Relationship Inexperience

[Ambrose]

I'm somewhat embarrassed to admit this, but think I need to get help with this and hope you guys can help.

For the last 8 months, I've been "talking" to a girl that has been a friend since we were both 15 and now we're 26. When we were 15, we were "boyfriend/girlfriend" or whatever it is when you're that age. Then we grew up, went to college, etc. and always stayed in touch as friends. I've always liked her, but I'm somewhat of a reserved person and never knew what to do in a relationship with a girl, so my ineptness caused issues with it, but I don't think she realized it then.

So, 8 months ago I told her I still like her and she said she still liked me too. I was so excited! But here's the hard part which I really need help with. I don't think I know how to function in an "adult relationship." I hate to say this, but I am 26 and have only had sex once because it was a traumatic experience for me. It's been soooooo long since I've "dated" anyone that I'm even afraid to kiss her when I think she wants that.

We talked last week about stepping up our contact with each other and exploring dating each other more and its weird because I still think of her as a friend, but I do like her and am physically attracted to her. And in addition, I'm a 26 year old guyu afraid to kiss a girl and have only had sex once. That sounds so terrible and makes me feel like a moron. I just have always had problems with intimacy and have no idea how to fix this. I really like her and want this to work, but I'm afraid my extreme inexperience is going to drive her away because she's going to think I'm inept or that I'm just not that into her.

I would really appreciate advice on how to work with this and fix it. It is driving me crazy and I don't know how I got to this point in my life being 26 and having these issues.

[molsen81]

You could be honest and tell her the truth about your lack of experience. I think any woman would be glad to hear that you've had only one sex partner versus many. You could come across some weird advice from jerks who think your situation is comical. Maybe you should go with the flow and use the experience that you've had thus far. And please take it slow.....don't rush into anything. Good Luck!

[rafflesj]

There's a really great book out there that you might want to check out. Its called "The Guide to Getting It On." It covers everything, but its not just a sex book. It hits on important relationship issues and talks about things that might give you some ideas about becoming more comfortable being intimate. Like just being naked together.

[coll214]

Personally Ambrose, when i've had a guy say he was nervous about intimacy, even just kissing, i've found it cute/endearing. It's the people who act like it's no big deal, that you should worry about. Just take it slow, and be honest w/ her, and hopefully everything will work out :p .

[WeirdBrake]

I'm a 26 year old guyu afraid to kiss a girl and have only had sex once. That sounds so terrible and makes me feel like a moron. I just have always had problems with intimacy and have no idea how to fix this. I really like her and want this to work, but I'm afraid my extreme inexperience is going to drive her away because she's going to think I'm inept or that I'm just not that into her.

Ambrose, before I met my first girlfriend at the age of 25, I was similarly inexperienced, and I felt the exact same way about it. I know us guys can feel really out of sorts about this issue, but believe me, there are more guys than you think who have the same lack of experience. The most important thing is to avoid judging yourself as defective or "screwed up."

(let's face it, we're all "screwed up" in some way; this just happens to be your particular way of being screwed up; the problem is we all tend to feel that OUR particular way of being screwed up is worse than that of others; but would you rather be "screwed up" because you're 26 and haven't had much experience, or would you rather be "screwed up" because you're 26 and had unprotected sex with a hundred girls in clubs and are now HIV-positive?.... thus concludes my "screwed up" lecture ;) )

It's an inaccurate way to look at it, and it'll only make you feel worse about yourself. Just ease yourself into the relationship and be open with her. You'll be fine.