Proper etiquette for being stood up?

[Margaret]

I got stood up for a date this evening. Never showed up, no phone call, nothing. Weird thing was, I thought this guy was really into me, way more than I into him. Is it rude to send an email saying "what happened last night"? Or is it more polite to just ignore and move on to the next?

[wordsmith]

I sent an IM saying "Nice of you to show up," and left it at that.

You don't owe somebody who rudely stands you up politeness. If there's a legitimate reason (which has 1/100 of a chance of actually being the case), that person can let you know that. But you have no obligation to bend over backward to be polite.

[lilyflower]

Move on, his loss

[wordsmith]

Yeah, def. move on. But absolutely DON'T feel as if you don't have the right to say something or are obligated to be polite about it. I don't believe in letting people off the hook. At least then you know their assiness was noted.

[cheshrcarol]

Do you really care what the guy thinks of your response? If you feel like you want some kind of reason, just flat out ask him any way you like. But don't be surprised if he doesn't respond.

[pisces2473]

I agree with Jess, call the bastard on it, then move on.

[Bugsey34]

Polite? Who cares! He stood you up! Email and say what the hell is wrong with you, then forget he ever existed.

[wordsmith]

Key point - don't expect a response, explanation, or dialogue. Somebody who leaves you sitting someplace isn't going to answer an e-mail. If you want to say something, do it for your own satisfaction. Not because you want an accounting of what happened. Ya ain't getting one, and as long as you know that, it's cool.

[shimmer728]

I'd send him a nasty e-mail or leave a nasty message.

[Chameleon]

I don't think asking what happened is out of line - if he ignores you, he really isn't doing anything different, if he's truely apologetic in his reply, you can decide from there. I think it's important to keep your dignity intact in the exchange - if something serious happened (unlikely, but what if?), you won't suffer from foot-in-mouth.

Of course this is coming from someone that has been too "understanding" of a partner's flake-outs so take it with a grain of salt.

[wordsmith]

Keeping dignity intact is crucial. And, to me, letting it pass without even a comment doesn't do wonders for my dignity. I'm all about putting rudeness and inconsideration in place, then moving on.

next!

if he had a legit reason, he would have at least called. the only exception would him being in an accident of some sort and being physically unable to call you.

[MetFanL]

Etiquette? He stood you up. Quite frankly, f*ck etiquette. He didn't respect your time, so handle it any way you like.

[coll214]

Originally Posted by jdt141

next!

if he had a legit reason, he would have at least called. the only exception would him being in an accident of some sort and being physically unable to call you.

But even that needs an explanation after some point! I'd leave a nasty text/IM/email along the nice to see you the other night variety and leave it at that. I always need to have the last word :twisted:.

[wordsmith]

Me, to, coll. Me, too. I don't go silently into the night. Not my style.