How long till u call?

[tiredofphilly11]

So after you give your number to a guy or girl you just met (in a non-drinking location) how long do u think it should take for the person to actually call you? I'm done with playing games with men and was wondering if the 2-day rule is still in existence or if a guy really likes you he'll call the next day.

[maxwell78]

I'd wait a day. But that's just me. And I've seen Swingers more times than I can count. :D

[WeirdBrake]

If a guy doesn't call you within three days, forget about him because he's probably not interested. If he calls within 2 or 3 days, he could be super interested but might be trying to play it cool.

[stonemonkey]

i'm just gonna have a rant abt these stupid, stupid 'games'. does it not seem illogical that you're supposed to appear uninterested in ppl who you ARE interested in? what i really want to know is what girls think of guys who call the next day, do they think: 'jeez, what a loser, he must have no life, calling me so soon.' or 'wow, he seems to like me, he must be REALLY desperate.'

[WeirdBrake]

Originally posted by stonemonkey
i'm just gonna have a rant abt these stupid, stupid 'games'. does it not seem illogical that you're supposed to appear uninterested in ppl who you ARE interested in? what i really want to know is what girls think of guys who call the next day, do they think: 'jeez, what a loser, he must have no life, calling me so soon.' or 'wow, he seems to like me, he must be REALLY desperate.'

The whole modern dating game for 20 somethings is one huge, stupid, illogical game.

[Deadend]

Originally posted by WeirdBrake


The whole modern dating game for 20 somethings is one huge, stupid, illogical game.

The whole LIFE for 20 somethings is one huge, stupid, illogical game.

[WeirdBrake]

The whole LIFE for 20 somethings is one huge, stupid, illogical game.

Hence this website. ;)

[Deadend]

You know what's really funny? Two years ago.... the last time I asked for a Date with someone I wasn't already seeing, the answer I got was.

"Ok let's date, but no games".


Hahahahaha!

that relationship lasted as long as it did because of games


How young and niave we were.....

[lorion11]

Originally posted by stonemonkey
what i really want to know is what girls think of guys who call the next day, do they think: 'jeez, what a loser, he must have no life, calling me so soon.' or 'wow, he seems to like me, he must be REALLY desperate.'

Speaking as a girl I think it is completely fine if a guy calls the next day or the day after the next day. This shows that he is interested in you as a person, at least. The only way a guy can really look desperate is if he calls EVERY day after the day you first meet. It makes girls feel really good if we realize a guy liked us enough to call the day after they met us.

And speaking of the games people play in dating... I don't see how games really help anyone... It just makes everyone more confused... if you think someone is playing games then you feel the need to play the game too... which only leads to more games and more confusion...

Basicly - if you like a girl call her and ask her out. Either she wants to go out with you too or she doesnt. Either way try to avoid games... I think more girls would appreciate this....

[pisces2473]

Someone might have said this already, but if you like him and want to call him, DO IT.

PICK UP THE PHONE.
CALL HIM.

Don't play games.

[and1grad]

Originally posted by WeirdBrake
The whole modern dating game for 20 somethings is one huge, stupid, illogical game.

Bump

Originally posted by Deadend
The whole LIFE for 20 somethings is one huge, stupid, illogical game.

Set

Originally posted by WeirdBrake


Hence this website. ;)

SPIKE!

[stonemonkey]

Originally posted by pisces2473
Someone might have said this already, but if you like him and want to call him, DO IT.

PICK UP THE PHONE.
CALL HIM.

Don't play games.

the assumption throughout this thread (and maybe in real life) has been that the guy is supposed to call the girl after a certain time period after first contact, according to the 'rules'.

[and1grad]

Personally, I call from the car and say that I was just checking to make sure that this number was real and not some pizza place. Only b/c if it were a pizza place, I would still ask for her.
Example:
Pizza Place: Pizza Commando! We march to your ORDER!!
Me: Umm...hello. Is uh...Peggy around?
Pizza Place: I'm sorry?
Me: Peggy....she told me to call her here.
Pizza Place: Nah...sorry, dude. That sux. How bout a discount on an order of buffalo wings?
Me: SCORE!!

[lorion11]

Originally posted by stonemonkey
the assumption throughout this thread (and maybe in real life) has been that the guy is supposed to call the girl after a certain time period after first contact, according to the 'rules'.

Are you saying that guys are supposed to call first?

[WeirdBrake]

And1grad, duuuuuude, everything to you Californians is just one big game of beach volleyball, isn't it?

the assumption throughout this thread (and maybe in real life) has been that the guy is supposed to call the girl after a certain time period after first contact, according to the 'rules'.

Yep, pretty much.

"Ok let's date, but no games".

See, here's what's goofy about saying that to a prospective date: If the other person is a game player, obviously he or she will lie about not playing games. If the other person is not a game player, then it will be completely unnecessary and will only serve to make the other person think, "Oh great, another jaded, suspicious individual who's been burned and will probably treat me with icy paranoia."

[tiredofphilly11]

i firmly believe guys should call first.

i love how guys now will ask for your number and then call that number while u are standing there to i guess a)make sure its a real number and b)give you their number (i guess in hopes that u'll be the man and call them? ugh who knows)

[lorion11]

Originally posted by WeirdBrake
make the other person think, "Oh great, another jaded, suspicious individual who's been burned and will probably treat me with icy paranoia."

that is too funny..... its sad that I know people (including myself) who have felt this way before and have been on both sides.....

[shimmer728]

In my experience, the guys who claim they're not players--that they're just nice guys who want to find themselves a nice girl--are the biggest players of all. I've said this a million times, but if I heard a guy say he's just a "nice guy" or he's "too nice for his own good," I would go running in the opposite direction.

I can honestly say I've never played games with an SO or someone I was legitimately interested in dating. I have fake-numbered a few drunks I met out at the bars, though.

[and1grad]

Originally posted by WeirdBrake
And1grad, duuuuuude, everything to you Californians is just one big game of beach volleyball, isn't it?


At least the Air Force isnt trying to shoot down our neighborhood schools, Jersey. What was THAT all about?

I love it how women absolve themselves from taking ANY initiative and then complain about being single.

[maxwell78]

Originally posted by and1grad
I love it how women absolve themselves from taking ANY initiative and then complain about being single.
YEAH!!!

*cowers under desk in anticipation of the impending onslaught*

[Phoenix]

Don't 'support' if you can't front the comments, Max!! :cool:

[stonemonkey]

this is terrible, it's like a mexican stand-off, or a nuclear arms race. we can't unilaterally disarm. both sides need to end the game-playing simultaneously or the cycle begins again.

[and1grad]

max,
MAN UP!!!:razz:

[and1grad]

I dont think the game playin will ever end.

[Deadend]

Originally posted by stonemonkey
this is terrible, it's like a mexican stand-off, or a nuclear arms race. we can't unilaterally disarm. both sides need to end the game-playing simultaneously or the cycle begins again.

Why can't we make love, not war?

[lorion11]

Originally posted by and1grad
I love it how women absolve themselves from taking ANY initiative and then complain about being single.

I can understand why you say this... but I can say as a girl I don't mind taking the initiative but when I have nothing really came of it... but I've always been willing to go up to a guy and start a conversation... doesn't bother me at all

[stonemonkey]

it's a cycle that feeds itself, nobody actually wants to 'play', but because everyone else is 'playing', we have to as well.

i don't mind taking the initiative either, but nothing has ever come from that either.

[WeirdBrake]

I love it how women absolve themselves from taking ANY initiative and then complain about being single.

So true, and1grad! So true! I agree, and so does Allison. :)

[tina1979]

Originally posted by and1grad
I love it how women absolve themselves from taking ANY initiative and then complain about being single.
I would have to say that there are alot of guys out there with the same problem.

[and1grad]

Its rather lopsided tho. I mean, women have the best of both worlds. You can approach a man without him automatically thinking you're crazy or worse PLUS be approached. How many men here can say they've been approached and how often? Its like once in a blue moon...if you're lucky. I just find it hard to believe that this whole dating game is as hard for women as it is for men.

[tina1979]

trust me its not easy waiting to be approached and there is a certain strategy to get the guy you are interested in to notice you.
my problem is they notice me, then they treat me like one of the guys

[stonemonkey]

not to take the girls' side here, but at least guys can take direct action if we see a girl we like. the standard strategy for girls is to stand there and look pretty.

[and1grad]

Its not like girls couldnt take up that strategy. Thats part of my point.

I'm not trying to say girls have it easy. I just dont buy that they have it as hard.

[tina1979]

Originally posted by stonemonkey
not to take the girls' side here, but at least guys can take direct action if we see a girl we like. the standard strategy for girls is to stand there and look pretty.
don't forget bat our lashes and swish our hair;)

I have made pretty direct moves before, apprently I'm just hitting on the wrong guys

[One on One]

tina,

What are some strategies girls use to get noticed? I think I know most of the usual ones, but I'd like to hear what you say.

[Phoenix]

Me too. I think I need A strategy... :p :D

[tina1979]

NO, No, I'm not getting drug into this one. No strategy advice from me. My strategies are apparently all wrong otherwise I wouldn't be single now..:D

Everybody know the eye contact and smile, if the guy doesn't make a move quick enough you go to the "bathroom" just be sure that you brush by him on your way there and give him a flirty smile (This one works for my sister alot) Her theory is lots of eye contact and come hither looks and she pretty much has guys crawling all over her. Oh and when she dances she makes sure she catches the guys eye wherever he might be then do a little something while watching him so it makes it seem like shes doing it just for him, although she is probably dancing with another of her followers.

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by tiredofphilly11
i firmly believe guys should call first.

i love how guys now will ask for your number and then call that number while u are standing there to i guess a)make sure its a real number and b)give you their number (i guess in hopes that u'll be the man and call them? ugh who knows)
NO!!!!

If you like the guy and want to talk to them, just effing CALL THEM. Don't BS around.

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by and1grad
I love it how women absolve themselves from taking ANY initiative and then complain about being single.
Amen. And I'm a woman! But if I wanted to talk to the guy, I would call.

End the bullshit ladies. You like the guy? CALL HIM.

[pisces2473]

I know, I've been there! But isn't it better to get it over with, than to wait for HIM to call?

[lorion11]

Originally posted by lily
Soooo much easier said that done!

Plus there's the new theory out there that says girls are not supposed to call first anyway (ie.. the "He's Just not Into You" Book)... and if we do call first we never find out if they really liked us in the first place... but then the guys out there think "how do we even know if they like us" and it gets more and more confusing...

[MetFanL]

I love it how women absolve themselves from taking ANY initiative and then complain about being single.

Bullsh*t. IMO, the dude should call me first and take some initiative. If you can't even handle picking up the phone to call me, I take it as a sign that you're weak and you won't be able to handle me, anyway.

If I've given you a green light, you should call me. Besides, after we've been dating, I'm sure I'll be doing all the planning anyway... You can do a little bit, initially.

[pisces2473]

I meant my comment for when you've met a guy. gone out with him maybe once...and you liked him. If you want to call him, call him. Not calling some random guy!

[pisces2473]

Maybe they were...I don't know, I didn't read through it very well, lol. I'm just saying that after you've gone out once (or more) and you want to call him, just do it. Don't play games.

[coll214]

If a dude like you, he should call, bottom line. If he waits too long though, forget it. I see no issues w/ the next day...

[lorion11]

Originally posted by coll214
If he waits too long though, forget it. I see no issues w/ the next day...

Oooh.. I have a story in regards to this... I've known this guy on and off for seven years.. and every once in awhile we run into each other... well a few months ago I was stood up in a wedding and he was one of the guests... I talked to him for awhile because it was good too see him... well he asked for my number and I gave it to him... well he waited over 5 weeks to call... sometime later he told a mutual friend of ours that he doesn't understand why I don't seem interested in him anymore... this put me in a weird situation because I'm not even that sure I was ever interested, let alone ever showed it, plus we missed the "more then friends" boat a long time ago ... I still run into him and he flirts with me a lot more than I feel comfortable with... I'm trying to figure out how to nicely tell him that we'll never be anything more than friends...

[tiredofphilly11]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by MetFanL
[B]

Bullsh*t. IMO, the dude should call me first and take some initiative. If you can't even handle picking up the phone to call me, I take it as a sign that you're weak and you won't be able to handle me, anyway.


AMEN! If a guy doesn't have the balls to call me in the first place then either a) he's just not that into me or b) he is such a lazy apathetic ass that i don't even want him in the first place.

[wordsmith]

I have had guys call me BEFORE I even get home. Like, I give the number, get home, and there's a message waiting. Do I think they're pathetic or desperate? Not at all. I'm flattered. If it's somebody I've given the gentle letdown to and he keeps calling again and again and again, that's another story. But do women really think guys look bad if they call right away? I think that's a fallacy, myself. I'm flattered if a guy is enthusiastic enough to call right away.

I have no problem calling a guy. But I'm more likely to call one if we've been out and it went well, than if I just got his number randomly WHILE out. If that's the case, he can call me. I generally don't call guys without some indication that they might be interested.

[tina1979]

Originally posted by wordsmith
I generally don't call guys without some indication that they might be interested.

I wholeheartdly agree! A guy has to make the first move if I am gonna put any effort in something that I m ight have just thought was there.

[tiredofphilly11]

i've given the excuse "oh he's just shy" way too many times for calling a guy first or waiting around for that stupid phone to ring. lets be honest if a guy is really into you (even if he's shy) he WILL call or at least try to get in contact via email or aim.

[tina1979]

yep. I agree. Some sort of an effort must be put forth so I know its worth my time and energy

[MetFanL]

Yeah... for me, shyness is a deal breaker. Usually, if you're shy, you'll let me walk all over you and that's just boring...

After we've been hanging out, I don't mind calling. In fact, I'll be doing that later tonight. ;)

[wordsmith]

Not me. I love shy. It intrigues me.

[Deadend]

Shy and spineless are two completely differant things, really.

And yes, spineless is boring.

[wordsmith]

Completely different things.

[and1grad]

The hypocrisy on this thread would be interesting if it werent just sad. So as long as HE's proactive THEN its ok. God forbid a woman put herself in that role. I suppose its only ok for men to risk rejection b/c if a woman was in that role...well she might be proven to be lazy & apathetic. Good thing you get to wait for the call.

[wordsmith]

As I was just telling a friend, the bottom line is that whoever makes the first move risks being shot down. The playing field is level there. No one gender relishes the thought of being shot down any more than the other. Nobody has the corner market on risk of humiliation.

[MetFanL]

The hypocrisy on this thread would be interesting if it werent just sad. So as long as HE's proactive THEN its ok. God forbid a woman put herself in that role. I suppose its only ok for men to risk rejection b/c if a woman was in that role...well she might be proven to be lazy & apathetic. Good thing you get to wait for the call.

I think that's an unfair assessment of what I'm saying. I usually have to initiate conversation b/c I've been deemed "unapproachable" by a lot of people. Fine. Done.

I'll give a very clear green light. "Here is my number. I would like to hang out again. Give me a call if you want." Easy.

All the dude has to do is pick up the phone, initially. If you're not interested, don't call. Easy enough.

All you have to do is make one initial phone call. I really don't think that's expecting too much.

And, waiting for the call? I love when guys assume that I'll be waiting by the phone for your phone call...

[and1grad]

So you're not even gonna be there? *sigh* ;) The only thing worse than the pressure of that first call is having to leave a message. Ok Met, your sitch is different tho. YOU approach. How many others can say the same? You're probably more of a minority on this thread than I am.

[MetFanL]

LOL, and1...

You really think leaving a message is the hard part?? If it's first time call, I ALWAYS pray for vm out of fear that we won't have enough to talk about on the phone or we'll talk too much on the phone that we won't have anything to talk about when we hang out...

Regardless of who does the approaching, it really comes down to who exchanged what. If the only person with digits is the guy, he's got to do the calling. If you exchange, that leaves too much uncertainty on whose "job" it is to make initial contact. That's why, I usually give my card/number/whatever to them and don't take theirs. It just gives a clear signal that (1) I'm interested b/c you wouldn't get my number if I wasn't and (2) it's his job to make that initial contact.

[tina1979]

Originally posted by MetFanL
LOL, and1...

You really think leaving a message is the hard part?? If it's first time call, I ALWAYS pray for vm out of fear that we won't have enough to talk about on the phone or we'll talk too much on the phone that we won't have anything to talk about when we hang out...

I soooo do the same thing. Especially the first couple of calls. I don't want to feel like I am bothering somebody.

[and1grad]

Honestly, Its about a 1000 times easier for me to talk to somebody than to leave a voicemail. I'm exclusively entertaining...so I never have to worry about being boring. Exclusively entertaining...I like that.

[WeirdBrake]

The hypocrisy on this thread would be interesting if it werent just sad. So as long as HE's proactive THEN its ok. God forbid a woman put herself in that role. I suppose its only ok for men to risk rejection b/c if a woman was in that role...well she might be proven to be lazy & apathetic.

Tell it like it is, and1!

People should absolutely not complain about nor judge the opposite sex for "not having the balls" to be proactive if they themselves aren't proactive. It's a two-way street. Being "shy" is no excuse. I mean, it IS an excuse, but if you're shy, you don't get to criticize the opposite sex for being shy, either. Otherwise, you're just being sexist and imposing a double standard.

[MetFanL]

Have any of you girls/guys ever given out/received the rejection hotline number?

Just curious... I think it's bit of a copout b/c I'd rather just be upfront about not being interested, but I have a few friends who use it regularly to get their message across with having to actually tell it to someone's face.
http://rejectionhotline.com/numbers_and_cities.php?age=27&submit=Show+Me+The+Damn+Numbers+Already%21%21%21

[tina1979]

Originally posted by MetFanL
Have any of you girls/guys ever given out/received the rejection hotline number?


I have never used it, but a friend of mine came across the number and we called it. Its hilarious. Have you ever listened to it?
I guess it wouldn't be so funny if someone gave it to you though..

[tiredofphilly11]

I so agree to praying i get the person's VM!! It is much easier leaving a short and sweet cutsy message instead of talking to the person.

Let's be honest here about who should call first. I would certainly not mind if we lived in a society where there was zero assumption on what gender should call first. Unfortunately we do still live in a culture where a good majority of men (not all of course) enjoy PURSUING the woman. Maybe this will change but I think if a guy is really into you he will want to call you first and ask you out asap.

[gia]

Hmmm...well, I never give my number out. If I'm really interested I have to take his number. I've had a borderline stalker ex in the past, so now I avoid giving my number to strangers.

A lot of the guys I'm attracted to are shy and supposedly I am intimidating, so I have done quite a bit of approaching. They are the type who might get around to letting me know eventually, but I don't want to wait. I really enjoy approaching guys though. I find that the ones I pick for myself are usually much better choices than the random guys who pick me. However, I haven't dated for quite a while. When I do decide to give it another go, I will definitely bring it on.

[shimmer728]

There's a rejection hotline? What is it, 867-5309? ;)

[MetFanL]

Check the link, shimmer... there are a bunch of numbers, depending on where you live. It's pretty funny stuff if you call it and, really, not super mean-spirited. Although, I never got the number given to me, so who knows how I'd feel if that was the case.

[One on One]

Originally posted by tina1979
NO, No, I'm not getting drug into this one. No strategy advice from me. My strategies are apparently all wrong otherwise I wouldn't be single now..:D

Everybody know the eye contact and smile, if the guy doesn't make a move quick enough you go to the "bathroom" just be sure that you brush by him on your way there and give him a flirty smile (This one works for my sister alot) Her theory is lots of eye contact and come hither looks and she pretty much has guys crawling all over her. Oh and when she dances she makes sure she catches the guys eye wherever he might be then do a little something while watching him so it makes it seem like shes doing it just for him, although she is probably dancing with another of her followers.

Ok, well do girls ever fake interest in a guy so they can reject him when he approaches? Have you ever thought of doing that?

[Airwaverider]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by lorion11
[B]

I think it is completely fine if a guy calls the next day or the day after the next day. This shows that he is interested in you as a person, at least. The only way a guy can really look desperate is if he calls EVERY day after the day you first meet.


totally agree with this - I had two guys calling me up until just last week, calling me every goddam day - this is DESPERATE!! I had to get one of my guy friends to tell them to eff off after neither of them could get the hint...

Personally? Well since you asked, I leave it a day, then call (don't text message!)...You can pretty much tell if someone is interested, if they aren't, well that's ok, you've just saved yourself heaps of time hanging around the phone and plenty of sleepless nights

Another guy left it eight days before calling me - I had promptly forgotton who the hell he was by then...

[tina1979]

Originally posted by One on One


Ok, well do girls ever fake interest in a guy so they can reject him when he approaches? Have you ever thought of doing that?

Can't say as though I have ever thought of that one. I have however rejected them after talking and reallizing what an idiot he is and immediately knew that I didn't want to waste my time with the games.
Although, I must say that I am atleast nice about it.:D, my sister just gives them the wrong number.

[lorion11]

I don't give out any information unless I'm actually somewhat interested in a guy... if a guy does talk to me and I'm not interested I'm pretty upfront and usually say (in a nice way actually) that I'm just not interested... ironiclly a lot of guys are happy that I'm just not wasting their time... usually we still end up talking for awhile still and have fun because we both know its not going anywhere... I always like the upfront and honest approach with anything... especially dating...

[viper]

If the other person is not a game player, then it will be completely unnecessary and will only serve to make the other person think, "Oh great, another jaded, suspicious individual who's been burned and will probably treat me with icy paranoia."
best quote i've read today!
and accurate.

[joneshen]

I so agree to praying i get the person's VM!!

I'm just the opposite. I get flustered when I get VM, and get tempted to hang up so I'll avoid sounding like a retard. I'd rather talk to the person live.

[and1grad]

I also would rather sound like a retard, live. :neutral:

[wordsmith]

Originally posted by One on One


Ok, well do girls ever fake interest in a guy so they can reject him when he approaches? Have you ever thought of doing that?

HELLS naw! I feel bad enough rejecting anybody anyway, without setting myself UP to have to do it... what the hell kind of sadist does this?