friends and gift giving

[pisces2473]

What do you do when your friend sends/gives you a gift but you weren't planning on doing anything for them? I'm thinking about Christmas already...I'm not giving any of my friends gifts...I don't know what to do if they send/stop by or whatever.

I'm thinking just say thanks and not open it until after they leave.

[tartytwenty]

Well, you could write up X-Mas cards for all your friends. And when they pop in with a gift, say, "Oh! I didn't know we were doing gifts, all I have is this card...." Then they can open the card and you'll open the present. Then send them a thank you card later. After 2 years of that, they will understand, you want to do cards now, no more gifts!

[MetFanL]

I used to have this issue with friends. We decided a few years ago to do an annual holiday dinner. I pick a restaurant, send out an evite thing, and a large group of us (the core group, our outside friends, whoever we hang with who we might otherwise exchange a gift with) just goes out to a really nice dinner as our gifts to each other. It's a nice way to hang with your friends, meet/get to know your friends other friends and get some of the marrieds out, too. We always have a good time.

Maybe it's something you could try?

on edit: Originally, we all would exchange gifts, so you'd have to say something in the evite like "instead of exchanging gifts, let's just try to all get together and have a good time" or something like that... That way, it's understood upfront. We're all young and poor for various reasons and spending time is really more important, anyway.

[pisces2473]

We've said that, Oh, lets not do gifts, etc...we're all poor...or let's do something small. Well, I've showed up w/ a $10 body shop thing and someone gives me a ton of stuff! WTF people?! I felt bad at first, but was like, I don't care.

But, my friends aren't all friends w/ each other. I have friends from HS, college, work, etc. I don't have a "group," per se.

Would be fun to try though...

[MetFanL]

That's the point, though. It's always interesting to get your different groups together. If you had a party, that's what you'd do, right?

I just think it's an easy way to (1) have a nice dinner, (2) see the friends who rarely get out, (3) meet new acquaintances, friends -- network, and (4) save some money on not buying gifts.

Instead of buying a bunch of gifts, or feeling like you didn't spend enough, you spend like $75 on a great dinner, with great company. And, everyone knows not to do gifts so no one feels inadequate...

[pisces2473]

Okay, lady...check your PMs. :)

[chrisp]

I ended up straight up telling people Im not doing gifts...the main reason for me was money and I just told them that. If someone you didnt expect to buy you a gift gives you one I would just them then. Cards are a good route to go and its generally pretty economical. I honestly dont even care about gifts much anymore...I mean dont get me wrong its always fun to receive something....but generally if I want it enough Ill charge it...and I think the holidays are getting too encompassed by what you get and what you give.

[pisces2473]

Well, I told one friend in an email "I'm not buying gifts for anyone but my family and Chris this year," so hopefully she got the hint that she's not getting anything. I think it's so pointless. I don't need a silly $10-20 gift, and it seems people only want to get together to exchange gifts--just to get something, not to see me.

[MetFanL]

and I think the holidays are getting too encompassed by what you get and what you give

I agree... which is exactly why I do the dinner thing.

If your friends don't like to do the going out to dinner thing, I mentioned to Jenn that a cookie exchange is another alternative. That you could just do at your house and get a couple bottles of wine, maybe make some bruschetta and other easy appetizers...

I just think it's normal to have a family holiday tradition and, for me, my friends are totally like family. So, I like to have a tradition with them, too. It's fun b/c we have the same 5 or 6 girls every year and then, at least, 5 or 6 people that rotate in... We always have a great time.

[wordsmith]

I've never done gifts w/ friends...we're all poor. One coworker and I exchange small gifts on the sly, but we both like antique shops and auctions, so it's usually some weird random thing we found for the other, not something we really went out and sprang for.

I do usually get something for my friend's little girl...it's fun to get a kid stuff, and she's happy with little, inexpensive things. I got her a puzzle book, and a little strawberry-shaped beaded coin purse, and she'll be thrilled.

If people get me stuff and I didn't reciprocate, I send them a card, and then have them around for desserts over the holidays or something. Gift exchanges just aren't a can of worms I an open up with my current finances.

[pisces2473]

Met's idea was great. I'm inviting ppl over for appetizers and dessert and wine, most likely on a late Sat. afternoon/evening, like 4 or 5 til 7ish. That way, people can still have the night free, but get together with others.

[gluegun]

What about making your friends gifts? That way it is inexpensive, but you're still making an effort to show them that you care. Last year a good friend of mine (who is also a poor college student) painted me the cutest wood Christmas ornament. The entire thing probably cost about $2, but it was my favorite gift of the year.

[pisces2473]

Well, lets see if they care to show up for this party first. I'm having issues w/ so many of them--not staying in touch. I wrote all of them a long email (like an update on what I've been up to) and sent it Thursday...and haven't heard back from any of them, so I don't know what's up. Heather thinks I should tell them all that they are lazy, but I don't know if that's the best idea.

[flyogagrl]

What I did this year was get a bunch of the yellow livestrong bracelets ($10 for 10) and everyone is getting one of them and a xmas card.

[MOS9904]

Sometimes its fun to get all your various "groups" together for a party like that...they get to meet new people and sometimes it creates a group!

As for what to do when someone shows up with a gift and you werent expecting it.....
Its good to have some stuff laying around (labeled of course) for those just in case moments...

Ones I like are burned CD's, candles, bath and body something, box of candy....

Good luck with your party......

[pisces2473]

Yeah, I'm hoping it'll be fun--few ppl from work, few from HS, few from college.

I do have some "oops" gifts...but the thing I want to do is not perpetuate the gift giving. If I give them something, it completes the cycle again.

[tartytwenty]

Grab bag ideas are good too. In my bf's group of 1.7 million friends, we do a grab-bag every year. 10 dollars max value, and it has to be something weird, like a craft kit. Oh and everyone has to show up sporting the ugliest Holiday sweater they can find!

[bigboom]

notice how no guys are responding to this thread...if another guy got me a gift for the heck of it id be pretty worried about what he wanted from me lol :)