Social Anxiety Disorder

[Sagiquarius]

Anyone battling this bug? I am. Have been for years and years. If you don't know what it is, just think of it as the little voice that makes you feel REALLY uncomfortable around other people. Especically large groups and people you don't know. You always think that people are judging you in negative ways and it causes you to sweat and experience palpatations. Almost like little anxiety attacks.

Is anyone going through this or know someone who is? What steps have you taken if any to combat it? I took Zoloft for a while but just recently went off of it because it's really expensive without medical coverage and I had no therapist to monitor my progress. Back to square one now. Let me know

[Skyblade]

I have Social Anxiety Disorder. The way I battle it most often is using my sense of humor as a defense mechanism.
But seriously, I had taken Paxil for about 4 years and then I switched to Lexapro, which is what I am on now. Seems to work okay (at least for depression) but I'm still pretty socially anxious. It doesn't help when my job is marketing and I'm kind of forced to talk to people. I always say that I am in this field because it is a challenge to me.
I definitely know what you mean about feeling people are judging you. I think I posted about this before, but there is something about ordering a drink at Starbucks that makes me really socially anxious. The guy behind the counter always comments. One time I ordered a drink and the guy said, "Well you don't have to feel guilty about it!" Another time some guy said, "You look familiar, did you used to come here a lot and then stopped coming?" I feel like cashiers in general like to pick on me or something cuz they can sense that I'm nervous. One time at Borders, the cashier stared at my ID for about 1 whole minute and said, "We're the same age! There's not many of us around here." I know it sounds kind of weird to be anxious in these situations, but I am. Most people would probably just think the guy is being friendly or not even remember incidents like these, I'm weird.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

well, I used to wonder if i had social ansiety disorder, but it turned out it was largely driven from baggage from childhood. (my parents did always judge me really negatively = I naturally expected it from other people.)

I would stay away from Paxil though there is a class action lawsuit going down against GSK.

[Sagiquarius]

I think I posted about this before, but there is something about ordering a drink at Starbucks that makes me really socially anxious.


Good god I thought I was the only one who went through that! I always feel like such a moron because I never remember what size is what. And Hera help me if I just need a regular coffee. One time I said "just a regular coffee light and sweet" and the girl was all "you put milk and sugar yourself". Normally this would be not such a big deal but in the cult that is the Starbucks, you feel like you have to know everything. Like the soup nazi, just state your order and move to the waiting area. Vente this and machiatto that.

Anyway, thanks for the input. I go through the same exact thing when dealing with people. Maybe one day I'll go back on medication but I definitely want to be seeing a therapist while I am. Are you seeing one?

[Skyblade]

Yes, I am seeing a therapist. I think that that is the most important party of therapy, over and above any medication. I think its the combination that really helps.
I would also say not to take Paxil because it has really bad withdrawls. Although, luckily when I switched to Lexapro I didn't have any withdrawls, but when I tried earlier to stop Paxil w/o taking any drugs I had major withdrawls.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

Paxil is so bad. stay far the hell away.

[paiger81]

FYI, the lawsuit about Paxil is because GSK blocked creating a generic brand of the drug, not because of it's side effects. Secondly, Paxil made me go zombie like, Celexa was my answer for 2 years. My cousin loved Paxil and it helped her. It is all about your body chemistry, IMO.


Forgot to mention that I don't have SAD, but OCD w/Panic Attacks. Basically, I only freak out when I'm not in control of a situation.

[SunDevil]

I have had social anxiety since I was about 5, but I wasn't diagnosed or treated for it until last year. I was on Effexor for 6 months last year, but it barely did anything to reduce social anxiety. (It did work on depression a little)

I have been in therapy for 1 year(~10 sessions) in order to reduce it and make it manageable.

Some of the basic things to try is to practice deep breathing, maintaining eye contact, and re-evaluating your negative thoughts. You look at why you fear situations and what could be the worst thing that could happen in therapy. But even if the worst thing happens it can be ok, and won't be as bad as your mind thinks it will be.

It takes a long time to get over it, I still have it at about 60% of what it was last year.

[WeirdBrake]

One time I ordered a drink and the guy said, "Well you don't have to feel guilty about it!" Another time some guy said, "You look familiar, did you used to come here a lot and then stopped coming?" I feel like cashiers in general like to pick on me or something cuz they can sense that I'm nervous. One time at Borders, the cashier stared at my ID for about 1 whole minute and said, "We're the same age! There's not many of us around here."

Skyblade... they're not picking on you. They're flirting with you.

[maxwell78]

Originally posted by WeirdBrake

Skyblade... they're not picking on you. They're flirting with you.
Yep. :D

[LyraDora]

i have social anxiety also. just went back on paxil after being off of it for 7 months. my withdrawal was alright. i was exhausted a lot. that's basically i'll i remember.

my job also pushes me to be social - i counsel women & do various other jobs at an abortion clinic. i couldn't have chosen a job that puts me more outside of my comfort zone. i have to face being observed, making phone calls, having one on one conversations with strangers. i would not have been able to do this job (or actually apply & interview for it) without the previous 2 years of therapy & paxil. i went back on paxil after starting this new job. my social anxiety really kicks in during transition periods. i don't ever want to make a mistake or draw attention to myself, fear of standing out & being judged.

now, i just need to work on meeting people & getting off this damn computer, a crutch for SAD.

[Irish79]

I've struggled with this as well, although mine is the worst around large groups of people my own age like at parties or bars. I work in retail at the moment and I don't get too stressed talking with strangers all day. I wouldn't say I'm the greatest people person, but I do ok. I do tend to avoid the situations that make me uncomfortable, and I do sometimes feel weird in coffee shops - mostly due to the fact that I'm not a coffee drinker and ordering a chai tea all the time seems kinda weird.:)

Anyway, I've never taken anything for it, but I've thought of it at times, especially when I get in depressed phases. Mostly I'm the type of person that doesn't like to take anything - except cold medicine since I'm a wimp when I get sick. :)

[The Stranger]

I've never been particularly social or outgoing. As far as I'm concerned, it's merely my personality, and not something I need to take medication for.

[LyraDora]

SAD is not about being introverted and anti-social. It is more being paralyzed for fear of judgement. I don't think people quite understand how much it affects people on a daily basis. I have been in situations where I was not able to eat in front of people & i wouldn't get up in front of class to use the bathroom. I would miss my bus stop because I didn't want to draw attention if i pulled the bus stop lever thingy. I am not able to speak in front of people or share my opinions or beliefs. My mind goes completely blank, i shake, i sweat, my voice shakes, i can't make my eyes focus. Medication helps control these physical reactions, while therapy help get the root of the problem & alter it.

[The Stranger]

Most of what you just listed happens to me, Lyra. I've found that the best way to avoid attention--which I hate--is to avoid people.

[paiger81]

Be careful Stranger. Most with SAD can develop agoraphobia. At the extreme, individuals with agoraphobia are afraid to leave the house.

[Irish79]

Originally posted by The Stranger
Most of what you just listed happens to me, Lyra. I've found that the best way to avoid attention--which I hate--is to avoid people.

I have found that the more I push myself into uncomfortable situations, the better I get at handling them and the less stressed I feel. I know this doesn't work for everyone though and it is REALLY hard sometimes to make yourself do things when it feels much safer to be by yourself where no one can judge you or look down on you...

[The Stranger]

Oh, I'm pretty sure I already have agoraphobia. I telecommute; I only go out in public for a few hours a week.

[labrat2111]

I have Social Anxiety also which I think was stronger when I was in high school and my freshman year in college. Since then I've slowly gotten better with some work -- mostly just on my own. It's odd but I've noticed that since I've broken up with my ex in April 2003 and lived by myself that my anxiety level itself has reduced itself quite a bit although part of this is being settled in my apartment and job. However part of it is having to do things for myself. I'm sure I'll have more anxiety when I change jobs and maybe move or go back to school. I would describe my Social Anxiety as more mild today than moderate.

I've been to a psychiatrist once who wanted me to do therapy and Zoloft. I thought about it and decided to skip the Zoloft and try therapy alone. I didn't really like my therapist too much (was too much like rent-a-friend) and my insurance didn't have many therapists in the area so I just gave up and started working with the one self-help book that the psychiatrist recommended which was The Anxiety and PHobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne. It is a really good book and takes a holistic approach to panic/anxiety talking about why it occurs and various breathing and relaxation techniques, imagery and real life desensitization techniques along with self-talk/affirmations, assertiveness issues and diet and nutrition issues. It is a pretty good boo k and I need to get back to working with it. I haven't tried therapy again because my social anxiety has moderated some through experience and of course the ugly realization that the only way I'll overcome things is to plan and work towards things and if I fail try again. Not always that easy but I feel I'm moving slowly ahead.

My big problems deal with breaking the ice with new people and with having an audience for things. I have a hard time making new friends and dating because I find it so hard to meet new people. I'm afraid I'm always bothering people. Once I'm out on a date or I meet a girl online who tells me I'm cute I have no problem going out with her. I hate having to make phone calls at work when other people are around. I usually wait until someone else is on a call or go into another room where no one is. I hate getting my hair cut and although I know I should choose a new hairstyle I'm afraid if I choose wrong I'll look stupid to other people. I have general assertiveness issues and my longest relationship of 2+ years just dragged on because I couldn't be assertive enough to end it (she did and thus I call it the best decision I never made). I don't dance at clubs because I'm afraid of what people will think (although I do dance badly even by white people standards;) ). I think I do poorly on interviews because I don't appear enthused. I have problems bringing up opinions in regards to where I want to go and what I want to do when I go out with people or a date and a several other things.

I think even the fact that it took so long on my thesis to complete the writing because I was afraid of doing actual defense which will be coming up in March or February. Also I'm finally working on my career direction and dating although I struck out with all the girls in my biology class so online dating here we come.

I'm never thought again about going on meds because my social anxiety is not that bad and my job is not terribly stressful so I though any possible benefit would be outweighed by the side effects (particularly worried about sexual side effects).

[wordsmith]

I am really hesitant to post this, because I VERY much do NOT want it to be taken at all in a way I don't intend it. I fully recognize the validity of Social Anxiety Disorder, I actually dated a guy with it, and one of my best freinds suffers. But nonetheless, I have a question.

From the symptoms that everyone always notes, I think I probably had this through a lot of my childhood and adolescence...painfully self-conscious and shy, would be almost phobic about social situations where I didn't know people. I always felt like people were looking me up and down and finding me lacking, or finding it funny if I screwed up or looked silly. It was like being self-conscious, but to an extreme degree. I HATED approaching strangers, even if it was just a cashier. I'd mumble and fumble and blush my way through the most basic transactions, and think, wow, I looked dumb just then. The whole convinced people were judging me thing. My mom used to get mad, because I wouldn't even order for myself at McDonald's, or make phone calls. I was completely non-assertive, if somebody said boo to me, that was it.

But I've never been diagnosed, never saw anyone for it, no therapy, never medicated for it, nothing. And it went away. I noticed that it started to go away when I did things like move away from home, to college, and then out on my own, where I gradually did things that purposely put myself outside my comfort zone, expanded the stuff I was comfortable with. I didn't have a choice, really. When I lived by myself in a new city, I couldn't very well get where I needed to be if I was too timid to figure out how the public transportation system worked, or ask people directions, two things that would have terrified me and rendered me practically paralyzed three or four years earlier. I wonder if just truckin' through it didn't serve the same purpose as self-therapy, sort of? Although I wasn't consciously doing so, wasn't trying to do anything but try to do the things that other people seemed to be able to do with no problem...forcing myself to, in many cases at first. And, gradually, I noticed I didn't have the anxiety anymore.

And now, I'm a newspaper reporter...I go up to strangers and strike up conversations, conduct interviews all the time. Anyone who knew me as a teen would NEVER have predicted this profession in my future. I don't feel AT ALL the way I used to feel anymore. I look back and think, "Why did you ever have those thoughts and feelings running through your mind and soul? What were you so worried about? Why did you always think people are judging you?" I still do have my moments where I think I'm being judged. But the difference is in how I react. I care far less than before, if I care at all.

It seems condescending to say "I outgrew it," and I don't mean to minimize the struggles of people who suffer, or talk shit to those who find that medication helps. But is it possible that it can just go away?

I hope I didn't offend anyone.

[shimmer728]

You bring up some good points, wordsmith. I was much the same way growing up--I was painfully shy and had a hard time speaking up in class because I was so bashful and awkward. My shyness flared up in certain situations (like a classroom setting) but went away in others. For instance, I worked retail after school when I was a teen and had no problem interacting with customers--I even enjoyed it. When I edited my HS newspaper, I interviewed other students all the time. No prob there, either.

However, in HS and all through college, I avoided parties and other social situations like the plague. I can remember a time when I was a senior in college and my roommate was organizing a house party. I felt as nervous as I did before an oral presentation, which is something I've NEVER been able to deal with without breaking out into a full-on panic.

But it's not like that anymore. As you and everyone else knows, I'm a reporter now, which is a job that's largely dependant on being comfortable socially. I don't know what happened to make my shyness go away, but when I tell people how timid I used to be and how I used to hate going out, they can't believe it. Though I still can't believe it when I hear people describe me as outgoing. I'll never be able to look at myself that way.

Sorry for the tangent--I wish I had some advice for those crippled by SAD. Keep hanging in there and try to force yourselves out of your comfort zone. It really might help.

[paiger81]

Word-
It is quite possible you outgrew it. When I was little(4-7) I had massive panic attacks & night terrors, but at the time they didn't really have that diagnosed. I was fine throughout school and high school. Then I had my trigger(9 people dead in 2.5 years) and the attacks & night terrors came back(I actually attacked Kirk in my sleep when he tried to wake me up). I've been attack free for a while, but now know that I can be triggered to have them again.

[wordsmith]

I felt as nervous as I did before an oral presentation, which is something I've NEVER been able to deal with without breaking out into a full-on panic.

Oh, God. STILL cannot give a speech. Can't do it. I even effed up a grade school career day presentation.

[gluegun]

WS and Shimmer, I understand where you guys are coming from. I think that by sheer will power I have been able to overcome a lot of my social anxiety disorder. I think that studying abroad in Europe was a huge turning point for me. I was forced to constantly challenge myself. Therefore, I feel considerably more comfortable out in public. I have no problem answering the telephone, ordering food in a restaurant, walking up to a store cashier, etc. However, I still can't stand to be around large groups of people. For example, last night I attended a friend's bachelorette party. For the most part I had fun in the moment. However, I woke up this morning feeling terribly drained and depressed. It is like the life was sucked right out of me. Now all morning I've been running through last night's exploits in my heads, trying to figure out just where did I go wrong. Did I say the wrong thing? Did I do the wrong thing? What do people think of me? How are you able to turn off the incessant mind chatter? I find it incredibly hard to be around a big group of people because I'm constantly trying to gadge where I stand with people. If it is a one-on-one interaction then I'm OK because I only have one person's moods to keep track of. However, when I get in a big group I just feel exhausted. I have to spend the entire night trying to feel out where everybody stands. I can't figure out if I'm incredibly empathetic or just plain self-absorbed.

[wordsmith]

Actually, gluegun...fending for myself while studying abroad was a HUGE turning point for me, too, now that you mention it. Situations that prove to you that you can be self-sufficient, and build confidence, and I'm convinced that confidence is key to overcoming social anxiety.

As far as the social settings issue, my anxiety was always far more with people I don't know than people I do. So a party or something where I'm among friends is fine. Where there are a bunch of people I don't know? Groan. But now it's evolved into less of a self-conscious thing to a thing where it's exhausting to make the effort to small-talk people you don't know...I'm not an approacher, and I feel the pressure to approach people in these settings lest I be deemed aloof. I tend to avoid these things if they're not with people I know well, because I feel as if I'm perceived as unfriendly and it's uncomfortable.

But I no longer really feel like people are checking me out and finding me lacking. I think that was a response as a preteen/teen to the fact that snotty girls WERE checking you out and finding you lacking all the time. I had the good fortune to be around lots of "mean girls" as a kid and teen. Which colors your confidence for quite some time. But I'm over it.

[shinyleaf]

When I was in school and worried the mean girls were judging me, my mom would say "do you really think they're thinking about YOU right now? Why should you spend any of your time wondering what they're thinking when they're wrong anyway?". I took this to heart and to this day, don't consider anyone's judgement of me as any more valid than my own (it's helpful that I value my own judgement )

First, let me say I am extroverted and have about 10x as much social confidence as I do academic confidence. I should be a bartender instead of a grad student. I go to school with people like you guys, and feel terrible for them when they get so anxious to speak, especially since they have a hell of a lot more intelligent things to say than I do. You are all VERY intelligent people, too smart in fact to worry what strangers think of you!

like I said, no experience with SAD myself, but a friend who has it learned to control her panic before oral presentations with breathing techniques. To combat the other physiological symptoms (heart racing, sweating, blotching red spots) she took a beta blocker just before the presentation.

[trinitysierra]

I used the information from the link below and it helped.

http://www.stresscenter.com/cts/21348050

Hopefully it will help someone else out there suffering from depression and anxiety.:)

[wordsmith]

No, the mean girls actually WERE judging me. I got bullied. Basically because I was smart, and was well-liked without being a mean girl. No, they didn't CARE about me, but they got a lot of enjoyment out of picking on me.

And even though I knew they were wrong and jealous, and losers (which is confirmed, I'm back in my hometown more than a dozen years later, and you should SEE where they all are now), it still made me just automatically feel like people were picking me apart and scrutinizing me all the time. Even long after it stopped. It didn't really damage my self-esteem, because I never really lost sight of the fact, somehow, that there was nothing wrong with me, and I knew they were jerks. But it DID make me feel very self-conscious of having unwanted attention brought to myself.

[Veruca]

Sometimes I think I suffer from this as well. It's amazing to me how much a bunch of strangers on a messageboard have so many things in common with me. I, too, was always too shy to order for myself and speak to people for myself when I was little so my mom used to do these kinds of things for me. I eventually learned that I have to speak up for myself, but I still to this day feel like I am not as assertive in some situations as I should be. Sometimes I feel myself slipping back into old tendencies where I am too shy to do things. I don't know why but I am more confidant in some areas of my life rather than others and I also have that feeling of being judged by people sometimes. I think a lot of it is just in my head and I sometimes feel like I just need to get over myself. I think this happens a lot of the time when I get too comfortable in my "comfort zone". My new goal to help get myself over this is to put myself in situations where I am deliberately out of my comfort zone. I also need to learn how to be just totally comfortable being independent and being just me. But that is an everyday learning process.

Whew...it felt good to get all that out. I don't think i have ever really admitted to someone these feelings I have had. It's pretty refreshing.

ALso, I absolutley hate public speaking as well. I will go at all costs to avaoid doing it. I think I read on this thread (maybe another) that someone even dropped college classes when there was a speech requirement. I've done the same thing :p I just think some people (namely me) will never be comfortable speaking in front of groups. I know you can join toastmasters groups but I don't eveen have a desire to do that. To get myself over my anxieties, I usually just have to pysch myself up with the whole "You are awesome...You're going to do so good at this...It's silly to worry about stupid stuff like this...They don't want to see you fail...YOu're going to do great!!" And I usually volunteer to go first so I can just get it over with and not have to stress about my presentation the whole time others are going. Wow, this was really long.

[shinyleaf]

Understood. I didn't mean to imply that ignoring the mean girls was easy, or that it didn't have a detrimental effect. And I know what you mean about where the popular girls are now... in the same town, with the same hairstyle, married to their highschool sweetheart (who was the football captain but who now works at Burger King, and is sleeping with the new generation of popular high school girls), with several snot-faced, ill-behaved children on her hands. And now you can just pity her instead of hate her! Isn't life great? :twisted:

[wordsmith]

No, it's cool! When you feel this way, a lot of times you DO perceive that people are paying more attention to you than they are. But in this case, I really kind of WAS targeted for a while there when I was 11-12ish. It really wasn't that big of a thing, and I'm not all "poor me, poor me," about it, and never really have been. I pretty much just ignored it. But that does worm it's way into how you feel about things, even when you don't realize it, or think you've blown it off. It seems like I spent a lot of time after that just not wanting to be noticed at all.

Hah. My mean girl story is my fave. The ringleader girl is a parttime bartender behind my office, is on marriage number three at 27 (to a creepy ass, no less), just had kid number three, and looks about 45. Her stepdad is my boss, the publisher of the paper, and he thinks I kick ass and knows that she's a waste of space. She came through on Halloween with her kids for this trick-or-treat thing the businesses have, and she STILL snubs me. Jeeeezus. Get. Over. It.

[shinyleaf]

She's SO jealous of you!! And she should be.

Speaking of mean girls, I went to school for awhile with the actress who plays the ringleader in the movie, "Mean Girls" . Have you seen it? She wasn't mean at all in real life. Otherwise she'd be living in a trailer drinking Bud, right? :D

[Deadend]

I couldn't agree more with alot of the people on here. And I don't think this is an unusual frame of mind for the majority of people. After all, we're not all type A super outgoing personalities.

My brother is one of the most social people I know. Everybody loves him. Seriously, he's got a charm about him that I will for eternity be envious of. And yet...... he went through a period where he had to deal with a severe bout of SAD. It got so bad that he could not even leave the house. It was triggered by a significant event in his life which he has since got over . Now, he's the guy that gets on the dance floor before anyone else is there.

Lyra - the computer. Yes a crutch. Worse yet, it allows us to stay in our comfort zone and henceforth even exaserbates the problems. This is the big lecture my brother gave me last night during this big "you're starting to do what I did" speach. The biggest part of which was "Don't just keep your face in the computer, the answers arn't online, trust me I searched the whole thing".

So yes, we both need to get off the internet and go out and meet people. Shy? Hell me too. But I did notice that when I lived in a dorm for a couple years, I got over it pretty fast, I was perhaps one of the most popular people there. Not that I was't shy, or concious of meeting new people, but rather than something that would cripple me, it was somthing that, tops, would delay me for 5-10 seconds.

So to shimmer and wordsmith. I completely agree that it's more of a disease than a personality trait. In fact, it couldn't be farther from a personality trait. It's a disease that stiffles your personality from comming through. Prevents you from being yourself and therefor makes you very depressed.

It is however,somthing that can be worked through. I'm not saying everybody is going to be the life of the party, or stop being shy, but when you move past the disease you will find a renewed sence of self confidence.

I know I've slipped in and out of it a few times. Alright, I've talked the talk. Now time to walk the walk.