Does it seem like EVERYONE is getting married?

FishOutOfWater · #1 11-02-2009, 04:20 PM

The marriage madness is beginning in my expanded social circle. Apparently marriage is now The Thing To Do. Just about every week I log onto facebook, and someone on my friends list is posting that they're engaged, posting pictures from their wedding, or posting pictures from someone else's wedding in our age / peer group. This has just started happening in past year. Previously I had a couple of engaged and married friends, but they were both people I'd always known would marry young for various reasons. Now it seems like most people are getting married or are waiting with baited breath for an engagement to happen.

I'm genuinely happy for everyone who is getting married to someone they love. I just feel out of the loop because for various reasons I just don't feel ready to get married at this age, even though I'm in a long-term relationship. I just feel like not I'm old enough, mature enough, responsible enough, etc, to get married, or like I'm ready to make a lifetime commitment to anyone. I have a few friends who feel the same way (one jokes that we should create "living in sin" registries!), but I feel out of sync with the majority of my peers.

Bsig84 · #2 11-02-2009, 05:34 PM

In my group of friends it's babies. Holy cow, everyone is getting pregnant! I actually just got married (sorry!) and did notice a lot of people I knew getting married but I figured it was because I was looking for it. I was in "wedding mode" and my world revolved around weddings for a while.

ebrillblaiddes · #3 11-02-2009, 07:22 PM

Yeah, I'm the last one in my group too...my cousin is getting married in April and it's almost all she talks about, and my mom's started asking how things are going with BF in that tone. Ugggghhhhhhh.

drummer · #4 11-03-2009, 12:57 AM

Probably because I'm 23 (almost 24), yes now everyone is getting married it seems. Everyone. I couldn't imagine getting married now, but if others feel ready, well that's fine. A few people I know (not close friends, mostly people I knew in high school) are starting to have kids. That's even weirder to think about.

ugarachel82 · #5 11-03-2009, 01:10 AM

Uh, yeah.

It's bad when the 24-year-old (first-year) teachers at school look at me condescendingly because I'm not dating anyone and have no intention of getting married any time soon. That's elementary ed for ya.

wordsmith · #6 11-03-2009, 09:07 AM

The majority of the people I grew up with were married while I was still a college student, because I'm from a small-town midwestern area where that's the norm.

I also work in an oddly religiously conservative area different from where I grew up, and young marriage is fairly common here, too, because of that.

Actually, among the people I grew up around and am around, it seems less like "everyone" is getting married than it does a large chunk of those who did (ugh) "starter" marriages are getting divorced. Them's the breaks.

PenforPrez · #7 11-03-2009, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wordsmith

The majority of the people I grew up with were married while I was still a college student, because I'm from a small-town midwestern area where that's the norm.

I also work in an oddly religiously conservative area different from where I grew up, and young marriage is fairly common here, too, because of that.

Actually, among the people I grew up around and am around, it seems less like "everyone" is getting married than it does a large chunk of those who did (ugh) "starter" marriages are getting divorced. Them's the breaks.

That's my experience. It's ALWAYS seemed to me that everyone is getting married, cause so many people get married, then re-married and sometimes re-married again. My sister is thinking about getting married for the third time, and she's not yet 45.

Paul

Bocheezu · #8 11-03-2009, 10:15 AM

One of my friend's sisters just broke off engagement #3. After annulling her first marriage. It seems like she's getting married about every other year or so.

Tayl405 · #9 11-03-2009, 12:49 PM

I feel like this past summer almost every (non-married) couple I know either got engaged or broke up. Seriously, almost every single one, myself included.

DaneCA · #10 11-03-2009, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tayl405

I feel like this past summer almost every (non-married) couple I know either got engaged or broke up. Seriously, almost every single one, myself included.

Yeah, it seems like we've reached the "make it or break it" age. Either you're in it for the long haul, or you break up because you know the other person isn't right for you.

None of my good friends are married or engaged, but several are in long-term relationships and will likely get engaged within the next year or two. The people I know who are already married either got together at a really young age (high school or freshman year of college), or are very religious and basically had to get married to have sex.

Empressallie · #11 11-03-2009, 03:15 PM

I feel like every week on facebook I see a new "engaged" status pop up on the feed. Of course I say congrats but part of me is so sick of hearing about it. The other part of me is probably just jealous!

nienne · #12 11-03-2009, 03:29 PM

Yep, everyone on facebook is definitely getting engaged and married. There were also quite a few babies born within the last six months.

One of my closest friends is "engaged" to a guy she met face-to-face in July. Granted they had chatted online since May, but geez does that seem fast or what?! They aren't planning on getting married for two more years though, the only reason they are getting engaged is to move in together. Whenever I'm around them all they talk about is the impending engagement (apparently it's not official yet) and wedding. They don't seem like they are savoring the moment or enjoying just dating.

This is her "engagement" #2. The first time was very quick just like this one. She and that guy began planning the wedding within a month or two of meeting. I remember because I was going through a bad breakup after a 3-year relationship and she would call me to chat about how they were going to serve sushi at the reception. She bought herself a ring (he was still a full-time student) and everything.

Has anyone else encountered this? I think she is in love with being in love and being married, not necessarily the guys themselves.

Empressallie · #13 11-03-2009, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nienne

Has anyone else encountered this? I think she is in love with being in love and being married, not necessarily the guys themselves.

One of my HS friends is like this, and she's been married to the guy for a couple years now. happy? mmmmm, I couldn't say yes with any kind of confidence. I think she was just in love with the idea of falling in love and getting married. They went from first date to married in under a year. She wanted it with every guy she dated, and this guy was the only guy that actually asked.

spiritedaway · #14 11-03-2009, 09:27 PM

I'm inclined to think that the older one gets, the less time one needs to figure out if someone else is compatible with them. You learned to figure out what works and what doesn't, assuming there's some self-reflection. That's partly why I'm not at all surprised when people meet and get married when they haven't "dated" for a long period of time. I actually think that's very normal and not necessarily indicative that someone is just in love with just falling in love. Not saying that's not the case with your friend, but a lot of people tend to associate with "period of time" with "desperation". Sometimes when you meet the right person, I guess you'll just know (regardless of not having dated for a certain number of years).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Empressallie

One of my HS friends is like this, and she's been married to the guy for a couple years now. happy? mmmmm, I couldn't say yes with any kind of confidence. I think she was just in love with the idea of falling in love and getting married. They went from first date to married in under a year. She wanted it with every guy she dated, and this guy was the only guy that actually asked.

FishOutOfWater · #15 11-03-2009, 10:21 PM

On the length of time till the engagement issue: part of what prompted me to write this topic is that my friend just got engaged after dating a guy for just under 2 years - whereas my SO and I have been together for just over 3. I think 2 years is ok for a couple in their 30s, but it seems kind of fast for a 25-year-old. (Even SHE admitted to me that it was much faster than she'd been expecting, even though she figured they'd get married eventually.)

My friends' marriages are all still intact (and hopefully will remain so!), but I've seen the "starter marriage" thing happen with a cousin. He got together with his wife when they were around 15 and married her when he was 21 and she was 20. Two years later, she decided to start dating other guys, moved out, and filed for divorce. Clearly this was a case where they were way too young, and she at least was clearly just not ready for the commitment of marriage. It was devastating to my cousin's family, far more than if they'd just been living together.

I know a couple of girls who just had babies in the past month, but I'm not particularly close with anyone who has kids or is expecting. Guess I should be grateful while it lasts, huh?