Adjusting to Life At Home...AGAIN

[Anonymous]

I am a recent graduate and I was aware that I would not get out of school and land a dynamite job right away. What I was NOT prepared for was the extreme stress and challenges of living at home with my parents and siblings after being on campus and out of state for 4 years.

My relationship with my mother is particularly tumultuous. I would love if you guys could share your own specific experiences with living at home and any tips for how to cope and communicate effectively.
I can't wait to hear your stories and thanks for taking the time.

[Patty Roth]

You are not alone! And it does get better. I am not a 25 year old, but I am the mother of two young adults and am writing a book to help parents and young adults communicate more effectively. I am interested in specific stories of struggles and successes between the two. Both the parents and the young adults I have interviewed have been quite insightful. (Humor often helps!)
Patty Roth PH.D.
Author of ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK! 8 Secrets for Parenting through the Middle School Years.

[Anonymous]

i just moved back home after being out of college (and in my own apt.) for a year and a half... for many reasons, mostly because my new apt. situation fell through. i am using this time to figure out what i want. my advice for living at home again? put a lot of thought into what you need to live there happily, and take little steps to make those things happen. for example my dad and i have problems communicating, so i laid it all on the table and told him, very clearly, what the best way to communicate with me is, what i need him to be patient with me about, what i realize my faults are, and how he could constructively help (for example, remind me to empty the dishwasher, because in a 5-person household we do it at least once a day, and in my 2-person apt., we ran the dishwasher only about 3 times/week. or ask me nicely to take out the dog, because i never had a dog when i lived on my own, so i don't think to do those things.) this might sound stupid or silly, but that's what i had to do-- communicate *everything* down to the picky little details.
also, i have my own car, a cell phone, and am really busy with various projects outside of work, so it helps me to be out of the house a lot, but to be there for specific fun things, like my little brother;s little league game.
does this help i hope? maybe i am just babbling because i am at work and wish i wasn't... /phpBB/images/smiles/icon_smile.gif
good luck!

[Anonymous]

I think the last message was right. It is best to still have your own life and be outside the house. Or if you are home say hi to everyone and go in your room. Find common ground and stick to that. It is hard. We are the first generation to not go from our parent's to our husband's house. So we are treading new ground. Remind yourself that your identity as a person is not based on where you live. IT is based on who you are. Maybe this will be a time to get to know yourself better....based on who you are and not the external accomplishments or activities. Remember that this is temporary and you will enjoy being on your own more when the time comes.

Good Luck and remain patient. Write in a journal...it will help to vent some of your frustrations.

[Anonymous]