Would you marry someone you didn't consider your soul mate?

[Kitty]

Soul mates is tricky business, I do realize that. I also realize that this post is based on the assumption that you do believe in soul mates or something similar.

I am currently dating a guy that I love very much, but I don't know if I would call him a soul mate. I just wouldn't. I do believe in soul mates, and I do believe I have had a few.

So, would you be with someone for the long haul if you didn't consider them your soul mate?

[GetMeOuttaDC]

Soul mates is tricky business, I do realize that. I also realize that this post is based on the assumption that you do believe in soul mates or something similar.

I am currently dating a guy that I love very much, but I don't know if I would call him a soul mate. I just wouldn't. I do believe in soul mates, and I do believe I have had a few.

So, would you be with someone for the long haul if you didn't consider them your soul mate?

I don't know if you'd call it soul mates... but I believe that there are just people who you can and cannot fall in love with, you have a chemistry between you.

And I don't know if I would or not. I would love to say that I will only marry someone who I am in love with, but I don't know that I'll ever have that option. I am trying hell to have that option though! I am turning 26 next month, so I'm not such a huge failure for being unmarried, but that will change in 1-2 years.

And I will say that there is absolutely nothing good about being unmarried.

[paiger81]

Here it is :heehee:

My thoughts are that people have more than one soul mate, kindred spirits, whatever you want to call it. I think if you are truly lucky if you end up marrying a soul mate.

As for love, sometimes love isn't enough to make a marriage work.

I DO NOT see anything wrong with being unmarried. As long as you are in a committed relationship, I don't always see the point of marriage.

[Kitty]

So you don't think you can love someone and NOT have them be a soul mate?

[paiger81]

Oh, sorry, I think you can love someone who isn't your soul mate, but I do not think it is a love that will last.

[Luna456m]

I think you can love someone with all of your heart and want to spend the rest of your life with that person and not be soal mates.

I beleave soal mates can be friends or lovers ... someone who has come into your life too share a deep kind of relationship with you and that may or may not be as a husband or wife.

I hope to one day find that someone I can spend the rest of my life with. I've been married before and I do agree with the what was said before... Sometimes love is not enough... I'll love my ex husband always and He will forever be in my heart...But love just wasen't enough for anymore... Everything changed ...10 years of marriage and I changed ..he stayed the same...but i grew up and one day ...love just wasen't enough.

[wordsmith]

so I'm not such a huge failure for being unmarried, but that will change in 1-2 years.

And I will say that there is absolutely nothing good about being unmarried.

Kelly, I'm curious about this...I understand personal preference and all, but do you really think there's nothing good about being unmarried, for anybody? I mean, there are people I know, and people on these boards, even, who don't desire marriage. I know on one of the other threads, you said something about being single sucking...but it was followed up by you talking about how much the dating scene sucks. I was just wondering where people who are single and NOT dating fall in this. Not everyone who is single is trying to be in a relationship or doing the dating scene. Most of the time that I'm single, I'm not dating. I'm just being by myself. Some people are just content to be alone, whether for a stretch of time, or for good. Not everyone considers it a failure.

As for the original question, the term "soul mates" conjures up cheesy images, true, but I know what it means. I've had people in my life, both romantically and platonically, where there's a profound, ultra powerful connection. So I know what it is to have that. And I can't foresee ever marrying somebody where that's just not there. It would always feel lacking, since I know what that feels like...I'm not one of the lone wolves I described above. I know I'll eventually want the mutual connection of a marriage. But I won't settle for one that's not rooted in a profound connection. I'd rather be alone than have something where it's not quite what it could be.

[Luna456m]

I agree...At the moment I am not dating..I'm trying to get my life back in order ...but occasionaly i do want company and i have someone i can call to just hang out or whatever.....

I agree with not being with someone if you don't feel that conection.... Most of my friends think i am being to picky or that I have this dream guy in my head that dosen't excist and i say..I'm not gonna marry someone because i dont want to be alone...I'd rather be alone then settle for someone i will not be happy with....If I am ever going to be married again....you better beleave I am going to be PICKY!!!!

P.s in case you havent noticed i am a very bad speller sorry

[midtwenty]

I think the term "soul mate" is an over-used buzzword. But, on the flip side of that, if put on the spot I couldn't really think of a better term to use for describing my husband. So maybe it still has meaning, after all.

I think you can be with and love people that maybe you shouldn't end up with in the long run. Maybe they're learning experiences. Maybe they're someone pleasant to pass the time with until you do find "the one." Maybe you're still figuring out who and what you want, and so are they. None of those things diminish the relationship or what it means to you at that time. The REALLY important thing is that you're honest enough with yourself to be able to say when it's time to part ways, whether it's time to go for it, and what your true feelings for the other person REALLY are.

Real love is about being honest. With each other, and with yourselves.

[wordsmith]

Absolutely.

To me, the worst feeling in the world is when somebody is with you not because they want to be with you, but rather simply because they just don't want to be alone, and you're maybe not quite what they're looking for, but, hey, you'll do. I will never, ever, ever do that to somebody. People aren't supposed to be placeholders.

[winneythepooh7]

I tend to fall on the side of soul mates being a made-up term that people who are never really happy with their lives who are thus always looking for that one person that is just like them, or in many circumstances, who just agrees with everything they say and does everything they want that person to do. I am a little jaded though cuz my psycho-ex was always preaching this theory.

I also think that you cannot plan out when you are going to get married, and put an age limit on it. If you do, you are never going to be happy because then you are going to put a tremendous amount of unnecessary pressure on yourself, as well as your partner.

[Luna456m]

I coudn't agree more... Thats why when i am confronted by someone i am trying to end the relationship with..I say..listen i know you think I'm being horrible and you may not understand but..would you really want to be with me ...knowing that I dont love you... I just dont feel for you what you feel for me....

Do you know how many people will say yes... try and convince me that I will love them with time...uuggh As if saying you want to break up wasen't hard already.

[wordsmith]

But there are definitely people you just mesh with, whether it's a lot in common, or just a profound understanding even if there's not so much in common, but differences that complement one another...where the vibe just flows. And others where there's not as much of a depth of connection there...where it's not as clear cut...I think most people would have to recognize that. You can be attracted to people superficially, just based upon a few points, and then there are the people to whom you are attracted completely and wholly. I think that's what people are talking about, it's just easier to verbalize with an admittedly cliche term.

[sunshine326]

I am currently engaged and I'm not sure I would call him a soul mate. We are in love and we connect. He's my best friend and I can easily see myself w/him forever. What I think is the MAIN clause for getting married is: Are you equal? Do you care about each other equally? Are you willing to make a CONCIOUS choice to be with this person and work with the relationship you have? To me "falling in love" just happens. "Being in love" means there is constant upkeep, you have to try each day, you have to MAKE time for each other even when you don't have it. So, would I marry someone that isn't my soul mate - yes, but I know that marriage as well as love is a concious choice.

[kimmer23]

We are in love and we connect. He's my best friend and I can easily see myself w/him forever. What I think is the MAIN clause for getting married is: Are you equal? Do you care about each other equally? Are you willing to make a CONCIOUS choice to be with this person and work with the relationship you have? To me "falling in love" just happens. "Being in love" means there is constant upkeep, you have to try each day, you have to MAKE time for each other even when you don't have it. So, would I marry someone that isn't my soul mate - yes, but I know that marriage as well as love is a concious choice.

i would say this about my husband as well. i know we are meant to be together, but i am just not the type to say words like "soul mate" or "love at first sight." we definitely are on the same wavelength about everything and have a lot of the same ideas and thinkings. but people that know me would probably laugh if i told them alan was my SOUL MATE. they KNOW i dont talk that way!

[Mina]

I don't believe in soulmates, therefore I need not marry one. To me, marriage is akin to a business arrangement--we have to be on the same level when it comes to handling money, keeping the house clean, having meshing goals in general. And as business mergers generally do better than independent companies, being married in my book is better than being single in the long run.

Answer to a slightly different question: I don't believe that you can't help who you fall in love with, any more than I believe that you can't help who you dislike. For me at least, I've always made conscious choices as whether to love or not love someone.

Answer to completely different question: I know most people don't feel this way, but I see little value in "committed relationships" that don't go the extra step. If you're so "committed," just legalize it already and get the state-sanctioned benefits.

[biodork]

As much as it's a nice thought, I don't really tend to believe in the whole soulmate thing either. I would hate to start freaking out about my current relationship just because I'm worried about us being soulmates or not. I love him, he loves me and we both can picture ourselves being together for the rest of our lives and being happy with that fact, and that's what really counts to me. If it turns out that someday we don't end up together, then we don't and I would just have to look for love elsewhere. But I'm happy with my bf and really that's what matters most to me. I just think that if you sit here worrying about whether you are soulmates or not you could miss out on something wonderful.

[paiger81]

But if you don't give a flying fuck about the state sanctioned benefits, what does it matter?


PS-Has anybody else noticed I've been using the word fuck an awful lot? I'm not sure why that is, hmm.

[biodork]

I seriously think people who get married just for the benefits are crazy and doomed to be unhappy. My roommates got married last summer and when we asked them why their response? It's just easier this way. I think it's a load of crap. Why would you want to be a married couple living with 2 other people in a crappy, small 2 bedroom apt just so you two can be on the same health insurance and have lower car insurance? I mean seriously, it makes life a little more complicated but I think that's why so many couples end in divorce. They are so ready to just jump into marriage for reasons like my roommates did. And then they wonder why the end up being so unhappy later within a few years.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

Kelly, I'm curious about this...I understand personal preference and all, but do you really think there's nothing good about being unmarried, for anybody?


Words, I was talking about for me. Because it is all about me. :lol:

To clarify about the "dating scene" sucking, I must have meant that where I live, dating sucks. To me "dating" is different from relationships, it's that whole game of getting asked out a couple nights of the week by a couple different guys, sitting through dinner/drinks, playing headgames, you know you're not the only one and he knows he's not the only one. A relationship comes when you've found someone in the dating scene that you want to be with exclusively, you can just be with that person and be yourself, not have to do something. In all but 2 of my experiences here, the gentlemen I've been "fortunate" enough to go on dates with often have major psychological problems, ego issues, think that they're above relationships (whatever it is, it causes them to blow you off or send you some nasty email saying "you didn't sleep with me on date #3 - you're out!" "you're sooo wonderful, but a relationship would ruin my career!" or some other inane excuse) OR get all stalkery and obsessive after 1 date (calling me 20 times a day, telling me you're in love with me which is insulting because you can't know that after one date so don't make a mockery of being in love), which really doesn't work for me either. That is, IF you pass the rich, skinny, pretty, educated, shiny, happy,etc enough test, which is about as easy as passing the entrance exam to Harvard Med school. If you do not pass that test, men are outright hostile towards you.

I don't know where the single, non-dating people fall into that category, to be honest! I have one friend who is happy being single (just ended a 3-yr relationship with a great guy who wasn't the right one for her) Most of the single people I know are decent people who haven't found someone and are really bitter or really sad about being single, OR they are people who don't want to be with someone but once you get to know them you realize they shouldn't be with someone.

[Mina]

If benefits don't matter one way or the other, than why not do the socially acceptable thing? I never really understood the argument of people who lived together for years but never wanted to get married because they didn't need a piece of paper to prove their love. I don't need a piece of paper to prove I bought a candy bar, but I wouldn't refuse it if the cashier gave it to me. (Analogies were my weakest section on the SAT.)

Edit to respond to GMOODC's post too, and edited again because I can't spell.

I'm a single non-dater. I've never been on a "real" date in my life. Officer Smiley warned me about stranger danger and I guess I took those teachings to heart. When guys do approach me in public, I flat-out blow them off. I don't intend to be mean, but I am really, REALLY uncomfortable with men talking to me when they know nothing about me other than how I look. Seriously, I must have lived in purdah in a past life. All of my associations with the opposite sex have occurred only after getting to know them through work or school.

[paiger81]

Mina-
Who are you to say what is socially acceptable?

[Mina]

Mina-
Who are you to say what is socially acceptable?

The definition of socially acceptable being that it's behavior approved by a society as a whole, not by Mina alone....

[paiger81]

I don't much care what is socially acceptable. 20 years ago it wasn't socially acceptable for people to admit they were gay. 40 years ago it wasn't socially acceptable for a couples to "mix" races.

[Mina]

I guess what I don't get is if you don't CARE whether or not you're married (as in, you're not offended by the thought that two people should marry, you just don't care one way or the other), then why not do it if you're in a "committed relationship"?

[paiger81]

Because I flat don't want to.

You CAN DO whatever, but that doesn't mean you WANT to.

[Mina]

*shrugs*

Suit yourself. Maybe someone else can explain the reasoning behind not legally committing to a person he or she supposedly wants to be with for the long run.

[paiger81]

What does it matter if it's legally recognized or not?

I live in Texas, a common law state, so it doesn't much matter whether I have a ceremony or not.

[inuts]

I think that for me, this is the question...

I could marry someone who isn't my soulmate. I guess I say this because I have this terrible, sinking feeling that my SO is not my soulmate, and yet I would feel awful if I lost her. I don't think we're soulmates; I think we're too different. Our relationship is a tough one because of the distance, but I have never given up. I refuse to sabotage myself. I have given her everything I can, and I have given her things when I didn't even know I had them. And I know that although there has been so much I've had to go through, there will still be more, and yet I want to stay with her anyway. I hope someday things will get easier.

She is not my soulmate, and yet I love her. Am I wrong? There are many other girls--and they would all be good partners. But if I were to be with one girl, what would keep me from going to another girl? My SO is unique. She's not like other girls. She's special. I refuse to give up, but the sinking feeling she isn't my soulmate nags me often. Maybe it's just that when differences pop up, they're that much more devastating. And maybe that's the difference. Maybe that's how I know she is my "soulmate" after all.

I tell people that "the hard is what make it good", and "nothing easy shows how good you really are", and yet I wish it were easier.

Fricking relationships... ;)

[Mina]

Financial benefits, health insurance, survivor benefits, the right (theoretically) to decide whether a feeding tube gets removed, things that can really affect your life if you don't have a legal leg to stand on.

[pisces2473]

Those things can be legally provided for without marriage. That way the couple can decide which things they want to be responsible for (in the other person's life) and decide which things they DON'T want to be responsible for.

Coll? You wanna share your dad's story?

[paiger81]

Again, you are coming back to what benefits you get from the SO dying. If I die, he is already listed on all of my policies(life insurance, accidental death, etc).

Also, in state of Texas, doctors have the ultimate right to decide if feeding tubes/life support is to be removed, even if the family disagrees with the decision.

[Mina]

Started a new thread (http://www.quarterlifecrisis.com/forums/showthread.php?p=147016#post147016) to continue this...it's interesting and I don't want hijack talk about soulmates.

[spiritedaway]

If you really love the person (assuming you have chemistry) and genuinely don't feel like you're "settling" when you're with him/her, then I don't see a problem. I mean, how would you know whether if the person you're with is really your soul mate, or whether there might be someone else out there? Who can really even define what a "soul mate" is?

[k.monster]

I agree with spirited - "soul mate" is too hard to define. I know that I was married to a guy I was totally passionate about but that we had very little in common as far as life goals, having kids, family, etc. and that was just too hard to work around. I also know a couple that got married because they shared all the same goals, wanted the same things, same idea on how life should be lived and yet have very little passion for one another (he isn't even attracted to her). I think a good marriage is a little bit of both - not so much passion that you can get carried away and forget what is important to you, but not so little that you're dooming yourself to waking up next to someone you're not that into for the rest of your life.

[hajime]

Oh, sorry, I think you can love someone who isn't your soul mate, but I do not think it is a love that will last.

I think it can definitely last: it depends on whether the two people involved are satisfied with their relationship being maintained at that level.

To take a personal example, my parents have a great marriage. It wasn't always so great, but since the time I left for college, things have just been getting better and better for them. Right now, they no longer have financial obligations to me and they are enjoying themselves. I honestly can't see either of them being happy on their own without the other person.

But, I don't believe they were "soul mates" when they got married way back when. I think they were compatible to an extent and there was attraction.

....

For me personally, I would want to marry my soul mate, instead of just sort of "settling down" with a compatible person when it "comes time" (which is sort of what my parents did, although it certainly worked out for them fine).

But I also believe that there are literally millions of "soul mates" out there.. or rather, potential soul mates. It all depends on the choices we make as well as chance. It's also possible to have a soul mate who is right for you during one stretch of your life, but perhaps won't remain the right person for you forever.

In a way, I guess I sound very pragmatic about it.. but in reality, I'm actually a real romantic in that I do believe truly great, real connection is possible. However, there's nothing also absolute about that connection. It doesn't have to be limited to one person. It doesn't have to last forever.

Now I'm reminded of Lost Translation... I think they were soul mates in a way, even though, in another sense, they were completely different people who wouldn't probably even hang out together under different circumstances. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think situations and circumstances matter. It's not just whether two people are compatible or not compatible or inherently have an attraction or don't have an attraction... a portion of that chemistry equation has to do with circumstance, chance, what happens between the two of you & what the two of you go through together.

I.e. we aren't "born soul mates". The power of the situation and shared experiences is often underestimated or overlooked, imo.

[hajime]

I agree with spirited - "soul mate" is too hard to define. I know that I was married to a guy I was totally passionate about but that we had very little in common as far as life goals, having kids, family, etc. and that was just too hard to work around. I also know a couple that got married because they shared all the same goals, wanted the same things, same idea on how life should be lived and yet have very little passion for one another (he isn't even attracted to her). I think a good marriage is a little bit of both - not so much passion that you can get carried away and forget what is important to you, but not so little that you're dooming yourself to waking up next to someone you're not that into for the rest of your life.

This is kind of curious to me. Passion is in large part mental, though. Think about *old* married couples who still have the hots for each other. Obviously neither looks that great (hope this doesn't sound snarky).. yet both are still attracted, even physically attracted, to one another. Or, at the least, they still are physically affectionate/protective of one another. It's easy to see that in some older couples.

So with the couple that you mentioned that shared the same goals but lacked passion.. I'm tempted to think that they are dissimilar in other, important ways.

For example, I had a guy friend who was really into me a while back. While I considered him a friend, recognized his loyalty & affection for me, I never really "connected" with him that much because he didn't have certain personality traits that I value, such as being really passionate about his work, etc. (He's more of a laid-back guy) Hope that doesn't sound judgmental- but I just realize that's why I don't really have feelings for him in that way. On the surface, we seem to have a lot of things in common, in terms of being sort of homebodies, liking some of the same things, sharing some of the same values, and so on.

But when it came down to other emotional factors, I just wasn't into him. I'm wondering if that's the case also with couples who "share the same goals/values but lack passion". For me, a large part of passion is the sense of sharing certain important traits. I suppose this holds true even in terms of friendship. If a person is nice, loyal, kind, and so on, it's likely I'll enjoy being friends. But to go beyond & become "close friends", it takes some extra sense of sharing important qualities, I think.

Same goes for passion in romantic relationships... sometimes two people can seem to share a lot of commonalities, values, etc. on the surface. But perhaps she just lacks certain important traits that he finds admirable/attractive and that translates into lack of passion.

Maybe this is all really obvious... lol. But I think sometimes we don't know ourselves why we are or are not attracted to someone... and we may think it's just lack of physical passion, but there may be other factors at work. We may unconsciously value certain things in others.

[stonemonkey]

I'm starting to have doubts about this blanket definition of 'love' that we throw over everything. I think it's too simplistic to say that someone's either your soulmate or not, like it's black and white, you're either in love or you're not.

In my experience, for all the girls who have ever meant anything to me (notice that I stop short of saying that I've been 'in love' with them), there's no way I could line them up on a scale and measure how one was closer to being my soulmate than another, they were all different. They all meant something to me for different reasons.

I just really don't like using the term 'soulmate', sometimes I think that anyone could be my soulmate given the right conditions. The spectrum of social connection is a continuum, not 'quantized'.

So yeah, I guess I'm just repeating what a lot of other people have said (thus rendering this post redundant...oh well, it fills up the post count...)

Speaking of marriage, I reckon the coolest thing about getting married would be proposing to the girl. I'd go so far as to say that I'd be looking forward more to the proposal than to the wedding itself. Is that weird?

[shimmer728]

Speaking of marriage, I reckon the coolest thing about getting married would be proposing to the girl. I'd go so far as to say that I'd be looking forward more to the proposal than to the wedding itself. Is that weird?

Aw, now you're not just trying to suck up to the ladies with that line, are you? ;)

Just kidding. I think that's sweet. And I like pink diamonds, by the way. :D

[*K10*]

:D

Finally a topic I can TOTALLY identify with and have WAY TOO MUCH to say about! :p Read at your own risk:

First let me say that I 150% believe in soulmates - and how you define "soulmates" is different for EVERYONE. Some consider it a person by which everything "fits" (i.e., you want the same things in life, have the same ideas, etc.) and some like myself are searching for the profound connection - a deep, internal understanding the two of you have that the relationship is superior to anything you could ever experience.

I thought I'd experienced a "soulmate" type relationship - the intensity of our feelings were profound for sure - but there were ALOT of facets to the relationship that OBVIOUSLY proved we could NOT have been "soulmates". So... it led me to question is that gut feeling - that euphoric feeling something I want to base my future on?

In comparison to that relationship I've been in a 8 year long relationship with a WONDERFUL man. He is without a doubt my best friend, we respect each other and have a commitment between us - BUT - the physical attraction, the euphoric in love, "soulmate" feeling is NOT there! I want it to be there - if willing it so were possible - we'd be the soulmate's of all soulmates. But... unfortunately, I've spent the last 4 years going back and forth with EXACTLY this question:

So, would you be with someone for the long haul if you didn't consider them your soul mate?

Paiger says:

I think if you are truly lucky if you end up marrying a soul mate.

and I really think only a select few get that lucky and the rest of us need to learn to be happy with what we have and stop searching for the pinnacle. It's like winning the lottery... we ALL want to win (course ya can't win if ya don't play :p ) but if we aren't winning do we stop living? No... so... how can you stop loving and carrying on with life if you're winning ticket doesn't drop in your lap?

Paiger also says:

I think you can love someone who isn't your soul mate, but I do not think it is a love that will last.

My love for my "boyfriend" has lasted 8 years and I can't imagine it dying - but does that mean he's my soulmate - no! Do I think a marriage can be built on what we have? Sure... but that would require me to NOT keep looking for the "soulmate". It would require me to be happy with the wonderful man I have and stop thinking I NEED more! And it requires a COMMITMENT - something this world lacks!

Back in the day, it didn't matter - soulmates or not - if you married someone you MADE it work - you stuck it out - you committed to your "job" in the relationship - as a man that tended to be bringing home the bacon as a woman it was taking care of the household - and as roles have changed over time - so has upholding the commitment of marriage. Now... if you aren't getting what you need, or the other person isn't "making you happy" (which really isn't their job), or you've met someone else you think will make you happy (which shouldn't have been an option in the first place, had you upheld the commitment) - people just walk away from marriage and it's sad... what's the point in taking those vows if you don't intend to uphold them EVEN during the hard times!?

Doesn't the "in love" euphoric feeling fade anyway... always!? So... all you really have to hold on to is a commitment you made and learning to respect each other and as Sunshine says (which I LOVE and think is what I'm TRYING to incorporate into my thought process):

I am currently engaged and I'm not sure I would call him a soul mate. We are in love and we connect. He's my best friend and I can easily see myself w/him forever. What I think is the MAIN clause for getting married is: Are you equal? Do you care about each other equally? Are you willing to make a CONSCIOUS choice to be with this person and work with the relationship you have? To me "falling in love" just happens. "Being in love" means there is constant upkeep, you have to try each day, you have to MAKE time for each other even when you don't have it. So, would I marry someone that isn't my soul mate - yes, but I know that marriage as well as love is a conscious choice.

Now if I can stop the "grass is greener" theory and be happy with what I have... until I KNOW I can do that though... I'll stick with what I know I guess!?!?!

But the ONE thing I'm sure of as a 28 (to be 29 in June) year old single female who looks forward to a HAPPY marriage but is OKAY being single until then... THIS is bullshit...
I am turning 26 next month, so I'm not such a huge failure for being unmarried, but that will change in 1-2 years.

[Starfish81]

Speaking of marriage, I reckon the coolest thing about getting married would be proposing to the girl. I'd go so far as to say that I'd be looking forward more to the proposal than to the wedding itself. Is that weird?

That's not weird. If you are doing the proposing, then you get to plan it and you are in control. The wedding is usually centered around the bride, and you would have little control or importance in that situation.

[coll214]

First things first... I'd like to believe that there are soulmates out there for everyone, more than one person perhaps, but we all have someone out there for us that hopefully you meet at the right time, right place, and everything can fall into place... yeah i know i watch to many romantic comedies and read too many romances :). But i have to believe that. And i think soul mates, like anyone else can grow apart and get to the point where you just can't be w/ that person anymore. Which leads to...
Coll? You wanna share your dad's story?
My father and his g/f have lived together going on 15 years now (first date anniv. March 23). They will in no way, shape, or form get married. She doesn't want it, and they are happy w/ how they have things. They still have wills together, share the mortgage on the house and boat, separate insurance and together (Dad's record isn't exactly stellar :googly: ). For all intents and purposes, they are married, and in a common law state, they would be considered that way. If it works for them, then that's just fine!

[stonemonkey]

Aw, now you're not just trying to suck up to the ladies with that line, are you? ;)


Aren't I always doing that, shim? :)

[shimmer728]

Aren't I always doing that, shim? :)

True enough. ;)

[stonemonkey]

That's not weird. If you are doing the proposing, then you get to plan it and you are in control. The wedding is usually centered around the bride, and you would have little control or importance in that situation.

This is what I actually mean, it's like the wedding is a formal process you have to go through, whereas the proposal is something you'd do anyway, if that makes sense.

OK enough threadjacking, back to the main discussion.

[Desiderata]

I'm with you on this one stone... proposal all the way... if I'm with someone who wants a bigass wedding, I think I'll loose my mind, or just drink alot that year ;)

[Winter Storm]

I don't know if I really believe in soulmates. Sure they're are some people who seem as if they're 'destined' to be together but for a lot of us I think there are probably several people in this world that we could be totally compatible with and it's just a mixture of timing, stages in life, availability, emotional maturity and chemistry that can make or break a relationship.

I try not to think that there is only one true love out there for all of us. I

[lawya girl]

This is a tough one. I think that we are with every person we are ever with for a reason and at different times in my life, I have believed one person or another was my soulmate but later on, decided that that just wasn't true. That being said, I do believe my husband is my soulmate because there just can't be another person on the face of the earth who could put up with the wide range of bullshit I put out! :p Seriously - I believe you can be in love more than once for sure, but I also believe there is one person out there who is made just for you - at least I believe that's the case for me. I wouldn't have married him if I felt I had had a soulmate, but he wasn't it.

[pink bunny]

Yes. In my mind there is nothing I will do in my life more important than finding and treating that special person. I use the term soulmate because I just got use to it on Dawson's Creek. I think everyone has one and wish everyone luck.

[stonemonkey]

I have this false idea in my head that finding the perfect partner is something everyone is entitled to, like it's a God-given right or something, and everything just works out that everyone finds their partner.

I don't think I've ever really sat down and considered how effed up my current situation is if this is something that I really want to happen. When I really think about it, it seems like the odds are stacked against me finding her. It doesn't fall in your lap, you've gotta go after it. And yet I go on blissfully like nothing's wrong.

[Desiderata]

I think it's unreasonable to expect one single person to fulfill every need we have. Yes, some people fit better than others, but no one person will fit every little corner perfectly. I do believe that we are with the right people at the right time, and there's always a purpose behind our interactions with them. Sometimes its just to learn to say goodbye. It's not about any one person is our fit, and that's it.