I just realized I'm 27 and HATE IT!

[Ambrose]

So, I just realized last night that I'm 27, still in law school, still living with my family and have never moved out, am "talking to a girl" in another part of the state that isn't sure if she wants to move back here, but tells me she really wants a relationship between us to work, but the timing just isn't right and I see no plans of her getting ready to move anytime soon, and got a job offer 4 weeks ago where the employer says she wants me but still "isn't sure" if she wants to commit!!

Yeah, it's enough to send me back into another major depression!

I was thinking last night...I've gotten to this age and have always complained and felt miserable that I have not gotten to do the things that "normal" people my age have done. When everyone else was out partying, dating and travelling even though they couldn't afford it, I was stuffing money in the bank and taking on extra courses at law school to develop a specialization.

And how did being "responsible" pay off? I'm dealing with a potential employer who is screwing me around but I need a job so bad that I keep putting up with the unprofessionalism and sheer stupidity that makes me feel worthless. And I yearn for companionship so bad that I won't tell this girl to stop "wasting my time" and make up her mind even though she tells me she wants to be with me, the feelings are mutual, but she isn't sure if she ever wants to come back to this area, but I can't move because all my job contacts are here?


Now it seems that I made some seriously huge mistakes. I'm three years away from turning 30!

I dread turning 30 now and realizing that the period in my life when I was supposed to live it up and make things happen turned out to be for nothing because I didn't do it? And why? I have no idea! That's the part that sucks. I'm sitting here right now thinking to myself---I want to do this and that, but then reality kicks in and I think that I need to be responsible, pay more attention to "security" in my life and go for the things that are "real" instead of not. But what's real? A job offer for a job I thought I wanted, but the employer can't make up her mind now for 4 weeks and keeps telling me she "hopes she can make a decision" even though the decision is 100% hers?!? Or keep telling myself that the girl I'm "dating" will eventually come back to the area like she says, so I should hold out for it because I think I really like her and it might develop into something serious? Even though I haven't had a serious relationship in years and yearn for companionship NOW?

What if none of that turns out to be for real? Then I will have wasted more time! But if I don't invest time in it, I will have lost some potential for security and then really have nothing at all! This sucks! And I can't figure out if I'm my own worst enemy or not!

If anyone can relate or has some advice on how to break out of this cycle and actually make this period in your life more rewarding, I'm all ears!
Welcome to my depression. The water is still warm.

[TennisPlayer]

hey first of all....

be easy on yourself. I'm critical of myself too, but you make yourself feel how you want to feel. You need to understand that there is not a timeline for what should be done by what age you are. I'm 24 and I know that. I've been studious my whole life and it pays off. You should talk to this girl and tell her how you're feeling.


Also,.....see a counselor so you don't really go into depression. Been there done that.

Thinking comes before feeling.....

Think about positive things!!!! Read the Bible, take care of yourself. God has a plan for you and everything will work out as long as you go with the flow and do what makes you happy/motivated/etc

[cheshrcarol]

Ambrose, you have to start looking at the brighter side of things. You're in law school, which means that one day soon you'll have an advanced degree and that will lead to a great, well-paying job.

If you're unhappy living with your family - move out. Living on your own and going to school, even law school, can be done. Just ask WB. You have to make a decision about which is more important to you - the money you save or your independance. If you choose the money, you have to live with that decision until you change it.

As for travel, why not plan a trip for when you finish law school and have taken the bar? You'll have tons of time until you find out your results and you'll never again have such an excuse to slack off.

As for your girl situation, you two have to decide if being together is really what you want. Maybe you should put it off and date other people until a day when you're both ready to take the next step. Maybe if you do you'll either find someone else or realize that she's really the one you want to be with.

I don't really understand what the deal with your "job contacts" is. I would think you'd be able to find a job in pretty much any city as a lawyer. And even though you may have contacts, it might not necessarily pan out into anything. Maybe you could arrange an internship or something in her city and make new contacts?

I used to have kind of the same attitude about life - that I was X age and I wasn't where I was "supposed" to be, everything sucked, etc. But you know what, I wasted almost 4 years beign upset about stuff that is pretty trivial to me now. I was upset when I turned 23, 24 and 25. I can't ever get that time back and have a new attitude. And I've realized I will never be younger than I am this second, so it's pointless to agonize over getting older.

[inuts]

I am saying this with the best of intentions, so bear with what I have to say and don't dismiss it because it sounds "off."

A lot of times people need someone to simply listen, but I don't think that's your case.

Your employer is the easiest case to deal with.
It is your career. You are in charge of it. You are always in charge of it. You are the captain of your own ship. Even when someone else is your employer, you are still captain of your ship.
Right now the ball is in your court, and one of the important rules in negotiating the work world is to figure out what you want and then hit the ball into the other person's court. Tell your employer what you want. You are the captain of your ship. She is procrastinating you and she is procrastinating your life. Tell her to make up her mind by Wednesday the 15th. If she cannot do it by then, she cannot do it at all. She is not worth your time as an employer.

As for doing "fun things," take the list of things you want to do, and then pick the one you want to do the most and do that immediately after graduation/passing the bar. You are in charge of your life, and if you don't do the things you really want to do, then they will never happen. So do that one thing and refuse any alternative or compromise. Then, take the second most important thing, and do it within one year after doing the first.

You need to take what you want and be firm about it. It is your life, and you are in charge. You, and no one else, is captain of your ship. Don't let anyone talk you down or talk you out of what you want. It is your life. It belongs to you. If someone cannot help you, then they simply cannot help you.

As for the girlfriend, if she is not ready to commit, then say "Ok. We will date other people for a while and take it from there." If she doesn't like that, hit the ball into her court and ask her what her alternative is. If she says staying together but living apart, tell her it's unacceptable. If you won't be happy with that, then you have to be honest with yourself about it. Don't be afraid to be firm with her.

This my advice, and I stand by it.

[Ambrose]

Thanks, guys! That's good advice. Sometimes you think these things are your problems alone to deal with, but hitting it into the other persons court here seems like the best thing to do.

[inuts]

Anytime--I'm 27 with a quarterlife crisis too.

[*K10*]

hey... someone else might have said this cause I don't have time to read the replies you've received but I fretted and cried over "where I was" for the LONGEST time - 26 was the WORST for me... now at 28 I'm not NEARLY as worried... somewhere along the way I realized... what I'm doing RIGHT now is what I'm SUPPOSE to be doing...

there's some poem/writing out there that talks about when you graduate high school things will be better - when you have that degree from college, once you're married, once you have a kid... etc. etc. THEN you'll feel like you are where you were meant suppose to be... fact is... each phase of life feels like nothing but a journey to the next phase and we are ACHING to get to the next phase but when you stop and just enjoy the phase you are in KNOWING the next phase will come around and you'll have to adjust to enjoying and getting through that one - the phases get easier!

Think back to how well we accepted the phases when we were little - sure we couldn't wait to get to junior high and high school and be "big" but while we were little we just did things kids do when they are little and we ENJOYED them! Allow yourself to ENJOY this part of your life... and do NOT measure yourself against other people - they might not have the drive and ambition you must have... I know I don't! :(

I admire YOU for sticking with law school because 10 years from now when I'm still sitting in my administrative job making $40k - you will have FINALLY MADE IT - and be a partner of a big firm. The hard work will somewhat be over for you and you can sit back and enjoy your hard work...

My best advice (this ALL coming from someone who has BEEN there - in the absolute PIT of despair!) TRY to enjoy the JOURNEY to the destination just as much as you *think* you'll enjoy the destination - because the JOURNEY is all you are guaranteed!

Best of luck to you!

[TennisPlayer]

hey that's good advice! we all need to be reminded to just slow down and do what we can in the present because that's all we can do.

Think of right now as a bridge and each day you're building part of that bridge to get you where you want to go!