bored with success

[boredwithlife]

Hey, I'm new to these boards... 23, female, and just bored with life. This is a pretty long rant that will inevitably piss a lot of people off.

I had a boyfriend for 6 months... I think my quarterlife crisis issues was part of the reason we broke up... but now this breakup has made my issues that much worse.

All my life people have told me "do well in school, so you can go to a good college." So I did well in elementary, middle and high school. Mostly honors classes, good GPA.

So I got into a good college, with a career in mind. I'd decided to be an engineer, so I went to engineering school. So all throughout college, I was told to work hard, learn everything well, so I could get a good job. So I worked hard, did extra curricular stuff, even took a part time job so I'd have some spending money, and spent my last semester in school "living it up" the college way - because I had a couple of job offers from some great companies. Life was going according to the storybook plan... but in the last few weeks of my last semester in school, I started to wonder, "what next?"

I took the best job out of all the offers, moved across the country to begin a "new and exciting" life. My job was exactly the kind of stuff that I'd always wanted to do throughout college, almost to a tee. My friends always remark that it's exactly what I'd always wanted. Success! I make more than enough money to buy me most of the things I want, I found a job during a floundering economy, and on top of that, a job that I actually enjoy. So I should be happy, shouldn't I?

I'm not. I'm just bored... so bored with everything. I excel at my job because I love it - but my companies policies require a certain amount of time to pass before promotions. I know that as soon as I can, I'll get promoted. I don't have to worry about money... I put money away for retirement every paycheck, have all these stock options... but that's all down the road. I've gotten a few awards at work. Overall I'm doing wonderfully with regards to work... my boss said i was never allowed to leave the company. :P I'm passionate about my work but I don't make it my life because I don't like the thought of being one-dimensional... so I limit work to just work hours.

For a while, I'd had a boyfriend who was the greatest guy in the world... we never fought, we had all the same interests... but I was never really happy, and so even our breakup was for my sake - he felt like he couldn't make me happy, and that I deserved more. I disagree, but we couldn't reconcile our differences and now we're not seeing each other even as friends. It hurts, but it's probably the best for both of us. I think being single is what I need for a while anyway, while I try to figure out why I'm so bored all the time.

It sounds like I'm whining about stuff that a lot of people here would probably kill for... I'm grateful for all the luck that I've had with my life so far, but that doesn't stop me from being completely bored of it. I just don't see the point in doing anything anymore. Going out to bars? Been there, done that... it's not that much fun. Travelling? I've travelled a bit, and it leaves me unfulfilled. I fill my hours after work now reading and watching movies... but that's all it is - filling hours. All the things that I used to love doing just seem so pointless now... I love to cook, but what's the point in improving my cooking skills? I'm never going to use them except on me and my friends... and they already think I'm really good. I play the piano... and thought about taking lessons, but what's the point of learning when I have no real audience to listen? My friends listen and just think "wow that's good... you're great at that" but it never makes me feel like I should improve. I'd taken a bartending course right after graduating college - it was fun, and I sometimes think I'd like to put it to use... but the bars near me aren't looking to hire, and I wonder if I'd just get bored of that eventually too. My friends already always come to me for making drinks, because I remember the ingredients and can mix them pretty well. I ice skate from time to time, and wonder if I should take lessons to improve... but then I think again, "what's the point?"

How does one get over this general malaise and restlessness? I'm a big fan of video games, and to me life has been like one big game... but now I've beaten all the hard parts, so what do I do now?

[Skyblade]

Hi boredwithlife! Welcome to the boards. I don't think your post will piss anyone off. You are really lucky to have those things, but I understand the boredom part. I really love my job too (even though I don't get paid that much), but its the time after work where I found myself so bored.

I guess a question I have is how do you find meaning in your life?

For me, I find meaning in my faith, but I know thats not the case for everyone.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

hmm... people assume that because your're materially "successful" you don't have a right to be unhappy because other aspects of your life SUCK? Your 401K isn't cheering you up when you're sad, and your stock options don't provide you any moral support? Having an impressive resume isn't fulfilling your heart's and soul's every need?

GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

I mean, welcome to the boards. :D

[boredwithlife]

Oh I totally know what you mean... it's just that it's so hard to talk about this with other people, because all they can do is bring up the fact that I have "everything I always wanted." Some of my friends have just gotten irritated talking with me about it because they're still struggling with stuff.

Where's the joy in life when you have everything you want? I feel like I need something to chase after... another goal to work towards.

Thanks for the welcomes. I don't have a faith/religion... I was born into a non-religious family, and have never really even toyed with the idea of adopting a faith. I HAVE considered it these past few days (my friend gave me "The Gospel According to the Simpsons" and I just finished reading it) but I wonder if that will just fade like all the other things in my life.

[rafflesj]

Lets run with the piano thing! I live in the Bay Area as well and my neighbor two doors down is a soprano. Here's my train of thought - the neighbor takes lessons in SF with a teacher who is in her 80s. The teacher plays the piano for her students and in addition regularly schedules concerts for the community and senior centers, in part to get her students experience with performing. My friend also performs on her own for senior centers and even at a local pizza place when they have a band playing.

Which leads me to volunteer: "How about taking those lessons you were thinking of, and then maybe looking for ways you could perform for others?" What I wouldn't give to have musical talent enough to play the piano two handed. Musicians are always in demand. And I'm not talking about playing gigs, I mean just for the joy of playing or for bringing music to others. There are lots of bands around here with dedicated amateur musicians. Just go to the La Pena Cultural Center in Berkeley to see some!

Share the talent, girl!

[boredwithlife]

Sounds good... but I've somehow lost the joy of playing. I had it for a little while a few months ago, and I would just go home from work during lunch to play for a few hours. It's hard to play well when you're not feeling it, you know? It's some kind of weird vicious cycle...

I have thought about volunteering... I used to volunteer at an animal shelter. In fact, I've just recently adopted a dog that used to be neglected... for the time being, he's occupying my time as I train him and get him used to the house... but even when I do these "socially responsible" things the satisfaction is transient. I see how happy the dog is, and it feels good... but then I wonder why I can't be so easily amused...

[Morgan81]

I order you to go to Las Vegas for a weekend.
Do not book your hotel in advance.
Do not bring a camera.
Do not bring a credit card.
Just bring $1200 and expect to lose it all in four days.

Seriously, just do some soul searching and relize that this message board wouldn't exist if there weren't thousands of other people in more or less the same spot. :D
You will find who you are and it doesn't have to be what you do.
I am a total scumbag, but that never stopped me from working in a Fourtune 500 headquarters.
SHHHHH!!!! don't tell anyone :twisted:

[One on One]

I feel the same way sometimes. Have you considered that you may be depressed?

[Irish79]

Originally posted by One on One
I feel the same way sometimes. Have you considered that you may be depressed?

I feel the same way about life when I'm depressed, so I think One on One may be right.

[boredwithlife]

I've definitely considered it.

Should I seek professional help? Will this just pass on its own? Do I need some sort of medication?

After all, I did just go through a breakup (it was only a week ago... but I had been having alot of hte motivational problems even before that... it just seems to be even worse now)

[J-girl]

Originally posted by boredwithlife
I've definitely considered it.

Should I seek professional help? Will this just pass on its own? Do I need some sort of medication?

After all, I did just go through a breakup (it was only a week ago... but I had been having alot of hte motivational problems even before that... it just seems to be even worse now)

Thats it then. When you break up, your whole outlook on life changes temporarily and thats when I joined QLC. Just give it time and you'll be okay. Get a dog or something. How about volunteering at a charity. Since you have it going, maybe helping others might give you a whole new outlook on life.

[seanstevens]

I think that this is pretty common, especially when we are often expected to move to a different city where we have no support structure.

In many cultures, isolating yourself from friends and family just for a job is rare and socially discouraged instead of idealized and respected as it is here. (they wouldn't be surprised that someone that did this would feel depressed)

Getting professional help by talking to a counselor is the way that our society deals with this. (After all, you can hardly really open up to people at work, and the only way we meet people is through work.) I think that it is important to get some of that out in a safe setting.

If it is what I consider "episodic" depression (feeling bummed because you broke up and don't have a lot of friends in this city) than even talking on this board can help get you over short term blues by letting you vent and verbalize your feelings honestly and getting real reactions from people.

For depression that lasts longer, you should definitely consider seeing a counselor, though. Sometimes medication can stabilize your mood so that you can deal with these other things in counseling, but a pill alone will not make your isolation disappear or make you less bored with life.

In any case, I certainly empathize with your situation, and wish you the best.

Stay in touch with the board...

[rrr34]

I ditto your story exactly "boredwithlife". I got the job, the money, the house, yada yada, but am bored as hell. I then volunteered at an animal shelter, quit that b/c bascially you're interacting with older retired people (at my shelter atleast) and dogs (who can't talk). I then just broke up with a girl and the anxiety set in. No challenge, no drama, no conflict, what do I do? Well, I have started seeing a counselor and she's helping a lot. Also, I have plans to get another job at a home center (to lessen my home improvement costs) and take a class on automotive technology, something I love, but am horrible at. I also plan on going to church and volunteering with an organization that might have some younger people. It will keep me busy and not bored. Even if it is still not fulfilling, maybe during one of those activities, you'll meet someone who will spark your interest in something. (Sorry to ramble) We have a new guy at work who suddenly gave me the energy to take that auto class and just do something challenging. In conclusion, I would volunteer maybe with kids or those less fortunate than us and take a class on something that will challenge you mentally or physically.

[boredwithlife]

Thanks for all your help... I really appreciate it.

I think the first step may be to see a counselor. I'm going to do this and see what I can get out of it. I'm hoping that will help a lot.

[gambit293]

Have you heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?

Basically, there is a hierarchy of needs, and the lower levels (the base) need to be fulfilled before you can meet higher needs.

So, at the bottom of the triangle you have the basics like food, shelter, security, etc. Moving up, you have stuff like a job, family and friends.

Here is one link:

http://chiron.valdosta.edu/whuitt/col/regsys/maslow.html

Perhaps it might be useful to try to pinpoint exactly where you currently stand on the pyramid. Of course, everyone on QLC is at a different point (though many of us are probably clustered towards the bottom).

See? Psychology 101 can be useful!

[teebes]

Originally posted by boredwithlife
but now I've beaten all the hard parts, so what do I do now?

This is what struck me most about your post I think. Getting a good job, being financially and stable, being culturally and intellectually aware, having really good friends, all these things are very hard to accomplish, yes, but I don't think that it qualifies as all the hard parts. Not even close.

To me, the hardest part of life is simply getting to know yourself. So many times throughout my life I thought I knew exactly who I was, where I was, where I was going, then something happens and all of my paradigms about myself shift dramatically. I realize that as it turns out, I have no idea of who I am, where my limits are, what I really want.

I used to think that by a certain age (around now), I'd have myself completely figured out, and I'd feel stable and happy. And what I've realized recently is that the search for yourself takes a lifetime, no less. All learning curves are made of ups, downs, and plateaus, and the learning curve of your self is no different.

I think that if I've learned one thing, one true undeniable fact in the last six months or so of my life, it's that happiness does not, and will never come from outside sources, from circumstances, from events. Pleasure and joy can come from that, sure, but the true happiness, the one that lasts and that you'll always be able to count on, it comes from within.

Your post was comforting in a way, because to me it's sort of a confirmation of that. Just take advantage of this time in your life to do some soul searching, to look back and look forward, to figure out exactly where you are. It's very tough work, but that effort will give priceless rewards down the road...

One last advice for you though: never listen to mine, because one more thing that I've learned recently is that I don't know anything at all ;)

Welcome to the boards!

[Lumburg]

I once heard a definition of happiness that I thought rang very true-- happiness is making meanful progress toward a goal. You're unhappy because your goals have already been met. You want to not be bored any more? Get a goal.

I suggest drugs. You've got more money than you know what to do with, you're young, you are bored out of your mind. Many an overprivileged child of wealth has met the same dilemma you face, albeit they arrived there with less work. Anyway, I think you should take up a drug habit and gradually become more and more addicted, such that simply obtaining the drug becomes your goal, then, before you know it, you'll be in a struggle of trying to maintain your job and do the drugs at the same time. Soon thereafter, you'll lose your job, and BOOM! you've got a new goal.

You've got the immediate goal of getting the drugs you'll so desperately need, but you've also got the long term goal of getting the life you used to have back. Wait a minute, why would you want the life you had back?! That's why you started doing drugs in the first place! You'd want it because you want a goal, and that's the most familiar one that's most within reach! Yes, it's kind of circular, but such is the way of life, and the human mind is programmed to need struggles and goals. A human without a struggle is like a fish out of water. We work and struggle so that we can have kids who have a good life. Why? So they can work and struggle and have kids who have a good life, ad infinitum. You're a dog, now chase your tail.

BTW, you may think I'm being flippant with my drug suggestions, but this is seriously something I aspire to. Nothing would make me happier to be on top of the world and consciously chose to become uncontrolablly addicted to oxycontin. I seriously think that would complete the circle of life.

Welcome to nihilism. It's cold in here.

[paiger81]

Have you heard of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs?

OMG!!! :lol: Maslow was a HUGE deal in my BBA classes in college!! I had forgotten about them until you mentioned them :lol: They were applied to various marketing techniques in order to touch/get through to a consumer!! :lol: I swear by the end on college I could recite those bad boys like I was in a cult!!

[*K10*]

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0310205719/qid=1107124496/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-5022963-4667152

check it out - you'll be glad you did! :)

[WeirdBrake]

Sorry, *K10*. I'm not too keen on a God-focused life, mostly because I've already pledged my soul to Satan... and... well, hey, a contract is a contract. ;)

[XJMP]

I know Lumburg was just being flip with his last post. Still, I take issue with it. Getting addicted to drugs is not the way to fight boredom. In my opinion drug addiction is too serious a matter to joke about.

XJMP

[paiger81]

In my opinion drug addiction is too serious a matter to joke about.

Personally, I think you may need to relax a bit. It was obvious that Lumburg was joking. Your a relatively new poster and I am sorry you were offended, but I also feel the need to let you know that a LOT of our jokes are flippant and sarcastic about a lot of heavy issues, so be prepared for it.

Otherwise, Welcome to the boards ;)

[XJMP]

Paiger81, I accept your point. I took Lumburg's comment too seriously. I just don't like drugs. Still, I need a sense of humor.

On a different note, thank you for welcoming me to these boards.

XJMP

[kinetic_hours]

Boredwithlife- I read your post and found it interesting because in some ways, we have a lot in common (about same age, we both live in bay area, are engineers, split with b/f, play piano, have stability, irreligious etc.) and from time to time, I am bored with life. (Not interested in piano ever since I performed at a friend's wedding and suddenly found it all trite). It occurred to me: are you perhaps lonely? You didn't mention spending time with other friends, or family.
Anyways, I'm curious if things are better now, and if you've found something(s) that helped.

p.s. What to do when you've beaten all the hard parts of the video game that is your life? Reboot and start writing a new game. Advanced levels with enhanced graphics, music, user capability, and hidden pockets of "easter eggs" (those secret codes and features you have to buy the book to find out about).