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View Full Version : How often do you see your SO?



Radgirl
11-01-2004, 06:00 PM
How often do you see your bf or gf? How long have you gone without seeing them because your schedule got in the way or you made your priorities different?

gluegun
11-01-2004, 06:08 PM
My SO travels for work one week of every month. He also works late one or two nights a week. On Tuesday nights he has poker with the guys and I go to dance class. Other than that we are pretty much together.

The longest we have been apart was when I spent one month in China.

Radgirl
11-01-2004, 06:11 PM
Glue, do you guys live together?

gluegun
11-01-2004, 06:13 PM
yup

bigboom
11-01-2004, 06:14 PM
well i see my car pretty much every day...sometimes when its snowing out i wont see it for a couple days but other than that id say at least 5 times a week :D

Radgirl
11-01-2004, 06:14 PM
Yeah, that makes a huge difference. If I lived with mine, it wouldn't be an issue.

gluegun
11-01-2004, 06:18 PM
What seems to be the problem RadGirl?

Radgirl
11-01-2004, 06:24 PM
Perhaps I'm begin very childish about this, but during the week, I'm lucky to see my bf a couple of hours a night due to work and not living together (weekends are different). Well, now he wants to start working out with a buddy of his, at night. I feel left behind/abandoned (sorry, I have huge issues with this).

gluegun
11-01-2004, 06:26 PM
Do you sleep over at each others' houses?

I would be careful about discouraging this guy from working out with his buddy. It is pretty reasonable for him to want to do that.

Radgirl
11-01-2004, 06:33 PM
Yes we do. Why careful? I think I'm just being selfish and I need to get that in check.

cheshrcarol
11-01-2004, 06:36 PM
Is it his work schedule that gets in the way, or both of yours?

gluegun
11-01-2004, 06:37 PM
Be careful not to be too needy. Like I said, it is perfectly reasonable for your SO to want to work out after work. Why try to deny him of this?

wordsmith
11-01-2004, 06:40 PM
I've never lived with an S.O. and I've also never had an S.O. that I've seen daily, at least not since the college days. In fact, when my most recent BF moved an hour away for work, I saw him one day a week.

I'm okay with not seeing somebody daily at this stage. Talking to them every couple of days or so is nice, but it's not really necessary that I see them every day. I expect that will change at some point, but I'm not really there right now.

Radgirl
11-01-2004, 06:40 PM
Well, I work your typical day. He works all over the place. I accept that he has to work (even on Saturday and Sunday mornings which cut into doing anything even remotely fun). I don't mind that he works out with his buddy, but is every night, like at 8: 00 p.m.

gluegun
11-01-2004, 06:46 PM
Are you thinking of telling him that you don't want him to do it?

I guess this problem is a little bit hard for me to relate to. My SO and I have always been very supportive of each other's hobbies and interests. I think that is why this particular guy is such a good match for me. We're both very encouraging when somebody has a new "self-improvement" project. However, maybe I'd feel different if I were in your position and felt like we already weren't spending enough time together.

Radgirl
11-01-2004, 06:54 PM
I've thought about telling him how I feel, but now I don't know. If we were married, this wouldn't be a topic at all. But, it's really hard when you only see a person a couple of hours a day, are not able to spend that much of the weeknd with them, and now they want to go off and do something with somone else. When he has to work, I understand. But this just feels like a kick in the teeth.

Radgirl
11-01-2004, 06:55 PM
I certainly plan my day around seeing him and maybe I need to stop.

cheshrcarol
11-01-2004, 06:58 PM
Well, maybe you should just talk to him about wanting to see more of him during the week, and instead of coming right out and saying "I don't want you to work out with so-and-so at night anymore".

gluegun
11-01-2004, 06:59 PM
Why would it be different if you were married? because you would be living together?

I agree that you need to stop planning your day around seeing him. I think that relationships are most healthy when both people have a lot of outside interests. Maybe you should perceive his wanting to work out in the evenings as a great opportunity for you to do something for yourself. Maybe you should work out, or read a good book, or catch up with your friends.

libscigrl
11-01-2004, 11:55 PM
I see my bf about 1-3 times/wk. I just don't have the time or energy for more than that.

I think if he's wanting to work out w/ his buddy 1-2 nights/wk, that seems reasonable. If he wants to work out every single week night and see you only on weekends, that depends on how much time you're used to now. Do you guys normally see e/o nearly every night?

Phoenix
11-01-2004, 11:57 PM
Originally posted by Radgirl
I think I'm just being selfish and I need to get that in check.

Not selfish, but probably unreasonable. You see him for a few hours every day? I can't think of a SO I've had that I saw daily.

I do think you need to spend some time developing your own interest/hobbies and, as you mentioned, stop planning your day around him. If you aren't available, you aren't available. Same for him.

MOS9904
11-02-2004, 10:31 AM
All the SOs Ive had.....
In high school he went to another school so we only saw one another one night a week for about 5 hours....but talked on the phone nightly.

College----
Frosh year....he went to another school an hour away....so we hung out Saturday - Sunday evening.
Soph year----he lived 1.5 hours away----hung out on weekends only.....and maybe once a week if I was home on vacation
Junior year----dated......but really only hung out on Friday or Saturday nights
Senior year---dated then had a steady SO....still only on weekend nights.

After graduation.....we lived 1 hour apart......we would hang out on weekends only.
Occasionally we would meet up during the week but rarely.

I couldnt handle seeing someone every day or really even during the week. Im too busy, typically the guy Im dating is too busy....and I get bored. LoL

pisces2473
11-02-2004, 10:33 AM
I see my BF on Wed. nights and on the weekend.

shimmer728
11-02-2004, 12:10 PM
I see my boyfriend every weekend.

Empressallie
11-02-2004, 01:10 PM
in past relationships we did the weekend only thing due to work/school. WIth my bf now we see one another almost everyday. We live about 6 blocks from one another so its easy to hang out for a couple hours or make dinner together. We have lots of sleepovers too. ALthough I enjoy this i think we would find our time together more special if we didnt hang out so much. Last weekend he went to VT and my family came to visit me in Boston. We had a few days apart and on monday we had tons to talk about. It was kind of nice.
On the other hand though, knowing you can can deal with someone on a daily basis is important. WIth my last bf, who i saw 2 times a week, i thought i was going to scream after 4 or 5 days together during the holidays.

As for the working out thing, why dont you grab a girlfriend and go to the gym too! or do yoga, or just grab a cup of coffee. Remember the sand in the palm story, the more you hold on to something the more likely it is to slip away. Allow space, he'll appreciate it (he better!)

kitalyn414
11-02-2004, 01:40 PM
i only see my boyfriend on the weekends. i usually drive over to his place (30-60 minutes away depending on traffic) on friday evening after work & stay down there until monday morning.

tina1979
11-02-2004, 01:47 PM
Originally posted by old_school_soul
.. I don't think that's healthy unless you are living with the person or are married. It's a great way to develop a co-dependent relationship.

Its not really all that healthy then either. Everybody needs thier breathing room, espeecialy when married or living together

gluegun
11-02-2004, 02:14 PM
Its not really all that healthy then either. Everybody needs thier breathing room, espeecialy when married or living together

I agree. My SO's work schedule has been the saving grace of our relationship.

Radgirl
11-02-2004, 02:56 PM
I guess I view things a little differently. To me, personally, if I am to only see my bf on the weekends or sporadically throughout the week, I don't really consider that a relationship. To me, that sounds more like my friend, nothing more serious than that. But again, that's me.

However, I do have to agree with people on having time alone and such. I'm a firm believer in that. I don't care if he works out with his friend. In fact, I'm happy he does, but I don't want to get lost in the mix of it. I speak from experience because he's done this to me before and it's not pleasant to have other's picked over you, the gf.

coll214
11-02-2004, 03:28 PM
I guess you should view it at as the quality of the time you spend together, rather than the quantity, as hokey as that sounds. I've found if i'm dating someone and we don't have a lot of time to spend together b/c of what's going on in our own seperate lives, when we are together, the time is more valuable... BTW, i've never dated anyone where i've seen them every single day... talk on the phone, at least, yes. and it's a relationship if the two of you are committed to it, regardless of how much time you spend together. the stories i could tell on some of the relationships i see all the time :p ....

gluegun
11-02-2004, 04:08 PM
I speak from experience because he's done this to me before and it's not pleasant to have other's picked over you, the gf.

What sort of problems have you had in the past? Don't take this the wrong way but isn't it normal to pick your friends over your significant other from time to time? I mean, being in a relationship isn't synonymous with being joined at the hip.

Phoenix
11-02-2004, 08:14 PM
Originally posted by Radgirl
I speak from experience because he's done this to me before and it's not pleasant to have other's picked over you, the gf.

No offense, but it sounds like your past experiences have made you really insecure about it. You need to be secure about yourself and within your relationship. Clinging to him won't help that. In fact, I think it will drive him further away.

Radgirl
11-03-2004, 11:36 AM
Unfortunately, I have never been clingy with him. In fact, that was a problem for a while, because I kept my distance for such a long time. Basically, I never "let my heart go". Now that I am, I'm having a hard time. I guess these are matters of the heart that I'm forced to figure out and deal with. Thanks to everyone for your input.