About Heartbreak

[Sagiquarius]

I think by this point in our lives we've all had our hearts broken by someone at some time and in some capacity. Fair assumption?

Well I'm going through this now for the second damn time within the course of a year and quite frankly I can feel myself becoming jaded. If in fact this is the end of another relationship I don't know if I'm going to want to find another one for a while.

Anyone ever feel like this? Just get so fed up with shedding tears that you just want to shut down not to have to experience it again? That's the way I feel now. A double edged sword in truth because yeah you may protect your feelings but who knows what you're missing out on? I don't know. This whole QLC thing was complicated enough without the romantice trappings coming into play

[maxwell78]

Yeah, I think you're right. We've all had our hearts broken in one way or another by this point in our lives. As much as you want to, you can't let yourself stop trying. It becomes too easy just to say "screw it...I don't want to get hurt again!" Where does it end? How do you decide it's okay to put yourself out there again? I guess what I'm saying is that if you take yourself out of the game, it's going to be that much harder to convince yourself to get back in.

[manicmonkie]

You are right, most of us have gone through that painful process. I personally have gone through it twice and like you, am not looking forward to going through it again. When it happened for a second time, I dealt with the pain but decided I wouldn't try to be in another relationship for a while. I just think you should relax and not worry about relationships. Try to get through it and focus on other parts of your life that you would like to work on. This will help you pass the time and get the pain out of your heart, and when all is over, you will benefit from it. This is a healthy way to go about it in my opinion because too many people just sit and do nothing or even worse, turn to drugs or alcohol, or other women too soon to cope with the pain. That's just my two cents though. :)

[hopeless]

I'm sure people have gone through heartbreak in their own way. I know I have gone through it. It was more about unrequited love then heartbreak. I had a huge crush on this guy back in high school for 2 yrs. This guy basically went out with a number of girls, most of which he was still friends with & hung out with. Even though I never told him that I liked him he broke my heart when he started going out with a girl in the swim team & the relationship didn't last very long, but still I was hurt & after that I avoided him & moved on. Plus this guy was giving me mixed messages I could never tell if he was actually flirting with me so therefore never told him that I liked him. I don't regret not telling him cause I would of made a big fool of myself.

[littledancerus]

My heart was recently broken (about two months ago) and I'm still not over it. I think about it all the time! Also it's hard because I think that I will never find something like that again... that I wont find someone who made me feel like he did... someone as open with me as he was, someone who looked at me like he did... I just don't see how it could happen that there can be someone else out there like that. It makes me sad to think that I'm not going to be able to have that and will probably have to either be single forever or settle for something that isn't quite right, but will have to do. That and the fact that I worry about him all the time...... :cry:

[Winter Storm]

Yes, I suffered a traumatic heartbreak about 3 months ago, but I was optimistic and decided to jump head first into dating again and start meeting new people.

It's been fun, but what I'm finding is that it is really hrad to meet someone you connect with and just when i think I may have a connection with somebody, something falls aprat. They either stop calling, meet somebody else or lose interest. It is making me more much more jaded which is a shame because I feel ready to feel for someone again, but what guy is going to allow himself to feel anything back?

Everyone is so afraid of getting hurt that no one is allowing anyone to get in, therefore, no one is getting into any relationships. Sucks!

[wordsmith]

I know what you're saying, Sag...for me, the emotional aftermath is the worst fallout of all when you've got wounds you're trying to let heal. It's worse than the initial being hurt or dumped or cheated on or whatever. It's what it does to your psyche and confidence and trust.

I'm not a cynical person at heart. My nature is first to trust. I'm not very wary or guarded, and my first instinct isn't to keep what I'm feeling bound up inside. My first assumption about people is that they wouldn't hurt me, because I wouldn't hurt them (naive, maybe, but that's just who I am). But, in my experience, being blindsided by someone you didn't expect would choose to hurt you can turn you into someone you're not, out a fear that that will happen again, and damnit, you'd better be prepared for it when it does. The worst thing about my heart being broken for sure is that it's left more than a trace of fear and cynicism within me, and that's not who I naturally am. I catch myself being much more guarded and bound in than is my natural nature, without even realizing what I'm doing or why. I keep hoping it will wear off.

[wordsmith]

For me, I think it's less about coping with the breakup itself as it is not letting the fallout from it bleed quite so much into other interactions. Banishing the ghosts, if you will. Getting the gunshy tendencies out of my head.

[ErLeCa]

I've definitely been there. My first breakup tore my heart out and it took me almost a year to get over it. Since then, it's been easier because I understand the reasons behind the breakups and for me, understanding makes it easier.

I definitely didn't like who I was while going through the 'fallout' of the relationship so I try very hard not to let it affect who I am anymore.

As far as after a relationship, I recommend not jumping right into another one. You just don't give yourself time to heal after something like that. I've always found that I need time to just be me for awhile.

[tartytwenty]

I hate having your heart broken. It's the worse. But I do believe:

It's better to love and lost, than never loved before.

[bigboom]

Originally posted by Sagiquarius

Anyone ever feel like this? Just get so fed up with shedding tears that you just want to shut down not to have to experience it again? That's the way I feel now. A double edged sword in truth because yeah you may protect your feelings but who knows what you're missing out on? I don't know. This whole QLC thing was complicated enough without the romantice trappings coming into play

heck yes!

thats me right now and thats the reason why im not actively searching out a relationship. i cant deal with the added drama of a relationship right now or the potential heartbreak. im trying to figure myself out and until then im not going to search out a relationship. im hoping for a Garden State occurence in my love life however :D

[coll214]

For me, I'm a naturally guarded person, and it takes a lot to let someone in... but once i do and they hurt me, it devastates me for quite awhile. and then just when you think you're over it and have even moved on, something or someone can trigger those break-up feelings all over again- even when you KNOW it was for the best. You might be best holding off for a little w/ dating, but don't wait too long...

[Starfish81]

Sorry to hear about your breakup, Sag :(. I wish you luck on getting through it.


Originally posted by bigboom
im hoping for a Garden State occurence in my love life however :D

Bigboom, are you hoping to meet Natalie Portman in a hospital? She seems really nice, and smart, too :).

[Sagiquarius]

Originally posted by wordsmith
The worst thing about my heart being broken for sure is that it's left more than a trace of fear and cynicism within me, and that's not who I naturally am. I catch myself being much more guarded and bound in than is my natural nature, without even realizing what I'm doing or why. I keep hoping it will wear off.

You are so right. It's almost like having your house broken into. Even after the robber is gone and the danger has passed, you still feel their presence and all they symbolize. Fear, lack of security etc. And try as you may you can't make the aura go away through your actions you just have to go about your life and eventually it will be replaced by other memories. Very poignant thank you for your honesty

[Sagiquarius]

I want to thank you all for your honesty and your insights. They've been really helpful. One thing that I'm finding important in dealing with heartbreak is perspective. Putting your worries into perspective so that they do not seem like the end of the world is an invaluble ability. Cry your tears and experience your heartaache yes for there are lessons to be learned from the experience but life isn't waiting for you to finish. I need to realize that and your posts are helping me move toward that. It's easy too to feel like you're the only one. Now I know I'm not you all rule

[bigboom]

Originally posted by Starfish81


Bigboom, are you hoping to meet Natalie Portman in a hospital? She seems really nice, and smart, too :).

it doesnt have to be natalie but someone that has a personality exactly like her character in Garden State would be preferable. I'm in love with that EXACT kind of personality. :)

[maxwell78]

Originally posted by bigboom

it doesnt have to be natalie but someone that has a personality exactly like her character in Garden State would be preferable. I'm in love with that EXACT kind of personality. :)
Didn't you think her personality was kinda flakey in that movie?

[paiger81]

Originally posted by J-girl
Some guys do like flakey chicks you know!

Yeah, usually the assholes who don't like girls who have opinions

[Starfish81]

Originally posted by bigboom


it doesnt have to be natalie but someone that has a personality exactly like her character in Garden State would be preferable. I'm in love with that EXACT kind of personality. :)

She was kind of weird, dude. I loved her character, she was my favorite part of the movie, but I wouldn't want to date someone as nutty as her.

But hey, whatever floats your boat.

[bigboom]

Originally posted by Starfish81


She was kind of weird, dude. I loved her character, she was my favorite part of the movie, but I wouldn't want to date someone as nutty as her.

But hey, whatever floats your boat.

i like nutty and outgoing like that though. to tell you the truth im a lot like that, ill say things that are on my mind, im curious like george and i like weird and different, keeps things interesting :)

[bigboom]

Originally posted by paiger81


Yeah, usually the assholes who don't like girls who have opinions

i think we have 2 different definitions of flaky here.

1. completely dumb and giggles at everything
2. a little odd and different

im talking about 2 :)

[paiger81]

I'm thinking #1, sorry:D

[wordsmith]

I'm a fan of odd and different, myself, bigboom.

DISCLAIMER: NOT "ODD AND DIFFERENT" AS A EUPHEMISM FOR DYSFUNCTIONAL-UNSTABLE. This is an important distinction, because lots of people who think they're just "unusual" are actually headcases.

More like quirky-interesting. Unconventional in a sincere, nonpretentious way. I like people who really are just a li'l different.

[maxwell78]

I don't like really quirky. Just kinda annoys me.

[shimmer728]

I'm not dorky. Just quirky. :D

[shimmer728]

(A former poster had this stupid tagline as her user title, and I just had to make fun of it)

[bigboom]

Originally posted by wordsmith
I'm a fan of odd and different, myself, bigboom.

DISCLAIMER: NOT "ODD AND DIFFERENT" AS A EUPHEMISM FOR DYSFUNCTIONAL-UNSTABLE. This is an important distinction, because lots of people who think they're just "unusual" are actually headcases.

More like quirky-interesting. Unconventional in a sincere, nonpretentious way. I like people who really are just a li'l different.

exactly! it makes things fun and interesting...just like sam's character!

[wordsmith]

Originally posted by maxwell78
I don't like really quirky. Just kinda annoys me.

It does me, too, only if it's pretentious...if the quirkiness is overly exaggerated, and attention is drawn to it.... it smacks of "ooh, look at me, I'm so 'indie...'"

I just like people who are sincerely just a little off, and don't even seem to be really conscious of it. You can tell when it's somebody who's just that way, or for whom it's a put-on to consciously set them apart.

[corrie3000]

Oh crud. I was going to post something uplifting and insightful, but the "Odd-Quirky" debate made me giggle a lot. Ah well.

I find it interesting though, is it wrong that I usually associate "Odd/Quirky" with "Doesn't wash hair?"

[maxwell78]

Originally posted by wordsmith

...if the quirkiness is overly exaggerated, and attention is drawn to it.... it smacks of "ooh, look at me, I'm so 'indie...'"

Word. :D

[bigboom]

Originally posted by maxwell78

Word. :D


exactly it cant be done just to draw attention...it has to be done because that is who they are and nothing else. if its fake, forget it, then it just annoys me.

[artbabe]

i'm like...completely locked up. i've got high security. there's no way anyone's ever hurting me again. that's bullshit. i don't blame you sagi, you've gotta protect yourself. no one else will.

[sweetliss]

Heartbreak, gee I know I am a bit late on this topic, but school started again and I needed to re-assituate my schedule. I am right there with you to an extent. Almost 2 months into a break up, and I have had my heart broken a few times in my 24 years. After the one years ago, I swore off love for years. (I was 19) I convinced myself that it was b/c I wanted to truelly KNOW myself before I let anyone else into my confusion.

Like I said, that is what I told myself. I had fun. I just was, but I was also LONLEY, BITTER, and JADED. People asked me for relationship advice but I knew NOTHING. Then last year, I was bitten by the love bug. Convinced we were "perfect for eachother". Well, I was wrong.(no details, God knows I had enough threads then) However, to deny yourself the bliss of falling in love, and the sometimes uncertian excitment and security of loving and being loved is the saddest thing in the world.

You can either live in fear of love, or completely surrender to it. If you remain jaded, and live in fear (of being hurt) then you will never truelly live.

Don't get me wrong, it is MUCH easier said than done, however, I have noticed having this outlook has actually allowed me to cope better with my wounded heart. I don't even speak with this person anymore, and reflection of things we did, sometimes feel surreal. Like it was a million years ago, or in some dream. But I will never, no matter what, ever say that anyone was a waste of time or not worth it b/c they broke my heart.

People change. They fall in and out of love. No one can control certian feelings, and if you asked me to trade the good memories and experiances I had endured with a person for the sake of my bleeding soul healing quicker, I would say you were nuts.

Having a broken heart, means you are a caring feeling person. There are so many who are not ever loved, and even more incapable of feeling love for another individual.

All that said and done, broken hearts DO SUCK, but it's the price we must sometimes pay for love.

I think I just had a moment...(clarity)...yep the moments gone now. Time to be bitter again. (hee hee)

[Sagiquarius]

Originally posted by sweetliss
People change. They fall in and out of love. No one can control certian feelings

This is really true and I'm going off on a tangent here.

It's tough when your feelings change during the course of a relationship isn't it? It's a feeling of utter guilt because you've been telling this person that you love them and in truth you do. But when you fall out of love it's hard to get it back. You want to hold on because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings but at what cost?

That's another thing I've learned, sometimes no matter what the cost you have to put yourself first. You may break someone's heart and your own in the process, but holding on to a sinking ship is even worse in the end. I had to learn this.