Mr. Right?

[Anonymous]

Ahh... how the anonymous nature of the internet allows us to reveal such deeply personal thoughts and feelings...

During a recent visit, my friend and I lay awake until 2 a.m. discussing my paranoia that I will never find that "someone."

I'm 21 years (not quite at quarterlife, but I'm surrounded by so many QLCers, and am having a pre-QLC - this being one factor of it) old and have never, ever had a a boyfriend. Not even a pseudo-boyfriend (you know, that guy friend who's only a friend but could be something more, but he's not). Nothing romotely close.

It freaks me out. What's wrong with me? I must be repulsive (but my self-esteem is high enough to know that I'm not)! I'm too fat. That's it. Note to self: lose 10 lbs. Do I send off negative vibes? The list is endless...

What's a girl to do?

Wait.

2 years of University left...there's still hope... because the book keeps saying that after you're gone, it only gets worse in the "real" world.... And if, when I get my first job, I'm still alone and single... I'm going to take the advice I read in the book... and start adopting cats....

Good nights Mr. Right. Sleep tight....

[LMY]

Ah, don't fret. I didn't have my first date until I was 19, and that's the guy I'm living with now. I really can't give any advice about meeting someone or breakups or whatever. I just know that before my bf and I started to be serious, I was terribly self conscious about myself, my weight, my hair, my walk, everything. It's practically all gone now, I feel like I don't have to impress anyone now. He loves me for who and what I am. I can happily eat in public because of him1

[supreme]

Don't worry! I didn't have a serious relationship with anyone until I was 25. I really did'nt date before that because I was concentrating on school and my career. So hang tough! When the time is right it will happen. /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[gabi]

Not to worry..as the others say...I am 25 and still single. i did not date much in high school, but my last 3 yrs of college.....good grief...

when it rains it pours..trust me..you will be compensated for lost time!

[Beckyann]

Hey anonymous, I'm turning 25 next week and I've never had a boyfriend either. And I've heard all the voices that try to tell me that I'm a freak or there's something wrong with me or I'm too fat or too short or too tall or too thin or too brunette or too nice or not nice enough or too smart or not smart enough. But when it comes right down to it, I know that I'm okay, and I also know that I've made choices in my life that have brought me here because I don't want to date just any old schmoe who comes along. Sure, I could be dating if I wanted to-but I want to wait for someone great, not settle for someone who happens to be there. So don't worry. He's coming. And I've talked to some guy friends about this-I worry that guys will think I'm stupid for never having had a boyfriend before, but surprisingly, most of them find it endearing, and I think when I meet the right guy he'll find that just part of my charm. /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif You sound like a very normal person, and I think there are a lot more of us out here than we think in this boat who end up with a wonderful relationship. So don't despair!

[TosaGirl]

You know, I know exactly the feeling here. I am also 25, and I have never dated a man in any way shape or form as well. I feel like noboyd understands because most of my friends have been dating someone, are engaged, are married. Then there is me, I am no where near being engaged/married or even attached!! I have no one with potential even in my life! I get self critical at times thinking there has got to be something wrong with me. I mean I go out and when I get all "dolled up" I feel great, but I don't meet anyone, I come home having just gone to the bar and hanging with friends. I meet guys and I think there is great potential there, and nothing happens. I have made the decision its not me, its the guys I meet are not quality, and when people ask my why i have not dated, I simply answer I have not met anyone "worth my time". Ya know thats kinda true. I dont think I have met many guys who think its cool or anything, I think they think its odd.

But let me just remind you, you are not alone in this world and your "mr. right" is just in hiding at the moment, probably going thru the same things you are wondering where his "mrs. right" is at!

[mel_z]

Don't worry about it honey. I met my husband when i wasn't looking (mind you i was starting to wonder if i would ever meet mr right) It will happen, your still young, just have fun !!!!

It takes courage to marry; it takes even more courage to stay single!! - P.K Shaw

[TosaGirl]

Oh my goodness, that quote is so perfect /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif It does take a lot of courage to stay single! Thanks for the advice, and the quote!!

/phpBB/images/smiles/icon_wink.gif

[supreme]

Having thought I'd met Mr. Right not too long ago and having decide we were better off as friends, any advice on how to get over a broken heart?
The catch here is... we work together too!!

I wasn't looking for someone when we met and we just sort of clicked when we did. It's very hard to get back into the swing of things and become vulnerable to someone else again.

I waited long enough to meet that "Mr.Right" I don't want to have to wait for another 26 years for the next one to come along! :'(

[Anonymous]

Having only one serious relationship in 25 years of life, I feel everyone's pain. Guys seem to like me just fine as friends, even enough to "hook up" but nothing goes further which makes me start to think there is something wrong with my personality. I've gone through all the "I'm too fat, too ugly" thoughts as well and usually believe them. I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason so I guess we all just have to keep the faith that this is part of our plan and everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

Someone once told me that good things happen to good people. Our day will come!

[jeninmass]

I cannot tell you what a relief it is to read these posts. I, too, am out in the "real world" with not even one date under my belt. At nearly 23, this is not something I've felt comfortable admitting.

With maybe 2 or 3 exceptions, EVERY one of my high school AND college friends is married or engaged. It becomes very difficult to believe that there is anyone else out there who is in my situation. All the wait-and-see-it'll-happen-when-you-least-expect-it advice is very difficult to take from friends who married their high school sweethearts.

Thanks to all those brave enough to let me know I'm not the only one!

[Jillian]

It is amazing how many people out there feel just like me. I am 25 years old and I have only had one serious relationship. I often catch myself using self defeating talk, you know the usual I am not good enough or something must be wrong with me... But I don't think it is all me. I have finally realized that I am just not ready for anything serious. I am still trying to find out who I am! And suddenly the fear of never finding anyone diminishes a little. I only hope that as I get to know myself better, God will bring that special someone into my life and I will be ready. I am not looking for amyone to complete me, I am already complete... I just want someone to share my life with... SHARE being the key!

[Anonymous]

Just thought I'd add my support. I am another 25 year old who has never had a boyfriend. Yet i am not so self-confident as some of the other people who have posted messages. I really want to meet someone and fast. I thought I had finally done that when I met my friend PJ. But he continually just viewed me as a friend and nothing ever came of it. Now he has moved away and never calls. So i'm a little heartbroken for the first time in my life and not enjoying it.

[TosaGirl]

You know as a lot of other people said, this is very comforting. I have the same situation, as I have said before, with some friends, all dating or engaged or married... then there is me. Its like good grief will my time ever come?? My sister is 30 and has only had like 2 serious b-friends. And she is losing patience as well. but then again, she is VERY picky, she may have met him, but his hair color was wrong, or he was a wee bit too short! As for me, I just wait, and attempt to take that advice of wait and see, and try to believe God is having me hold out for some reason! I always tell people my Mr. Right is in hiding at the moment!! I believe I am going to meet Mr. right and date only him, then marrry him. Most of my friends agree with that as well. I know how hard it is to stay optimistic, its like where in the heck is he???? Lets just hope all our men come out of hiding soon !!! /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[Anonymous]

I loved the quote from the last reply. Where did you get it from? Anyway, I too am 25 and never had a boyfriend. I have been on 1 date. The other was a sorta date. Sometimes I feel like a weirdo too but people who see me tell me that I am pretty and smart (I'm a medical student) but I don't feel like either of those. The guys I have met are either to self-absorbed or after one thing or gay. Neither option is tempting. Anyway, my mom has always told me this "If you never get married then you biggest worry is one thing...but if you get married to the wrong guy that your worries will be multiplied. Which one is better?" The reality is that most people marry the wrong person (60% divorce rate). So many marry because they think it's time, or they want the big wedding and the attention, or they think this would be a good arrangment. How many actually marry for the right reasons? How many actually know what the right reasons really are? Anyway, don't worry my friend. Your not abnormal or strange. You are just holding out for someone better.

Me too
SKM

[Cinnamon^Girl]

I'm another one...I met my first boyfriend when I was 23. Our relationship lasted almost 2 years and it was wonderful. I was sad when it ended but he was a great first boyfriend.

All of my friends are also married or engaged including my younger sister. At first I felt horrible, like what is wrong with me that I'm the only one not getting married!? After serving as the maid of honor in the shotgun wedding from hell and looking a little closer at the relationships my friends had, I noticed that the majority of my friends settled.

My advice is to keep your standards high (high, not impossible) and don't settle. I think that it may take longer to sift through the Mr. Maybes to find Mr. Right, but it will be that much better when I do find him. Unfortunately this takes a lot of patience which I have little of. =0)

[scoyl]

For all the women out there, here is something you should know:

From a guy's perspective it seems that, for every one of you wondering where Mr. Right is, there are 100 guys wondering where Miss Right is! Does that make you feel better?

Know what a close friend of mine said the other day? "There's no one person in this world who's just right for you. People tend to meet someone within 50 miles of where they live and get married!"

I thought that was rather amusing. It should be noted that my friend is single. But then, so am I.

But the point is that at this stage in our lives (I'm 25) there are SO many things going on. And all that talk about meeting someone in line at the grocery store or the library? I have no idea who that happens to, but it's no one I've ever known.

I have, however, met someone while 1. Not expecting to at all and 2. While out enjoying a day with a local biking club (I like to bike).

On the flip side, I have a friend who married at 22 and was divorced at 23. It's not your age that matters, it's YOU and who you marry. Some things to think about...

Don't think there's anything wrong with you if you haven't found 'the one'!

P.S. Someone I know said this once,
"Everything about her was perfect! Everything, except the lump on the arm." The lump being the bf.

[Anonymous]

THE ART OF WAITING

Why wait?

Because although we want to be decisive, we do not want to be
impulsive.

Although we want to be swift, we do not want to be hasty.
Although we want to hold on to the one we love,
we do not want to lose ourselves in the process.
If we want to run, we must first learn to walk.
If we want to swim, we must first learn to float.
If we want to make love, we must first learn to love.

In the end, it is still best to wait for the one we want
rather than settle for the one that is available.
It is still best to wait for the one you love
rather than settle for the one who is around.
It is still best to wait for the right person.
Because life is too short to waste on the wrong one.

Because waiting serves a purpose. Noble and mysterious,
you have to know that flowers do not bloom overnight.
Rome was not built in a day. A life grows in the womb for nine months.
Great love grows steadily over a lifetime.
Most good things in life take a long time. And they are all worth
waiting for.
These, despite the fact, that although waiting requires a lot of
things...

faith, courage, and hope...
Waiting guarantees nothing. One cannot imagine,
after all, that God in all His wisdom, asks us to wait...
and wait..

"Trust in the Lord and do good...Rest in the Lord,
and wait patiently for him." (Psalm 37:3,7)

[Anonymous]

WOW That whole Why Wait poem. Did you write that yourself or find it somewhere. Anyway it is beautiful. I am going to hang it on my wall. Oh yeah, and I am waiting too. Thanks for the words they are wonderful. AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH NOT HAVING A BOYFRIEND AT ANY AGE. It is not a bad thing, stealing, lying, cheating..those are bad. Not whether a person in single or not. Don't you all agree?

[discoprincess]

i was freaking out about not having a boyfriend by age 16. (and where i come from, people start having boyfriends and girlfriends early.) buit then i got one shortly before i turned 16.

now i'm 23. it seems like everyone else is ahead of me on the dating curve. i went through a period of abosolutely no romantic involvement for about 2-1/2 years, beginning the second half of my junior year to about 9 months ago. i've gone out on a handful of first dates, and even became involved with someone...but still looking...

one date asked me why was i still single? i was a bit flummoxed by that question at that moment, but i can now answer that i haven't found the concordance of the right circumstances, which is true. i'm not willing to settle anymore.

[supreme]

THat was a grear poem! Where did you find it?? I am going to print myself out a copy to remind myself that being single is not a bad thing! And after a recent break I need to reming myself of that every once and while. Thank you! /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[TosaGirl]

Ya know I agree with everyone /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif I mean I wait (as you have read), but then I go back and forth with the self esteem stuff. What do I mean? Well you know how it goes, like someone else said, is it me? Am I ugly? Am I too fat? Is it just men? Do they not find me appealing? Why is it every man I meet I only become friends with!? then I get out of that phase and I just think, well boys are just plain stupid and cant see a good think in front of their face when its there, and thats all! Then I go back to whats wrong with me!? This is a hard topic, people say "you'll meet them when you least expect it" but then theres me who never expects it and never meets anyone. I know the boys are just as scared of all this as us, but there is me and all my friends having someone, and me being single. One of my friends told me she thinks I am only going to date one man and thats the one I will marry...well he needs to show is face, and soon!! /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif

T

[jenc0629]

Hey, reading through your posts at least help me realize I'm not alone. Although that's how I feel. I had one boyfriend which lasted a whole 7 years. We broke up for about a year and that was terribly hard for me, seeing as I had went from knowing who was going to be in my future to having no clue and feeling alone. I met a few people at nightclubs during that time but it just was not the same and they weren't the kind of person I want to be with. I started talking to my exboyfriend again, maybe out of loneliness, but realized for sure that isn't going to work. I am 26 now (just turned) and feel like mr.right is nowhere out there for me, and if he is, how do I know and where to find him? EVERY SINGLE high school friend I had is married, every last one of them and that makes me feel even more self-concious and bad thinking something is wrong with me. I feel comforted reading these posts knowing that there are others out there, but it's still hard. Everyone says, when you least expect it, it will come, but easy for them to say, right? Just thought we could keep these posts going for support. Thanks for your stories, they are encouraging.

[Heatherene]

Studies show that the longs women wait for serious relationships, the more ambitious they are.
I find that to be reassuring.
It simply means that we are taking care of ourselves right now, tending to our needs. When we are ready for someone else in our lives, then we will have a boyfriend.
When people are living well into their 80s, 90s and sometimes 100s, why is there a need to find and marry someone. Enjoy the time you have as an individual. That's not to say that being in a relationship is bad, but you have to make sacrifices that you don't when you're single.
During this time, while you're single, you don't have to argue about who's going to drive, fight about who's making dinner or decide who gets control over the tv remote.
Use this time to find out more about yourself and what you want as an individual before trying to worry about a relationship. Being single shouldn't be a negative thing.

[jenc0629]

Makes sense Heather - thanks!

[Anonymous]

But what about those of us who WANT someone to fight over the remote control with and who is cooking dinner? its hard to be alone at 25 when you dont want to be.

[cavi]

You are doomed. Just kidding. Its not the end of the world. The problem is that you are making it that. As I look through the different posts, it sounds like everyone is so depressed, or looking for Mr. Right. Who is this Mr. Right, I am more left handed anyway.
If you can make your life more fulfilling and happy, then other people will want to be around you. Do what makes you happy and the Mr. Right's or Left's will bump into you.

Johnny Nice Guy

[Independent Woman]

I love, love love the poem posted earlier!!! So glad to see I'm not all alone in this experience. I'll be 26 next week and have never found anyone even remotely special. A couple of years ago I met someone and thought "This is who I've been waiting for" but despite my best efforts it came to nothing more than a brief friendship and a few evenings out - I was so disappointed when he chose someone else over me and cast me aside. I was convinced that that was my one chance I'd blown and was too frightened to believe in the possibility of their ever being anyone for me. Miracle of miracles I appear to have met someone in the last few months, but it seems just too good to be true - I'm having to keep telling myself that it is for me, but I'm having such difficulty in believing in it. I'm so desparate not to repeat my last experience and hurt that I wish I could see into the future - but that poem has just reminded me that I need to patiently wait for the "relationship" to unfold, and enjoy the experience of waiting for a flower to bloom - maybe it will be that much prettier and beautifully scented for the wait.

[Xaedalus]

I keep wondering what it is like, running into Ms. Right. I've never had a serious relationship before and I'm 24. Oh sure, I have gone on dates, many many many dates. But I've never ran into someone that turned into something serious. For the longest time I used to blame myself (and I still do on occasion). I castigate myself for not being handsome enough, suave enough, for being a Redneck with a thin veneer of civilization and a B.A.
This decision caused me a lot of pain in making, but I decided that I should postpone looking for Ms. Right indefinitely. I'm 24 years old, and upon examination of myself, I discovered that I need to happy with myself. If the worst does come true and I spend the rest of my life alone, then I'd better damn well like my own company! Its been difficult, but I've made incredible progress. I've also decided that I'm going to take that quaint, trite, annoying advice about being friends first. I'm going to go out and volunteer for charities and worthy causes. I'm going to find quality friends to fill my days with. And if I meet any single women that way, then I will begin with friendship and seek nothing else until something blooms (a task that would be greatly made easier if science could come up with a safe way to detach my penis, and then reattach it when appropriate).
It feels like I've leaped down off a mountain, and now I'm setting foot on a dark road, hiking off into the distance without any light to see. However, I know in the long run it is ultimately better. To recap: if the worst does happen and I'm alone for the rest of my life, I'd better like my own company.

[Faze]

I have to agree with Xaedalus. Its a crazy world out there,and what can you do but be first and formost appy with yourself.

It seems that most of the posters here are women, but i can assure you as a guy, we go through the same thing. It's nuts but a fourm like this really helps alot. Thanks to the people who made this. /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif

We should really do some research into that Penis reattachment/detachment procedure.

[Scully]

Ohhhhh my god Im so glad I found this thread!...I am in the exact sme boat of never-been-in-a-long-term-relationship-and-feeling-like-a-total-loser-and-failure. So I spose I feel a little bit better about it now. I either go out on the town and meet drunken fools, or guys who just want to get me into bed, or if they do seem half decent theres still not something quite right about them. Or they find something not quite right with me, or they seem controlling or possessive or they get frightened off by my intelligence. Or maybe its just that Aussie guys are hopeless jokes, as my overseas freinds keep telling me!.....lol......but I seem to have legions of internet boyfriends....online guys pals who seem quite 'eligible'...but they dont live in the same place as me of course!...so I really dont know what to make of that...Im fantastic in chat...but hopeless in person?...what should I do?...pick the one I like the best and jump on a plane and go and get them?...or get them to come to oz so we can hook up...and then hope that things work as well as in the real world as they do in the cyber world.

Another thing I think...is that there is so much pressure from society to be in a relationship, or married...and that is because our societies still veiw the nuclear family as the ideal unit to live in. So hence the encouragement to partner up to marry and pop out kids etc etc etc.
And our society also seems to encourage people to settle...ie take what is available rather than hang around for something better. I think that is dumb as well because Ive deceided that I will not ever, cannot ever settle for anything less than what I really really want because when I want something important, I have to really really want it.

Ive got a good quote too...its from 'Express Yourself' by Madonna.....and I think its very good advice...

'Dont go for second best baby, put your love to the test'

[Anonymous]

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU all so much for this entire thread. I am so comforted to know that so many people have experienced the same things as me!

I am twenty one, and I also have never had a boyfriend; SO frustrating. Whenever I see my parents, they make me feel really badly for not being in a relationship. When I feel depressed, my mom says, "Of course you are unhappy--you don't have a boyfriend," even if my saddness is completely unrelated to my love life. My parents feel that a girl my age should be in a relationship, or at least dating around. Ha ha. Fat chance, at my university. There IS no casual dating, and anyone I ask says no, always.

This week I feel particularly bad, because I asked someone out and he said no. The worst part is that I feel humiliated and embarrassed for even trying for someone who I was getting mixed vibes from. I should have known. But, deep down, I know that life is about taking chances.

Thank you all, again. I feel enlightened.

[girlboater]

Wow this is a cool website. I am 28 and still haven't found Mr. Right. I feel like damaged goods! I don't think I am bad looking, but it seems impossible to get the attention of men. The guys I date all say let's just hang out. I feel like a magician. At the mere mention of a relationship, poof their gone. HELP!

[Sam]

It is interesting from a Guy's perspective to hear all about the search for Mr. Right. I have had 3 serious relationships in almost 24 years. I am just as inexperienced as the rest of you. I will soon be graduating from college and looking to establish myself and find someone who wants more than just to go downtown and drink. Men want women who are real and not fake. But, I think too often the pressure to be something exudes over the pressure to learn about each other. I am not too sure where I am going to meet Ms. Right all I know is that she is probably having just as hard a time finding me. So, to all of the women good luck there are plenty of good men left.

[beaker]

Here's another guy adding his 2 cents worth...
In all my 23 years of existence, I've been a singleton. When I'm out in town, the only place I seem to go to is the bookstore cause there really isn't much else to do where I'm from. As I walk to the bookstore, mingling with the public, I see all these couples around and I keep thinking "why not me?". Luckily, it goes away pretty soon. But it happens with such frequency that there have been times when I've thought it's a mood swing of sorts. Almost like a guy PMS. I would really like to meet Miss. Right, preferably at the bookstore, so at least we can enjoy each other's company as much as we enjoy bookstoring!

[KLM]

How do you know if you've found "Mr. Right"? I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and I am really happy. But, I've been in long term relationships before where I thought I was really happy and with "Mr. Right". How do I know that this one is different than the others. I know that I feel more comfortable around him than anyone else but is that enought? I love him dearly but don't want to put too much into it if it's going to end up badly...again. Been there, done that, don't want to do it again! Anyone got any advice?

[Anonymous]

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this thread...there are more of us than any of us though, eh? I generally subscribe, in my best, most confident and empowered moments, to lots of the upbeat notions that have popped up in various messages...don't settle for anything/one just to settle...do things that make you happy...love yourself first...don't go looking for the perfect person, because they come along when you're not even looking...I'm focusing on become a more complete person myself now, so it's okay that I'm not sharing these peices of my life with anyone special...
But let's be honest, all that's hard to remember and keep in perspective when you're sitting on a sofa with your cat eating cherry pie filling out of a can and watching My Best Friend's Wedding Friday night after Friday night...even if you believe it in the bright light of day.
Here's my complaint...I have also always followed the adage and firmly believed that I would find a kindred spirit by being friends first. I have met several quality men with the potential to be what we all think of as "the one." We have been wonderful, amazing friends. And, without fail, we have never progressed beyond the platonic stage, even when I have felt sure there is something more. What's up with that? I can't count the number of times I've had to save face and choke back tears while getting the "But I just see you as a friend" speech from a genuinely wry, sorrowful, and squirmingly uncomfortable male friend. Is it all a crock that the best friends make the best significant others? And if so, who propegated this myth?

Sick of being everyone's best girl freind

[ontariogirl]

I think this is a great post, and i think that both girls and guys struggle with the same things - i'm 26,and have been in several short-term relationships over the past 2 years, but am still trying to get over my one true love. It's funny you know, you grow up thinking that one day you will just 'know'. And i did, i really did. I knew that this guy was the one i wanted to be with for the rest of my life. When he walked into the room, or anyone asked me about him, i would literally light up. It's that feeling you just cannot describe until you feel it. Only you never stop to think that after three years, he decides that he doesn't feel the same way. He is now about to marry someone else, and i feel so lost. So i continue to date - honestly and hopefully trying to find that 'feeling' again. I don't seek out romance, i usually only date once in a while. It's been 2 years since he started dating this other girl, and yet here i am - 26, single, and feeling like a complete loser for even thinking of him. I miss that feeling - butterflies - i have never had them since him. I am so incredibly scared that a million guys could pass me by and i will still be trying to find that feeling again. And so i wonder, should i settle for less, what if it's impossible to love that way twice? What if i'm 50 and i just start to figure that out! I'm in no rush, believe me, but i am still really scared.

[Antonina]

u poor thing... I feel for you. I haven't really gone through what you have, but I guess most of us have probably at some stage "lost" someone that we thought was SO "it" at the time. I once really adored someone - I met him when I was 18, decided he was the "best thing" when we hit 20, dated for ~a year... till he met someone else. Did that hurt! And it took me until I hit 25 before I could HONESTLY say I was COMPLETELY over him. (ie. no more even mild flinching when I think of him with his new love etc).

We all have different personalities, and so obviously some are more prone to dwelling and brooding than others (and I am obviously a subscriber, unfortunately!), but sometimes it DOES take years and years to get over the rejection. But that's ok. You just have to work on things until you next meet someone. But what you DO need is to keep the faith that there WILL be someone else. There will! (really!). Don't expect to meet someone else in a hurry cos you'd have to be pretty lucky to have met TWO great people by the age of 25/26 (most people only meet one or two in their lifetime, probably). Hang in there for the long term and no doubt there is someone else out there for you.

[haley]

I've felt that I met someone who was so right for me. Whether or not she feels the same way still, I still get those butterflies and all these warm feelings when i think of her. I'm still in love with her and I think there's no one else I want to be with, not because I haven't met enough ladies (though I'm sure it helps put things in "perspective"), but just because deep down no one has made me happier and feel so much potential like she has. I'm reading all your posts & I'm just thinking, we may find the right person, as most of us have, but it doesn't matter if they don't feel the same way. To answer the question, is he the one? Yes, but he's not gonna end up with you.

Love is when two people agree that they want to be with each other. If one of them doesn't, then it can't go on.

If both of you love each other but don't make each other completely happy, does it make sense to go on? When you know, you know - do you really? Is there anybody out there who's sure about their current relationship?

[jleigh79]

Hello everyone,

This is my first time posting to this forum... so bear with me :)

Here's my story. I had a year-long relationship end in October. We were 20 (him) and 23 (me). I was completely devestated. I thought that he was "the one." I was ready to give up everything for him. I started seeing a friend of his shortly after that. Looking back, it was a rebound and I wanted to hurt my ex in the worst way. Guy #2 was seeing me and another girl significantly younger (he's around my age give or take a year). Well, as the story goes, Guy #2 picked the girl that was significantly younger because she was ready for a relationship and I obviously was not. I thought my bad luck would never end. Here I am, 23, graduating with my masters degree and I can't keep anyone in my life. Almost everyone in my graduating class was married, engaged, or seriously involved in a relationship. I kept pondering what was wrong with me.

Then about two months ago, I started to have a different take on things. I looked at my situation as a huge blessing in disguise. If my ex and I had never broken up, I wouldn't have met Guy #2 who showed me what was really important in a relationship. If Guy #2 and I had dated: 1) it would have ended after a few months without us being close friends and 2) I would have never gotten to be good friend's with his ex (who has become my confidante). Instead of being jealous and spiteful for my classmates and friends good fortune, I started to celebrate in their happiness. I looked at their relationships and analyze what made them work so well. I started to develop my list of needs and wants I want in a husband. Most importantly, I began to work on myself to attract those men with the qualities I deem important.

Do I get wistful when I see an engagement ring... of course. Do I stand up for people and/or attend weddings and wonder my future... you bet. But I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I am moving to a completely new area in the country to pursue my dream... working with children. If I have the courage to do that, I have the courage to wait out and see what G-d has in store for me.

Chin up everyone. And remember The Wonder Years: " All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope...all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect...who might be searching for us."

Take care and keep the faith :)

Jess

[Disillusioned]

I know this thread is years old, but I found it and wanted to bump it up again because a lot of these posts describe exactly how I feel. I'm sure there's more of us out there, too.

[wrbroadpro]

As a male in now my 30s the ms right question gets asked alot by my aging gma. i told her if she is hanging around here in this life waiting on a good woman to show up for me, she might be around for quite a bit longer. I found that it was paralyzing pondering love and meeting the 'right' person. i am focused on what i want to do in life and where i want to go. if i meet the right person along the way, great. if not, i am not sitting on my thumbs letting life pass me by.

[wrbroadpro]

way to go jess. i wish i had that mentality many years ago. my latest ex taught me to take life full force and never let go. i wish she was still around, but i learned from her attitude and the things we were going to do as a couple, i have promised myself to fulfill. Also, she will be another chapter in my book that will be written this winter. working title "how to dismantle a man's heart without even trying: true stories of the carnage of relationships" so, after I sell millions and millions of books and invited on Oprah, i can thank her on live tv.