He's Just not that into you...

[Theatre_dreamer]

Hey Everyone,

I read this FANTASTIC book not too long ago called He's Just not that into you, the no excuses truth to understanding guys (or girls too I guess) and it really opened my eyes about relationships as a whole. I'm presently wondering if anyone out there has picked it up and has found it useful. It was originally an episode from Sex and the City and it was so well received that two of the authors from the series wrote this book for us to better understand dating :rolleyes: . Has anyone picked it up? and what did you think?
:0 Theatre_dreamer :0

[Jedi of Zen]

I work at a bookstore, and we sell this book like hotcakes to a neverending army of single women. It barely came out a few months ago, and now a spin-off book has already been written called "You're Just Not That Into Him Either!" Personally as a guy I am skeptical of the title alone. It seems to give the impression that guys just don't give a shit, and that is not true.

[Deadend]

Sounds like a pretty nihilistic book.

Good catchphrase of a tittle though, I'm sure that will help it sell well.

[winneythepooh7]

I haven't read the book but I like that theory of "He's just not that into you". I think too often in life females get so goo-goo-ish over guys that they cannot see the guy is not as into them as they are into the guy.

[shimmer728]

This book has been MUCH discussed on here. I haven't read it and don't plan to, though it might have been useful for me a year and a half ago or so.

[mishl982]

Hehe this book keeps coming up! Hehe

Here's my take on it: the book is GREAT if you need to move on from your current butthead and makes you realize that you deserve someone better. It's made me realize "why did I ever waste my time trying to impress him, he wasn't even interested to begin with. HIS LOSS!!" What the book is NOT good for is when it tells girls that the guy has to do all the work. Yes, it's true that if a guy is really interested he will make a move, but if the girl is really interested, who is to say she can't make a move either? Plus if he's making all the moves and you're not, he's gonna think that you're just not that into him. ;)

[pisces2473]

Yeah, this book has been discussed ad nauseum on here....

[Winter Storm]

Yes, I bought the book and though it's annoyed many to no end, I stand by it and agree with it for the most part. I guess it's just common sense that most people already have, but for me it was a real eye-opener because I've always been the type to pursue a guy until he gives definite notice that he's not interested. Meaning I'd continue to make excuses, clearly missing the signs and keep trying.

After reading that book, I don't put myself through the game anymore. In fact, I'm letting a guy I was pursuing know that I'm no longer interested. He's a classic case and I'm done with chasing him.

[Winter Storm]

I work at a bookstore, and we sell this book like hotcakes to a neverending army of single women. It barely came out a few months ago, and now a spin-off book has already been written called "You're Just Not That Into Him Either!" Personally as a guy I am skeptical of the title alone. It seems to give the impression that guys just don't give a shit, and that is not true.

Actually the book doesn't down guys, it was written by one. If you read it, you'd probably agree with a lot of it. It's just a basic guide for woman to learn when to give up on a man, because some woman, like myself just can't see the signs when they are right there. It's very cut and dry.

[wordsmith]

I think it's funny that there is a camp of guys who are like, "It's bullshit!" and a camp of guys who say it's all truthful and applicable. :rolleyes:

[pisces2473]

I think it's kind of a stereotypical idea...write a book about men, why they act a certain way...that sort of generalizes them. I mean, we wouldn't write a book about why white people act a certain way, or hispanics. Why do it on gender? Not all men act like assholes.

[WeirdBrake]

I'm in the second camp.

[Winter Storm]

I think it's kind of a stereotypical idea...write a book about men, why they act a certain way...that sort of generalizes them. I mean, we wouldn't write a book about why white people act a certain way, or hispanics. Why do it on gender? Not all men act like assholes.

I don't know if you've read it, but to me it didn't talk about why men act a certain way. It just stated that if a man should act this way, he's not into you, cut your losses and move on.

[pisces2473]

No, I didn't read it. See, before I met my boyfriend, I never had any men TALK to me, so it wasn't like I had any men that I was worrying about being into me or not.

[rafflesj]

I saw another book at Costco the other day. It was something like "Tell the truth - you're just not that into him either." It thought that was a pretty funny title and this book appears to elaborate on the other's point of being true to yourself and honoring yourself as a really great catch, deserving of someone fantastic.

[and1grad]

Hehe this book keeps coming up!
And so close to Easter, too.

Actually, its like a hurl that just wont seem to end.

[Jedi of Zen]

I think it's kind of a stereotypical idea...write a book about men, why they act a certain way...that sort of generalizes them. I mean, we wouldn't write a book about why white people act a certain way, or hispanics. Why do it on gender? Not all men act like assholes.

*bows down* Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Pisces2473, you rock.

It's funny...as a guy, I have always found dating/relationships to be exactly the opposite of what I imagine this sort of book suggests. To me it's always seems like it's the women in our society who are passive/disinterested, and us guys the ones who have to work like hell to even get the time of day. And all my guy friends have totally agreed with me on this. Oh and Winterstorm (or whoever said it), yeah I know a guy co-wrote the book, but I'm convinced he's just trying to make a buck on all the Oprah-loving women out there! Heh, no seriously...I just get sick of the generalizing that people do. Which of course is exactly what I myself am doing here, because I'm bored and single and need to go get a life. I think I'll go watch the paint dry on my car. Woohoo!

[pisces2473]

*bows down* Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Pisces2473, you rock.

<snip> I'm convinced he's just trying to make a buck on all the Oprah-loving women out there!</snip>!
Well, thank you very much. I think I rock too :bigger:

Speaking of the whole Oprah-book popularity thing, today I read part of Jennifer Weiner's blog (she's a great author--Good in Bed, In Her Shoes, etc) and she commented about how she was GLAD that her book never made it on Oprah because her book was able to grow organically, gaining popularity by word of mouth--NOT because Oprah said "read this book." YAY!

[The Stranger]

I'm a guy, and I think there's a lot of truth to the book--at least, from what I've read of it. (I skimmed it in the bookstore, but not for too long; I didn't want to give any nearby single women the wrong idea, what with that title and all.) There were definitely some exaggerations and cliches, but overall, I've seen that sort of behavior from my gender all too often.

I think the book applies to the Maxim-reading fratboy-turned-corporate-jock types, rather than us nice guys (yes, I am a self-described "nice guy", loud and proud; I may not have much confidence, but I won't treat you like a mindless piece of meat, either).

[MetFanL]

Eww... I'm so sick of this book. Plus, if I was one of the Sex and the City writers, I would totally sue this author. We all those this was Burger's theory on men and this guy didn't give him any credit... ;)

[Luna456m]

I think we've all come a long way when it comes to relationships...there are still those people out there who play the games and are not straight forward but.... I cant say its either one or the other (men or women)

[Winter Storm]

For all the people who don't agree with this book, the question I has is if a guy (or girl if you will) doesn't call, doesn't make plans, doesn't want to be exclusive with you, doesn't have sex with you (not talking about waiting until marriage), doesn't leave their SO for you or doesn't do for you what they say they're going to do, you mean there's still a chance that this person could still be very much interested in you and you should continue to pursue?

I just don't know what part you don't agree with. Should people keep trying until someone puts their foot down? At what point do you give up on pursuing someone?

I mean the basic premise is if they're not showing a genuine interest, then it's probably not there. Who doesn't agree with that?

[Luna456m]

I'm not good at waiting around to long to figure out if the guy is That into me... If we have been out a couple times or whatever the situation and he all of a sudden stops calling or acting cold towards me..i will call him twice..and if he dosent respond..im outta there...he has my number if he is interested he can call me.

This is what happend recently with this guy i was .."seeing"....It just changed one day ...where he used to be very interested in meeting up and calling me to go eat dinner etc..all of a sudden it was just different... he stopped calling as often and so i would call him... and make plans to go see him..when it started feeling like i was a little more interested than he was..i stopped calling... we saw each other again at my sisters wedding...called each other twice since then and thats it nothing was really ever said..it was just obvious that it was over ...so now he has a new Sex buddy and thats all she wrote

[mishl982]

I mean the basic premise is if they're not showing a genuine interest, then it's probably not there. Who doesn't agree with that?
Well maybe it's not that they disagree, it's the fact that you don't need a book to tell you that. I own the book too and agree with the whole move-on-if-the-guy-is-a-dumbass-you-deserve-better theme, but a lot of the book is just common sense. Just look at the titles of the chapters: "He's just not that into you if he's not calling," "... not asking you out," "... not having sex with you," etc. The disagreement comes in when the book tells you that you should wait for the guy to make the move or that only guys can pursue. Most people who disagree believe that the male or the female can both be pursuers.

[Winter Storm]

Most people who disagree believe that the male or the female can both be pursuers.

This is the only part of the book I don't agree with. I do feel its okay for women to pursue men. Although, it hasn't done any good for me so far.

[mishl982]

This is the only part of the book I don't agree with. I do feel its okay for women to pursue men. Although, it hasn't done any good for me so far.
(hehe, me neither)

[mishl982]

Sorry to post here...uughg couldnt get a new thread (help)
Check your PMs :)

[inuts]

Plus if he's making all the moves and you're not, he's gonna think that you're just not that into him. ;)

You got it exactly right. ;)

[pisces2473]

doesn't leave their SO for you?
UHH WTF????

If someone didn't leave their SO for me, there's a lot more than someone not being into someone else...that's just pretty fucked up.

You're right, if they don't seem interested, then they aren't. But why does someone need a book to tell them what's common sense?

[Deadend]

But why does someone need a book to tell them what's common sense?

Because that's what the whole book industry is based on.

[Jedi of Zen]

I agree - if someone's not interested...then they're not interested. No disputes there. I just wouldn't mind meeting some of those women out there who feel it's okay for them to initiate things once in awhile.

[pisces2473]

True dat, Deadend.

[Winter Storm]

But why does someone need a book to tell them what's common sense?

Because despite how simple it may seem to most, some people just don't get it. There were signs in there that I just didn't get and didn't see until it was over.

Come on, we've all known or at least see on these boards somebody who has questioned or analyzed whether they should call x or deciphering they should move on or wait and see. There's always people that don't see it. Me included.

When I was with my ex boyfriend, he told me he loved me, he wanted to marry me, he wanted me to have his babies, but when it came down to making actually decisions about the future, he couldn't decide. So I waited and waited and made excuses for his indecisions until finally I called him on it and as it turned out, he wasn't sure anymore and hadn't been for awhile. I didn't see his hesitation as a red flag because I loved him and was with him so long. I thought he was just scared to take the next step, not that he didn't want to take it with me.

[labrat2111]

Well I think a lot of it is common sense but it is common sense that is learned though the school of hard knocks by dating different people. Everybody has had their good and bad dates and the attempts that leave you thinking what the f*#k? Different people do more or less dating so some people are ahead of the curve on figuring things out.

[Luna456m]

Here we go...ok...my friend has been calling me about this guy who she says is extremly attarctive and sweet etc... the guy wants to meet me ..she has been telling him about me i guess..anyway....I call him and get gis Voice Mail , he calls me and leaves a message etc..on and on about 5 calls total..never actually speak to him...i made the last 2 calls...

He tells her i called and he feels bad he hasent called back...hello you havent even met me and your dodging calls or cant even call and SPEAK to me....why ask to meet me if you dont plan on going through with it???

And hello how many times do i have to make the move or set up a reason to talk????

I dont like the games... Your intrested lets give it a shot if not....move on..leave me alone thank you for playing buh Bye

[cornflakegirl]

speaking of dumb books that i am not gonna read, i was at the bookstore today & did a search for the hip chick's guide to macrobiotics (thanks to bugsey's suggestion) & a book called the complete asshole's book to handling chicks popped up. i'd love to hear some reviews on that one. anyone willing to read it & let us know what you learned?

[shimmer728]

Well I think a lot of it is common sense but it is common sense that is learned though the school of hard knocks by dating different people. Everybody has had their good and bad dates and the attempts that leave you thinking what the f*#k? Different people do more or less dating so some people are ahead of the curve on figuring things out.

Good post. I totally agree. I wonder if I've ever left guys thinking WTF? ;)

(No doubt.)

[MollyMe]

I've heard of the book. My boyfriend doesn't want me reading it and getting crazy ideas in my head. It seems like common sense, but of common sense was common everyone would have it.

[Jedi of Zen]

I anticipate the release of the next blockbuster book - "Nobody's Into Anybody Anymore; If you don't like it, tough shit".

[hoodie]

I'm just not that into this book.
Gross generalizations galore.

[WeirdBrake]

I anticipate the release of the next blockbuster book - "Nobody's Into Anybody Anymore; If you don't like it, tough shit".

LOL!!!!!!!

[Mn84evR]

LMAO :p :lol:

[shimmer728]

I anticipate the release of the next blockbuster book - "Nobody's Into Anybody Anymore; If you don't like it, tough shit".

Maybe I'll write that book!

[pink bunny]

I read an excet and realized I would do waht he said guys don't do, and did not bother, it seemed like overgeneralized popularist junk.

[DrDan]

That book is supposed to be funny. It's like "tongue-in-cheek".