One mistake after another?? Or not?

[NO2MO2CO]

Ok...here it goes...

I can't decide if I've made some huge mistakes in my life. A couple of years back, I fell for a girl that I had known for years in college. She let me know that she had the same feelings. One problem though --- She dated my best friend for all of the years I knew her. For the first year after our feelings were expressed, I was reluctant to start a relationship...She had JUST gotten out of the last one, and I was not willing to go after her since she was my best friend's ex (probably my first mistake).
Then, we both moved away to the same place (by chance), and we were always around each other. I truly loved her, and she had the same feelings. But while she was ready to start a relationship, I was not. I don't know if it was still the "best friend's ex" thing, or if I just wasn't ready, but nothing happened. We were VERY close, but a relationship never happened.

Now, we have both moved to different cities (far away from each other), and I think that I may have made a HUGE mistake. I still have feelings for her, but I believe that she has definitely moved on (quite understandable, since I was chickens**t for 3 years). I've thought about this so much, and i never have anyone to bounce things off of, so this is my reason for the post.

I guess I just needed to write it all down. Sometimes it just feels like I will never find a love like that again. I'd hate to think it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I also feel like I did something so terrible to the other person....since I never committed. I don't know....it's so hard to get it all out of my head, and I don't know anyone in place that I moved to....so I end up thinking about it constantly.

[Empressallie]

Trust me, you will find love again. Many people are under the overly romantic notion that there is only one person out there for us. If that were true there would be a good chance we would never meet them at all. What if they lived in another country? WHat if we did finally meet them and they spoke a language we could not understand? People find love due to location, in your hometown, the city/town you live in, where you work, etc. DON'T think she's the only one for you.

As for the "mourning period" (thank you meg ryan~!) after a relationship, I think many people blow this out of proportion. After a long relationship it is completely normal for a person to want a few months of solitude to sort through their feelings. Three years however, is a bit of a stretch. She doesnt need to wait the complete duration of her previous relationship before starting a new one. You kept mentioning that you "werent ready". What does that mean to you? Does that mean "I was scared. Scared to put myself out there, to hurt my best friend, or to be disappointed with finally getting what I wanted for so long?" Well, mistake or not, you have learned a valuble life lesson. Life is short. People move, and move on. If you have feelings, go for it. Don't wait Years, thats ridiculous. Try really getting out there in this new city. If you surround yourself with new co-workers, friends, etc, you won't have time to think about it all the time. And when you meet someone new (which you inevitably will) please just dont be afraid to go for it. You can learn so much about life, and yourself, through romantic relationships. You deserve to let yourself be happy.

Oh BTW, welcome to the site! Everyone has great things to say and interesting responses to offer.:)

[cmyguard]

I understand how you feel. Everyone has those types of situations. Just don't look at it as regret. Maybe you could "reconnect with her" and just be friends for a while.... BTW, welcome. this site is awesome.

[Desiderata]

welcome... and yah, that's a crap situation. But hey, I'm a firm believer in no regrets. We make the best decision we know at the time, and whether it turned out right or wrong in the long run, as long as we learn it's all right. There was a reason you weren't ready for it, and if things are meant to work out, they will find a way. All you can do now is learn what you can, and do what you need to do for yourself.

[NO2MO2CO]

Thanks for the replies and the welcomes!

I do agree with you. I know that I need to get out there and find more people to be around....that would help me out in so many ways. It has just been hard for me to do that so far. It has only been 6 months, so I think that I just need more time.

We are trying to be friends right now...it has been hard, of course. I do think that I have been looking at the situation as a regret...I need to get out of that mentality like you all have said.

Thanks for the help...we'll see how the new year turns out...

[mijois]

I agree with what everyone else said but... I'm not sure it will not haunt you for the rest of your life. Do you believe in soulmates? Well, in college I had a serious 5 year crush on this guy but I was too shy to talk to him. Even now that I'm in a great relationship... I still wonder.. what if? If you try something, whether you win or lose... you know. If you never try, you never know. I have a feeling that I will think about this crush for the rest of my life. Believe me I have had crushes on a lot of people... most of them... I can't even remember their names now BUT this crush... when he looked into my eyes, it was as if he was looking into my soul. I tried to speak... several times and I even practice what I would say... but as soon as I looked into his eyes... I was paralyzed.

Still wondering....

Welcome to the boards!