have you been a bridesmaid?

[TennisPlayer]

Well I said yes to be in my friend's wedding back in sept. that was when my job situation was flexible and I could take a few days off to attend the weekday rehearsal and evening events.

However I just got a new job and I have mandatory job duties both nights that the pre-wedding events are on SO I told my friend that I can show up early sat morning and someone can show me where to walk etc since I was going to be a bridesmaid.

So here's the deal- she said that if I couldn't make it to her evening events friday night (I would get done really late and then have an hour's drive to meet them) then I could just forget about being in the wedding!
I told her I couldn't be in the wedding then since I couldn't make it for that thurs or fri night -an hour's drive away too.

She just got all mad and said things like I thought you were a better friend, this is MY wedding, you haven't asked how you can help with the wedding, etc.

She was being immature about it instead of realizing that I have mandatory job duties and offered to show up the day of the wedding!

I just needed to vent because it makes me mad when people aren't more understanding. My decision was made easier not to be in her wedding when she started getting all mad instead of understanding. She wants to be in control of everything and thinks everyone will stop their life for her.

I told her I'm going to the wedding....she's still mad at me for "backing out" -I just got hired last week!\


have you lost a friend -that's what it feels like- over stupid wedding issues?!
Known a controling Bridezilla?

[caity]

I completely understand about job duties and having to balance it with bridesmaid's duties (in fact maid of honor duties from out of state). I am lucky compared to you though... the bride (a friend from college) is completely understanding of the werid and wacky and last minute hours that I have to pull. I've held the same job since before she asked me, so that helped because she knew what she was getting into.

I would tell your friend that you really want to be in the wedding and that you want to do everything in your power to accomditate her wishes but somethings just aren't in your power, because they aren't.

She's probably just paniced, so I hope that she calms down and decides to be an adult and deal with your job change. Good luck. Be patient but don't give in.

[WeirdBrake]

TP... it sounds like there's some shared blame here. Yes, your friend could probably be more understanding, and she should handle this situation better. But you sorta invited it on yourself by committing to something almost 7 months in advance. These days, it's incredibly difficult to be sure about one's schedule 7 months down the line, especially as a 20 something with changing jobs and job duties. If you gave her false confidence that you'd be able to do all the usual bridesmaid stuff-- including the Friday night thing-- no matter what, then I can understand why she's now upset.

In any case, you're doing the right thing by still doing what you can as far as the wedding. Hopefully, she'll calm down and realize she has to deal with the situation as it is.

[Starfish81]

TP... it sounds like there's some shared blame here. Yes, your friend could probably be more understanding, and she should handle this situation better. But you sorta invited it on yourself by committing to something almost 7 months in advance. These days, it's incredibly difficult to be sure about one's schedule 7 months down the line, especially as a 20 something with changing jobs and job duties. If you gave her false confidence that you'd be able to do all the usual bridesmaid stuff-- including the Friday night thing-- no matter what, then I can understand why she's now upset.

In any case, you're doing the right thing by still doing what you can as far as the wedding. Hopefully, she'll calm down and realize she has to deal with the situation as it is.

When I was in my best friend's wedding, I put my life on hold for her weekend wedding extravaganza, because I could. But not everyone can do that.

WB, most weddings are planned a year in advance, sometimes 2 or 3 years. Hardly anyone knows their schedule a year in advance, but they commit to attending or being in the wedding because of their relationship with the bride or groom. TP couldn't have known that her new job was going to conflict with the wedding. TP offered a compromise, and the bride threw her out of the wedding. The bride might be under a lot of stress right now, but that is no reason to take it out on her friend.

[TennisPlayer]

When I was in my best friend's wedding, I put my life on hold for her weekend wedding extravaganza, because I could. But not everyone can do that.

WB, most weddings are planned a year in advance, sometimes 2 or 3 years. Hardly anyone knows their schedule a year in advance, but they commit to attending or being in the wedding because of their relationship with the bride or groom. TP couldn't have known that her new job was going to conflict with the wedding. TP offered a compromise, and the bride threw her out of the wedding. The bride might be under a lot of stress right now, but that is no reason to take it out on her friend.

That's how I feel! Back when she asked me to be in her wedding, I had an on-call job so I could easily take those days off... now I have a full time job and we have mandatory meetings those 2 nights before her wedding and she wants me there with her. She made hurtful comments like "I thought you were a better friend" and "you're not even offering to help plan the wedding" I've only been in 1 other wedding and all I had to do was show up for the wedding- that's it!

She's not being understanding of the circumstances (she said I had to be there fri night or else don't be in the wedding on sat) and taking it personally.

[pisces2473]

Ugh, don't even get me started on being a bridesmaid. I would never do it again. Hang in there TP, and do what YOU have to do for YOURSELF. You never know if your friend will still be there for you, say, 6 months after the wedding, or if she'll just decide the friendship's over and dump you. Your life is yours even after the friendship is over--so do what makes you happy.

[SmilesSoSweet]

I'm in my brother's wedding in September. My new job starts in May and I cannot use any vacation time until six months after working there. When I signed my acceptance letter, I let them know that I need time off for this wedding. They were understanding knowing that people do have plans booked well in advance. I won't get paid for those days off, but at least I can have the time off to be in my brother's wedding. A wedding is probably one that you have to commit to months in advance.

Your friend, though, isn't understanding at all. Yes, it's her wedding and all, but she has to understand that not everyone can stop their lives to be in her wedding. I think it's tougher for friends to be in friends' weddings. My brother's finacee was kind enough to make the bridesmaid dresses affordable (about $120). I've heard other brides-to-be bridesmaids dresses were like $300+. I can't believe that.

[MetFanL]

It's a tough situation. The bride probably could be more understanding. However, her wedding is probably costing her and her family upwards of $20K. It's a huge event to plan and, when you check things off your list, you hope that they stay that way b/c you have a million more things to worry about. And, that doesn't even include the anxiety about actually making the big commitment -- this is just the event planning anxiety.

Anyway, she's probably just supremely stressed out. Give it some time. Let her calm down a little. If you're not the maid of honor, it's probably not a big deal if you don't attend everything.

[lilyflower]

I've never been a bridesmaid yet (luckily) nor married yet but I understand getting married is particularly stressful for the bride. That said, she KNOWS you're new at your job and CAN'T just flake on nights you're supposed to be there. You offered to accomodate the best you can, what more can she expect? You're not a good friend unless you put HER wedding ahead of YOUR job? That's nice, does she plan on supporting you after the wedding if you get fired for not showing up?

Chances are things will blow over. Give it time.

[wordsmith]

When circumstances change, all parties need to be reasonable. It's not like you're blowing her off out of choice. Were you really supposed to turn down a new job because of her wedding? Weddings have to be planned well in advance, yes, but reality is that peoples' lives change.

My brother is getting married this summer, and I'm a bridesmaid. I'm also in the midst of a job search, and hope to God to have a different job by that point, best case scenario, and possible one in a totally different geographic region. I will be making every endeavor to discuss with a promising prospective employer the commitment that I have to be in this wedding, but honestly, if it were to come down to having to choose between the job and the wedding, and the job were something out of this world, I might have to go with the job. I'd hope that that wouldn't be a choice I'm pressed to make, and I'd be heartbroken to have to bow out of my sibling's wedding. It's highly unlikely that I'd take a job where they wouldn't at least let me take the time without pay if need be, but never say never.

[pisces2473]

I'd hope that that wouldn't be a choice I'm pressed to make, and I'd be heartbroken to have to bow out of my sibling's wedding.
Wait, you'd be heartbroken if you weren't in the wedding? Or if you couldn't go at all? Because it wouldn't make me that sad if I couldn't be a b-maid anymore, BUT I was still going to go...

[wordsmith]

If I'm across the country at a new job, I'd assume that the dilemma would be getting the time off to make the trip back, period (to say nothing of affording it). I was thinking of a potential scenario where I couldn't come back at all. I hope that doesn't happen. But I'm not likely to turn down the job of a lifetime over it, either. Not, mind you, that the job of a lifetime seems to be being actively offered to me.

[pisces2473]

Oh okay...I didn't think you'd be the type to be crushed because you couldn't be a bridesmaid! But yeah, I'd be pretty upset if I had to miss a family wedding.

[wordsmith]

Yeah, and my brother's the first...

[Lumburg]

Ahhhh crap...

Sorry if I should've made another thread abou this, but what are the male duties at a wedding? And what sort of time commitment would it entail? A good friend of mine just decided to get married, and and if there's some male bridesmaid equivalent there's a good chance he'll axe me to do it. That would sorta blow cause of how busy I am with school and work.

[Starfish81]

Ahhhh crap...

Sorry if I should've made another thread abou this, but what are the male duties at a wedding? And what sort of time commitment would it entail? A good friend of mine just decided to get married, and and if there's some male bridesmaid equivalent there's a good chance he'll axe me to do it. That would sorta blow cause of how busy I am with school and work.

It's an usher. Like the guy at a movie theater, not the multi-platinum artist.

[pisces2473]

You've never heard of what guys do in weddings? :confused:

[wordsmith]

The male counterpart to a bridemaid is a groomsman, Maid of Honor=Best Man. These are the people in the wedding party who stand up for you at the altar or what have you, and witness the ceremony. Ushering isn't the same thing, ushers seat people, like they do in theatres. Being an usher in somebody's wedding would be a smaller time and monetary commitment than being a groomsman.

[SmilesSoSweet]

My brother's wedding is also the first in my immediate family. There will be seven bridesmaids and seven groomsmen. And of course a maid of honor and best man. That was their choice. Then there are the flower girls, ring bearer, coin bearer, primary sponsors (candle, veil, and cord) and secondary sponsors. It's a traditional Filipino Catholic wedding. And it seems like everyone's coming to this wedding from all over the place.

I'll also be flying back into town for the wedding since I took a new job in another state. If I wasn't in the wedding I'd still do my best to get the time off because it is my brother's wedding. Most companies (at least in my industry) are aware that people do have plans in advance - most cases, those plans are weddings - and they would be able to work with you.

[pisces2473]

My brother's wedding is also the first in my immediate family. There will be seven bridesmaids and seven groomsmen. And of course a maid of honor and best man. That was their choice. Then there are the flower girls, ring bearer, coin bearer, primary sponsors (candle, veil, and cord) and secondary sponsors. It's a traditional Filipino Catholic wedding. And it seems like everyone's coming to this wedding from all over the place.
Is the sponsor thing Filipino? Is the coin bearer a Filipino thing too? I've never heard of either...what's that all about?

But 7 bridesmaids plus an MOH??? MY LORD that's a lot of attendants!

[SmilesSoSweet]

Is the sponsor thing Filipino? Is the coin bearer a Filipino thing too? I've never heard of either...what's that all about?

But 7 bridesmaids plus an MOH??? MY LORD that's a lot of attendants!

I believe the sponsor thing is a Filipino tradition. There are the ones that are our parents' age. They don't really do anything in the wedding other than walk at the beginning and end of the ceremony in church. If you are asked to be a primary sponsor, it's almost a given that your gift to the bride and groom is money. Basically it's like you're helping them out now and if they ever need help in the future. Usually it's your godparents from baptism or your aunts and uncles. I'm not sure on the limit of them. Then there is a pair (male and female) for the candle (to light their path), the cord (to combine two lives as one) and the veil (to keep them together). That is done during the ceremony. They also walk with the procession.

As for the coin bearer, he's the one that carries a certain number of coins on a pillow. Sometimes the coins are tied together so it's like a chain. It represents fertility. My grandpa back in the day told us that if the coin bearer drops the coins, the couple will not bear children. It's just all supersition and tradition, I guess. I hope the coin bearer doesn't drop the coin, I want nieces and nephews to spoil! :p

As for the bridal party, yeah, it's a lot, but I've been to weddings were there were ten each!!! Crazy. I think I'll be happy with four couples - three bridesmaids/groomsmen each and the MOH and BM. But it's their wedding, and our families have been very good at not butting-in. :)

[pisces2473]

I believe the sponsor thing is a Filipino tradition. There are the ones that are our parents' age. They don't really do anything in the wedding other than walk at the beginning and end of the ceremony in church. If you are asked to be a primary sponsor, it's almost a given that your gift to the bride and groom is money. Basically it's like you're helping them out now and if they ever need help in the future. Usually it's your godparents from baptism or your aunts and uncles. I'm not sure on the limit of them. Then there is a pair (male and female) for the candle (to light their path), the cord (to combine two lives as one) and the veil (to keep them together). That is done during the ceremony. They also walk with the procession.

As for the coin bearer, he's the one that carries a certain number of coins on a pillow. Sometimes the coins are tied together so it's like a chain. It represents fertility. My grandpa back in the day told us that if the coin bearer drops the coins, the couple will not bear children. It's just all supersition and tradition, I guess. I hope the coin bearer doesn't drop the coin, I want nieces and nephews to spoil! :p

As for the bridal party, yeah, it's a lot, but I've been to weddings were there were ten each!!! Crazy. I think I'll be happy with four couples - three bridesmaids/groomsmen each and the MOH and BM. But it's their wedding, and our families have been very good at not butting-in. :)
It must be a Filipino thing because I've been to some VERY Catholic weddings and there was nothing like that--and no candle (except the unity candle), cord and veil thing either...and I've never heard of a coin bearer.

I never get why people want so many attendants...bridesmaids don't do anything in the actual ceremony...

[shimmer728]

I never get why people want so many attendants...bridesmaids don't do anything in the actual ceremony...

In the wedding I was just in, there were seven attendants, including the MOH.....and no groomsmen. It was odd, but to each their own.

If I got married, I'd have only my two sisters as attendants/bridesmaids. Neither of them would be maid-of-honor, because I wouldn't be able to choose between them.

[pisces2473]

And I would also like to add that most bridesmaids don't do anything even during the planning stages, so why have them???

Shimmer, you can have 2 MOH's :)

[shimmer728]

Shimmer, you can have 2 MOH's :)

That's true. I just meant that I would want both of my sisters to have equal duties.

[Lumburg]

You've never heard of what guys do in weddings? :confused:

Nope. None of my friends have ever been married before. The only weddings I've gone to have been for family, and I never really paid attention to what's going on.

[wordsmith]

In my brother's wedding, they're not worrying about an even number of attendants in the wedding party. They are just having the people important to them involved. My bro is having his twin as his Best Man, and a childhood friend as a groomsman. The bride is having a childhood friend as MOH, and my sister and I and our other brother's longtime girlfriend as bridesmaids.

I know the bridesmaids don't do much, it was just a matter of including people...Kelli doesn't have sisters, so she's always thought of my sister and I as her sisters, and my other brother's girlfriend will be a sister, too, eventually, anyway, they've been together for almost ten years. So it's just a matter of having the whole family involved.

[Luna456m]

First can I say that...WOmen become Bi*ches when planning for a their wedding.... My best friend was a pain in my a** when she was preparing for hers...up until the moment we walked down isle i wanted to smuther her with her friggin veil..... But soon after she apoligized for being a raving loonatic and all was forgiven...I beleave i was one myself... things are crazy when you have this entire party to plan, your scared sh*tless that something will go wrong ...pluss the fact your about to promise yourself to someone and hope to live happily ever after....uughghg

I truly understand where your coming from, unfortunatley at the moment all she can hear is huge screeeeeching sound while she pictures this huge thing falling apart all because her good friend has a life....

I can't promise she will get over it...(mostly cause i dont know if she is usually this selfish or if its wedding related) I do hope she can forgive you and undertsand that you love her and would never do anything to ruin her wedding. All i think you can do right now is send her letter or a card...hard copy not via e-mail and tell her how you feel...make it as sappy and mushy as you can...and remind her you will be there to share the moment and wouldn't miss that for the world....(right?)

Sorry.... wish you lots of luck and chocolate martinies....(sorry always works for me)

[wordsmith]

First can I say that...WOmen become Bi*ches when planning for a their wedding.... My best friend was a pain in my a** when she was preparing for hers...up until the moment we walked down isle i wanted to smuther her with her friggin veil..... But soon after she apoligized for being a raving loonatic and all was forgiven...I beleave i was one myself... things are crazy when you have this entire party to plan, your scared sh*tless that something will go wrong ...pluss the fact your about to promise yourself to someone and hope to live happily ever after....uughghg

It's true that I can already see, three months into the planning phases, that I will have to continually remind myself that my future sister-in-law is actually a lovely enough person, because she's already becoming manic about quite a bit. But I'd be the same way, if I were planning something large scale. I get tense organizing a few friends over for dinner.

[Sesamebabe]

This topic is hitting close to home because I am currently a bridesmaid in one of my friends weddings and it is like nothing I have ever experienced before! This is really long, so be prepared...

There are alot of things that determine how much committment in time and money you will have to put in (factors include the age of all the bridesmaids, the city/state it is being held in, how demanding of a bride/family there is, etc.).

The first couple of weddings I was in (mainly in the CT area) my duties were limited to the regular stuff - helping out with the bridal shower, working on the bachelorette party, showing up for the rehearsal dinner and then being in the wedding.

But this latest wedding I am in is completely different - I have never seen so much activity in my life! I am thrilled and honored to be a bridesmaid in my friends wedding and I had a hunch of how crazy it would be, so I am not dumping on anyone here - it is just that the amount of money that we are being asked to put into this event is astounding! The wedding is based in New York, so this is the first hint that things are gonna be crazy - people spend an average of $50 to 60 grand on a wedding (whereas my wedding was done on a 15 grand budget). There was 1 engagemnt party (which was like a mini wedding) there will be 2 bridal showers, 1 Bachelorette party in Miami, a designer bridesmaid dress/shoes, a lingerie party, a spa day, a monthly gift to the bride (each bridesmaid had a different month), a 2 night hotel stay since the wedding is out of state and that doesn't inlcude the wedding gift. Overall I will probably be dropping a couple grand when it is said and done.

I am lucky in the sense that my friend is totally understanding if you don't have the money to make it to her Bachelorette Party which is being hosted in Miami, or that you can't make it to 1 of the two bridal showers, and she also has offered to pick up some of the tab on our dress and shoes which I though was extremely generous considering her and her man are paying for the wedding themselves!!!! So her sweet and carefree attitude (and that of the Maid of Honor) makes it alot easier to swallow. But my personal expectations were very different for my bridesmaids and I think some more suburban brides are similar to my take as well...

As a young bride (got married at 23), I never really expected my bridesamiads (most of them were my younger sisters) to do anything. They had no money, let alone a clue as to the duties of what to take care of. So I was just naive and didn't know better so never really got upset. My Maid of Honor was really helpful when I needed advice and was really cute in assisting me with picking out my dress, hair, music and picking up some of the tab for my bachelorette party (which I actually planned myself - I liked it that way!!!). But I was also a very different bride in the sense that I didn't really care about the details... who cares if you don't have the EXACT same number of groomsmen and bridesmaids (I actually know people who have invited an acquaintance to fill up a spot so that both sides were even), who cares if the dresses on the bridesmaids don't match (as long as they are the same color, what does the style really matter?), who cares about tons and tons of flowers that will never be remembered, and who cares if one person can't make it to the rehearsal dinner (walking down the aisle and standing on the side is something that can totally be explained to the person the day of the wedding). I was actually short a bridesmaid because she became pregnant and she was nervous of telling me for fear I would be upset - I laughed when she said that because I was just so happy for her exciting news, I was just hoping she would be able to come to the wedding as a guest (she was going to be due around the time of my wedding). I also proceeded to let my bridesmaids pick out their own dresses (I didn't care of length, or fabric or style - just as long as it was the color red that I specified) I really just wanted them to all feel comfortable and happy with what they wore and also to buy something that they felt they could afford and/or wear again. THEY ENDED UP LOOKING SO HAPPY AND BEAUTIFUL IN ALL THE PICTURES!!!! I planned my own bachelorette party (which turned out to be the best night of my life!) and invited anyone that was willing to show up - alot of people couldn't make it (I will admit that my feelings were a bit hurt at first) but I realized that some people just didn't have the time or money, so why should I be upset?

The most important thing you should care about is that your family and freinds are there in health and happiness to share in the beginning of your new life as wife and husband. All that love (and a good sense of humor)really does overshadow any snafus that you may run into on your wedding day. While many brides like to think that the day is all about them, that is simply not true - it is about you, your husband, friends and family as a whole... never lose sight of that!!!

So in the end, the answer is that you are NOT a bad bridesmaid and that the bride should be ashamed of acting the way she did. Hopefully she will realize in the end that worse things could happen and will forget about the whole thing because in the end, life is just too short to worry about stuff like that!

[Lumburg]

holy shit, i never realized how much of a pain in the ass weddings are for everyone involved, not to mention expensive. i have to wonder why people put themselves and others through this. from what i'm reading, being a maid/man of honor sounds more like a curse than an honor!

[pisces2473]

Take a hint from the Book of MetFan--ask to do a reading.

[TennisPlayer]

so now she emails me saying she doesn't even want me at the wedding at all -that's fine with the way she's acting but she's taking things completely out of proportion and ended our friendship. She's being ridiculously selfish just because I couldnt make it fri night (mand job duties-new job) I couldn't be in the wedding even though I offered to show up early sat morning to hear what I needed to do!!!!

Wow what a way to treat me saying I'm not a good friend. Oh she even said that showing up sat morning wasn't a sacrifice on my part. !


I'm moving on!

[pisces2473]

Awww TennisPlayer, I'm so sorry. My friend ended our friendship soon after her wedding...and just up and did it pretty much without warning, blaming it on me for things that I did but she NEVER told me about. It really hurt. Isn't it amazing how people get psycho before/after they get married???

I'm sure you are hurting too...hang in there, hon.

[TennisPlayer]

Awww TennisPlayer, I'm so sorry. My friend ended our friendship soon after her wedding...and just up and did it pretty much without warning, blaming it on me for things that I did but she NEVER told me about. It really hurt. Isn't it amazing how people get psycho before/after they get married???

I'm sure you are hurting too...hang in there, hon.

Thanks Pisces. It's reassuring that this is typical for some people that are getting married to go through. I just think it's awful that she's blaming me left and right over the trivialist things.

At least her mom told her she'd reimburse me for the money of the dress-maybe she's going to re-sell it or something. Let's hope or else I'm out $100 that I'm going to go have fun on my own!

She's 25 and he's 38. My other friends think they had a weird relationship when we invited them over so I'm glad I'm moving on....she's going to feel bad for how she's treated me in a few months people told me if she knows better.


It's STUPID to "fight" over 1 day no matter what the day is and end a relationship! *grr!*

[pisces2473]

Hopefully you'll get the money back. I donated my dress and shoes to my high school's drama program--they used it for a costume in this year's production of 42nd Street.

My friend just up and ended things because apparently I said things that hurt her and she didn't tell me because it stressed her out too much. It was easier for her just to cut ties without even giving me a chance to apologize or explain. Whatever.

[Starfish81]

so now she emails me saying she doesn't even want me at the wedding at all -that's fine with the way she's acting but she's taking things completely out of proportion and ended our friendship. She's being ridiculously selfish just because I couldnt make it fri night (mand job duties-new job) I couldn't be in the wedding even though I offered to show up early sat morning to hear what I needed to do!!!!

Wow what a way to treat me saying I'm not a good friend. Oh she even said that showing up sat morning wasn't a sacrifice on my part. !


I'm moving on!

That sucks, TP. I'm sorry you guys couldn't work it out. Brides are crazy.

[Theatre_dreamer]

Tennis Player,

After I read your post, I felt for you as I have been in a situation very similar to yours. In point form, just like you I didn't have that kind of money to spend nor was I able to book that much time off. I had to politely back out of the wedding since I wasn't even able to pay for the half a week for a hotel room (not to mention the travel expense to going half way around the Province). Anyways, Long story short I too was disinvited from the wedding and I did not go. Since then my friend and I have been talking and we have been on some good ground. The moral I guess, of what I'm trying to say is that yes you can be friends after a wedding blow out but yet, something will never be the same between you two.

[Sesamebabe]

Seriously, if this girl is truly un-inviting you to the wedding, what kind of friend is she in the first place??? All you can do is let her know how silly she is acting and say, "I will always be your friend through thinck and thin, it is obvious we are at a thin point now. When you realize how silly you acted after the fact, I will still be here. I am sorry I will not be able to be a part of your special day because I really care for you. I will be thinking of you on that day and I truly wish you all the happiness in the world."

That way you put the ball back in her court, and hopefully at some point, she will come around. It may take awhile because she most likely will not want to admit that she was wrong, but time brings all things back into line. Just don't worry about it, because seriously, you are not the one at fault here. You were only not able to make the rehearsal dinner and you offered to come early on Saturday... if she can't work around that and wants to get all pissy, then the issues really do lie on her side.

I had a freind in highschool who ended our friendship because I dated a guy she broke up with a year prior (and she only dated for 3 months). I was upfront with her about the whole situation and she said she was fine with it. Apparently she lied - she blew up at me and said I had to choose her or him - and I basically said - I love you both, I am not choosing one over the other. Well that was it... I said to her what I said you should say above (not the wedding part of course) and I always treated her with kindness and respect through the rest of highschool even though she always gave me the cold shoulder. Wouldn't you know - 2 years later she contacts me to get together and she admits how stupid she was in highschool... lol, it took 2 years, but she came around. I suspect the same will happen with your freind... unless she is a Scorpio... whew, then it could be YEAAAAAAARRRRRRSSSS.... lol

[Theatre_dreamer]

Sesamebabe,
I loved your comment about the Scorpio taking years to come around, they can be quite the difficult sign at times lol I am actually a scorpio myself but I really do try to keep a little balance, and try to the best of my ability to be the enlightened sort. Presently I've been reading astrology charts now for over 5 years and I find it facinating.

Tennis Player, I have a question for you, what sign are you and your friend? Maybe it might shed a little light...

Theatre_dreamer :p

[pisces2473]

Hey Theatre...I'm a Pisces (duh) and my bridezilla friend is a Capricorn. Enlighten, please :)

[MollyMe]

I am the MOH for my sister's wedding. It's a small wedding and I'm the only female attendant. She is being very cool about the whole wedding.

My brother's fiancee has been crazy about the wedding. She's currently mad at me because I didn't reply to her e-mail fast enough.

[Chameleon]

I'm going to be a bridesmaid at my younger brother's wedding in May. I'm not particularly close to his fiance but I guess since I was a bridesmaid for my older brother's wedding, they thought it necesary to include me? My older bro's wedding was a bit of a pain from the bride providing the shoes we could be wearing which we didn't get to try on before the day of the wedding (3" stilleto heels... I spent the entire ceremony sliding out of them) to the recommended hairstyle which no hairdresser in my city could do. The choice of bridal gown and bridesmaids dresses scandalized my side of the family (my dad equated strapless gowns with going topless). I shared a room with my parents during the wedding and made a point of hiding the dress until the day of the wedding.

The last wedding had 6 bridesmaids and 1 MOH, this one has 7 bridesmaids and 1 MOH. I don't know any of the other bridesmaids and there seems to be an ongoing email exchange arguing which material the bridesmaids should be made of (I thought the bride was supposed to tell us what to wear and we all just grin and bear it. Hot pink? Awesome! That's what I wear all the time!). Did I mention these will also be strapless?

Today I recieved the first email about the bridal shower. The MOH wrote this:

we would like y’all to wear white & soft/baby pink for her bridal shower brunch.

We have a requested color pallete for a party? WTF? The only "soft/baby pink" article of clothing I acquired of my own free will is a dress I bought as a JOKE. Maybe if I paired my bridemaids dress from the last wedding with a white top... I have a feeling this whole thing is going to be hell.

[glitterchick81]

I've only been to two weddings in my entire life, and both of them were my cousins'. I was asked to be in one but I flat out refused, so my sister was in it instead (and had to pay almost $200 for an ugly dress that she only wore once). Ugh.

I'm really sorry that your friend went all apeshit on you about something as stupid as that, TennisPlayer.

P.S. I'm a Scorpio. *runs*

[cheshrcarol]

We have a requested color pallete for a party? WTF? The only "soft/baby pink" article of clothing I acquired of my own free will is a dress I bought as a JOKE. Maybe if I paired my bridemaids dress from the last wedding with a white top... I have a feeling this whole thing is going to be hell.LOL. I'm sorry, but that is just ridiculous! I have never heard of the bridal party color-matching at shower.

[SmilesSoSweet]

LOL. I'm sorry, but that is just ridiculous! I have never heard of the bridal party color-matching at shower.

No kidding. It's hard enough just to get everyone to match at the wedding. Why would you want to match at the shower?

And as for bridesmaids dresses, my sister-in-law picked out the color and dress style. We just had to go to a local David's Bridal to get fitting. I wore whatever she wanted us to wear. It was strapless, too. I'm not a fan of strapless with my big ass arms, but it was what she wanted. And the dress was only $100. My sister and I told our mom that she can make pillows out of the dresses since we'll never wear them again.

[Angyl]

I HATE the stupid etiquette for weddings. It's a long story, but I wanted to make things easier by combining two mutual friend's bachelorette parties. However, one friend sucks for many many reasons, so now I'm totally screwed in July and August. Three friends getting married. I cna't even attend one wedding becuase I'm in another, now i can't even be at their bachelor party-like thing (it's a gay couple).

Grrrrrr. I'm just fuming at the thought of weddings right now.

[steph78]

I was a bridesmaid once before I got married myself, and from everything I am hearing here I had an unbelievably easy experience. It was my roommate from college and she was so considerate about everything we had to pick out, it was great. She had a black and white wedding, and she let us pick out black dresses from amongst a range of styles at David's Bridal (there were four bridesmaids ranging from short and stout to tall and very skinny, so a range of styles was much appreciated). I actually got a two-piece dress - I haven't ever worn the top again, but I have re-worn the black satin skirt at fancy holiday parties - I can pair it with a colored top. She also paid for a friend of hers to do our hair and makeup which was kind of a fun way to start the day of the wedding. I have pretty much no complaints about my bridesmaid experience - it was a very formal wedding but the bride made the whole weekend so fun and laid back for us at the same time.

[Chameleon]

And it's not really that different from a "themed" shower or bachelorette party where you'd need a specific outfit.

People do that?! I hope I'm not in town for the bachelorette party. My s-i-l's shower had a hawiian theme and they had plastic grass skirts and leis for everyone to wear, but they didn't ask us to show up in flowery print dresses.

If they are so concerned about pictures at the shower, what are they going to do about pictures of the actual wedding?! What if my pink shirt isn't soft enough? I could ruin EVERYTHING!!!!

[cheshrcarol]

When my friend was MOH and threw a bachelorette party for her cousin, she got baseball-type shirts for everyone, with something written on them about the wedding so that it was obvious they were a bachelorette party. And the bm's paid her for them, I think she said they were like $15 or something. I don't think that's unreasonable. But to not even ask and just say "wear baby pink to the shower" is weird, IMO.

[SmilesSoSweet]

My sister-in-law's theme to her bachelorette party was alcohol, men with hardly any clothes on at the strip show, alcohol, clubbing til we passed out, more alcohol, and more men! That was a great theme! :twisted: