men- some adivce

[kitalyn414]

take us out on dates. after we have been your girlfriend for a while, it would still be nice for you to plan an evening out once every blue moon. and when we even go so far as to tell you, "i want you to take me out on a date," then JUST DO IT! plan something for god sakes! :mad:

[wordsmith]

It's been a zillion years since I was in a long-term relationship, but I agree, kita. You never get so used to somebody that thoughtful surprises aren't appreciated. Treating somebody to something special is ALWAYS appropriate.

[kitalyn414]

i've had a crappy week & i have been telling my boyfriend for about 3 weeks that i would like to have a date night. something other than sitting on the couch watching everything that got saved up on tivo during the week. i just told him that again on the phone & he was like, "well, what do you want to do?" "you know it is supposed to rain." "do you want to hang out in your neighborhood or mine?" "where do you want to go?"

I DONT WANT TO MAKE ANY DECISIONS! i asked him to plan it, why is it so hard? he has taken me on dates before.

[stonemonkey]

are you letting him know that this indecision is impinging on his masculinity?

[kitalyn414]

how am i supposed to express that?

[stonemonkey]

"honey, if you were a real man you'd be able to do something as simple as plan a night out for us on your own..."

i dunno, ppl really shouldn't take relationship advice from me, i'm just thinking aloud.

[kitalyn414]

yeah i don't think that would go over so well. how about "take me to dinner or face eternal pussydom?"

[Deadend]

Advice in return then.

When we make said plans. DON'T FUCKING COMPLAIN!!!!

I think some woman have this idea that we're going to plan everything, and then it goes off without of hitch. Or if there is a cockup, it will only serve to facilitate somthing romanic like an in-car snog in the rain or somthing.

Sometimes the movie sucks, sometimes you just can't find a damned coffee shop near the theatre. Sometimes we could have swore that romantic waterfall as around here somewhere.......

Know what I mean?

Anyways, don't want to sound too bitter, and you're probably right that it's too easy to get stuck in a rut and not do anything exciting.

Oh ya, but don't ask for that when we're speanding the rest of the week complaining about being broke.

Thank you.

[shimmer728]

After 6 months of dating, my boyfriend still takes me out every weekend.........though not to the movies. ;) One thing I've always appreciated is that he DOES have opinions about where he wants to go, etc. It seems like most guys that I've dated have always just said, "Oh, I don't care, whatever you want to do," whenever we talked plans. Annoying!

[WeirdBrake]

I treat her like the princess she thinks she is.... um... oops... I mean..... I treat her like the princess I know she is. :D

And, regarding what Deadend said, one thing I appreciate is that when there's a screw up or inconvenience (like taking a wrong turn and winding up slightly lost as we're both irritably hungry and on our way to a restaurant for a very late breakfast), she'll have a sense of humor about it. She won't whine or complain (except in an adorably cute, girlish way).

[stonemonkey]

Originally posted by WeirdBrake
one thing I appreciate is that when there's a screw up or inconvenience (like taking a wrong turn and winding up slightly lost as we're both irritably hungry and on our way to a restaurant for a very late breakfast), she'll have a sense of humor about it. She won't whine or complain (except in an adorably cute, girlish way).

definitely, my girlfriend (who i've yet to meet) appreciates the 'life is what happens to you when you're making plans for something else' idea.

she's the one laughing her ass off when we get drenched in the rain having a picnic. she's the one puts her head on my shoulder to sleep when we're stranded at an airport terminal with lost luggage and cancelled flights, because none of that really matters, as long as we're in it together. she's the one who relishes in the adventure and feeling of discovery when i get us both lost in a new city where we don't speak the language, and have a hell of a time trying to ask for directions from the locals.

[maxwell78]

Originally posted by WeirdBrake
She won't whine or complain (except in an adorably cute, girlish way).
Yeah! Isn't that awesome when they do that? :D

Puppy dog looks too. ;)

[pisces2473]

LOL I get the opposite--"Honey will you pick something for ONCE?"

But my parents, who have been married almost 28 years, still have this problem--my mom wishes my dad would plan something.

[shimmer728]

And kita, I agree with you that it's wonderful to be taken out on dates. I'm more than willing to help out with the tab, as long as we can go somewhere. I've had boyfriends who wanted to do nothing but sit in my apartment (or worse, his parents' house!!). When I complained to my boyfriend J. that we never did anything, he said I was too hyper and antsy and had to constantly be entertained. This is not true. I'm fine with low-key evenings. But feeding me once in a while would have been nice. :twisted:

[Deadend]

See that's just it, isn't it? It's not just about "being fun" or knowing what to do.

We know how to have fun, and we know what to do!!

But you're not exactly going to be happy with pitchers and wings at the sports bar, a joint on the beach, or playstation until two in the morning are you?

It's not about the man's choice, it's about testing to see if the man's choice matches what the woman's choice would be anyways.

That is why we ask.

[wordsmith]

Shimmer and WB, you guys are semi-long distance...I think couples who have limited time spent together are less inclined to "waste" what time they do have (excluding my moron ex who took the ONE day a week we had to spend together after he moved for a job and spent it zoning out to televised football, that is). So it's not surprising that you guys haven't hit a point where one/both party/ies get(s) comfortable and stop(s) planning niceties. I think it's more often a dilemma of couples who spend a lot of time together, or have for years, or whatever.

An aside to the guy respondents...Do you REALLY have a lot of experience with women you take out bitching and whining about the stuff you plan? I can't eve imagine doing that. I'm just surprised if it's a commonplace occurrence.

[tina1979]

Originally posted by Deadend
See that's just it, isn't it? It's not just about "being fun" or knowing what to do.

We know how to have fun, and we know what to do!!

But you're not exactly going to be happy with pitchers and wings at the sports bar, a joint on the beach, or playstation until two in the morning are you?

It's not about the man's choice, it's about testing to see if the man's choice matches what the woman's choice would be anyways.

That is why we ask.

Thats not entirely true. I don't mind hanging out at a sports bar( just don't give me beer, I hate it) I wouldn't mind hanging on a beach (don't do drugs though) and I damn sure don't mind playing playstation til 2 in the morning. I suck at it, but I have a blast doing it. That being said....If it isn't so hard for me to play playstation and do shots with you at the bar, why can't you do something I want everyonce in awhile without being huffy about it and pretty much sending out the message that ou don't want to be there? (sorry, you being men in general)

[coll214]

Originally posted by tina1979
Thats not entirely true. I don't mind hanging out at a sports bar( just don't give me beer, I hate it) I wouldn't mind hanging on a beach (don't do drugs though) and I damn sure don't mind playing playstation til 2 in the morning. I suck at it, but I have a blast doing it. That being said....If it isn't so hard for me to play playstation and do shots with you at the bar, why can't you do something I want everyonce in awhile without being huffy about it and pretty much sending out the message that ou don't want to be there? (sorry, you being men in general)

what tina said... :p

I'll also add don't agree to do something I want to do when you told me to plan it, and then try and reneg at the last minute for something else...

[Deadend]

why can't you do something I want everyonce in awhile without being huffy about it and pretty much sending out the message that ou don't want to be there?

I have not problem with that at all! (unless it's getting monotenous, but let's pretend said activitiy is rather rare).

But wasn't the topic how men need to plan and come up with the evening, not delegating any of the decisions to the woman? If it's what you want to do, why do we have to come up with it?

Which is my point, the request isn't just to plan somthing, it's to plan what you want, without being allowed any reconansence as to what that might be.

[pisces2473]

I find it hard to decide what I want to do...it's easier to do "guy things," go to "guy movies" than have my BF do the opposite. Maybe I haven't asked or something? I don't know...I think I'm more open to fishing than my BF is to painting pottery...

Do you ladies find this too?

[MetFanL]

Here's is my thing. When planning stuff with ANYONE, I don't want to hear "I don't know, what do you want to do?" I HATE that. I used to plan everything and people would b*tch, so now I ask for input before I do anything. Not exact detail, but at least give me the kind of mood you're in...

And, if it's a date thing, if you ask me, you plan it. Period. I won't sit there and b*tch. I can make the best out of anything and it's the fact that you went to the trouble. Seriously. If it's really horrible, it'll just become a private joke.

If I'm inviting you out, I'll plan it. No big deal.

oh, and I've never been opposed to sitting home and watching a movie, playing playstation, etc. I usually try to make that VERY clear upfront b/c, while I'm high maintenance looks- or style-wise (or whatever you want to call it), I'm actually pretty easy-going when it comes to hanging out.

[wordsmith]

If I start to hear a lot of "I don't know, what do you want to do," I start to feel as if perhaps the guy I'm seeing doesn't have a lot of interests, and that's the kiss of death. I have TONS of very diverse interests, so it's not going to last for me to be with somebody who's, well, to be blunt, boring or dull. If you don't show some kind of imagination with me, it's not going to last long. That doesn't mean that everything we do has to be a smash hit. If something turns out to not have been that much fun? Oh, well. Next time we'll do something different. The point is that we're trying different things. It's when you run out of ideas for things to do that I get the red flag that you're either not that interesting, or not interested enough in me to bother.

[Deadend]

Originally posted by pisces2473
I find it hard to decide what I want to do...it's easier to do "guy things," go to "guy movies" than have my BF do the opposite. Maybe I haven't asked or something? I don't know...I think I'm more open to fishing than my BF is to painting pottery...

Do you ladies find this too?

I have to admit, most movies I like might be considered "chick flicks". Foreign and brainy at the least. I actually avoid seeing movies with alot of my friends and my Dad for that exact reason.

[maxwell78]

Originally posted by tina1979


Thats not entirely true. I don't mind hanging out at a sports bar( just don't give me beer, I hate it) I wouldn't mind hanging on a beach (don't do drugs though) and I damn sure don't mind playing playstation til 2 in the morning. I suck at it, but I have a blast doing it. That being said....If it isn't so hard for me to play playstation and do shots with you at the bar, why can't you do something I want everyonce in awhile without being huffy about it and pretty much sending out the message that ou don't want to be there? (sorry, you being men in general)
Sports bars...playstation till 2am...shots. Truly a girl after my own heart. ;)

Memphis is way too far though. You're really going to have to come here! :twisted:

[and1grad]

This kinda strikes a nerve with me...b/c a lot of times its the woman who wants to go somewhere (assuming you're in some form of relationship) and I gotta figure out something for us to do. Why is the burden ALWAYS on me? Doesnt the woman have some clue of what she wants to do? I think it goes both ways. If you dont have any opinion on what you want to do but you want to go out, dont fault me for asking you what the hell it is you want to do.

On the dating front, yes...I will come to the table with SOMETHING. But i'm gonna ask you if you have any ideas b/c for the most part, I probly dont KNOW you. If you dont have any, I guess its fair for me to assume you to be boring and unimaginative.

[wordsmith]

Originally posted by and1grad
This kinda strikes a nerve with me...b/c a lot of times its the woman who wants to go somewhere (assuming you're in some form of relationship) and I gotta figure out something for us to do. Why is the burden ALWAYS on me? Doesnt the woman have some clue of what she wants to do? I think it goes both ways. If you dont have any opinion on what you want to do but you want to go out, dont fault me for asking you what the hell it is you want to do.

On the dating front, yes...I will come to the table with SOMETHING. But i'm gonna ask you if you have any ideas b/c for the most part, I probly dont KNOW you. If you dont have any, I guess its fair for me to assume you to be boring and unimaginative.

Nope, you're assuming that I expect the guy to be the one always coming up with stuff, and I didn't say that at all. I try to ALWAYS have ideas for something to do, even when I'm going out with friends. It definitely goes both ways.

And, yes, I would completely assume that a woman that is all "I don't know, what do you wanna do," is boring and unimaginative as well. That's absolutely fair. I just didn't point that out, because, well, I don't date women, and I was speaking from my own experience, in first person.

I totally agree.

[stonemonkey]

Originally posted by lily


Interesting how it's all about you two travelling together...

i guess the picnic one's not really travelling. but yeah, it's kinda weird how i associate happiness with being somewhere else.

[Crimson King II]

C and I are going out tonight. Dinner and a movie, with ice cream and coffee to follow....

[wordsmith]

That sounds like a nice date.

[Crimson King II]

Yeah. I'm hopin' to get lucky.

;)

[wordsmith]

Can't fault a guy there. Choose your movie strategically.

[Crimson King II]

Ladder 49.

[maxwell78]

Originally posted by Crimson King II
Ladder 49.

That doesn't sound like a "get laid" movie. Haha. ;)

[kitalyn414]

what are some examples of "get laid" movies?



i saw "kinsey" last night. that is definitely one.

[wordsmith]

No, I can see that working as a "get laid" movie...anything where emotions run high...

Though I lean toward suspenseful, sexy thrillers...like this one w/ Denzel...

[Crimson King II]

Well...I plan on putting on a fireman's hat later....

[and1grad]

*grabs pen and pad* :neutral:

[wordsmith]

There ya go.

[maxwell78]

Originally posted by Crimson King II
Well...I plan on putting on a fireman's hat later....
LOL! Well I stand corrected then. haha.

[and1grad]

*patiently waiting for the list to continue*

[wordsmith]

Start a thread for it, Casanova!

[Crimson King II]

Girls love Mask.

[wordsmith]

Chicks dig it.

[maxwell78]

No, no no. Chicks dig the long ball. Or so says Nike. haha.

[Deadend]

Congradulations.... this thread, started in the spirit of estrogen, now absolutly oozes testosterone.

[tina1979]

Originally posted by maxwell78

Sports bars...playstation till 2am...shots. Truly a girl after my own heart. ;)

Memphis is way too far though. You're really going to have to come here! :twisted:

Theres always Vegas;)

[and1grad]

*rubs hands together...in order to begin winding "rumor mill"*

[maxwell78]

LOL! No need for the rumor mill. Just a little harmless flirtation. :D