casual sex II

[kitalyn414]

i was going to start a thread about everyone's thoughts on the subject, but i decided to do a search. what i found was this (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=2791&highlight=casual) thread in which i was the first person to reply and said the following:
hmmm... i have to say that i am not a fan. though i know many who are. i just think it leaves you feeling unfulfilled. it is hard for the actual act to be THAT rewarding because you are with a stranger who doesn't know and understand your body. it is even harder for it to be emotionally rewarding because you are with a stranger who doesn't know and understand you.

then there is the risk of std's and also of forming unrealistic attachments. i am certain that it is less of an issue for men, but i find that women who practice casual sex often have some serious self esteem issues. they use sex as a validation of their worth or attractiveness.oh... what a laugh i got from that! :p it is amazing how things can change in a year! i suddenly find myself in what can only be a "casual" sitation, and i have to say that it is AWESOME and TOTALLY REWARDING! of course, i am right about the std thing and may be right about the self-esteem thing. also, who's to say that the situation won't sour... but for now... it is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC! :twisted: :D :twisted:

[natbumpo]

Me (In the voice of Darth Vader): Welcome to the dark side Luke.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

so I take it the date went well? :twisted:

[kitalyn414]

Originally posted by GetMeOuttaDC
so I take it the date went well? :twisted: MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!! omg, you have no idea! i've looked like this since sunday: :D

[and1grad]

This may be the funniest beginning to a thread I've ever seen.

[natbumpo]

Alot of people like to hate, but once they realize what the game is all about, they can't get enough.


oh and1grad remember "a dope MC is a dope MC with or without a record deal all can see."

[kitalyn414]

Originally posted by J-girl
Kit- make sure you keep your feelings in check though. yeah... that's a tough one. i'm not even sure how to go about this. i mean, we talked about it last night. just kind of saying there is no point to be exclusive since we have only known each other for about a week. however, he isn't sleeping with any one else & neither am i. and we do have a good connection. i am aware that he is dating other people, though he said that he is probably going to stop seeing a few of the girls he has been on dates with. i am not dating anyone else, but i guess i still have the freedom to meet other guys and all that. that's kinda cool.

man... pimpin' ain't easy! :p

[rolo99]

"2 people lie down often enough, at least one gets up with feelings".

Be careful....I've tried that and things got sticky (from him) within 3 weeks.

[ErLeCa]

I thought I could do the casual sex thing... turns out I'm not so good at it....

Definitely keep your feelings in check!

[tina1979]

Originally posted by and1grad
This may be the funniest beginning to a thread I've ever seen.
This is definately a hall of famer....You gonna do the induction?

[cazort]

I think there's one key point that a lot of you are missing here.

There's a huge difference between casual sex on one hand, and on the other hand, a very quick development of a substantially deep emotional connection, which may or may not have any kind of long-term committment involved.

I've had situations in which I have met people, and we just really clicked, spent a lot of time together, and really connected, and then the whole physical intimacy thing happened much more quickly than it would normally. That's not the same as casual sex. As much as I never have had and probably never will have sex on the first date, I don't think sex on the first date is necessarily the same thing as casual sex.

When I think of casual sex, I think of people having sex with someone who they really don't know very well, like someone they just met and didn't really form much of a connection with...or...perhaps even more commonly, casual sex is when you know someone, and you already know that you don't have much in common with them, and you have sex. And the key is, it's just sex. It might be fulfilling, but it would be fulfilling on a physical level.

If you go out and have sex with someone and it's really mind-blowing and awesome and it makes you feel closer and more connected to the person, then, well, that's not really casual sex. Just because you aren't in a relationship with someone, and you have sex, doesn't mean you are having casual sex either.

I think it's really important to make the distinction. Casual sex is really bad. It's usually bad sex too. People who go out there and have fantastic sex with people they just met are usually having such good sex because they are able to quickly develop a sort of connection with people--they may have their boundaries and parameters of their feelings, but that's not the same as casual sex. Casual sex sucks.

[kitalyn414]

cazort - thank you so much for your post.

i think you stated my situation more accurately than i did or could have. a very quick development of a substantially deep emotional connection, which may or may not have any kind of long-term committment involved. that about sums it up.


our first date (saturday) lasted 2 days. then i stayed over on tuesday and again last night. and it really isn't JUST sex... we've had some pretty great conversations and i think we both feel some kind of special connection on top of the sex. i guess that is part of what makes me nervous about this. :neutral:

[natbumpo]

Kit is definately having problems keeping her feelings in check...

:(

[shimmer728]

Kita--Good luck and be careful (emotionally AND physically). I hope it works out for you! :)

[kitalyn414]

Originally posted by natbumpo
Kit is definately having problems keeping her feelings in check...

:( is that such a problem? i'm not too concerned about it at the moment. nat, do you think that what cazort was talking about is an impossibility?

[cazort]

It's not an impossibility!

:-)

[LyraDora]

kita - enjoy it! don't pay attention to these other people giving you warnings about getting hurt. from you posts, it seems like he is just as into you as you are him. unless, you see some signs that he isn't interested, why worry.

[wordsmith]

I agree. You only need to worry if you get signs that he's no longer interested, and you are. That's where the hurt comes in, and it doesn't sound like that's where you are.

[seanstevens]

Sex without love is just an empty experience.

(Of course, as far as empty experiences go, it's one of the best)








ok, the truth is, I'm just trying to be funny or something. Even as a guy, I like the excitement of infatuation and curiousity of where it could go. It does make things more interesting.