Alright everybody....this needs to be said

[maxwell78]

Alright. I hesitate doing even doing this because I know I'm probably going to get my ass handed to me for it, but...well...I'm feeling saucy today. ;)

I think we all need to relax a little bit here. The amount of venom on this board has gone up dramatically in the last few days. I realize a lot of it has to do with the hightened emotion of the election and everything else. But I've also noticed that it's starting to spill over into other things. Rough comments are being made all over the place. The tension level is way too high. People are posting things and getting their heads ripped off for it. It's just not right. It's not fair to them.

Look, you may not agree with everything that is said here. That's fine. But, please, when you want to disagree just do it respectfully. I think that's all anyone asks. There's no point in trying to convince anyone how intellectually superior you are. We're all smart. One of the things that makes this board work is that we are all equals here. Point out your disagreement and move on.

I hope I haven't made any enemies by doing this, but something is wrong. When people start leaving because they don't feel welcome, something's broken. We just need to relax a little bit...breathe....have a drink...whatever. Kid gloves everybody, kid gloves.

[WeirdBrake]

I completely, wholeheartedly, and totally support and agree with everything you said in this post. I couldn't have said it better myself.

[cheshrcarol]

Maxwell, I agree that it can't hurt for us all to relax, and I agree that a lot of it is because of the election. And I don't want to sound like I'm jumping all over you for saying this - But in regards to the person who felt they need to leave, I don't think you can say that person was completely blameless and the mean QLC board attacked without provocation. That person repeatedly posted inflammatory remarks and now wants to leave because his rude statements weren't taken without comment by the members here and extreme views weren't shared.

Respect is a 2-way street, to receive it you must also give it.

[maxwell78]

Carol, I absolutely agree. It most definately is a two-way street and if the boards hadn't gone down right after I posted, I would have edited my post to reflect that. And I want you to know too that I certainly didn't post this to pick on anyone. Nobody is off the hook on this thing.

That said, I'm not even really talking about the politics threads. It's almost to be expected in that kind of environment. However, people have been getting roughed up in dating threads and other places. That's what really got me thinking about it. I love the fact that I can come here and talk to people about stuff I could never bring myself to talk to my friends about and get an honest assessment without getting raked over the coals. If we ever lose that...boy, what's the point?

[kitalyn414]

how come i am always oblivious to this stuff?

that being said... i think that we should also be a little lenient with eachother & understand that a lot of people are left with a bad taste in their mouths after this election, and that is spilling over to other aspects of our lives. sometimes people say things out of frustration that they don't really mean.

[stonemonkey]

Originally posted by kitalyn414
a lot of people are left with a bad taste in their mouths after this election,

i like to call it a case of 'electile disfunction' ;)

[shimmer728]

Maxwell, I completely agree as well. This is exactly why I avoid getting involved in most political discussions. More often than not, these "discussions" just end in mud-slinging and frustration. I'm not going to waste my time.

[Phoenix]

Frankly, I think a lot of the frustration and issue is the politics forum. Granted, a lot of it probably had to do with the election, but we had this same issue last time. I move to have it removed from the site again.

I've been feeling some of the way that Max described about the boards and it's affected my own attitude and replies. I'm starting to feel really disgusted with being here in general. If the atmosphere doesn't improve, I have no problem leaving the site and the negativity.

[kimmer23]

i too have stayed away from the boards for the same reason. it just seems so hostile lately.

[stonemonkey]

if you don't like what you see in the politics forum, don't go there. that's what i do. but i think ppl do want to express themselves (passionately) there, as is apparent by the non-stop activity there. i'd be hesitant to take that away from them.

[Phoenix]

Generally I don't, but I think it's the root of the problem stoney -- the animosity spills over into other areas of the site. People don't know how to control themselves or end up saying things in the heat of the moment and then are posting apologies to other members.

[stonemonkey]

yeah, i see what you mean by 'interforum animosity spillage'.

ditching the politics forum is definitely an option, sure, i mean, it's not the first time. it just seems to me that the animosity's always been there below the surface, it just took the forum to bring it out.

maybe things will calm down now that the election's over. i sure hope it does.

[WeirdBrake]

http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=6218

[stonemonkey]

on completely different note, how come nobody commented on maxwell78 describing himself as 'saucy' in the original post?

and i'm the one who's always accused of 'breaking and entering'? how does that work? :)

[maxwell78]

As an aside...

I didn't post this to get the politics forum shut down either. I think it can serve a good and valuable purpose. Although I don't post in there much, I'm always interested in what you guys have to say on politics. Old political science major habits die hard. haha. But, I just think everyone needs to just relax a little and think before they post. No one is trying to persecute anyone else. No one is trying to pick on anybody. Just relax. It's okay.

[Phoenix]

Originally posted by stonemonkey
on completely different note, how come nobody commented on maxwell78 describing himself as 'saucy' in the original post?

Um, that's because it's a given, stoney. :rolleyes: :D

Originally posted by stonemonkey
and i'm the one who's always accused of 'breaking and entering'? how does that work? :)

Because you're the only one guilty of it. Easy...first you break in and then you enter.

[stonemonkey]

i think of it as fulfilling my civic duty

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by Phoenix
Generally I don't, but I think it's the root of the problem stoney -- the animosity spills over into other areas of the site. People don't know how to control themselves or end up saying things in the heat of the moment and then are posting apologies to other members.
True...but there are some people who've posted asinine comments...and then there are people who have been jerks and continue to do so. When half of the board is talking about one person, via PMs, what does that say?

[iwannascream2]

Pisces, I am now curious who is this person.

It is not me I hope!

I kinda got pissed off yesterday at some ignorant comments that were made too. Some of these topics make peoples blood boil.

[pisces2473]

Oh, don't worry, Scream2! I'm not talking about yesterday...I'm talking about the past year or so on the boards...

[MOS9904]

I think that if the board is talking about one person via PMs that there are indeed cliques, and that people are singled out.

Sometimes it seems that this place can be very similar to high school. The unpopular opinion is prosecuted rather than talked about. People band together, talk about others, and form cliques.

Maybe its how boards run, maybe its just how life runs, but it still seems that from people posting on these boards...some of you have had rough times with those exact issues....gossip, cliques, friends....why then would it still be brought into a place like this?

[Phoenix]

Why do you assume there's a clique if, as Jen said, there are people who have warranted legitimate comments and concern from other members? It's natural for people to talk about it. If quite a few people on the boards are PMing about one topic, to me it says there's something that sparked it. Not because they feel like being gossips.

Part of what the boards should be providing is honesty and not just people want to hear. There ARE people on this board who have been jerks to other members and continue to do so.

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by Phoenix
Why do you assume there's a clique if, as Jen said, there are people who have warranted legitimate comments and concern from other members? It's natural for people to talk about it. If quite a few people on the boards are PMing about one topic, to me it says there's something that sparked it. Not because they feel like being gossips.

Part of what the boards should be providing is honesty and not just people want to hear. There ARE people on this board who have been jerks to other members and continue to do so.
Exactly. I've been the recipient of MANY a PM from you guys about a few people--it seems like any time something goes wrong, it's "IM Pisces." LOL I love you guys, so it's all good. The people who are jerks and remain here even though they have been called out on their jerky behavior spark debate and discussion because they are bothering people. That's all. It's not "Oh, Phoenix said she's taking voice lessons. What a weirdo! Let me send that to everyone I talk to! Hehehehe." It's more of "This person is an ass! I can't believe they are telling poor MemberXYZ what to do or they are being so insensitive to their feelings. I wonder if anyone else sees this, or if I'm being too sensitive?"

[MOS9904]

"When half of the board is talking about one person, via PMs, what does that say?"

To me and from my life experience, if people talk about someone there is some type of clique happening.
Its never nice to talk behind peoples backs, even if you dont like what is being said. Sure its going to happen but to post that its happening publically.....makes me sad to think others are talking behind peoples backs. To me thats just not kind.

[Crimson King II]

It usually means I've pissed someone off again......


Lighten up everyone! We're all okay, and we're all going to be okay....go out and make it a good Friday!

[Phoenix]

Originally posted by MOS9904
[BIts never nice to talk behind peoples backs, even if you dont like what is being said. Sure its going to happen but to post that its happening publically.....makes me sad to think others are talking behind peoples backs. To me thats just not kind. [/B]

And I'm absolutely sure you aren't guilty of ever doing this.

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by MOS9904
"When half of the board is talking about one person, via PMs, what does that say?"

To me and from my life experience, if people talk about someone there is some type of clique happening.
Its never nice to talk behind peoples backs, even if you dont like what is being said. Sure its going to happen but to post that its happening publically.....makes me sad to think others are talking behind peoples backs. To me thats just not kind.
If it bothers you so much, why do you stay here? You say you like to hear people's thoughts and opinions on things...well, one of them is that we "gossip" or talk about things that bother us via PM's...

So either stay and deal with it, or leave. But you'll find it everywhere.

[MOS9904]

Yes I do like to hear peoples opinions and thoughts on things....mainly topics that are posted and being discussed. I didnt realize that posting on here meant that people might talk behind one anothers backs.

Pheonix....I dont talk behind peoples backs. Having had rotten experiences seeing how it effected other people, or over hearing things being said....I dont think its a kind thing to do so I dont partake in it.

[pisces2473]

Wow, you never take a sick day and you never talk behind people's backs!?

Call the Pope--we've got a saint who's still living!!!

[MOS9904]

Not saying Im perfect.....and I never said I DONT take a sick day but that I check mail and voice mail and feel guilty not being in the office.....
And no I dont talk behind peoples backs....it serves no purpose for me, its not entertaining.

And your last post comes across as snide, is that what you intended?

[MetFanL]

I think most of the people on this board are well aware of the fact that there are people that post here that know each other "in real life." If you are outside of that, so what? If you don't want to talk about people over PM, then don't participate. It's not that hard. But, like in most other aspects of your life, you must assume or know that occasionally, people are going to talk about you. Maybe it's to vent about something. Maybe it's to get a reality check on whether they are overreacting or not before they post a response. It's not that big of a deal.

From my perspective, I only occasionally PM people on this board, mostly for the sanity check. But, I don't say anything over PM that I don't turn around and post in response.

As for max's original post, the tension on this board as of late really has been mostly election stuff. Which, I kind of find refreshing b/c most people accuse our generation of not being passionate about the issues. And, yes, the person who most recently left b/c of this tension was not an innocent party, either. Politics and religion are two things that people tend not to discuss because agreement and compromise on those subjects is very difficult. I'm not for getting rid of the political board, b/c, IMO, it's nice to keep that discussion out of the rest of the topics. You only read it if you want to and it's easily avoided.

[wordsmith]

I agree with met in that for a generation of so-called uninformed, apathetic people, participation on the politics forum seems to indicate that we're anything but. I don't think shutting down a forum is the answer. I think a little bit of self-control, when it comes to issues where nerves can be exposed (and yes, I am as guilty of this as the next person) is.

People DO need to remain respectful. Unfortunately, any time disrespect is pointed out on a thread, it turns into a shitstorm that deteriorates into personal attacks. There never seems to be any point in addressing an issue on a thread and have it thoughfully considered. And if people then DON'T call someone's conduct out on a thread, but instead vent about it to other posters, it becomes, "QLC is cliquey," which I don't agree with. We might joke about a "QLC underground," but the truth is that most of the posters don't know one another from Adam, and the only "connections" going on are whether or not words somebody typed on a screen from some unknown cubicle resonate with you. It's not an effing conspiracy. Deal.

There's GOT to be a more productive way to handle the conflict that is inevitably going to arise in a community of hundreds of frequently participating members from various life's experiences.

[cheshrcarol]

I think that talking about what is said here is just natural. How do we all "know" eachother? Because of this board. So I don't see anything weird about pm-ing someone and commenting on a post here.

And as for the nastiness spilling on to other forums besides politics, maybe I'm kind of oblivious but I haven't noticed anything. I think most of us may argue about something on one thread, and at the same time have a perfectly friendly conversation on another topic with the same people.

[Phoenix]

PM = PRIVATE MESSAGE

Meaning...you have the freedom to say what you want and not post it to the community. What you say there is your business.

[pisces2473]

Agreed to Carol and Phoenix.

If you feel it's cliquey, it's only b/c you made it that way (and MOS this to EVERYONE, not just YOU, so don't take it that I'm singling you out). Join in and post, we won't bite. Some of you newcomers feel like old friends now. If anyone's wondering how people have gotten to know each other better, it's because we took things off the boards via email, IM, even phone and in person. The closer people get, the more that is discussed. So when WB pisses me off about his damn watch, I'm gonna commisserate with Shimmer, lol.

[wordsmith]

Originally posted by cheshrcarol
And as for the nastiness spilling on to other forums besides politics, maybe I'm kind of oblivious but I haven't noticed anything. I think most of us may argue about something on one thread, and at the same time have a perfectly friendly conversation on another topic with the same people.

I haven't, either, carol. Maybe I'm just not on the threads where it's going on.

[tina1979]

Hey Max-
Well, said.:)

[wordsmith]

Also, I do think if there seems to be "animosity spillage" from one thread or forum to another, it seems likely that somebody who's being an asshat in relation to one particular issue might well have the propensity to be an asshat in relation to another. So it might not be misplaced reactions...it might just be someone being an "across the board" (pun intended) offender.

[cheshrcarol]

There's something about the insult asshat that just cracks me up every time.

[coll214]

I think too that when alot of people have been coming regularly to one board for a length of time, it's only natural there's going to start to feel like they know people a little bit...

I've noticed a bit of the animosity, but well sh*t happens sometimes. We really don't know what's going on in someone's lives which could be spilling into how they post.

Now i don't use PM that much either, but the whole point of it is so that other people can discuss w/ each other things they don't wanted posted publicly... and if that involves another member so be it. some people may not like the sound of it, but that's life. It's like anything else, if you don't want anyone to talk about something you said, don't say it.