2 Years and still lonely

[cazort]

I've lived in Cleveland for two years now and I'm still very lonely. I have created a successful computer consulting business from the ground up, I have learned more than I could imagine, I almost have more work than I can handle. And I am involved in a lot of activities besides work, and I know a ton of people.

But I still feel lonely. I feel like I haven't formed any really close friendships. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I don't know what to do about it. I do know that I just can't go on like this. I've been feeling depressed a lot lately. I get very sad when I have to eat all three meals a day alone, and when I don't have people I can call up to have lunch with, or go out on a walk with in the evening, or go see a movie with or just have coffee with and talk.

I don't have a group of friends. I don't know people who have been able to introduce me to a number of their friends. It's like, I'm out of the loop, and it's really starting to take its toll on me.

I know that I'm often the one to give recommendations to people on these boards who are in similar situations, but I was wondering if anyone had some advice/recommendations for me. I just can't go on like this...I need to do something. I have more than enough time, I am willing to put out the effort, I'm willing to try new things. I just need to know what I can do, because I feel like I've tried everything.

Any ideas?

[gluegun]

Well, I met my group of friends through my boyfriend, who I met through match.com. It might be worth a try.

[Kerowyn]

I don't know about recommendations or ideas but as someone who's been lonelish and depressed as a result of that for about 2 years now, I just roll with it. Honestly. I'm weird and picky so yes it's partly me but on the other hand, some people today are all about themselves and treating people like garbage so if it takes me a while to find some good people to hang out with I guess I'll wait for it. I do things to fill my time, keep busy, stay around people. If I don't want to eat alone I go out by myself. If I'm all depressed at home and upset at my situation, I'll indulge myself and find some movie to watch be it lame or good or a chick movie:) or cartoons really. Plus, you don't have to dress up or really connect with anyone. I figure I'll do stuff now that I can't do when I eventually have people to hang out with on a regular basis. This might be the only time you're alone ever again. This is not meant to help but it's just my opinion on it, sometimes it's not a bad time to be alone...plus I figure eventually I won't have any time to myself so might as well not fight it and just roll with it. That's just my two cents...:)

[stonemonkey]

i don't know if this helps, but this just reminds me of that seinfeld episode where george realises that what he's been doing isn't working out for him, and so he decides to do the 'opposite' of whatever his instinct tells him.

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by gluegun
Well, I met my group of friends through my boyfriend, who I met through match.com. It might be worth a try.
I didn't know you met your man via match too! :)

Cazort, I know it sucks...but I've just grown accustomed to the fact that people are busy, and that we aren't surrounded by friends like we were in HS and college, so that means that a lot of things are done solo. It's a big deal to me when I actually have plans with friends--most of them are so busy with their own lives that they don't have time to do things with anyone, not just me. Like Kerowyn said, some of it is myself, some of it is other people. When friends tell me that the only time they have to spend with me is Sunday morning, I feel kinda turned off. Two of my friends live 3 hours away, so it's just emailing for us...

I do have a BF now, but there's not a lot we can do YET b/c he's still recuperating from a bad accident.

Hang in there...

[LyraDora]

i am going on match.com right now.

cazort - as a fellow cleveland area person, i also have few friends. some from hs, but we have grown apart some. i go out with work people once in awhile. i don't drink much anymore, so going out isn't as fun. i mainly hang out at home with the internet, tv, books & my cats or i visit my brother & his family.. wow, i'm a such a loser.

[wordsmith]

I've never really been a person who's been much for groups of people, so I guess I don't miss that much in my life. I really am more about my one-on-one friendships, so it doesn't bother me that the post-collegiate world doesn't lend itself as well to developing groups of friends. That might just be me, though, relating better to people when I'm dealing with them individually. I also have become something of a loner, with my "me" time not really depressing me. If you're not a person who's okay with either of those scenarios, though, I can see how this would be a bother.