birthday/friend stress. advise?

[panjandrum]

say you had a handful of very good friends, and an extended network of social friends in your area, and you give them all SIX WEEKS notice about your birthday fiesta.

say you've gone to almost all their birthday things - organized a surprise party for one, helped prepare for others - and been there for them in other ways. they've been there for you too, but now it's your birthday.

say the party is this coming saturday and thus fay, only SIX of the THIRTY peeps invited have RSVPed. Three of these six - your three best friends, actually - all forgot to get the day off. So three affirmatives, so far.

Your one week reminder email that you sent out to get a feel for who's coming said 'hey kids, rsvp so i can buy you all foodnshit.'

Now you have less than a week, have no idea how many people are coming to your dinner party, then out dancing night.

Do you cancel to avoid the potential outcome of only having three people show? Or do you go ahead, and whoever comes will have a good time?

Is it totally shitty that people didn't get back to me, or understandable?

How bad should I feel that my three really tight friends all flaked? For two of them this is the second year they've done this!

I am unusually sad. Thanks for reading.

[winneythepooh7]

I understand how you feel. I've had people close to me flake on important things like this before. And I've remembered and not gone to their important things in return. It is a rough life lesson but you learn who your real friends are in times like these. If I were you I'd just go out with those that do show up and have a good time. I always have the best times with smaller groups of people anyways. Oh, by the way, did you send out an Evite? Evite is great but a lot of times it goes directly to people's spam boxes so they never end up seeing it. Could be another reason why you haven't gotten responses. Also remember that it is the holiday season and people have a ton of things this time of year to be committed to, and also, weekends are just hard in general. I was just bummed actually because I've committed to going to a conference in Philly then got an invitation to my friend's bridal shower for the same weekend. I would have loved to go to that but already committed to the conference. If I had gotten my friend's invitation just a week earlier, I would have chosen to go to that..........

[midtwenty]

Buy enough food and refreshments for the people who were polite enough to actually RSVP, and if any of the others show up, meet them at the door and say, "OH, I'm sorry but you never told me if you were coming or not so I didn't plan for you to be here. We'll have to get together another time." Then shut the door and enjoy the people who care enough about you to let you know they were coming. Don't enable their stupid, offensive behavior by letting them in and trying to make your hors d'ouvres stretch for X-number of people. I don't care if they're your "friends." Friends would have told you they were coming and not made you feel like your birthday doesn't matter. Where the hell have manners gone?

[Tbone]

Originally posted by midtwenty
meet them at the door and say, "OH, I'm sorry but you never told me if you were coming or not so I didn't plan for you to be here. We'll have to get together another time." Then shut the door and enjoy the people who care enough about you to let you know they were coming.

A little harsh...although, I like the idea of saying to them that you didn't count on them being there...but still invite them in. You should also tell them that they hurt your feelings AFTER your b-day is over, I wouldn't let it go unmentioned, but def don't let it spoil your b-day and you should enjoy it with the friends that had the courtesy to RSVP.

[midtwenty]

Nope. Sorry Tbone. If they don't have the common courtesy to take 15 seconds to RSVP an invitation, then they can find something else to do. Miss Manners herself would advise turning them away...I've seen it in many an article.

[panjandrum]

thanks for your responses. midtwenty i appreciate your fist shaking attitude heh.

magically, mystically, a big handful of RSVPs were waiting in my inbox this morning.

caaaaallmmmmiiinnngggg dooowwwwwwnn. : )

what do you think it is about email that has changed how and what rules and manners are observed? do we just have a shortened attention span? has email made things too easy?