about us | workshops | message boards       
quarterlifecrisis.com    people blur   
a one-stop info-shop for recent grads & beyond      
   lifeworkplay   


Page 1 of 5 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 65

Thread: Being snubbed

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    38

    Being snubbed

    Was mulling something over in my head that happened this weekend and need advice.

    Saturday night 3 of my "friends" made plans to go out without me and I caught them out together while I was eating dinner with my family at a restaurant. When I asked what they were doing "so dressed up" they said that they were going to a club and then invited me to go on the spot after dinner.

    My face doesn't hide anything, so I'm sure they saw I was hurt, so one proceeded to lie about how she meant to e-mail me and tell me but got busy at work and forgot. (She's one who's known to text and call people quite frequently too.)

    I realize these girls are not my friends, I don't want to confront them about it because our parents work together and I will be seeing them quite often. But what can I do, I need some tips on how to maintain my cool when I see these girls but stop socializing with them.

    The sad part is they were my "going out" friends, because I just moved to this area and don't really know many people. They always called me to go out when I initially met them. So two-faced and I know I haven't done anything to them for them to behave this way. I actually introduced one of the girls to her current boyfriend.

    What do you do and how should you handle being snubbed by "friends"?

    P.S. I thought things like this stopped happening after school was over!!!!

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by GeorgiaGirl
    P.S. I thought things like this stopped happening after school was over!!!!
    Nope, to me it seemed to get worse once I was out of high school and college.

    I say just don't go out with them. Phase them out of your life. I did that with my "so-called" friends from back home. I think the only connection I have with them is that they are my "friends" on my myspace page. LOL.

    The next time they invite you somewhere, just tell them you're busy or whatnot. Only be aquaintences, not friends.

    I now live by my theory of, I'd rather be at home by myself enjoying my own company, than to be out with a bunch of people that I can't stand and supposedly having "fun". It's just not worth my time (and money) anymore to hang out with people that aren't really my friends.
    "God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things . . . Right now I'm so far behind, I will never die." - Calvin & Hobbes comic strip

  3. #3
    I'm dealing with a similar situation. Hopefully someone can provide some great advice, cuz right now I'm at a loss on what to do.
    ~*Paula*~

    "When people show you who they really are, believe them!" ~ Maya Angelou

    "I cannot stand ignorance and bigotry disguised as reason" ~ Unknown author

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Chowdatown
    Posts
    7,270
    Know how that feels...I've had plenty of superficial "friends" in grad school, who really give a flying f*** whether or not I was there, but would only invite me to a bar or some place if I was standing around. And when I came, I was only there for their amusement, since when I have a few, I get rather boisterous. After I graduated, but still was living in Tally, they knew I was still there, but wasn't in the meteo bldg, and wouldn't go out of their way to invite me anymore. So that clearly shows that they really didn't care about me. At the time, I didn't care...at least I was going out. Now, I guess I kinda have mixed feelings...
    Last edited by yankeeyosh; 01-23-2006 at 12:31 PM.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    On an island
    Posts
    15,842
    I wouldn't hang out with them anymore. If you see them in passing, be cordial, but that's all you really owe them, just like anyone else you know and see in passing.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    SLO town
    Posts
    482
    I dont have a ton of friends in this city either, and my two closest friends (they're a couple) decided that htey would no longer call me or invite me ot go out with them. And when i call, they're always "tired" "sick" or "busy".

    I jsut said allright. I give up. Now I when i want to go out, I jsut try with the few friends I have left. What can you do?
    -- Kim

    I searched through rebellion, drugs, diets, mysticism, religions, intellectualism and much more, only to begin to find that truth is basically simple - and feels good, clean and right.
    ~ Chick Corea

    www.allthatanda.com

  7. #7
    Alas, these things happen beyond high school. :-/ I'd say give those guys the cold shoulder from now on and get a new set of friends - ones that are trustworthy and reliable. There are plenty of people to be met in the world . . . there's no point in hanging out with people who don't treat you like a true friend.
    "The most important thing in life is that we should know how to live differently." - Philippe Charriol

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    390
    Quote Originally Posted by SmilesSoSweet
    Nope, to me it seemed to get worse once I was out of high school and college.
    I'm not out of college yet, but I can vouch for how crappy many of the "friendships" I've made in college are.

    They're happy to be your friend as long as you're around when they want and as much as they want and do the activities (parties and bars) they want. The girls have no sense of money, time or what it takes at a real job. If you're not around on call to go out or don't want to go out dancing late on a Thursday night and pick up guys, then you're snubbed. (I'm realizing why I wasn't friends with two of these girls while we were in high school...)

    So, I find myself in my last semester at college, realizing how rediculous many of my "group" is and how I've lost my old self while trying to be a part of this bunch. I decided that if I don't have friends for the next year or so, so be it. As long as I'm happy with myself and my life outside of friendships, I'll end up running into someone sooner or later. Just focus on being happy with you.
    "Don't should on me." ~Cole

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    38
    Quote Originally Posted by SmilesSoSweet

    I now live by my theory of, I'd rather be at home by myself enjoying my own company, than to be out with a bunch of people that I can't stand and supposedly having "fun". It's just not worth my time (and money) anymore to hang out with people that aren't really my friends.

    You're completely correct!!! And even though I say this in my head I'm trying to really FEEL this. I realize I still have alot of growing up to do and it's okay if I don't have someone to go out with on the weekends. I must do alot of work on myself and I think that's why situations like this hurt because once again it's the whole rejection factor.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    The Oregon Trail
    Posts
    42,345
    Snubbing and exclusion is quite possibly the one thing that bothers me worse than anything else in all the world. It's total emotional warfare.
    "Even when I've f*&%ed up, I've spun it into a learning experience that's brought me to bigger and better things."

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    On an island
    Posts
    15,842
    It's hard because no matter what you do, some people are just not responsive and don't want to hang out with you. My boyfriend can never understand why I don't want to hang out with some of his friends' girlfriends. I have gone out of my way to invite a couple of them to things and they just never respond or "have other plans." It sucks because some of them are very much a part of his life. But that's not my problem if they don't want to hang out with me or invite me to their latest little shin-dig.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    The Oregon Trail
    Posts
    42,345
    IMO, cattiness is never okay. Flat out unfriendliness is vastly preferable to bitchy two-facedness and snubbing and exclusivity.
    "Even when I've f*&%ed up, I've spun it into a learning experience that's brought me to bigger and better things."

  13. #13
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    On an island
    Posts
    15,842
    Agreed. I had a hard time when I first started dating my boyfriend, almost 2 years ago, because one of his girlfriend's is a straight up bitch for lack of a better term. She actually came into a room once and said hello to everyone else except me, and she had almost a glare on her face when she saw me. It upset me a lot. However, I have noticed since that time that she is like this with everyone, even people she claims are "her friends". I personally wouldn't want to be friend's with anyone like that anyways, I don't care if they are his friend or not. I also am not big on partying and drinking anymore. A lot of the ladies in that circle are. He has indicated that the reason some of them probably don't invite me to stuff is because they know I probably wouldn't go anyways. It would be nice to be asked though. Because I just might go.........

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    MILF Island
    Posts
    11,219
    I'm actually gonna buck the trend a little bit b/c sometimes its not an intentional exclusion. In the cases that is, I agree with the above but sometimes that just happens. I know I've overlooked someone accidentally before b/c they just didnt cross my mind at the time. I know I've been overlooked also. It DOES happen. So I guess it depends on how you feel about them as your friends or going out friends or whatever.
    "We sleep safe in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm." -- George Orwell

  15. #15
    jdt141 Guest
    Are those really the type of people you want to hang out with anyway? If it were me, hell no.

    Not worth the effort. I only keep friends that are worth staying in touch with. Distance is not a factor. I have friends in Philly, Pittsburgh (which is a great town, for all the Pittsburgh haters on this board!), NYC, among others.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •