In over my head and getting down :(

[Kitty]

I have been at my job for 2 months or so. My boss is out this entire week. I have to take on full responsibility for a bunch of projects. I keep running into road blocks and having trouble.

I feel like I should be able to do these things, but then something always comes up and I don't know the answer or what to do. It's just making me feel highly stressed and i'm getting down on myself.

[wordsmith]

Awww, kitty. My boss is leaving this coming week, too, and I'll have to run stuff in his stead for two weeks' worth of publications. I'm a wreck (anticipate seeing me hardly at ALL on the boards while he's gone). It's hard to do the work of two people. If it makes you feel any better, I'm super anxious about it, too, and I've been here nearly 4 years.

[Kitty]

I know! I felt that same anxious feeling all last week. I was so stressed over the weekend that I couldn't sleep. I couldn't even enjoy my time off.

This whole week I have had no appetite.

[wordsmith]

I was so stressed over the weekend that I couldn't sleep. I couldn't even enjoy my time off.

You know, this is so my life that I don't even notice it, anymore, until someone else points it out. Is it any wonder I'm seeking some other employment? :(

[Kitty]

Actually, now that you mention it thats been happening a lot too me too (ever since I got this job).

I have these total moments of self doubt where I feel like I am just not capable of doing this job and I think, "How on earth did I get a job with so much responsibility??" I am also in the I-need-to-prove-myself phase, which is additional stress.

Words, I hope you get an awesome job after this. You totally deserve something a lot more relaxed.

[steph78]

I know how you feel - I have experienced the exact same thing at my job over and over! My project manager has a habit of disappearing unannounced awfully close to project deadlines! Argh. I am kind of indecisive and second-guess myself a lot (although I've been trying to work on this a lot the past couple years) so I definitely get stressed when I pop in to ask a question and find out he's gone for the rest of the day and I'm SOL.

Here's my advice - if you have a project and you get stuck on one aspect of it, don't let yourself get too bogged down on that but try to find some other aspect of the project where you DO know what to do and can make some progress which boosts your confidence. Then repeat until you just have a little list of things you are stuck on where if you got those resolved you would be all done, and find someone that can help you with that. I actually got complimented by the president of the company for taking that approach at my last performance review (which made me feel good!), he said that everyone else is always wasting his time popping their head in with just one question every ten minutes, but I save things up until I have a list so I only have to bother him once every couple days and we can get everything out of the way in 15 minutes or so, and he really appreciated the fact that my doing that saves HIM time. Who knew? :)

Don't get down on yourself, though - I'm sure they wouldn't have hired you if they didn't believe you could do the job. You're smart, you can do it!

[Phoenix]

I second what Steph78 said about not getting down on yourself. All new jobs have a learning curve, especially since most don't give you training. I trained myself on my current job and it took me 6 months to a year to get the hang of it and get into a groove (when it would have taken no more than a few months had I actually had any training). But it helped me learn things much better than other people because I developed my own system and actually learned WHY things were the way they were. I'm now a knowledge base for my dept. and got promoted last year for it.

So...what I'm saying is, what may be a struggle now may be an advantage later. I felt like you do when I started my job. But it made me determined to ask questions and figure out answers on my own (my co workers were also kind of unfriendly when I started). And if something went wrong? I learned from the mistake. I still don't have all the answers and know what to do all the time. No one does and no one will. So chin up!

[pisces2473]

I agree with Phoenix. I've been at my job for 2 years and it's only in the past 6 months that I've felt really confident in handling certain tasks and NOT having to ask a zillion questions. I've also been put in charge of others' projects...

Now this sounds like a good thing, but yeah, I still hate my job, lol.

[blueyes]

This whole week I have had no appetite.

That's me now; I've gone into second-guessing mode as of yesterday, when I found out I have two new project to work on. I've done this type of thing before - literally (PM recommended me in the proposal on one) - so why am I losing my mind?! I can definately handle this: for every single project like this, I've kept it under budget. (PMs love that.) The site are easy. I have a loose timeframe.

But my appetite sucks, my heart rates elevated, and my concentration level is shot to hell.

*hug* hang in there, Kitty.

[Bugsey34]

I went through the same thing, Kitty.

I got my job right out of college and ended up working in the business office of a restaurant with only like 3 other people. Besides being the owner's assistant I ended up doing PR, insurances for the restaurant, administering insurances for employees, being the legal liason, dealing with a horrific restaurant union, etc. I was SO clueless in the beginning, it was literally trial by fire. But you learn so well that way, because you have to know it. It's like learning a language, it's best to immerse yourself even if you don't know it well yet, because it's sink or swim.

I've been here one and a half years now, and I still feel like I'm learning. I mean when I started I didn't even understand the concept of insurance, nevermind all the different kinds you would need for a business.

In the beginning it was very hard for me, I would come home so mentally exhausted because I was forcing my brain to accept so much new info at once. Then I would dream about work every night! It was like being in the office 24 hours a day! Even last night actually I was having a dream about work....

However, I will say I have learned a ton and also it is a great story for your resume in the future, because people will be impressed by you! Imagine in your next interview when you can say, I went into this job with little experience in X, Y and Z, and withing X period of time I learned it all, and taught myself most of it! Also in your field, are there any books or publications about it? I have found that is a good way to learn more...