cousin and destroy things attacking us. I want to go toe-to-toe with God Himself in an effort to eradicate cancer. I want life to not be turbulent anymore. I'm tired of everything being so hard and so cruel. I'm weary, and I feel like I'm 114 years old.

These aren't excuses...you guys don't need my attitude and animosity. But I do think I'm acting out. And I'm sorry.

[wordsmith]

CK, I'm sorry, too. For real. I will PM you more later.

[lynseymay]

I'm sort of in the same situation. I interviewd for this great career type job, something I'd really really like that pays me a LOT more than what I make right now, but it's in San Diego. And my boyfriend lives here, is from here and can't move. His father just passed away in August and he has to close down his father's practice, find a job, and take care of his mom. Not to mention he's feeling pressure to settle down. And so I'm in the hard place having to turn down this great job that I really want to continue to work at this job that is sucking what little life I have left, out of me as he refusing to move out to San Diego :( :(

[iwanttoscream]

I am so sorry that things are not going well for you and C. Not much to add because it seems overwhelming but...I really hope you hear some good news soon on all fronts.

[bigboom]

yeah...as upbeat as i try to be, lately ive been feeling like butter spread to thinly over toast :D

i think its time for everyone to take a vacation...im almost ready to crack.

[Phoenix]

Amen, BB. Personally and professionally.

[wordsmith]

Absolutely approaching the breaking point. It kinda sneaked up on me.

[Crimson King II]

Thanks, you guys. C is taking it far harder than I am, as she's closer to the situation, but it's still a very real thing. This year has been such a great thing for us, but I think sometimes that just as things start to develop, or you start to turn a corner, that something far darker and more sinister wants to strike you down with something like this. I've just felt like it's piling on. Callie cried for hours this weekend...it was hell. She's having dreams of her cousin being beheaded (have you seen these videos? She and I have, which in hindsight was not a good thing for someone who knows someone over there. They're the most disturbing thing ever. Words do not describe...) and she's entirely worried about her dad and when she worries about one she feels guilty about not thinking about the other...

I just don't know these days....

Anyway....thanks for the kind words.

[kimmer23]

wow, sorry to hear about all that CK. when it rains it sure does pour. i'll say a prayer for her dad and cousin.

[Crimson King II]

Thanks, kimmer!

[pisces2473]

Wow CK. I'm really sorry things are so heavy right now. I'm thinking of you and Callie and her family. *hugs*

[Crimson King II]

That's a great word...heavy. That's exactly it. Everything feels like I'm pulling an airplane on my back at times. Thanks pisces.

[midtwenty]

CK, first and foremost...we all extend our sympathies and well-wishes during your hard times.

You should not feel badly about the excitement over your interview and the possibilty of a good future for your career. What I want you to remember is that no matter what you're going through right now, there is a tomorrow, and a day after that and a day after that and a day after that and a day after that and........ Life does not stop moving forward and you have to reserve some time and energy to plan for whatever future you have coming. How would things be if you and C came to a grinding halt in your lives in order to deal with all these issues you have now? The issues will resolve one way or another and you'll find yourselves on the other side with no future. So, that's my lecture ( ;) ) about that.

Now, regarding family in Iraq. You tell C, for me and anyone else who wants to chime in, that as a red-blooded American I cannot begin to express the respect and gratitude I have for him and what he's doing. Rarely am I at a loss for words, but I cannot adequately describe how thankful I am for him, and all those like him, who would be so willing to put their lives on the line for the sake of us all and the freedoms we enjoy. Remember this: he is a member of the best-armed and most well-trained military in the world. He has people to watch his back. He has resources. And the fact that his immediate family has not been contacted by the service is, to me, a good sign. I will hope and pray that he is well, and something as simple as a glitch in the mail system has caused this horrible scenario.

I hadn't seen anyone else ask, so I will. Has C's father been to the doctor about his lymph glands, and what was the outcome? Has a prognosis been reached and a course of treatment been proscribed? I mean, swollen and sore lymph glands can indicate anything from cancer to strep throat to allergies. So I'd be interested to know if he's been to the dr and what was said...no need to worry overmuch until then. It could be nothing.

Hang strong. I know you can.

[Crimson King II]

Hey midtwenty...just now saw this...thanks for the nice words, and I'll pass them on.

As for her dad, he has been to a doctor and they don't know what's wrong...they DO know it's not normal, but they don't know if it's cancer. They think they're seeing some early signs, but don't know what they're seeing or where the cancer may be. He's going for some extensive testing Friday.

It's all just unnerving a bit, and I'm feeling better today, especially now that I've discussed things a bit. Sorta that take a breath moment....

But thanks.

[midtwenty]

No prob. Sometimes we all need someone to tell us to step back and take a breath. Glad you got something out of what I said.

It's good that he's already seen a doctor and they're moving forward with diagnosing. Hopefully, if it's the worst case scenario, it's been caught quickly enough that he can receive treatment and make a full recovery. Keep us posted and we'll all remember to keep you and C and your family in our thoughts.

[cheshrcarol]

Originally posted by Crimson King II
As for her dad, he has been to a doctor and they don't know what's wrong...they DO know it's not normal, but they don't know if it's cancer. They think they're seeing some early signs, but don't know what they're seeing or where the cancer may be. He's going for some extensive testing Friday.
Maybe he has thyroid cancer which is what my friend was just diagnosed with. She was having similar problems to C's dad. They removed her thyroid and some of the surrounding lymph nodes and the prognosis is supposed to be very good. (I was saying on other threads that I was worried about her, but she has other serious health complications not related to the cancer.) But thyroid cancer by its self it can have a 90-95% cure rate.

Anways, try to take it easy and hang in there and good luck with your job interview stuff.