morphine!?!? (or, where has my BF gone?)

[pisces2473]

Does anyone know what morphine does to you? Chris is acting SO fucked up and MEAN to me...I'm on the verge of tears right now...and have been for the past two nights...

He told me I'm a spaz who asks too many questions, I'm too hyper when I come into see him (excuse me for being happy that you're okay and glad to see you)...I'm not helping him. I don't know what he wants. He asks me to scratch his back and I do it too hard. I go softer and it's not hard enough.

I'm NOT a mindreader. I don't know how bad this pain is. I'm asking questions because I'm not there with him all day, and I don't know what the dr's have had him do or what they've said. I can't tell where he's itchy. He was holding my hand the other day, drops it and points to his leg with this scowl on his face. WTF???? How am I supposed to know that your leg itches?

Also, the dr. told him he can't have anything to drink until he passes gas. His dad made a comment about him needing to get up and walk to help the gas along--the nurse said the same thing to me tonight. But he's lying in bed, all messed up and he won't get out and walk to make himself feel better so he can start drinking and then eating...SO HE CAN GO HOME. PLUS, morphine makes you constipated...so that just exacerbates the problem. The nurse and his dad have told him this stuff...I don't know if the morph is making him foggy so he doesn't get it...but they are tapering it off and giving him motrin instead...so maybe in the next day or so he'll feel like getting up and walking so he can fucking fart. Dammit I'm so upset about this. He was all excited about a 5 day hospital stay, but tomorrow is day 5.

I just want my boyfriend back. I miss him :cry:

ETA: I really think it's the morphine--the past times he's been in the hospital, he was never on it for THIS long...this is NOT my Christopher.

And another thing--So he says I talk to much, so I shut up. Then I get "Okay, talk!!!!" and I'm put on the spot to say something. I can't do ANYTHING right.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

HUGS. Chris is lucky to have you, and he'll realize that once he comes out from the morphine haze.

People act weird on painkillers like morph - your brain just goes to this weird place that is still you but isn't really you, and you kind of know what you're saying, but don't attach a value to it (ie, will what I'm saying be really hurtful? will what I'm saying be intelligible?) etc.

It's the morphine talking, not him. And at the end of the day, it's going to mean the world to him that you were there to keep him company, and he'll love you all the more for it. You are doing EVERYTHING right, by just being there.

((JEN))

[maxwell78]

Listen to GMODC, Jen! :D

[cornflakegirl]

jen - that sounds really tough. i don't know anything about morphine, but i can understandwhy it is upsetting you. try to stay positive & remember the chris from a few days ago & what you have to look forward to in the near future. you'll have your bf back soon.

[Desiderata]

hang in there, he'll "normalize" after the meds... throw in the fact all the crap he's gone through with all this stuff, his brain is fried! Just be sure and have him spoil the hell out of you once this is all out of the way and things can be normal again...

[tina1979]

(((hugs))) Hang in there Jen. He's just in a morphine haze. He'll probably be embarassed about what he has done, if he even remembers doing it.

[coll214]

((HUG)) Jen- You know he loves you, he's just in a druggy haze right now. He may not even remember half the stuff he's said to you once he's completely off of it. I know some ppl have a tendency to forget once they come out of their haze. Hopefully by the weekend he'll at least be off his morphine hight and then you'll slowly get your Chris back...

[Kitty]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Ultimately he will realize how great you were during this time - and it will bring you so much closer.

[Morgan81]

Combination of drugs and being helpless I'd say.
I know when I was bed-ridden only for a few days I would get pissed if people would try to help me, simply because it would remind me of how helpless I was. I am very independent and don't like to be like that, I was frustrated at the situation, but I took it out on people who cared about me. It's not that I wasn't grateful, but I just couldn't handle being "cared" for. My life is mine, and I don't ever want to be a burden on anyone else and although I don't know your situation except for your posts, I would say that this has something to do with.
Pride is a bitch sometimes, but don't worry about him, when he gets better things will get back to normal.

[Tayl405]

It'll be over soon Jen! You're an amazing person to stick with him and be so patient, and even though he might not be telling you that right now, he knows it. If he knew how he was acting, he'd probably be mortified. As everyone else has said, it's not him--it the drugs and surgery and stress, etc. Hang in there!

[pisces2473]

Thanks everyone. I know it's almost over, but I'm dreading going to the hospital today. Yesterday I had therapy and had to leave early. When I told him, he got all pouty. But he's there to rest, not to have social hour. I just sit there and hold his hand anyway. There's a good chance that his dad and brother will be there when I go today...so I don't know.

[kimmer23]

yeah pain meds are crazy. alan was on vicodine (how in the hell do you spell it?) when he broke his arm and he stopped taking the pain meds after a week and he had withdrawl symptoms! that stuff is crazy. no wonder so many people are hooked on things.

did you ask the dr about this? i am sure he is the best one to talk to.

[pisces2473]

I took Vicodin and thought I was floating. Good times. LOL

Anyway, I was talking to someone and they told me that morphine can make you SO foggy that you feel lazy, like you don't want to do ANYTHING. So that might be why he doesn't want to get out of bed and walk around, etc. The nurse last night was like, I've had enough, he needs to start getting better. I think the dr. realizes that Chris' stomach isn't acting up (like normal) yet and thus, he cut the morphine.

HOPING THINGS GO BETTER TODAY. I leave work in a 1/2 hr.

[kimmer23]

when alan came off the vicodin he was lazy and kinda spacey. i am glad it only lasted a few days. i really didnt like seeing him like that since he normally has more energy than that. pain meds just freak me out!

[Tayl405]

Jen-- is his recovery going to be long? It sounds miserable! Not that everything he's gone thru till now hasn't been....but how long are they saying it'll take him to recover?

[pisces2473]

So, I get to the hospital tonight and he says that he feels like he needs to puke or crap. His dad says that they think there might be a build up of bile in his stomach and that it needs to come out, one end or the other. They gave him meds to help stop the nausea and other stuff to help him go to the bathroom...and the nurse says they might have to put the NG tube back in if his stomach doesn't feel better to drain the bile. Has the guy walked? NO. I don't know if any of you have ever sat up in bed all day and then tried to get up and walk--NOT comfy, even without an abdominal wound. It feels crampy. He really needs to walk to help this stuff along. So he kinda pukes a little bit, but nothing much. They call the on call dr, but she's stuck in a trauma in the ER...I go to dinner, come back, talk with the nurse--who warns me that the tension in his room is THICK and apparently his dad is not happy that the dr. hasn't shown up yet (god forbid she has other SERIOUS patients to look at). The nurse and I also talk about how he needs to get up and move around to start feeling better, etc...she thanks me for understanding what the nursing staff are trying to do for him--his dad doesn't get it and thinks that the nurses don't care, etc. So I go into the room, he's still not feeling that great. His dad IMMEDIATELY says "No doctor, of course." I'm so sick of his shitty attitude, so I'm like, "Yeah I ran into the nurse, she told me." Then he says something like, "When is the dr gonna come, 7am???" I reply, "They are doing the best they can to get her up here." You know, fuck you. These nurses work their asses off and you're being a fucking dick to them about the dr. Chris is not in any trouble, he's okay. If it was serious, the dr. would have come RIGHT up. His plastic surgeon did stop by earlier and checked him out and thought he was fine. I say something to Chris about him getting up and walking and he totally FLIPS out and throws me out of the room. I'm like, no I'm not going, then he tells his dad to get me out. So I'm like, hold on--you need to start helping yourself and you're not (this is what the nurses have said too) and he throws the washcloth that he had on top of his head at me and is like, "I'm gonna slap you." So I say, if you do, I'll call the police--and I'm laughing at him b/c it's all SO funny--he'd never hit me. He's like GET OUT NOW. So I grab my stuff, and tell his dad to have a good night and I'll talk to him later.

I'm trying NOT to take it personally--he is NOT like this when he's well. But I'm just fucking sick of his dad being a fucking pissed off brat because the drs are busy. It's a goddamn hospital, shithead. I'm tired of his dad's "woe is us" attitude. He's rude to the nurses, when they are just trying to help. I can't stand that attitude. And so I left and went to my parents, all upset because I miss my boyfriend so much and he's not "there" and won't cooperate to help himself start feeling better and God only knows what happened after I left. My mom's like, Maybe you should call his dad. Part of me wants to, obviously, but part of me feels like a total jackass. I'm sick of his dad being around and seeing us fight, it's none of his business...and I'm a little leery of what his dad thinks about all of this. I know I shouldn't give a shit, but I mean, his dad knows more about our relationship than anyone else b/c he's always nearby. I did what Chris asked me--to go home--plus, I was tired of being at the hospital when I can't do anything but sit in a chair and stare at the wall, listening to Chris' roommate's family blabber on. They are loud. So I got to leave, but I hope no one thinks I'm a bitch or I don't care about him because I left. I'm a little bit worried about him, but no one has called me, so I'm assuming everything's okay. I just don't want to get an attitude from anyone--Chris or the dad--if I call tomorrow to see how he's doing. I think I may call his dad tomorrow morning to see what happened. Do you understand what I'm sorta scared about? I just don't want to be seen as the bad girlfriend...just because I went home.

*sigh*

[ce607]

I'm sorry it was another rough night :frustrate But it sounds like you did the right thing by leaving. If Chris isn't yet in a state to understand that you're trying to help him and accept that help ... you can't do more than what you are. You're doing what you can by going in every day and giving support. And Chris and his dad know that.

As far as the dad seeing you fight ... surely he also sees that Chris isn't acting like the son he knows??

Hang in there! I hope Chris is able to be off the meds soon.

[mishl982]

Hang in there, I'm sorry you had a rough night. Just remember that Chris is going to appreciate everything you're doing for him when he's better.

[uscuba2]

It makes you drowsy as all get out, but it prevents deep sleep .... so you always feel tired, but never well rested.

Just hang in there, jen... as the pain starts easing and he starts to get more rest and feel more comfortable, I'm sure he'll be less crabby.


Yep that's what it does. It made me all floaty too. It takes the edge off the pain but it does not kill it.
Some people when they are in alot of pain are not nice people but they are nicest people in world otherwise.

[pisces2473]

Thanks everyone :) Things were a little better today. He finally passed gas and started going to the bathroom, so things are finally progressing. It's definitely the drugs that are fucking with his mind. He was in bed and he's like, "Can we go?" I said, "Where?" "Back to my spot." I'm thinking, WTF are you talking about, but if I asked him that, he would probably get mad, so I just said, "Well, we're in your room right now." That seemed to satisfy him. LOL He was rambling to my mom and his dad about something but they both kinda went "Uh huuuuh" to him. He's so messed up. I talked to his dad tonight after I left tonight (he left this afternoon to go rest b/c he didn't go home last night) and let him know how Chris was doing, and we got to talking...he's like, "it's none of my business to get in between your arguments, but he WAS being TOO harsh to you. You ARE just trying to help." He didn't tell Chris that though. I guess Chris said something to him this morning about how I upset him and his dad told him that he upset me too. And when I left him tonight, Chris told me that I needed to go home and think about how I can better help him--this was after he told me I needed more cognitive skills. HE IS SOOO HIGH. It was so funny to hear him talk about this stuff...so I looked at him with a straight face and said, I want you to think about how Jen is not a mind reader and she's trying to help you...and I want you to remember that you are on narcotics and have NO idea what you are saying. He looked at me like he got it, so I said Agreed??? and he said Agreed. LOLOLOL It was funny.

I'm just glad his stomach and stuff is starting to cooperate. Maybe they'll let him drink soon and that will help things along.

ETA--I really think the drugs are preventing him from putting 2 and 2 together. We know that they equal 4, but he can't grasp that concept. Just like he understands that getting out of bed will help him, but actually asking him to do that is just too much. The narcotics just fuck with his synapses...

[mishl982]

I'm glad things went better, and that his dad was understanding :)

How much longer does he have to stay there?

[pisces2473]

Thanks Michelle...I have NO idea...sometime this coming week is my guess.

[tina1979]

Jen-

I'm glad Chris starting to feel better. Hopefully, it won't be too much longer before he starts feeling like his old self again.