solitude equals depression

[manicmonkie]

The love of my life left me 6 months ago. We were together for 7 months and even though the situation was completely messed up, i fell deeply in love with her; deeper in love than i thought i'd ever be with anybody. Her dad is a bigot and didn't want me seeing her so i only got to be with her once a week at work. How can such a messed up situation spawn such a deep love? Now that it is over, I am horribly depressed. This is normal I know, but not 6 months later. I feel like I should be fine and ready to move on with my life; but i'm far from that state. The fact is I hate being alone. One reason is that dread that I won't find a love like that ever again. The other is that I don't feel very good about myself even though I have accomplished a lot in my short 21 years on this earth. I feel worthless and I have a hard time seeing why I have had girlfriends. I am a normal person, nice and helpful to most people. Anybody know how to boost one's own morale? Also anybody know how to pull oneself out of depression? The other night I felt like shooting myself in the head. I won't of course, because of what it'd do to my mom. Then my ex called (she still works at my job) to talk to my boss/roommate. I answered the phone cause he'd gone to bed. Just from hearing her voice, I went into a blind rage and started punching this table over and over again as hard as i could till my knuckles bled. I think i should see a psychiatrist but my mom doesn't think so. She just thinks i need to move somewhere else to leave this all behind and concentrate on getting my architecture degree. I personally think I have a chemical imbalance, because i have massive mood swings constantly. My brain also feels like it's fighting itself constantly. And i have a headache that is ongoing 24/7. Somebody please help me out. I am willing to give advice to people who need it as well, just ask. Thank you very much.

[1glamourgal]

MANIC--

Please go see a psychiatrist! Don't listen to your mom! Mom's do not want to admit that their children may need help beyond what they can do. I know, my mom did the same to me when my husband died. She still fights with me about how I do not need medications to help me with my depression but when I listen to her, i feel rotten! When I listen to my psychiatrist, I feel much better! Go talk to one and see what she says and let the "expert" help you out! Follow your gut and you'll be ok!

Jenn

[M4A1]

Manic,

I think I remember you said that you are enrolled at a college in some other post. If so, please check with a psychiatric counselor on campus right away. Since you are a student, you will get a huge discount. It'll only be like $10 per session.

I can relate to your anger problem to some extent... Have you considered joining a gym? or study martial arts? I would look into these things. They are great stress relievers. Certain disciplines like Aikido and Tai-Chi promote tranquility. They are defensive oriented and are the most ancient, effective, way of dealing with this chemical imbalance.

Weight training can help easing your aggression, and it is most effective if you can find someone to train with you, you can keep each other motivated.

But to eliminate the problem, you have to attack the root. Please check with a counselor and see what he/she might have to say. And keep in mind that problems will only get worse if you are overwhelmed with your own emotion. Work on the ability to assess the situation calmly, and if the situation is truly impossible or will take too much effort with minimal return then just ignore it.

[Lipgloss Boost]

not fun, eh? when i graduated, i got dumped. the guy figured it would be easier than having a long-distance relationship. like you, i *honestly* thought my heart was broken! i was w/ my ex- as long as you had been w/ this young woman.

my mom said i was depressed because she was a bad parent. i told her she wasn't & that this wasn't why i was upset. she said that it was & manipulated me around the bend, "You don't know how I suffer when you hurt! it must be because of me!" *she* is why i see a psychiatrist! *wink* it took me 18 months. i didn't talk to anyone about it; i internalized it. i figured "well! that was The One. so i guess i should start the career going" since my BA was useless (hence why i moved home after university instead of getting a job!).

then i went to a wedding. i met a young man who was miserable; he wasn't happy with his girlfriend. they'd been together 7 years & it wasn't working. what he didn't know (& i was told by the bride & groom) was his girlfriend was using "i want to wait until marriage" as a pawn to get him to stay, that she was that dedicated to him. oh yeah - & she was banging some other guy behind his back. *rubs face* suffice to say - he ended-up finding out 8 months later through another friend. but Hon', i felt something for this guy. i thought my heart was *broken*. & i felt guilty for feeling something.... when i thought Mark was The One.

like i said: 8 months later this guy found out about his now ex-, cheating on him. he went to the couple's house (who got married the weekend we met) & asked if "that cute little bridesmaid was still single" (me!). that 8 months gave us both some time to sort some personal shit through. i saw there was life after Mark. he saw there was more to life than Shannon.

TAKE ALL THE TIIME YOU NEED! we're all here for you: or i know i am. it's *aweful* what you're going through. i think it's worse for men though. i've seen my best friend get ripped to shreds by women: & i saw what Shannon did to my bf. i do argee w/ your mom on getting away. i wanted contact w/ Mark, but i'm glad i didn't. it hurt to hear everyone was still hanging out with him, but i wasn't welcome & had to deal with that.

take care: let us know!

[Unregistered]

The only and most rational thing you would do is go see a doctor who has specialized on mental disorders. If you are in chronic depression or you have manic depression, you cannot snap out of it. This is impossible. You will either need counseling or medication or both. Let me remind you that both of these are mental disorders that have treatments. So there is nothing to be ashamed of. If you still feel uncomfortable, search the Net to find out what percent of the population has this problem. You will be surprised.

One more comment...this one is sbout finding "The One." There are 6 billion people on this planet, and since you are looking for a female, let's say there are 3 billion. Considering your age, we can say that there are hundreds of millions of girls that you can have a relationship with. Well, if you're in America, then this number drops to tens of millions. So how come one can think that he or she will find "The One"? I think The One may be in movies like The Matrix, but in real world, there is no The One. If you are in search of her, you will be disappointed. There are many girls whom you can believe are The One. What you have to do is try to meet as many girls as you can, keep on searching, and when you feel ready, settle down with a girl that you really believe is "one of the" best chocies for you. She will have some characteristics that you won't like--this is for sure. So what I would recommend is that you drop ideas imposed on the society by Hollywood, and make a rational choice. If you are depressed, you will need to have a positive outlook anyway.

Best of luck.

[Phil]

Hi there.

I've had two depressions the most serious was over Christmas and New Year. I know what you're talking about and going through.

Luckily for me I was still in touch with my doctor from the first time. So I contacted him and got on to some medication. I felt better quite soon afterwards but then it slows down and becomes a more steady progression. I was very down, life not worth living, nothing to look forward to etc.

I talked to a psycotherapist for a while. Although it wasn't ideal it did get a lot of anger (about my employer) off my chest so I felt I could go out and meet new people / old friends without wanting to disappear into my shell and disappear for ever. A listening ear and the medication were very helpful. From there I've identified that I could really do with some on going guidance about my wants and desires for life. I'm in the UK but I've seen that theres a life coach available through this board. Maybe when you're feeling better contact them.

Things do get better so hang in there and remember you're not alone.

[lioness524]

Manic, I can relate to a lot of the things that you're going through. I think have an anxiety disorder that makes me do things like excessive worrying, restlessness, and I also get irritable easily and am oversensitive. I'm pretty sure I have a chemical imbalance and need to see a therapist sometime about it. It does interfere with my daily life and I have a hard time concentrating on things. What I would do if I were you is to check out some counselors on campus, they offer some of the best health care around for a reasonably low price. They'll really help you quite a bit, and if you talk your problems out to somebody you will feel a LOT better. Also talk to friends and family about what you're going through... maybe they can do something for you as well. But if you do go on medication be prepared for the side effects... I'm currently taking Levoxyl for my thyroid and it initially made be gain about fifteen pounds...

[manicmonkie]

I really appreciate your response to my post. You bring up a good point, and once i get to my new school, I will talk to somebody. I think my main problem is yours as well. I worry constantly about being alone and think that I won't be in love ever again. It's not that I'm not attractive. I've been told by my ex that a lot of girls in her school thought I was hot. I have made girls blush so much they had to turn away, just from me smiling at them. Heck I even made a girl stall her car when i was driving to school. But for some reason I can't imagine another girl wanting me. I have very poor self esteem and I know it's a result of my depression, but I don't know how to get my self esteem back. Any help with that would be appreciated. Thanks again for responding. Aaron.