What is my problem? Is it me? What is going on? When did everyone get so crazy?

[BlueVw03]

Hello everyone, I need some immediate help. This is my second posting, my first involved my QLC a little bit and how I am planning on moving away from RI to Florida. I indeed have decided to move to FL, and now my family knows of my plans. I'd have to say about the majoirty of my family has some sort of issue with me going away, and most think that I have gone a little crazy and that things bewteen me and my father arn't going so well. I cannot seem to talk to anyone in my family without getting either 1) upset at something or 2) get really pissed off with the person I am talking to. I am getting absolutely no support, respect, kindess, appreciation, or advice from anyone. And it really hurts. I just got into a fight with my 2 year older snotty ive leauge my shit dont stink sister pretty much over her being an absolute bitch to me, and when I called her out on it she leaves me a voice message (cause i didnt pick up the phone when she called back after i hung up on her ) message saying...

"i'm not mom, and I'm not dad, and I dont need you to give me the same attitude you give them. You think they give u a hard time, if you dont wanted to be treated as a child don't act like one."

what a bitch! So basically this tells me that my mom and dad are telling my sister that I give them attitude and I act like a child. PERFECT! just what i needed to hear. I have never felt so lost before in my life and now I have to deal with my ENTIRE family (aunts uncles cousins, even co-workers b/c im employed by my father) being absolutey rude and unnappreciative of me. Just one of my cousins has tried to been helpful and I thank him for being the only one who's actually a decent human being. He's told me that certain people in my family think I am doing drugs! OH MY GOD. I feel like I am dealing with a bunch of high school adolescents in a really clicky high school. Is this what family really is? Is this what it becomes? I am a genuine person who is really sensitive at times and I am always the first person to genuily try to help a person out. ESPECIALLY in my family. But now being older and seeing how that same care is reciprocated is just sicking right now. Do i really need to believe that in order to get some help and respect from these people I have to be a fuck-up first? Do I have to fail in order for them to feel better about themselves? When did people stop caring? Am I just going crazy or am I expecting a little too much from other people? How do I deal with this?:cry:

This just makes me want to get out of here all that much more, and to get down to FL to prove myself to everyone. That's high on my inspiration list now.

[Jme]

Start by losing the anger.

[paiger81]

Ahem......

****Steps on Soapbox*******
I relate to the "2 year older snotty ive leauge my shit dont stink sister" My little brother has called me on it before. What he doesn't realize, and what BlueVw03 doesn't realize is

A) Most "bitch" older sisters are ok with being the "bitch" because we are NOT parents, we are NOT going to beat around the bush to spare your feelings if we think Younger Siblings are being ridiculous, remember the OLDER sibling has more experience and knows you quite well(whether you want to admit it or not)
B) It is because we are the OLDER sibling that parents talk to us about the Younger sibling. They hope that the older sibling can relate to the younger one because if your parents try to talk to you, you will think they are trying to control you because they are your parents.

I agree that you need to work on your anger.
****Steps off soapbox****

[BlueVw03]

I didn't realize I was so angry. I'm not naturally an angry person, and I can't figure out what is making me so angry. I'm depressed and burnt out, and just wish that people would give me constructive criticism and not just plain and utter criticism. Is a bit of compassion and kindess too much to ask for from the people I would expect it from? It's taken me a long time to work things out inside my head, possibly longer than the average person should need. I feel like people are hurting more then they are helping. How do I find where my anger is stemming from? What process can I use to find it and change it? Do I need therapy?

[paiger81]

Greensmile brings up a really good point. A lot of times I know my brother is really has a lot of confusion in him and that comes out in anger. He really thinks I have it all figured out.....little does he know.

[gluegun]

Honestly Blue, I think you are expecting too much from you family. You say that you want constructive criticism. What does that even mean? Is there anything they could tell you that will make you feel better. Probably not. Maybe you need to think of some specific ways that they could help you out then talk to them about what you need.

[corrie3000]

Also, imho, if you need someone to give you a reason to do what you want to do, or make you feel better about a decision you made, you need to revaulate why you made the decision in the first place.

[BlueVw03]

Thanks for everyone's feedback. I will definitely be able to take your advice real soon. I'll be leaving for Florida in 5 days, and will let everyone know how I am doing and if I'm making any progress. Happy Holidays to all!

[hope4lostdream]

Dear BlueVW 03,
After reading your post, I can understand what you mean more than you think. One observation I think is important to make is that it is possible that parents really DON'T ALWAYS want us to surpass them in achievements. Jealousy may very well play a role. Despite your anger which you have every right to feel, killing them with undeserved kindness and love sprinkled with sugary sarcasm... may be just the trick.
I tried it on my father to get him to stop the endless criticism and words that pierce my heart. I just agreed with him to everything he said even though I don't believe it all...
Yes, my degree is worthless. Yes every internship and all of the hard work I put in for the last 10 years to launch my career was a waste of time. Your right Dad so I should work at Mc Donalds because I am a F-- up. Your right Mom totally messed me up because she cast you out of my life.
Although, after trying to stem the tide of blows the result is that my father really wants to kill my mother because I am a failure...
in his eyes.
It sounds like a tough situation though
Try throwing wisdom quotes at them to set them off balance...
Can a person tell someone like Mother Theresa that she is a failure? Never she was too good and too kind...
Peacemaker in Training =)

[flyogagrl]

Hi Blue.
I up and moved to Florida also. I didn't have a bad relationship with my fam or anything like that. I just wanted a new adventure.
I will tell you it's really hard to pick and move about 24 hours away from home/3 hour plane ride. I depend on the support from my family to get me through the days sometimes.
Moving isn't going to make your problems go away. To them, it prob looks like you are just running away from them.
Why are you moving to Florida anyway, work? school? weather? friends?
Depending on where you are living down here, it can be a whole different world. I am from PA myself, and have been here 7 mos. I still get culture shock sometimes.

[BlueVw03]

I am not really sure why I have moved to Florida. Back home in RI I have found myself still working for my father at his pharmacy that he owns. I have been out of school since May of 2003, and I have been unsuccessful in finding a job in what I went to school for. I graduated with a BS in computer science, and a business minor. I ended up working for a crummy mortgage company for 3 months and hated it, then returned to my fathers pharmacy. I have been battling what I believe to be severe depression, and can't seem to even want to get out of bed in the morning. My doctor suggested therapy as we both were opposed to taking any sort of pills. The main reasons for my depression that I can see are do to the fact that I really have no idea what I want to do with my life, my weight problem (I'm only 5'8 and weight 245), and my lack of love and support and being so damn lonely all the time. I never had a girlfriend though college and now it just seems so bleak finding a girl. My weight has really made me self-conscienous and I dont have the guts t even talk to girls anymore. I cant even hang out with my friends without feeling guilty and out of place and I just feel like I'm an outcast. I never really cared about my weight before but now I cant seem to get through a few hours without being reminded by something about how out of shape I am. I guess I am down here to try to figure out what it is exactly what I want to do with my life and hopefully get started on a full scale diet and exercise program. I've been down here now for 5 days, and today was the first day i was down here alone. Some of my family was down here for new years and they all left yesterday. I am on track to getting a diet together and will now have some time to get my ass to the gym. I have enough money saved up to last me for anywhere from 2-3 months without working, but once thats gone I dont know what I'm gonna do. And I probably shouldnt have spent $1200 on a laptop today. I'm looking for a job down here right now so we will see if I have any better luck then I did back home. I do feel a little more lost actually being down here now, but I still think I am doing the right thing. As far as my choices go for my career, I can pursue the computer science thing and hopefully figure out where my skills and strenghts lie. On the other hand I could just return home to RI and run my father's 2 retail businesses, a small independent pharmacy and a decent size chain liquor store. If I were to return to school for anything besides some computer certifications I would return to Pharmacy school and make some serious money. I was raised in a pharmacy and know the job cold, I just dont know the science behind the drugs. I probably should have gone to pharmacy school, but hindsight is 20/20. The computer industry took a nose dive my sophomore year in college and now people with CS degrees without any experience are a dime a dozen. I dont know what Im doing down here now but at the same time I didnt know what I was doing back home either. Here I feel like I'm free from everything I was tied to that was bringing me down. I can always return to it but I just need some time to figure things out. But i dont know if i will be able to do it all by myself.

[paiger81]

Maybe it's just me, but I do understand why your family was concerned. Perhaps they saw the big picture, which you are only starting to consider now. As much as you would like to, you can never run away from your problems, you will just have them in a sunnier location:) Hope everything works out down there, and keep us posted.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

hi Blue (I want your car!) welcome to the site...

first of all, your family sounds a little like mine, in that maybe they aren't willing to see you as an adult. keep in mind though that even if you are successful in FL, that isn't going to change. they likely have an issue with you moving all the way down there without a job - they may just be concerned for your wellbeing. But the more closeknit the family, the more messed up its interactions tend to be. Some parents actually do feel better if you fail, because it reinforces their beleif that you are a little kid still. Honestly, since you are the baby, your family might not know how to relate to you unless you are dependent on them.

However, I am from Providence myself, and understand how the people back home see New England as basically it's own planet and how on earth could you move "so far away", etc. that may be a large part of your problem; my being 500 miles away has created a lot of strain in my family / friends from home relationships

I don't know that you need to be working for your dad - it sounds like distance will lend enchantment.

just try to be the bigger person, lose the anger and watch your attitude with your family.

[yankeeyosh]

Hey blue...

I moved down to Florida myself (although to be honest, where I am is more like South Georgia)...partly because I wanted a change in atmosphere. I wanted to get away from New York for a while and try to live my own life for a change, rather than live in my parents' house the rest of my life. I don't see any harm in what you want to do, as long as you have some kind of plan once you get down there. And if worse comes to worse, you can always go back to where you're from (not necessarily in your parents' house).

And don't worry about messing up....there's no way that you can get through life without making mistakes.

[BlueVw03]

hello all. Its been such a long time since I've been on the site. Its about 4 and a half months since my last log on. Wow, time flies. Anyway I just wanted to post my situation and how things are going. I moved from RI to FL December 28th 2004 in search of myself and to clear my head a little bit. I ended up finding a really good job working with computers in an IT dept, got a new apartment, and have been relatively happy with life. Finding friends in a new town/city/state isn't the easiest thing in the world when you move so far away. It's good I have at least some family down here to keep me sane. It took me only 3 weeks to find a computer job in Florida when in 2 years in RI i couldn't get hired. It was just interview after interview. Things with my family has significantly improved in the last few months. Communication is open and there is a much more overall feeling of acceptance and cooperation from everyone that I never felt I was getting before. With the family, the job, and the apartment going so well after 6 months, the only thing left for me to do to accomplish what I set out to do is to lose weight, and a lot of it. I'm probably down only about 10-15 pounds since I've moved down, but I've never been able to get in a habit of working out. I always make excuses, and feel like I'm not ready to do it yet. My eating habits and diet is something that I am working on but I break easily. I've been trying to avoid fast food at all costs, make a lot of trips to subway, and cook healthy foods for dinner (usually). When I first moved down I lived in my parents place and it was easier there to cook and eat right. They kicked me out basically (they dont even live down here! lol) and I got an apartment. Ever since I moved into my own place I've lost a bit of the determiniation to get in shape. But because it's such a pressing issue I am facing it doesnt take much to get determined again. If I am able to snap my old habits and form a daily routine around working out and eating right, in 6 months I will be a completly different person. And 6 months definitely isn't a lot of time after being down here for 6 months and seeing how fast it goes by. I'm still kinda lonely down here, make a lot of phone calls to friends back North, and havent met any girls yet. I havent really met genuine friends either. Just one kid I work with who's 28. he's really nice and we get along great, but he just got engaged and I dont really hang out with him that much outside of work. SOOOO, i feel like I'm just babling but thats what this sire is for. Anyways, my plan is to go full fledged on a diet, see what happens, and in 6 months decide what to do from there. Thanks for everyones help. I'll try to swing by the site more often :)

[Everly]

Congrats on getting the job!! Its great that things are going better for you. And 10-15 pounds is a lot of weight lost! Dont be too hard on yourself. :)
I moved from CT to FL almost 2 years ago now and I havent made many friends either. All my friends now are out of town or out of state mostly, so I know how u feel about being lonely sometimes.
Stop by again soon!