To Pursue or Not to Pursue

[Winter Storm]

This subject may have already been done, but I could not find it and I need some insights.

I read the book 'He's Just Not That Into You' and the author really stresses that women should not pursue men because (1) if she's doing the pursuing he's not that into her, (2) men prefer to pursue women, (3) when woman are the pursuer, it never works out in the end.

Now I don't mind pursuing a guy. I know many guys are shy or intimidated and may need that initiative. But when I thought about it, any time I pursued a guy, I never got far. But the instances where I've had long-term romances, it was the guy that pursued me.

So what do you think, is it true that when men pursue they are more interested or should women pursue anyway and try to gain his interest. What are your experiences?

[WeirdBrake]

Women can safely pursue guys. But if the guy makes it the slightest bit difficult, he's probably not into her, and she should give up on him.

[cornflakegirl]

no this book, again. didn't we have this same thread recently, or did it deleted?

[Starfish81]

I read the book 'He's Just Not That Into You' and the author really stresses that women should not pursue men because (1) if she's doing the pursuing he's not that into her, (2) men prefer to pursue women, (3) when woman are the pursuer, it never works out in the end.


First of all, I hate this book, for many reasons.

Second, no situation has ever worked out for me, whether I was pursuing someone or being pursued. So I figure, screw it, who cares. I'm not a person who waits around hoping for something to happen in any facet of my life, so why should my love life be any different?

Winter, if you're interested in some guy, you could wait and see if he approaches you first, or you could go up to him, chat for a bit, and maybe ask him out. Either you let someone else determines what happens to you, or you make things happen yourself. And if you do decide to make things happen for yourself, you get the chance to figure out if you're even "into" him. And honestly, that's what really matters. If you don't like the guy after talking with him for a few minutes, who cares if he's into you or not?

[Kitty]

I pursued my current BF hardcore. I was REALLY into him and I thought we had this amazing first date..but he really gave mixed signals and it was like total Mr. Big syndrome. I kept with it though because I was so into him..and I later learned that his previous gf had died from a chronic disease and he was super scared to get intimate with someone. So, every situation is different and I really think its a load of BS that women can't pursue men.

My bf eventually did open up, and we're doing great.

[isitfridayyet?]

that book makes me kinda depressed...i guess maybe there is some truth to it. like if you're the only one who tries to make plans, then maybe the guy's not that into you. but i think that there has to be some effort on the girl's part otherwise the guy might think that she's not interested if she never tries to plan anything. waiting for the guy to do everything seems so old-fashioned.

[mishl982]

no this book, again. didn't we have this same thread recently, or did it deleted?

Yea, that was my post. I'm sure it's floating around here somewhere.

I've learned not to rely totally on that book anymore, because after hearing other females and males' opinions on it when I first posted about this, I've found the book really isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I think it's good if you're questioning a relationship, aka "Well, he's not calling me anymore and I haven't talked to him in two weeks, is he still into me?" or if I'm doing all the pursuing and he hasn't done a thing, then DUH he's not into me. The book is also good when I looked back on past relationships or crushes - it told me "why did you ever waste your time on those guys?"

I think it's ok for the girl to pursue the guy. But if she's doing all the work and he doesn't show anything in return, then he's just not that into her. It would just be nice for a guy to pursue ME for once!

[Ederratic]

Eh. Go after the dude. Do you have any guy friends you can use as an interpreter? They'd be able to tell you better if the guy is into you or not. F*ck that book. If he's the shy type just be careful of how strongly you present yourself or you'll scare the crap out of him.