obsessing over an ex(really embarassing 4 me)

[istartedyoung]

I've been thinking about my ex..for the past 2 years! What is wrong with me.. I broke up with someone 2 years ago who I was with for three years and have been miserable and doing some stupid things since. This guy was my "first" and I was with him since I was a senior in high school. I went through a lot after graduation and stayed w/ him until i was a sophomore in college because as i see it now and have been told.. he was comfortable and I was afraid to be alone. He was not a nice person (called me a slut, v. jealous, lied about entire parts of his life, manipulative, etc. ) i finally broke it off with him technically but my grandfather died soon after and I immediately went to him for comfort and we went off and on for the next 6 months. the last time I ever saw him was when I had an internship in DC and he came to visit me. But we talked on the phone all the time for the year and a half to follow ( it was a long distance thing most of the time) last year we were technically back together but just didnt get to visit yet.. I made plans (along with bought a plane ticket) to see him on my break but he cancelled last minute saying his brother needed a kidney transplant and he was donating. I believed this, who would question it.. well I recently found out he has had a gf for almost the entire time we have been broken up but he would say things like he was devoted to me until we saw each other again blabla.. I was so pissed I got in his email and sent a nasty email to everyone in his address book pretending to be him, I have also had what could be refered to as 'revenge sex" b/c in my mind i knew i was with someone better looking than him and all this crap but all this has only left me feeling empty and shitty as would be expected.. but i still think about him and have not had a significant relationship since him. I am in therapy but nothing is helping.. and i am still sooo afraid of being alone. I on know what I am doing and I jus want to feel normal again and be with someone.. i feel like such a psycho and this guy was not worth shit... my friends and family agree on that much...

[shinyleaf]

Seeing as you were still in contact with him, and having, uh, relations with him one year ago, it isn't that crazy to not be completely over him yet. He doesn't sound like he has any endearing qualities, and even if he does, they don't add up to enough, right? Has your therapist ever recommended actively getting your hate-on for this guy? Proly not. Well, I recommend it. Sever ties and everytime you feel a pang of nostalgia or a need to be with him... focus solely on the assholish things he did, and don't let yourself rationalize why he was an ass. You don't owe anything to him in terms of "understanding" anymore.

Don't worry, in time you WILL get over him. It's hard to know that after your first big breakup. But a lot of people on the boards will tell you that it DOES happen, and we are not all amazingly superhuman emotionless relationship-wizzes! Cut ties completely and forever, relish in hating him from time to time, and cut yourself some slack. you'll be ok in the end.

[inuts]

I just want to say sorry about that. I know it's embarrassing. I get embarrassed when I have to admit that my life isn't this big perfect wonderful thing, which I had to do yesterday (my post Pardon me). I guess I just want to say thanks for sharing. You're not alone. I've obsessed over exes too. (And inside I still would like to show them up if we ever came across one another again). But thanks.

[hopeless]

Sorry this has been a rough journey to go through. Just take one day at a time & the pain won't be as bad. Took me wks. to move on when I broke up with my boyfriend back in high school, but I managed to move on with the resources I had & I know you will too.