Does anyone else have a hard time asking for help?

[littledancerus]

It's pretty much impossible for me to ask anyone for help for anything. At my old apartment, my ex-boy would always want to help me fix things, but I'd get mad and tell him I could do it myself, even if letting him do it would have been a lot quicker. I can't ask my profs in school for help. Even when I really should. I really aught to ask my prof a ? about my paper that is due tomarrow, but I can't bring myself to do it. I always feel like if I have to ask for help it must meen that I'm not good enough to figgure it out for myself. That pisses me off. People at work ask me to help them out with stuff all the time when they get really busy and I do, but if I get really busy I just suck it up and get 'er done. Anything really, any time I could use help and people are there to help me I get mad and make a point of not asking for help. I just feel like if I need help it makes me look dumb and like I can't take care of my own self. Is anyone else like this??? Is it really silly of me??

[mishl982]

Hehe I have to ask for help otherwise I would never get anything fixed/done. Only on the more tedious and time consuming things. And as you guys know, I have to ask for help when it comes to my car!

[biodork]

I have the same problem! Except it mainly comes to either people I don't know, or older people. I think it has to do with my shyness, but I will definitely sit around for an hour trying to come up with alternatives before I even think of asking for help. Even just stupid things, like on friday at work i needed a box of tissues, and i was told to go ask the person who stocks the lunch room if there was a building stock of tissues, but instead i went to the bathroom and just got toilet paper instead.

[Bugsey34]

I used to be really bad with this but have gotten better. I've gotten to the point where I can ask for help (if I've totally exhausted my own capabilities) at work.

But I NEVER ask for help if I have any kind of personal issue. I tell very few people or no one if I'm going through something. People that just tell everyone how they feel after a breakup or if they're feeling lonely amaze me!

[littledancerus]

Yea, personal issues... can't talk about that at all. Actully, right after I graduated I went to a career counciler at my school. She kept asking questions about how I FELT about stuff and it pissed me off. I ended up crying every time I went to see her. I just wanted to know what I should get a job in not have my brain picked!!! So every time I'm sitting there crying my eyes out and she's trying to get me to talk about it and I'm just like, no I'm not talking!!!!! Stop trying!!! Urg... pisses me off just thinking about it...
Anyway, another example... when I moved back with my parents we got a wireless router for the computers so I wouldn't need to have mine wired up in my room. So I'm hooking up the main one to my 'rents computer and I can't figgure it out. I'm playing with it and getting mad for like an hour and a half, all th ewhile my dad's telling me to call the help line and I'm like no.... eventually I call and they have it running for me in a minnute... so then I go to hook the other part up to my computer. Same thing happens, I work on it forever while my dad's like, well, they made it easy last time, you should just call again, and me being stuborn, have to work on it for another hour and a half before I finally give in and call... felt soooo stupid.

[shimmer728]

Yes, I definitely have trouble asking people for help. I always feel like I'm bothering whomever I'm asking.

[Kitty]

I get afraid to ask for help at work because I feel like I should know how to do things, and when I need help I feel somehow like I'm not good at my job or something...

[hopeless]

Like everyone else I do have a hard time asking for help. However, when I was in college, at first I didn't ask for help, but once I began asking questions to professors I was able to ask for help knowing in my mind that it's better to ask or else I could of done better work on that paper or exam if I only asked, plus I wouldn't become so anxious. College was the only time I wasn't afraid to ask for help & right now I still have a hard time asking for help when it comes to people I just met or hardly know. Majority of it is because I'm really shy, but I guess if a person makes me feel comfortable my shyness will diminish.

[artbabe]

I'm extremely stubborn about doing things independantly because i'm the youngest. all my life i've been told that i'm too little to do things...to this day it pisses me off. just let me do it myself! :mad:

yah i'm like that. :cool:

[hopeless]

Some parts of me too are stubborn as well as shy. I guess I get the stubborn part from my mother unfortunately. I'm a very independent person & I like to do things on my own or have things done in a certain way. I feel that my independence is what keeps me sane & cope at times.

[Irish79]

I am totally like this and I hate being told what to do. My mother tells everyone what to do every minute of every day, so growing up with that has made my attitude toward it even worse. My last boss was a total micromanager and drove me nuts. I felt like I was working for my mother (nightmare of all nightmares) - I eventually quit. :bigger:

[got_the_jitters]

Yes, I definitely have trouble asking people for help. I always feel like I'm bothering whomever I'm asking.

Me too. It's that I feel that I am bothering people. Not that I'm shy etc.

[Woolfe]

I don't mind asking for help. AFTER I tried it myself.

Personnaly, I'm looking for the quickest/least effort/simpliest way to have the stuff done. I don't want to "pass the ball", but if I can't do it in a reasonnable amount of time, I will get the help so I can learn how to do it.

Also, if somebody in my team is much better on a specific topic, isn't it better for the team that he does it? I think so. And the rest of the team can learn from it.

I see asking around for help as a way to learn instead of an admission that I can't do it.

littledancerus, is it possible that you have a bit of an ego? Like asking for help is saying you can't do it, that you are failing... Just a thought.

[littledancerus]

Well, yea, it's true, if I can't do it I AM failing. Maybe it is an ego thing?? I was always very good at anything I tried when I was younger. I always had people wishing they could do things like me. Now that I'm out of college I feel like I'm wishing I had things other people have and that's just backwards!! People are supposed to want my life I am not supposed to want theirs. They are supposed to look up to me... not me to them... So this makes me angry and stubborn and maybe it's childish but I can't let people know there's things I'm not good at....

[Woolfe]

I wouldn't say it's childish, it's quite normal. Always tough to admit you can't do something. The sad thing, most of the time, it causes more problem when someone tries and tries again than simply admitting that's it's just not working...

I'm sure you're still good at most of the stuff you do! Probably most of the times people are still hoping they could do as good as you... Having one or two area where you are behind only proves that you are human and not a superman.

For example, I just can't find good clothes for me, I NEED someone to point good stuff to me. Oddly, I find pretty good clothing for my wife... (I know, silly example....) :lol:

[wordsmith]

I rarely ask for help. It's a combination of a pride thing/not wanting to be perceived as not being capable, and also being absolutely loathe to ask anyone to go out of their way for me. Also because I've rarely asked for help where it didn't come back to bite me, get thrown in my face at some point. I'd rather just do things myself than deal with having to hear about it forever after. But I'll be the first to admit that not asking for help when I should have has bitten me in the ass, hard.