Do you think most of us are in a QLC because of work or social?

chrisinreallife · #1 05-11-2009, 12:49 AM

I sometimes wonder what is the driver for my current qlc or "rut."

For quite a while, I've been thinking that it is work-driven...not having much to do at work, being bored, not having the job I want, etc.

But when I think about it, I think it is more social-driven and more about being bored, not always having someone to hang out with, talking to people our age, etc...

In college, I'd say most of us were content despite maybe not being at our ideal school or having a part-time job or what not....I think we were content because we were always surrounded by people...friends/roommates/etc.

wordsmith · #2 05-11-2009, 01:33 AM

Back in the day, it was definitely more rooted in social isolation, for me. But that can also be further exacerbated by one's job, depending on the circumstances. For me, it wasn't...I had a highly social job (newspaper reporter). And work has rarely been an issue for me...I've typically enjoyed what I do. But when I was having a hard time in my midtwenties, it was due to a lack of likeminded peers in my sphere, and feeling disconnected from opportunities to interact with people (outside of family) with whom I had much in common.

Schecter_Guy · #3 05-11-2009, 02:44 AM

Judging by the traffic on here I would say it is more socially driven. The play forum seems to get a lot more traffic than the work forum.

Most of my friends are going through some type of rut now. They have no clue of the term QLC, but their complaints mirror our's. One thing I have noticed though is that problems tend to "bleed" into each other. Work problems tend to strain relationships and relationship problems tend to make work problems less tolerable. This is not the rule, but I have seen that pattern quite a bit.

winneythepooh7 · #4 05-11-2009, 07:25 AM

These days, I think it's a combination of both. I think a lot of people have some difficulty adjusting to the socialization issues that arise post-college, which can often go well into our late 20's and beyond. And of course in today's economy, where everybody and literally, their mothers are competing for a job, it's a tough, tough world out there.

wordsmith · #5 05-11-2009, 09:18 AM

It's true...the economy wasn't nearly so bad when I graduated, and was the prime QLC age, I didn't have any stresses with getting a job until about eight years later, when I went to switch jobs. So the bulk of my concerns as a recent grad weren't job-related, they were mainly in feeling like I was lacking a readily available peer group. Being part of a forum community really helped that feeling pass, though. No likeminded peers to speak of in my day-to-day life, but plenty online.

Tayl405 · #6 05-11-2009, 12:15 PM

Mine is a combination but I'd say the balance weighs more towards work. When I was happy with my job I wasn't as stressed out and questioning things. Now that I'm unhappy with my job again, I'm back to going through a bit of a QLC.

I think a lot of why that is, is because I need to feel fulfilled at the end of the day. With the job I'm in, most days I don't go home and feel like I accomplished much. I'm not the type of person who can be satisfied working 8 hours, taking home a paycheck, and that's it. I need more out of my job.

The problem is, I still don't know what career field would give me that fulfillment. I'm constantly agozining over it, which leads to the QLC.

The personal side of it is my inner debate over whether to get married and/or have kids. But that's not so much of an issue. I figure that if the time ever comes that I want to do that, then I will. But for now I'm happy with my personal life.

FishOutOfWater · #7 05-11-2009, 02:36 PM

I'd say mine are a pretty good combination of both. When I first came here it was mostly because I hated my job (which I've since left to go to grad school). I've also though been struggling with my college friendships starting to drift away and the fact that I haven't either gotten those strong bonds back or found replacement strong friendships since graduating. I also found being back in school full time to be pretty stressful.

So I'd say it's a combination of stuff, with some things being more difficult at certain times than others.

IntheMiddle85 · #8 05-12-2009, 10:53 AM

For me mine is more towards social. I have maybe one best friend that I hang out with with any consistency and that's it. Other than that, I have tried desperately to hang out with friends from high school and everytime me or one of them says let's get together, it never works out and I usually can't get a hold of them or they don't return my calls. Plus, as I've mentioned...a lot of friends or potential friends have gone the serious relationship/baby route and that doesn't help when I don't really want that right now.

I also have problems at work being told for the first time ever that I'm not doing good enough, and often feeling unchallenged or left without a lot of work to do. I also have to do tedious things such as faxing or making boring lists....sometimes I wish I could tell people that they have to do certain things themselves. I know I'm an "assistant" but why can't they fax or print or make a list too?

Finally, I have family issues. I think my mom hates me as she criticizes me constantly and tells me I need to help more around the house...yet she gives my younger siblings free passes because they don't have jobs (umm OK) and ruins my body image by ripping into what I wear and saying how great other girls look.

So for me, it's mostly social...but the combination of other things don't help either.

ihasaflavor · #9 05-12-2009, 02:16 PM

I think a huge root in the QLC is comparing yourself to others. It's been a source of frustration for me.

I would say overall it is a combination of both. In my circumstance, it has been primarily the job and not getting hired anywhere substantial. Though I know so many people who have these wonderful careers, but are miserable because they are not married or in a relationship. All I can say is that the 20's suck, and I hope things get better for me when I am 30+...especially since I tend to be more of a tortoise than a hare

wordsmith · #10 05-12-2009, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ihasaflavor

I think a huge root in the QLC is comparing yourself to others. It's been a source of frustration for me.

This is the basis of pretty much all misery in life, not just a QLC.

AznHisoka · #11 05-13-2009, 12:06 AM

It's both and neither. It has more to do with one's perspective in life - answering the question: why are we living this life? If you don't align your life with an answer to this question, you end up making poor choices and don't feel empowered.

QuarterLiferAmy · #12 05-13-2009, 03:08 AM

For me it's always been work. Work is the place where I put my maximum energy and drive. I am lucky that I met most of my close friend froms jobs I held as a UG. I still continue to keep in touch with them today. Most good friends are still from my highschool years. I didn't make too many friends in University as I spent alot of time trying to get away from the campus (not out of choice, but simply due to that fact that I was a commuter student working far from campus).

Most of my buddies from work are a few years younger then me (usually 2 or 3) most are are still in school, some are just starting post-secondary, while others took off a bunch of time to travel and explore. I know they will hit their QLC one day. By then I hope my life is sorted out.

As for comparing myself with my peers of the same age...well, most of them decided to continue staying in school (most decided to obtain another Bachelors, some decided to upgrade so they can pursue a Masters, some went on to professional schooling etc). Few have any 'real world' experiences, some have never held jobs, reported to a nasty boss, dealt with backstabbing or cruely in the workplace, have received crushing or unexpected feedback or evaluations from bossess, or let alone know learnt how to manage money that wasn't a gigantic student loan that is going to eventually run dry. I decided to delay furthering my stuies beyond my BA simply so that I can get those 'real world' experiences...not just work wise (those are nasty, but they have helped me), also life wise. I'd like to find that mentor to guide me in my career path, travel the world, meet new people, learn to check my ego at the door...all before I settle down or make plans to go back to school.

iamconfused · #13 11-05-2009, 09:14 AM

I can relate sooo much to this!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ihasaflavor

I think a huge root in the QLC is comparing yourself to others. It's been a source of frustration for me.

I would say overall it is a combination of both. In my circumstance, it has been primarily the job and not getting hired anywhere substantial. Though I know so many people who have these wonderful careers, but are miserable because they are not married or in a relationship. All I can say is that the 20's suck, and I hope things get better for me when I am 30+...especially since I tend to be more of a tortoise than a hare

anichka · #14 11-06-2009, 09:52 PM

For me it varies, depending on what day it is. Sometimes I'm OK with my job, sometimes I'm depressed about it and start to think about other things that I could be doing. Some days I'm happy that I have a wonderful husband to share my life with, but other days I think about all of the travelling I could be doing if I were single - Peace Corps, studying abroad, volunteer projects abroad, etc. I enjoy our neighborhood, but I don't like the city or state that I live in and pretty much have my heart set on moving somewhere up north or abroad (preferably somewhere bike and pedestrian friendly). I've come to terms with impending motherhood (3-5 years from now), but other days I'm absolutely terrified and wish I could take back the promise I made to hubby. The only things in my life that I don't have conflicting feelings for are our four dogs. They bring me nothing but joy and their enthusiasm for life is contagious (although it doesn't last long). I wish I could figure out exactly what it is I want and what I'm feeling - then I could start working on a solution. These back and forth feelings are mentally and physically draining.

Ed0214 · #15 11-06-2009, 09:59 PM

For me it's been pretty much 100% social since graduating from college. I got a great first job right out of college and have progressed in responsibility and pay since; now on my second job since then. Sure, work does cause some stress now and then, and for awhile I was fearful of being laid off, but day-to-day I really have few complaints.

Socially-speaking, it's been a disaster, which is where my QLC probably initially stemmed from. I have lived in this town for 5-6 years now since college and still don't have ANY friends here other than a few guys in their 50s I play golf with on weekends.

I think that comparing myself to others plays a part of this. I have this odd impression that everyone my age around here has a bunch of friends that they hang out with, go to bars with on the weekends, etc. but I know that's not totally true for all.