Unable to be Alone - Page 2

KCboy · #16 11-03-2009, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaneCA

Mine do.

Just kidding. I thought about mentioning that my "other options" weren't battery-operated, but I felt like that might be TMI! I meant something more along the lines of a friend with benefits.

I thought FWB fell into the same category as dating guys you don't really like.

and to agree with vinsanity, if you have the option of finding someone to date or just eff any time you want, you are luckier than most of us. I would think this type of attitude/behavior is only dangerous when it gets into the category of co-dependence and you can't get out of a relationship that isn't healthy.

Schecter_Guy · #17 11-04-2009, 08:15 PM

For those who can't be single I wonder how much of it is just being in a relationship and how much is out of frustration due to the dating process or being insecure. You get into a relationship and you no longer have to worry about if you are not attractive enough or funny enough, or whatever. Some people get frustrated through the act of dating. Finding someone attractive/single/in proximity, trying to get that person to go out on a date with you, then having to go through the process of trying to impress the person only to find out there in no chemistry so you start the whole process all over. Or just the frustration of getting your hopes up only to be let down. Then there is the fear of the unknown. How long will you be single. Will the next relationship be a dud. Will you be alone forever, etc.

I know for me the actual being single is not really so bad, but I really do not like the dating process. It wasn't so bad before as I never really "dated" a girl. I just hung out with them in a casual and frequent manner until one thing lead to the other. And if things did not work out there were a lot more in close proximity. I just do not like the dating process and outside of a relationship my insecurities are a much bigger issue. That is why I do not like being alone.

I would not get into relationship strictly to eliminate the things I mentioned, but i do know it does make me a lot more eager.

cupkake · #18 11-05-2009, 12:26 AM

Just wait until people can make clones all this loneliness will evaporate! When you can just clone the boyfriend or girlfriend you always wanted but can never have LOL!I'm in one of my silly moments but I can certainly envision it!

PenforPrez · #19 11-05-2009, 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cupkake

Just wait until people can make clones all this loneliness will evaporate! When you can just clone the boyfriend or girlfriend you always wanted but can never have LOL!I'm in one of my silly moments but I can certainly envision it!

Random thought: Problem is, the world's already grossly overpopulated.

KCboy · #20 11-05-2009, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cupkake

Just wait until people can make clones all this loneliness will evaporate! When you can just clone the boyfriend or girlfriend you always wanted but can never have LOL!I'm in one of my silly moments but I can certainly envision it!

or when we can date robot versions of celebrities like in Futurama.

DaneCA · #21 11-05-2009, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schecter_Guy

For those who can't be single I wonder how much of it is just being in a relationship and how much is out of frustration due to the dating process or being insecure. You get into a relationship and you no longer have to worry about if you are not attractive enough or funny enough, or whatever. Some people get frustrated through the act of dating.

I agree with this. I definitely feel better about myself when I'm in a relationship and know I'm adored and desired. There aren't many surprises when you're in a long-term relationship and I like that. I hate dating. It's fun for about five minutes when you meet someone new and imagine the possibilities, but more often than not, it doesn't work out and you're left disappointed yet again. And I have a bad habit of taking it really personally if a guy loses interest in me or doesn't want a relationship due to his own issues.

DaneCA · #22 11-05-2009, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PenforPrez

Random thought: Problem is, the world's already grossly overpopulated.

Totally off-topic, but have you read Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro? It's a great, great book about clones (I don't generally like sci-fi, but I loved this book). The clones are used as organ donors and are kept separate from normal society. It's a really interesting idea, although totally awful, too, because after a certain amount of organ donations, the clones all die.

Tayl405 · #23 11-05-2009, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaneCA

I agree with this. I definitely feel better about myself when I'm in a relationship and know I'm adored and desired. There aren't many surprises when you're in a long-term relationship and I like that. I hate dating. It's fun for about five minutes when you meet someone new and imagine the possibilities, but more often than not, it doesn't work out and you're left disappointed yet again. And I have a bad habit of taking it really personally if a guy loses interest in me or doesn't want a relationship due to his own issues.

Same here. I'm remembering that feeling. It had been awhile! It sucks.

vinsanity · #24 11-05-2009, 03:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaneCA

I hate dating. It's fun for about five minutes when you meet someone new and imagine the possibilities, but more often than not, it doesn't work out and you're left disappointed yet again. And I have a bad habit of taking it really personally if a guy loses interest in me or doesn't want a relationship due to his own issues.

It's hard not to take it personally. I'm going through that right now myself. What sucks is when you think that you're very compatible with each other, but the other person doesn't feel much the same way.

KCboy · #25 11-05-2009, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vinsanity

It's hard not to take it personally. I'm going through that right now myself. What sucks is when you think that you're very compatible with each other, but the other person doesn't feel much the same way.

as Chris Rock said, the first time you meet someone, you aren't meeting them. You are meeting their representative.

cupkake · #26 11-05-2009, 04:19 PM

I do think dating for the most part is a waste of time for some reasons stated in previous posts.

DaneCA · #27 11-05-2009, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vinsanity

It's hard not to take it personally. I'm going through that right now myself. What sucks is when you think that you're very compatible with each other, but the other person doesn't feel much the same way.

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. I definitely know the feeling and it SUCKS.

vinsanity · #28 11-05-2009, 06:35 PM

Thanks, Dane.

The whole process is frustrating because the opportunities are fewer and farther between in the post-college years and beyond. I didn't mind it so much when I had more options.

ATLgirlie · #29 11-09-2009, 06:38 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I've been out of my last relationship for about 6 months now. I've been single about 5 months total (not including my recent record of 6) since 1999, serial companionship as I like to look at it. Its even a running joke in my family, that I will have another boyfriend by the end of this year. Damn, I want to prove them wrong so bad! But it's hard because I enjoy having a guy who wants me and is my constant companion, let alone having a sexual partner I can feel safe with.

But, it took me a really bad for me relationship of 3 years (the recent one I broke off) to realize that unhappiness is not worth being in a relationship for the sake of it. I've found that maybe I'm not content with myself as I should be and because of that I have never been able to give 100% in a relationship or be patient enough to choose the right one. So, now, I'm trying to take my time, be conservative about my dating choices, and try to be ok with just myself. But its hard, really fucking hard.

I come home from work, and all I want to do is share this bottle of wine or cool craft beer and movie with my loved one. Yeah, I have friends, and yes, we share these moments too, but its just not the same as a male companion. I love being intimate and that's something I just don't have with my gfs.

So, yeah, there is a guy I'm crushing on, and yup pretty bad. But luckily he is not as available to me, and that makes me have to be conservative and hold my own. It's been tough, it sucks only getting to be intimate with him only once a month or so. But it's almost the perfect type of relationship for me because I still have to maintain a solid independence and I can't rely on his companionship.

I just wish I could be one of those workaholics that doesn't even have time for love or sex. But I'm a lover and well, I love to love. Guess I'll just have to keep blogging about it, my outlet, my fight for patience. I know that in time all things will fall into place. I'm just trying to let the cards fall where they may..