PDA

View Full Version : Home owner/relationship balance

CAT11
07-14-2002, 08:09 PM
I am looking for feedback from anyone who has had a serious partner that has owned a house. My boyfriend is a bi-product of the dot.com boom, and recently bought a new house, while as I am doing the struggling student thing in my urban chic apartment.

It is putting some strain on our relationship. We live 30-45 min. apart, and generally spend the weekend together. Since the house purchase, the weekends have consisted of sprinklers, decks, landscaping, house stuff. Now obviously, this isn't my house, and I am having some trouble keeping the balance between helping my boyfriend out and not putting too much into a house that isn't mine.

One of the other problems that might be on the back burner is we had planned on moving into a new space when we got married, which is at least two years out. And he went out and bought this house...and maybe I feel a little...I don't know. Like that means something about our relationship? I don't think it does, but I am still a little irked somewhere that I can't pinpoint.

Thanks for the feedback or suggestions.
Phoenix
07-14-2002, 08:24 PM
Do you think maybe you feel irked b/c he didn't discuss buying the house w/ you but yet you had discussed moving in together within a couple of years? Like he already made the decision about where you are going to live and what kind of house you are going to live in? (Perhaps making it "his" turf and not both of yours?) Just a thought that crossed my mind... I'd be kinda upset about that if I had a serious partner that I had discussed moving in with.
CAT11
07-15-2002, 02:52 PM
Phoenix, I think you have part of it right.

I think it was a logical, financial decision for him. Maybe I look at it from an emotional standpoint. It is kind of irking. I mean, I like the house and everything, but it won't be new to both of us if we get married in 2-3 yrs and I move in.

Chances are his job in this area won't last much longer than that and we would move anyway.

We talked a little bit about house projects and the stress it has added to things. It was good to get it out.