"Single-itis" Remedies

[Maximus]

I've read quite a few posts on here now and I'd like to address a few recurring "themes" I've noticed:

1) Many people seem to be agreeing that there are social dilemas that exist with being single in your 20s. I think this is great that we all can find people who share our experiences.

2) Many people seem to be "fed-up" to some degree with how the current dating scene is playing out. This is great for venting those pent up frustrations.

3) Many discussions become extremely philisophical, which is great for expanding your vocabulary and intellect, and is fine if you're in training for a legal profession (no offense to weirdbrake), but this brings me to my point..........

I have heard very few strong arguments supporting/offering SOLUTIONS to these (and other) QLC situations.

So, how bout it? I mean, talking about all this and making everyone feel good that there's other people out there like you is fine, but why don't we come up with some ideas for how to FIX these mind-bending social nuances? Personally, I'm pretty tired of bitching and moaning about the problem...........I want to take ACTION!! Who's with me? Any ideas?

[sunbear]

I'm all about being independant/ single if must be. I still want to get that puppy. Dogs may shed, they may hog the bed- however, no matter how good the treats- they're always loyal to their owners.
And they're cute and it's their purpose in life is to cheer us up.
Anyways- I'm up for some constructive critisizm- I think it's too much work to train a guy how to treat you.

[sunbear]

Wierdbrake,
I've been single for (???) 6-7 years straight while watching all of my friends get married. My parents are still married and for some reason it has never bothered me- and just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that things are peachy either. Sometimes I think that people use the concept of being in a relationship as the cure for lonliness or security and they're not- I don't think anyone has ever had the "perfect" relationship. And there ARE a lot of miscommunication and battle wounds here- I don't want to sound like I'm downgrading the issue. But sometimes I look to my parents (they're still married) or my friends who are actually going through the married with kids stuff and I know it's not all always happily ever after either.
I would much rather own a pet for company than ever fret the idea of romance when in my opinion it's an overwhelming zoo.

[Unregistered]

One way to cure single-itis is to meet as many members of the opposite sex as possible. Where I am at they have a dating thing where you meet 40-60 people of the opposite sex in 1 night. You talk to each of them about 3 minutes and mark if you want to meet them again. If you both match then the company that sponsors this sends you each others email addresses. Its like 40 dates in 2 hours, you can make up for a lot of time that way. I haven't participated yet, but the people I know that have, have only good things to say about the process.

[Maximus]

That sounds like a good suggestion! Can you elaborate a bit more on this function......what company sponsors it? How much does it cost? What type of setting are you in when you meet the people? Does it really work?

In addition, I guess I better offer a few of my own recent thoughts since I started this thing:

1) Cooking Class - I know, I'm finally getting over the macho stigma. I confess, sometimes I actually like to cook and I hear you can meet some nice women there (that know how to cook!)

2) Volunteer Organization - I'm thinking about something like Habitat 4 Humanity. Plus, I was in a service frat in college & really enjoyed it. I'd love to hear from someone who's already tried this one......

3) Internet - Ok, I've tried Matchmaker.com. I had about 20 dates in all. About half worked out pretty well, the other half were total disasters (some people look nothing like their pictures!). I actually went out with one girl for about 3wks, and was really into her, but she turned out to be mental. Overall, it seemed like more work than it was worth. Anyhow, I'm thinking about maybe giving it a second chance - can't hurt right? I just feel bad about paying $$ to meet people.

4) Strip Clubs - OOps......how'd that get in there!! Bottom line here - it's a business and that's how the women treat you - as a business transaction, nothing more (although in the past I did fall for one girl from Argentina.....) Plus, I won't get into how much $$ is wasted in these places.

5) Church - My co-worker keeps telling me to come with her on Sunday and check out the Single's group. Not to offend anyone, but I've never really been a hard-core religious zealot, so I'm kinda struggling with this one. Plus, it's kinda hard to get past the idea of going to worship to pick up chicks! I'd really likek to hear from some people on this one.

6) Dance Class - Ok, I'm sorta partial to Latin women, so I've been thinking about a Salsa/Merengue class. For some reason, this is also a tough one for me to sign up for......love to hear someone's experience with this.


Just some thoughts -

[squirmy]

Yes, all those things sound great! I especially like the volunteering idea, since I like to do that kind of stuff when I have time. There are plenty of service projects you can do in and around your community--lots of people have lots of needs, and it's a good way to break into smaller groups of people to work on a specific task. Or if you're into kids, you can be a volunteer tutor/mentor (girls REALLY dig a guy who's good with the little ones). Even if you don't necessarily meet someone of the opposite sex, at the very least it can be a good starting point for some great friendships.

The church thing is also great. And if you feel uncomfortable about "going to worship to pick up chicks," ususally there are other events during different days of the week that are also offered by the same group. My singles group at church does a lot of outings, like bike rides, picnics--you name it, they've done it. Those are fun, and it's in a different setting other than before an altar.

One other idea may be sports leagues in your community. Baseball, basketball, whatever. I think around Lake Michigan there are even some sailing clubs if you've had the proper training (doesn't cost a lot to get). Perhaps near Houston you can find something kind of like that.

[Unregistered]

Thanks for the imput! I probably will go through with the volunteering idea. I'm still a little uneasy about church though......how long have you been going? I haven't been in quite a while and I'm a little uneasy about possibly being the only one in their 20s just now starting to go again. Plus, I haven't been to confession for some time - I have this bad feeling I may burst into flames when I walk through the door!

By the way, I was up in Chicago a couple weeks ago (really!) and I loved Navy Pier!.......I went out with a few girls I met there and we ended up having a great time! I know it sounds crazy, but they just seemed to be more approachable & "laid-back" than some here in TX. Maybe it's just my imagination. Anyhow, thanks again and I'd love to hear some more feedback on my suggestions....

[Maximus]

That was my message below - don't know why i wasn't logged in...

[squirmy]

Hey Maximus,

You're welcome! And don't be worried about a thing with church. There are plenty of people in their 20s who start going after an extended hiatus. As for the bursting into flames thing. . . hmm, well, you certainly have a vivid imagination! :) But I doubt God will send down a lightning bolt to zap you. How long has it been since you stepped inside of one?

As for me, I've gone to church my entire life. I started going to a new one about 3 months ago because there are more people who are young and single than at the other (they were mostly married couples with small children--can't really relate in the same way!).

And yes, Navy Pier is great! I just love going there to overlook the lake and feel that cool fresh-water breeze. Ahhh! :cool: Yeah, Chi-town is a pretty good place to be for people like us.

[faithmykal]

Maximus, I'm a Houstonian too and I'm currently taking salsa lessons from SSQQ, a studio in Bellaire. There are lots of guys in my class, in fact, my male next door neighbor is who got me interested in it.
Don't worry if you have two left feet, plenty of others do also!
The classes have all ages and races, but I'm sure improving your moves could help you at the Latin dance clubs.
The quantity dating that one of the replies was referring to is called speed dating or 8-minute dating and as far as I know it hasen't been completly established here yet, but it may be in the future - I saw somethig on the local news about it.
I understand where you're coming from about the church-based singles groups. I've thought about joining one at the church I go too, but, like you said, I worry about the group mentality being "too religious".
I don't know though, desperate times call for desperate measures...

[Maximus]

Ok, I think I may actually go through with the dancing idea. faithmykal - Can you elaborate more on this - how much does it cost? How do I sign up with SSQQ? How long does it last? Do they pair people up or do you pick partners?

I went to Crystal last night and I really like the atmosphere compared to some other clubs I've been to. It was really laid-back, the crowd had more "older" people, and the music was great. Now I just need to learn how to Salsa!!

Now, with that said, I'm afraid I have to get on my pulpit (I have to say this) for a minute. I want to address a situation I saw happen quite a few times last night. There would be groups of 4-5 girls standing almost in a circle. My freind and I were sitting at a table within earshot, just getting a "feel" for the place. We noticed these girls were approached by at least 8 different men as the night progressed and in each case they would come up with a different excuse, like "I'm waiting on my boyfreind", "I don't dance", or just plain "NO". Then after the guy walked off, they would LAUGH and make fun of him!! We saw several of these "groupies" over the course of the night, which was a bit dissapointing (I don't want to sound predjudice, but the majority of them were latin - don't know if that makes a difference). The thing is, I could somewhat understand if all the guys were losers, but there were no apparent similarities among the rejected - they were tall, short, attractive, non-attractive, etc., but it didn't seem to matter. Obviously, we didn't even bother talking to any of these girls. Now, I think the reason is, maybe these girls don't get enough attention outside the club and this is the only place they feel like they are in control and have POWER, but they ABUSE it!! I can understand if it's a group of girls who all have boyfreinds/husbands (but then why aren't their counterparts with them?), but all these girls seemed to be single.

The only reason I'm harping on the issue above is because I've seen this situation happen WAY too much in clubs. I mean WAAYY too much!! So, I think the answer is to bring someone to the club, which is also why I wanted to try the dance class. I've come to the conclusion that it's just about impossible to meet a stranger in clubs, especially after seeing what happen last night at Crystal.

Sorry to be sound kind of negative on this note, but it was just really annoying seeing that situation rear it's ugly head again. I even got dressed up for this place - not to be cocky, but I know I was "GQ" last night.....had the black DKNY dress shirt, dark-grey slacks, polished black shoes, the works. Then I see this mess.......oh well:rolleyes: As of now, I'm officially trying new avenues!:)

[faithmykal]

Alrighty,
First about SSQQ - for men it is $44/month. Classes are based on a monthly rotation of sorts, you do beginning for a month, intermediate the next month, etc - so it isn't some huge commitment over several months. There are several classes of the same level during the week so you can choose a schedule that is good for you. They teach Salsa/Mambo, Swing, Ballroom, C&W, and a few others. You don't need a partner and we rotate people during the whole class so you will dance with many other people while you (and they) learn. It really isn't as intimidating as I thought it might be. You can check it out on SSQQ.com.

Other avenues sound like a great idea! We really probably shouldn't get our hopes up about people we meet in bars You know there's a whole other mentality that most people have in the bar/club scene.
The asking to dance thing is difficult anyway. I don't usually dance with guys either (well, in Latin clubs I will) because I've had too many bad experiences with "bump and grind" boys. I will talk to guys, though, if they're not too drunk being obscenly forward.

Let me know if you need anymore info about anything, I'll help as much as I can. Oh, and ther are girls that don't care as much about what car you drive or if you wear designer clothes - I could care less, I make my own money. But no scrubs allowed!

[CAT11]

As a woman who has been dancing her whole life, in some situations with a 1:5 ratio, I say go for it!
I know most of us would fall all over any guy that came to dance with us... You have the strategic advantage.
I would say this is one of the best ways to meet women. The odds are in your favor, and we are all a bunch of saps for guys that dance.

[Maximus]

Thanks again for the advice. I know what you mean about the "bump and grind" scene, I was talking more about "real" dancing. I don't really mind at all asking a girl to dance, especially if I know I'm good. I know women definitely prefer a guy who has "skills". I guess what I was getting at below was that after seeing so many before me get shot down, what would be the point in even talking to them? None I think.

Ok, so there's two types of Salsa - Mambo & Merengue. I've heard Mambo is the more traditional, with more "kicking"; Merengue is a lot of "steps" and sounds more popular. Any suggestions?

Also, how does the partner thing work? I've heard they switch you around a lot. What's the ratio as far as people who bring a partner vs. those who don't (my freind wants to do it with me but he's a guy). I'm going to do it regardless, but I'm a little uneasy about being one of the few single people there.

[faithmykal]

About the dance class, I honestly think 98% of the people there are single. I've only noticed two couples that look like they are a "couple". The first night men stood on one side of the room and women on the other to learn the basic steps for the first 1/2 hour or so. Then, the women got in a large circle (because there were more of them) and the men went and "asked a woman to dance" - basically stood in front of someone. Our teacher showed us a basic stance or hold - where to put our arms and such - and we tried a basic step. Then the men rotate one to the left and we do it again. By the end of the night I had "danced" with every man in the class.
You have on nametags and it is fairly light and easy since everyone is there to learn and on the same foot - so to speak. I think our teacher explained the difference between Salsa Mambo and Salsa Merengue, but I can't remember what she said. If you go to the Latin clubs and pay attention to how people dance, either one should seem familiar to you.
Bring your buddy, I'm sure a few of the guys in there are friends, just like some of the women do it as a group of two or three.
Another perk is the practice nights, a couple of nights per week after class you can stay and practice (for about $3) and they provide refreshments, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic. That is a good way to meet some of the people in the more advanced classes and/or practice with somone you might think is interesting.
I think your idea about not approaching those girls was correct. Sometimes there is power in numbers and they may have just been trying to see how many they could "get" for the night. Who knows, but why risk it on an obvious rejection possibility.
Let me know if you have some more questions!

[Maximus]

Well, I signed up for the Merengue class today (thanks again for the input), even thought the class doesn't start till Sept. I figure I might as well do it now so I can't convince myself not to by the time Sept rolls around. Plus, I'm going to Spain in Aug and that was the only other time they had the class (I can't wait!). I guess I'll let you know how it goes - hope we can talk again sometime!!

As for this thread goes, I'd still love to hear any other suggestions for meeting other singles!!:D

[CAT11]

I wish I could help you with your Salsa problem, but I can't for the life of me remember. Must be getting old, or have been dropped on my head too many times...and I am a part time dance teacher....
Anyway, unless it says partner required to register, you don't need one. Even if you do bring a partner to these classes, you will dance with everyone. For one, it makes it more social, and two, it makes you a better dancer.
About meeting other singles, I think taking a night class in something that interests you and you never got to study is great.
Which I guess is along the lines of the dance class, now that I think about it.
If I was single, I would hang out at places where the kind of people I want to meet would be at. Bookstores, coffee shops, concerts, art galleries, that type of thing.
It also never hurts to tell your friends you are looking.
I would also consider a personal ad, sort of as a way to screen the bs.

[Maximus]

Oh boy, we got a Longhorn in on this discussion. Sorry, but I'm maroon & white through and through!! :) Gig 'em!! Just kidding, most of my good freinds went to UT - don't tell anyone, but I actually kind of wish I had gone there......I think I may have fit in better with a more "liberal" crowd.

More great suggestions! Personally, I've already tried many of the things CAT mentions below (and they're all good ideas!). As for the volunteering idea, I agree, great suggestion! I've already signed up for Habitat 4 Humanity (I was in a service frat in college). I guess I was trying to think of more "out-of-the-ordinary" ways to meet people.

I was looking at the website for the dance class I'm taking and there were some interesting statistics. There were something like 30 couples that met last year and ended up getting married!! That's pretty impressive! Although, it does tend to generate some pressure. I mean, what if I take this class and I don't end up meeting someone? (no, I'm not in a rush to get married right away, but you know what I mean) I know I shouldn't think about it like that, but I'm 27 now and it just seems like every event like this is a test. It's like this little voice in my head is telling me "is this going to be it?", "am I going to meet the 'one'?". I know that sounds fairly neurotic, but I guess since I've gotten older, each year closer to 30 just seems like a countdown. It's like I have this pre-conceived notion that if I don't find someone by the time I'm 30, it's too late!! Am I the only one that feels like this? Ok, I may be exaggerating a bit, but I do sorta feel like that sometimes:rolleyes:

[CAT11]

The marriage stats are a riot.
Dancing, I am sure you will find, brings on a lot of sexual chemistry. I was touched in some personal places as far as doing lifts and stuff long before any dude ever touched me....
I wound up dating a guy that I was in love with for like three years from dance. We dated for two months...it was a disaster.
Anyway, just be careful. It can blindside you. If you meet someone, make sure you do other things with that person that are dance related. I know some sucessful dance marriages, especially folk dancers.
I would try a personal ad if I was looking.
I am glad you are dancing. Maybe there is hope for the guys around here. :)

[faithmykal]

I don't know if this is good or bad, but at 26, almost 27, I've planned my life like I possibly won't get married. I know things don't ever work out like they've been planned, but my goals are things like buying a house between 30 and 32 and having a child around 35, married or not.

I drive myself nuts already thinking about all of my friends beginning to hook up and marry off, not to mention parental and family pressure. Thinking in terms of never marrying at least gives me assurance of my independence and reminds me to stay grounded and not get my hopes up thinking every Tom, Dick, and Jerry might be the one.

It is really hard most of the time - as I'm sure most of you know - but I'm just trying to hold out for what I need, not just what I'll settle for.

[squirmy]

I've heard that life begins at 30, anyway.

[Maximus]

Don't even get me started on the "all my freinds hooking up" issue. I had 6 really close buddies in college and we actually made bets one time on who would get married first vs who would still be single. Needless to say, my buddy and I are the only ones left! I agree, I think there's way to much pressure out there these days to get married (from freinds, family, society in general). I mean, it's like being single is some kind of contagious disease, or that "single" is a dirty word (there's actually an interesting website out there that talks about "rights" for single people). It probably wouldn't be as much of an issue for me if there wasn't so much pressure. And my mom, oh man, every time I talk to her - "so have you met anyone yet", "no?, why not, are you trying to meet someone?" I mean, come on.......and my dad - he was a military man; he "met" someone at just about every base he was stationed at in his day - I won't even go into his words of wisdom!

As for the planning to be single thing, I know what you mean. I've tried to live my life a couple times based on the contention that I may never meet someone. But, honestly, it drives me nuts!! I mean, personally, just thinking about the possibilty that I may never meet someone just plain SUCKS!! There's always this annoying thing in my subconcious called "HOPE". I guess that's what having faith is all about - but it's so damn hard to have patience each additional year that passes.

I also get the "life begins at 30" line, "you're still young". I think this may fall into the same category as the "don't worry, it'll happen", "just be patient", and my personal favorite "God has a plan for you". Somehow all these "inspirational" words of wisdom fail to motivate me........:rolleyes:

By the way CAT, what kind of dance class were you taking? - sounds like my kind of party! :D

[CAT11]

Hehee. I have had 6yrs ballet, 4yrs tap, 3 yrs jazz, 3yrs performance folk dance, and 2 yrs competitive Irish dance.
It is the folk dance that gets funny. Folk dance is defined as any dance the people of a country do. We had an American time line where we did disco, swing, lindy, cakewalk, twist, all the fun stuff that defined America. When you do some of the lifts is when you get the hands between the legs.
The sexual chemistry can be a Latin thing for sure. Dances that are naturally sensuous are the ones that get crazy. Rumba, samba, cha cha, salsa. And the Tango is always everyones favorite. Ever seen Scent of a Woman?
I don't know. I love to waltz. To each his own.
I have wound up doing a flip and had my skirt over some guys face. Can be brutal. :)

[Maximus]

Stop it! You're driving me crazy!;)

[CAT11]

What you are forgetting here is that the only way skirt could be over some ones head was if my butt was also up the air for everyone and thier grandma to see. One of my more flattering moments.
Good thing I was wearing dance pants.

[squirmy]

Lo siento, Max, didn't mean to offend. "Life begins at 30" was meant to be consoling, not inspirational. If it's any further consolation, just think of people out there who are in their 40s and 50s and never married. But you sound like a good enough guy that that won't happen to you (once again, not to be inspirational, but merely consoling!).

Anyway, I'll stop before putting my foot in my mouth again.

[Maximus]

No problema chica, I appreciate the consolation, you didn't offend me at all....I know people who usually say those lines mean well. I guess I was just trying to convey that after hearing them so many times, it would be nice if some of them actually came true!

Man, I don't want to even think about being one of those peole in their 40s never having met someone. Honestly, I think I'd have a real problem with getting to be that old and still be single - that scares the @%#& out of me!! Nevertheless, I know you're just trying to be compassionate - thanks again:)

By the way, Weirdbrake - I felt the exact same way when I was 23......I wasn't referring so much to marriage below (I'm not ready either!), but more to the extent of just meeting someone special (of course if it leads to marriage so be it!). I could be totally wrong, but your view may change after a few years if you're still single......give it time.

[CAT11]

I seem to know more single men than women. Now I know there are suppose to be more of us ladies out there, but we must all be hooked up, at least around here.
Anyone else notice that?

[Unregistered]

Uh, no. Everywhere I go seems to have more free women than men. It's funny how just about every time there's a guy I think is worth getting to know, it turns out he's in a relationship.

But here's another remedy: for the really adventurous, how about one of those 1- or 2-week long expeditions? You can go to these far away and obscure places and see a lot of natural treasures. There's one where you climb up a mountain range, look down and see the curvature of the earth. Something to do if you've got the time and the money. Sure sounds like a great bonding experience for the group.

Or, you can always make a fool of yourself on one of those TV dating shows (ugh!!).

[Unregistered]

Weirdbrake, I think it's okay to hold on to your perspective about not separating love and sex. The two really do go hand in hand. Maybe guys and girls see it differently, though. Or maybe it's a difference between people who have gone through it already and others who have yet to. Anyway, just want to reaffirm your position.

[squirmy]

That last one was me, by the way.

[Maximus]

Unregistered (squirmy?) - I'm interested to hear where you go to see all these single women? Personally,I agree with CAT, most of the places I've been so far seem just the opposite.

By the way, is it just me? Or are those tv dating shows really annoying? In particular the ones like elimidate & change of heart - are people out there really that shallow!!?

[squirmy]

Hmm, Max, let's see, what were the suggestions I gave before on your original post. . . church and volunteering? :) Geez, I really need to get out more.

I can't stand Elimidate and Change of Heart, either!!! It's like you're watching the same show over and over again, only the people are different. Seriously, I can't believe there are people making money off of that trash.

[Maximus]

I watched 'singled out' also, but only because of the hosts - I mean, with Jenny McCarthy & Carmen Elektra, how could you not watch?;) Maybe thats a bit sexist, but I think the guys will back me up on that one!

By the way, i think we may drifting off topic here, oh well.....this has been a good discussion so far!!:)

[manicmonkie]

This thread right here is about being single, so I thought about asking a question that's been bothering my mind, and probably a few others as well. The problem I am having is not being able to see love in my future. Im' a decent looking guy who has a great direction in his life ,but for some reason i lack all self esteem that one needs in order to attract a girl. Because i don't see why i have even had 2 girlfriends so far. I am 22 and i'm about ot move to a new school out of state where i'll be getting a degree and master's in architecture. I don't think a girl will be interested in an out-of-state poor guy who will be busy studying his ass off so he'll be able to make it in this world. Is my view of the next 4 years of my life as a single man unreasonable? I don't mean that girls are after money, i definitely don't mean that. What I mean is that I personally like treating a girl well and taking her out on dates, but I won't be able to do so, or at least very seldomly. Will a girl be interested anyways? Somebody please help me out. The thought of being alone for the next 4-5 years is driving me nuts and putting more fuel on my depression's fire. Please respond, all is appreciated.

[Margo]

I wouldn't worry too much about not having enough money to take girls out. As a girl, I of course love to be taken on nice dates, but if I really like a guy, I just want to spend time with him, what the date is really doesn't matter. It sounds as if you're an ambitious guy, which in my opinion should count for more than being able to pay for loads of expensive dates. (I know other girls who feel this way too). And to tell the truth, some of the nicest dates I've been on have probably cost the least. It doesn't take much imagination to go out to a great restaurant. Thinking up something creative that you know the two of you would enjoy together is likely to impress her a lot more. Depending on where you live, there is usually plenty of free or cheap things to do if you take the time to look into them. Anyway, don't feel like you'll be spending the next few years dateless and alone simply because you're low on cash. Girls are more understanding about things like this than you might think :) -M

[manicmonkie]

thank you. i really needed to hear a girl's opinion. i really dont' think that low of girls that they are all money grubbers. I like treating girls with respect and making them feel good. And if I can do that with thoughtfulness and a little less money, then I'm all set. One question left though. Say i meet a cool girl and we both want to go out, how do i bring it up without making her feel bad or me sounding cheap? I really appreciate the advice.

[princess0fpowr]

manic, i would just tell her that you're a little short on cash...like margo said, girls are more understanding than you think...one of the characteristics of being in college is that you're poor...if the girl isn't compassionate about that, then she's not very cool to begin with and not worth pursuing, in my opinion...girls should accept you for who you are and appreciate you just for you...i know i sound idealistic and naive, but there are a lot of girls out there who won't think any less of you just cause you don't have a fat bank account...the fact that you know what you want to do with your life and are actually making it happen is so much more respectful, to me at least, than someone who relies too much on impressing girls with their money or other material things...it's all about personality and honesty...a girl should never make you feel bad for being honest and upfront...and don't feel cheap either...at least you're being realistic about what you're capable of and what you can afford...

by the way, you said you're getting a masters in architecture...i've been seriously thinking of going for a masters in architecture...would you be willing to answer a few questions?...

[Phoenix]

I agree w/ Princess & Margo - if the girl knows you're studying for a master's and you're coming from out of state, then one would hope she'd understand that you don't have a lot of money to burn. Not that you don't want to treat her well but can't afford fancy dinners.

Initially, on the first date, I'd say try to do something casual but inexpensive - esp. if you're just getting to know them. I think almost all of my first dates that were coffee dates or dessert dates. That way, we didn't have to go out and sit thru an entire meal if we didn't like each other/felt uncomfortable - nor was it that expensive. And I didn't feel they were being cheap at all - I thought nothing of it (i.e. I wasn't wondering why he hadn't taken me out to dinner instead).

After having a few more dates and being more comfortable, when I lived in the dorm, one of the guys I dated came over and we cooked dinner for ourselves in the kitchen. That was pretty fun, the food was great, and it wasn't all that expensive (it cost us about $20 to make lasagna - half of what it'd cost to go out to eat). And we also had enough leftovers to last us for the week.

Other suggestions for dates - surprise her with a picnic lunch, rent a movie instead of going out to one all the time (or use your student ID to lower cost), take advantage of activities on campus since you're going back to school (art shows, bands playing, movies at the student center, playing games in the student center if you have an arcade/pool tables, etc.)

[manicmonkie]

You guys rock. I truly appreciate the feedback on this one. Getting 3 girls' opinions on this so quickly has given me a much better outlook on the next 4 years. I am cool with having to work a little harder to make the dates more special instead of expensive. The important thing for me is that she is having fun. Also there is a mountain that is 15 minutes away from my campus, so we can go hiking too which is always fun. Thanks again.

[graveworm]

manic, you shouldn't worry so much about what you could do on a date or how you could impress someone. you seem to be a nice person, so they'll like you anyway.
i always find it interesting to hear about the way americans 'date'. to me it seems to be so formal, like the man needs to pick up the girl at eight at her house, so her father can have a look at him..... i mean this is way exaggerating, but in europe it never is like this. and as a girl you are rarely invited to an expensive dinner on a first date - one reason for this is that the boys don't want to give the impression that they want to 'buy' you. i think girls would also react somehow suspicious about being invited on an expensive, extraordinary thing, cause the would think 'this man has nothing else to offer me but his money'.
so, here on your first date you either go for a drink in a nice bar, you go to a party. if it is summer you might sit in the park or for a romantic walk along the river. (of course not at night)
anyway, manic, i do not think you will have a problem at all with ideas for a nice date, especially if you don't have money - because you HAVE to imagine something and every girl will appreciate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!