my Ex popped up - what does he want?

[NayUCLA]

Ok. So after 8 years my ex found me via email and mass emailed me the last week. Then once i expressed that im in a relationship he stopped. Wtf? Let me break this down. We dated on and off for 2 years during which he hurt me really bad (cheated on me, etc). Anyway, fast forward 8 years future (today). All of a sudden I get a random email "is this you?" and when I reply- yes- then he sends me his phone numbers, his email, tells me that he's been looking for me forever, if im dating or married...and when I replied that I was in a relationship. That was it. No more reply. So basically if im getting this right, he wanted to see if he could get some again- no? Anybody been here before? BC all those nasty feelings, i feel vulnerable, like he can hurt me again. But y? I am in a very happy relationship but all of a sudden i feel threatened by this guy. Its scary.

[NayUCLA]

Yea - he says he wants to be my friend. I dont think being friends is possible. I guess I do still care for him, but not in the same way. He brings trouble with him and I dont wnt that to be a part of my life. What would be the best way to deal with it?

[GetMeOuttaDC]

Yea - he says he wants to be my friend. I dont think being friends is possible. I guess I do still care for him, but not in the same way. He brings trouble with him and I dont wnt that to be a part of my life. What would be the best way to deal with it?

easy. ask him to be very honest with himself as to why he contacted you in the first place, and why he dropped you like you were hot once he found out you had someone. if he really cared about you, he'd settle for having you as a friend, rather than not at all. or, if he really wanted to be with you in the first place, he wouldn't have let your relationship go sour or let 8 years go by. wtf, were you supposed to just sit on your ass for the better part of a decade in the random event he came back to you?

if he calls again, tell him that you do still care about him as a person, but that's it. you feel that he brings too much trouble and drama with him and that you don't have room for that in your life anymore.

I think that you CAN be friends with an ex, but only if they were just "not the right one for you." Someone who brings trouble and drama is not someone who deserves to be in your life at all. You're too good for that shit. You live in a big, overpopulated city, my dear. Surely you can find SOME friends who are a positive force in your life without settling for someone who sounds like not so good news?