tina1979
11-11-2004, 11:24 AM
OK, this was an email someone sent me and since I live in the south I laughed my butt off. Its a little long, but....enjoy!
General Guide To The South
In an effort to help outsiders understand the south, the following list should be handed to each driver entering any southern states:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you did all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it, or get out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Make any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women and you will get your butt whipped....by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring you $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for......bait.
6. Pull your pants up..You look like an idiot.
7. If you cell phone rings while a flock of mallards are making thier final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Thats right. Whiskey is only two bucks. we can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two punds of ham and turkey.
10. If you bring something called coke into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive on the weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when its red. We may even stop wehen its yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive truck- because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Is't that cute?
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp and turtle too. You really want sushi and caviar? They are available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. Thats what they smell like. get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70,80,90, & 94 go two ways-Intersates 29 & 35 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pick up waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir" no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit and go home.
Ok, hope I didn't offend anyone. I thought that the few of us from the south and "farming" areas would get a kick out of it as would those from every where else.
General Guide To The South
In an effort to help outsiders understand the south, the following list should be handed to each driver entering any southern states:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you did all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it, or get out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Make any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women and you will get your butt whipped....by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring you $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for......bait.
6. Pull your pants up..You look like an idiot.
7. If you cell phone rings while a flock of mallards are making thier final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Thats right. Whiskey is only two bucks. we can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two punds of ham and turkey.
10. If you bring something called coke into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive on the weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We have one stop light in town. We stop when its red. We may even stop wehen its yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive truck- because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Is't that cute?
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp and turtle too. You really want sushi and caviar? They are available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. Thats what they smell like. get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70,80,90, & 94 go two ways-Intersates 29 & 35 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pick up waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir" no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit and go home.
Ok, hope I didn't offend anyone. I thought that the few of us from the south and "farming" areas would get a kick out of it as would those from every where else.